A/n: Just to let you all know before reading, this is probably the darkest chapter in the entire story. I just wanted to give fair warning. Also, this chapter assumes the knowledge of what happened in my one-shot "Some Days." It's really not necessary to read that to understand this, but it does provide some more background information.

Thanks so much for the feedback!! I hope you enjoy this chapter too! Only two more to go; I can't believe it.

Katie

Disclaimer: I don't own Charmed nor do I own anything related to Beverly Craven's song, "I Miss You." This begins during or after the episode, "Mr. and Mrs. Witch" and continues through "Payback's a Witch."

Through the Years

Twenty-Two: I Miss You

You found a place in my heart
From the first moment I saw you
And you are my light in the dark
And I would do anything for you
'Cause you're everything I've ever wished for
The answer to all of my dreams
And I want you back
Home is here with me

Oh I miss you
More than words can say
And I need you here
In my life always
Yeah I miss you
And I'll always be
Waiting here for you
'Til you're back with me

-Beverly Craven, "I Miss You"

One

Piper turned on the video camera, pressed record, and then walked around it and climbed onto her bed, bringing her legs up so she was sitting cross-legged. Tucking her hair behind her ears, she took a deep breath, and began.

"Phoebe thought that taping everyday stuff for you to see was silly, so I can only imagine what she'd say if she knew I was going to just talk to the camera like you're here. But I need to talk to someone…I need to talk to you, and this is the only way I can even come close.

"I've been trying really, really, really hard to just focus on getting you back. I thought that maybe if I just thought about the practical part of it, you know, just following the demons, then I wouldn't think so much about how you're not here." Her eyes filled with tears and she tried to blink them back, but they simply spilled over. "It's not working," she whispered. "I'm thinking about you every second of the day, Leo. When I'm making breakfast; when I'm giving the boys their baths; when I'm driving; when I'm breathing. Every night since you've been gone I've woken up in the middle of the night thinking that you're there, and then I cry when you're not.

"I really miss you. And I'm terrified that I'm never going to see you again. And I'm mad. Oh, Leo, I'm angrier that I've ever been before. I'm furious with the Elders because I think they're behind this whole thing. I'm convinced that it's one big conspiracy; some kind of sick revenge. I'm really angry at myself for not thinking of a better way to stop them. And I've been snippy with everyone else; my sisters, Dad, the people at work… I shouldn't be acting this way. They don't deserve it. I—"

Piper stopped mid-sentence as Chris' cries filled the room via the baby monitor. Sighing, she wiped her eyes with her hands. "I have to go," she said to the camera. "I'll kiss him once for you too. Love you."

Two

"I can't believe that Wyatt was born three years ago today. It seems like just yesterday, don't you think? But he seems so grown up already; I remember when he fit in one of my arms. Oh Leo, I wish you had been here to see what he did to that Elder today!" Piper began to laugh again just thinking about it. "A pie right in the face! I've wanted to do that for years. Except replace the pie with my fist. If only I had gotten that on tape!

"He really misses you, though. So does Chris. I talk to them about you every night and make sure they see lots of pictures. Dad's been trying to help too because I think he wishes someone had done it for us when we were little. I wish someone had." She sighed and tried to shake off her sadness by reaching for some more good news.

"Paige is dating that parole officer she met. Henry. I didn't think too much about it at first because, well, you know Paige's track record with men. But you won't believe what happened today, Leo. Henry was shot and Paige healed him. I think Paige is a little overwhelmed by it because she's never really been in love like that before, but I'm thrilled. I really like Henry, and you know that's a big thing for me to say since I've never liked any of Paige's other boyfriends. You have to admit, though, Richard was a loon and Kyle… Well Kyle tried to kill you, so that's enough said.

"I can't quite get over the coincidence, though. I mean, when I healed you it was the first time I was actually able to let go and admit that I loved you. The fact that it's the same for Paige… I guess I just have a lot of faith in them now because of that. That's probably not the best reason why I should, but I can't change the way things are. I'm just so happy for her, Leo. And I know that you would be too.

"I just hope things go more smoothly for her than they did for us. When I think back to that long ago…" Piper shook her head. "Let's just say that I was incredibly naïve. But I'm glad to be reminded of back then. I like thinking about the good memories instead of just harping on how everything's so screwed up right now."

She paused for a moment. "Next week is our anniversary," she said quietly. Then she shrugged. "I think that speaks for itself." She shut her eyes and wiped away some of the tears that slipped out. "It's been thirty-four days since you were taken away from me. That's thirty-four too many. I thought that at least you'd be here for our anniversary. We were married almost five years ago and we've only spent two anniversaries together. There's something really screwed up about that, don't you think?"

Piper swallowed hard. "And the other thing that's really bothering me is that Phoebe's moving out. She's found an apartment. She's already packed most of her stuff. She's really leaving, Leo. What am I going to do without her?" For several minutes, Piper simply cried, not able to speak. When she finally settled down a little, she smiled sadly at the camera and said, "I know if you were here you'd know exactly the right thing to say. I guess tonight I'll just have to pretend I know that it's going to be okay. I love you."

Three

"I could kill her! Kill her, Leo! I don't care that she's my sister and that I love her like crazy, I want to kick her ass." Piper was pacing in front of the camera this time and as a result, most of the time she was out of frame, but she was so frustrated she didn't care.

"She's moving out tomorrow! Tomorrow! She couldn't wait until the end of the week! No, heaven forbid she actually remember that tomorrow is my ANNIVERSARY and I'm going to be all alone because my husband was stolen from me! She is the most selfish, frustrating person I've ever met in my life!" Piper stopped, kicked the edge of the bed and then turned off the camera.

Four

"It's me again. Same day." Piper was much calmer now, sitting on the bed again and looking at the camera directly. "I think I overreacted a little earlier. I told you that I've been angry lately. Now you know how much.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm still annoyed with her. But I'm annoyed with myself too. I've been the most passive aggressive person in the world the past few days. It's not like I sat down with Phoebe and said, 'Pheebs, could you wait a few more days? Tomorrow is going to be hard enough for me because it's my and Leo's anniversary.' No, I just expect her to know and then get mad when she doesn't remember. Then I do things like offer to let her use my car and then revoke the offer right when she's ready to go. What is wrong with me?

"I made her a box of potion ingredients and put in a cliff notes version of the Book to give to her. I hope she understands that it's my way of making amends. She will, won't she?"

Piper shook her head. "I'm going to bed. I should have taken the kids to Dad's so I could just sleep through tomorrow. Miss you. Love you."

Five

"It's almost midnight. It's almost our anniversary. I couldn't sleep. God, Leo, I miss you so much it's terrifying. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. Damn it. Come home. Please, please, please come home."

Six

"The boys are at Dad's tonight. Paige is on a date. I have no clue where Phoebe is because she moved out." Piper laughed bitterly. "So I'm going to tell you a secret." She leaned towards the camera like one who was whispering a secret in someone's ear. "I'm drunk. Very, very drunk.

She held a hand up to the camera. "Don't worry. I didn't drive. I went to the club, got the alcohol, brought it home and then got drunk. So I'm okay. A-okay…"

Piper's head drooped slightly and she brought her hand up to the bridge of her nose, pinching it. "I'm lying," she said. "I know you know I'm lying because you always said I wasn't a good liar. You said it that day, remember? Forty-one days ago."

For a moment Piper was so still a bystander might have thought she had fallen asleep. Then, very quietly, she said, "I lied about something else, too. And I have to tell you, Leo, because I need to stop lying to myself about it. But you know. I know that you know. And you're going to hate me…

"Do you remember, after Prue died, that night you found me in the bathroom and I was just staring at all of those pills and you caught me and freaked out? I know I told you that I wasn't going to do anything. That you were jumping to conclusions. But I lied, Leo. I lied. I lied. And last night was our anniversary and I was so upset I couldn't think straight. Because missing you hurts so badly. Paige told me to go to bed. She told me that everything would be alright. But when I went into the bathroom I saw all those pills lined up in the medicine cabinet and just for a second, I thought…"

Piper started crying and slipped from the bed onto the floor, out of frame. She didn't bother to rectify this.

"I can't believe I even thought it again," she choked out. "What a stupid, cowardly… How could I even think about leaving Wyatt and Chris alone? And they would be alone 'cause you're not here. And who else could bring you back, Leo? I'd be failing everyone. I was so mad at myself for thinking it for even one second that I threw out everything. It's all gone.

"Please forgive me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

Seven

"I'm sorry about last night. When I woke up this morning I remembered everything. I got Paige, Leo, and I told her everything. Because someone has to know. I don't know why I told Paige and not Phoebe. It just seemed like she'd understand better. She said that she knows how hard this is and that she's going to be here more, which I feel bad about. Her life is finally going so well and I'm just screwing everything up for her.

"Leo, I swear to God, I won't do it. I won't even think it again. I'm going to focus more on the kids. And on finding you. I'm going to stop thinking so much about the fact that you're not here. I have to. Dwelling on it isn't going to bring you back. Phoebe said that. She was right.

"I have to stop making these tapes too. They're just making it harder. And just because I'm acting like you're here doesn't make it so. When you come back I'll tell you everything. In person. The way it should be."

Piper nodded, for the first time not crying in front of the camera. Then she stood up and turned off the camera for the last time.