A/N: Hey everyone, I'm baaaack! Lol I'm home and ready to update (nearly) everyday again. :D I had a lovely vacation – I wrote a lot, haha – but it's good to be home. But now it's the new term for the kids at Hogwarts, and we need to check in with Lily and James to see how they're holding up. They've got their own love lives to deal with – Lily's being Remus, James's being Regina – and this is more of a briefing chapter, since you don't know the aftermath of Chapter 21 yet. :) Chapter 23 is another shorter, briefing sort of chapter, and Chapter 24 will start the story back up again – bear with me!

Lily

January 10th

Dear Diary,

Term started again today, but I've been really busy anyway; that's why I haven't been able to write in ten days. I've found a fresh wave of O. W. L. practice papers; it's hard, but I know that doing all of that preparation will pay off when I take my exams. It's also distracting from the torture of real life as well – things haven't gone too well since New Year's.

Remus hasn't spoken to me at all; that was the biggest thing that came out of that night. He didn't look at me or talk to me again, and that hurt – even though there was nothing we could really say, it would have been nice if he could be a friend again. Apparently not. I still thought about him a lot though, and I wished that we could have worked out, but I realized that I should have known better than hope; my life doesn't really have a happy ending as a rule.

James, Peter, and Sirius have been pretty normal since New Year's, which is almost a relief, considering how much everything has been changing for me lately; Sirius ignores me to flirt with Kyleigh and James tries to hit on me every couple of hours. However, there is something different about that flirting; it's almost as though James is watching me carefully, noting down everything I do for future reference, and it's quite disconcerting. I ignore it though; there's no reason to get hung up on it, and there is certainly no time – my work has been keeping me up to my usual all-night hours.

Today though, when everyone was coming back into the castle, Chris sought me out. "Hey Lily," he said evenly, smiling at me as he hugged me. "How were your holidays? Did you have a good Christmas?"

"No, I didn't," I said. "But thanks for asking."

He looked pityingly at me. "What happened?"

"It's nothing," I lied. "But you do realize that this is the first time you've spoken to me since that Firehouse thing, right?"

"I do realize that, and I'm sorry," he said. "Listen – why don't we go out on the twenty fourth, to Hogsmeade, and I'll explain everything? I know that's a day we're free; I checked the calendar."

I didn't really want to go – not after my ordeal with Remus – but I couldn't think of a reason why not that I could tell him; I shrugged and said, "All right. Fine. Did you have a good Christmas?"

"Yes, I did," said Chris. "I missed you though."

I highly doubted it, because of both his lack of communication for about a month and his tone of voice – amused, mockingly serious – but I still pretended to blush, and forced my mouth to twist into a smile, which was not something I had done for what felt like ages. He bought my pathetic attempt; with a smile, he patted my shoulder and walked away. I wondered what I had ever seen in him as I walked off as well; the world and everyone in it seemed so different since Remus had denied me. Love does that – it makes things better or worse than normal depending on how much you're feeling for someone else – until you're not really sure what reality is anymore. I've experienced that a lot and it feels awful; your brain feels like an over-squeezed sponge and you long for simplicity again. But, of course, with me, life can never be simple. I figured that one out a while ago.

Snape bumped into me as I wandered upstairs like a lost ghost, and he gave me a shy smile. "Hey," he said. "Had a good Christmas?"

The honest answer was no, but I couldn't say that – not to Severus. That was why I cleared my throat and said, "Yes. You?"

"Not so much," Snape said with a shrug. "My parents spent a lot of it arguing over anything they could find, but it was all right."

"I'm sorry about that," I said, and I found that I meant it.

"It's not that big of a deal – I'm used to it," Snape said. "So what did you do?"

"I stayed here," I said, starting to walk with him. "Hung out with Kyleigh and Leila, tried not to get too annoyed with James, Sirius, and Peter…" I purposely left Remus out of my list.

"That Potter." Snape spat bitterly on the ground. "How I hate him."

I nodded. "Same here; but he did get me a nice Christmas present, so I suppose I somewhat forgive him."

"Don't be fooled," Severus warned. "He's very good at doing that, and I would hate it if you were trapped in his clutches."

"I'll be fine," I said. "I know how to take care of myself." That wasn't as true nowadays, after what happened on New Years, but I had to say something, didn't I?

"Okay," Snape said with relief. "But I really have to go – bye."

"Bye," I said, letting him wave and leave me. I thought on it no more, since I generally didn't like Snape, and walked up to my dormitory. There, Kyleigh and Leila were sitting, talking, and I stopped at the door like I always did when I saw that kind of a scene. This time, however, when Kyleigh looked at me, her eyes weren't their usual glaciers; she looked softened, which was a pleasant surprise.

We stared at each other for a little while, unsure of what to say, before I said, "Kyles, if you want me to leave, tell me."

"No, Lils, I wanted to talk to you," she said. "Come sit?"

It had been such a long time since I'd heard her say that; I sat, and I waited for her to speak again. Kyleigh took a breath and burst out, "I'm sorry, all right? I'm sorry I was so mean to you that night, and I'm sorry I was mean to you after it too. I was just ticked! Can you blame me, after what you did?"

This was rather unexpected. "I'm sorry too, Kyles," I said softly. "I…I don't know what came over me. He was there, he was flirting with me – me! – and I couldn't help it. I wanted to upset James, like you said, and…I don't even know anymore." My easy tears were back as I remembered flashes of what had happened at the Firehouse – Kyleigh's angry face, James's horrorstruck one, the look on the bystanders' faces – I still wasn't quite over it, though I tried to be. Yeah, baby me, all distressed about one night. Well, that's me – I'm like that, and it's pathetic. That was probably why Remus didn't like me; that thought made my tears overflow at last, and Kyleigh hugged me – carefully, yes, but still hugged me.

"Lils, can we just be friends again and forget about that incident?" she asked.

"I'd like that," I hiccupped.

Leila looked at me sort of critically. "You've been weird after New Years – all weepy and depressed. Is there something wrong? Anything we can help you with?"

I felt so vulnerable as she said that; I knew it was noticeable how horrid I felt, but I just couldn't tell anyone about what had happened with Remus. I let another tear fall and shook my head. "I'm just not feeling well; I think I'll be okay."

"Are you sure?" Leila asked anxiously. "Lil, if you have something going on, you should tell us about it."

"We're here for you," Kyleigh added. The look in her eyes clearly showed that she was sorry that she'd done such a poor job of it, but I turned my head away, a few more tears falling.

"Not now," I wept. "Maybe another time."

"I think it's all these O. W. L. practices you insist on doing," Leila said, stroking my hair. "It's not a good idea to use those all the time; it makes you busier than you already are."

"It'll pay off later," I said feebly. "It's not the work…I really need to be alone."

"Sure," Kyleigh said, patting me on the shoulder. "See you later, Lils."

Leila gave me another sympathizing look, but left the room with Kyleigh; they left me in the dormitory, where I cried freely. I don't even know what all I cried about; I cried about Remus mostly, but I also cried because I was feeling besieged and because I hated the memories of the Firehouse that kept coming back – pretty much, I cried because too much changed too quickly when I wasn't ready for it. I cried my eyes out for a few minutes, and then looked at the bracelet hanging on my wrist. I touched one of the charms, feeling drained, and thought of James. I don't know why I did that – probably because it was him who had given me the bracelet – but his face popped up in my mind's eye. I didn't want to see it; I put my face into the blankets on the bed and cried a bit more.

When I resurfaced, I felt exhausted; I knew that my eyes were probably red and puffy, and my nose was running a little. I got up with great difficulty, washed my face, and took you, my diary, out to write it all down. I honestly don't know what I'd do without you; you know everything, and you can't judge me – you make me see myself more clearly than I ever would have before without overwhelming me. It's amazing what one little book can do for me, really; I feel a tad better now, when I thought I never could.

I desperately need to get to my work now though, which I've just realized, so for now, let's just hope that I can get through a few more days without bursting into tears and startling my friends.

Then, maybe after those few days, I can try making it through the rest of my life. Not bloody likely, but I need to find some optimism somewhere, don't I?

James

January 10th

Dear Diary,

The new term started today, after a lovely vacation, but I didn't want it to.

See, normally, it's fun when the rest of the school comes back to the castle, but it wasn't this time; there was too much I wanted to do that required free time and my friends. Remus was troubling me; he was troubling me quite a lot. I finally figured out what was wrong with him – it was so damn obvious, and I couldn't see how I missed it – and I needed to talk to him about it; I just didn't have the right opportunity. Plus, having everyone back meant that reality was back as well – lessons, O. W. L. lectures, work – and, of course, Regina; I really didn't want Regina back.

She was the first to find me though, when I was lingering in the Entrance Hall; she bounced over, kissed me on my cheek, and greeted me by saying, "Hello James! How are you?" I tried to say all right, but she interrupted me the moment I opened my mouth. "Glad you had a good time. Anyway, I went to Rome, and I visited all of the most expensive shopping plazas there…"

Regina proceeded by boring me out of my mind then, by going into a monologue about her numerous shopping sprees; I was only saved the torture by an extremely frustrated Professor McGonagall.

"Excuse me, Miss Masters," she said, cutting into our – her – conversation effortlessly. "I need to speak to Potter. POTTER! I've been looking for you everywhere, all day!"

"Yes Professor?" I asked, glad for the first (and hopefully last) time in my life to be in trouble and have her come to yell at me.

"Potter, I have not forgotten about that detention for putting insects in Severus Snape's pants," McGonagall told me severely. "See me in my office tonight, at seven, and we will discuss your punishment."

"Okay," I agreed. She nodded curtly and left us again. Regina tried to continue her speech, but she was distracted by her friends, who were trying to flag her down. She abandoned me at once, thankfully, to boast her adventures to those poor girls while I went to find my friends; that was the best part of start-of-term – you could find everyone and talk all you wanted without getting in trouble.

I found Sirius first; he was in the common room, chatting with a few girls. When he saw me walking in with a dark expression though, he shooed them away and cleared off a space for me to sit. He grinned at me, and asked, "So Prongs…what's going on with you? You look like you missed an opportunity for the Quidditch World Cup."

I exhaled angrily and recounted Regina's ambush downstairs, and when I finished, Sirius snorted quite loudly. "Prongs, you really need to get rid of that girl."

"I know," I said with a groan. "But how?"

"Tell her that she's a right bitch and be done with it," Sirius said with a shrug. "That's how I got rid of conquests 4, 9, 12, 19, 22, 24, 31, 38, 46, and 50. Or was it 51?" Sirius thought on it for a moment, but said, "Either way, there's nothing to it; you say what you have to say, the girl cries for a day or two – three tops – and she gets over it. You don't have to deal with her and life goes on."

"I just can't do that," I said. "I need a valid reason to break up with a girl."

"So her rotten personality isn't valid, but the cause of Lily Evans is?" Sirius asked, eyebrows raised. "Mate, that's pretty screwed up."

"I know, but she's just so difficult to break up with," I said. "She's like one of those boomerangs – no matter how far you throw her, she always comes back to bite you. And, if you recall, I've already tried to call her a bitch; it doesn't work."

"Oh, you mean the day we were putting porridge in our noses?" Sirius laughed as he remembered. "Well, then just tell her that her bitchiness has made it impossible for you to put up with her."

"Won't work," I said gloomily. "I'm done for. And Lily is so unhappy these days! That makes me unhappy too, which isn't good; Regina picks on things like that."

"Evans again!" Sirius smacked his forehead with his hand. "Forget about her, please! It's so damn aggravating!"

"I'm in love with her – I share her moods, Padfoot," I reminded him. "And what's with Remus, come to think of it? He's all dejected as well."

"You know they liked each other," said Sirius. "Maybe one of them made a move and it didn't work out."

"Can you honestly see Remus making a move on Lily?" I queried. "I mean, really make a move on her? Not going to happen."

"I think he might have," Sirius said.

"No," I said, starting to get annoyed. "He can't have."

"Ask him then," Sirius said, pointing at Remus, who was sitting moodily on the sofa. "And tell me if I'm right or not."

"Deal," I said. Sirius nodded, and I went to sit next to Remus. He looked up at me, and I saw what I had been seeing each day after New Years – a blank slate with very little emotion. I didn't like to beat around the bush – which Remus did know – so I decided to plunge right into what I had to say; it was going to be a painful conversation – I knew it from the start.

"Listen Remus, I've been thinking a lot about your mystery girl, and how you've been acting lately, and I think I want to talk to you about it," I began.

Instantly on his guard, Remus said, "Okay…sure, I suppose."

"It was Lily," I said in a rush. "I knew that you liked her before, and on New Year's, I was too tired and stupid to realize she was on your mind again."

I'd done it – I had the truth; only the truth could make Remus blush so pink. He cleared his throat with some noticeable difficulty and asked, "How long ago did you know?"

"Ages, mate," I admitted. "It's just that I never thought you'd make a move."

Remus didn't even make a face at me; he just sighed and said, "I didn't – she did. She liked me, just as I'd secretly wanted her to, but I blew it – I rejected her."

I couldn't believe it – Sirius had been right; quiet, relationship-challenged Remus Lupin had rejected the unmatchable, implausible Lily Evans. For a second, I thought he was lying, because it was just impossible, but at the same time, there was no other explanation for Remus's chicken-in-the-rain expression and Lily's low mood. I swallowed thickly, and inquired stupidly, "You really rejected her?"

"No James – I destroyed her," Remus burst out; feeling had finally broken through the mask that had become his face lately, and he appeared to be tormented. "I liked her, she liked me, and I refused to be her boyfriend. She's such a sweet, trusting girl, and I broke her heart on New Year's Eve; I can't think of a greater sin."

I put my arm awkwardly around Remus's shoulder, shaken. "Listen Moony; I know that you feel awful, but…things like this happen, where you screw things up with a girl you like. You'll both be okay." It was so eerie – the day had come when Remus needed my help getting over Lily Evans. What was wrong with the world?

"I'm not worried about me – I'm worried about her," said Remus. "What should I do? She doesn't let it show as much, but I know that she's down, and it's all my fault."

"This isn't something you need to help her with," I said. "When you break up with a girl, you can't help her heal – it'll only make things worse. I mean, you'd give her the feel that she could still have you, when she knew, at the same time, that she couldn't – she'll only fall harder. I would know – I've done this before; leave her alone right now."

"That makes sense," sniffed Remus. Then he smiled slightly. "This is odd though; it's like we've switched roles, Prongs – you're normally the confused one, and I'm the one that's advising you."

"It is odd," I agreed, wrinkling my nose. "You falling in love? Didn't see that one coming. Especially since it was Lily that you chose."

"You're not mad at me for that?" he asked in disbelief.

"Well, a little, since you've made her feel so terrible, but I'm not really mad," I said. "You feel bad enough, and it didn't even work out anyway – I might have had more of a problem if it worked."

"Oh," said Remus; there wasn't really anything better to say anyway.

After a few minutes of deep deliberation, Remus said softly, "We really are growing up, James; I've had my first stab at love and found out I'm horrible at it, and you've finally found maturity." He thought on it a moment and amended, "Well, some, at least."

"Gee, thanks." I chuckled and then said, "Nah, I see what you mean. Damn; I didn't want to be mature until seventh year."

Remus smiled. "Well, like it or not James, you're becoming more of an adult."

I made a face. "Let's get off this disheartening subject and get a snack from the kitchen, shall we?"

"No, I have O. W. L. stuff to get to," Remus said. "You go; I'll be up here."

"Sure you don't want me to get you anything?" I asked.

"Yeah, thanks." Remus gave me a quick smile before pulling out his books.

I shrugged and left, trying to examine the strange feelings going around in my head. Remus had said we were starting to become more like adults – were we? I suppose I was; I had never really given suggestions the way I had to Remus before. It was a very startling thing to be told you were becoming more mature; I mulled this point over in my mind as I walked up to the kitchens. I didn't want to grow up; I wanted to be young and crazy for a little while longer without the obstacles of being an adult. Yeah, so maybe my thinking processes were changing – that didn't have to mean anything, did it?

Ugh, damn; see, this is what I meant – things become really problematical when you think too much, like adults do. I want life to be simple again, but somehow, I think I'm now past the point of no return.

Joy.

A/N: Again, similarities and differences are being drawn out in this entry; hope you could see them! But yeah, Remus is kind of breaking out of his shell finally, and James is starting to change even more noticeably, while Lily is starting to plunge into her personal depression. I'm now home, like I said, and I should be able to update quickly once again – you're going to see more chapters coming up as soon as I can get them up. :D

By the way, thank you SO MUCH for your reviews! I mean, really – as I write this paragraph, I'm at 172, which, to me, is incredible. Keep it up; I love hearing from you all!