A/N: So, now that James has been gone for a little while, you may be wondering what his girlfriend, Miss Regina, thinks about it. xD Well, in this chapter, Lily will tell you Regina's thoughts on the matter (I promise – she's not out of character for this chapter, which provides absolutely no comfort, lol), and James will be getting a reality check. Enjoy! This is lighter than the past couple of chapters.

Lily

January 20th

Dear Diary,

I absolutely loathe Regina Masters.

My ambition for right now is to club her over the head repeatedly; when I'm done, I want to hex her with every curse I know, which is quite a list after the O. W. L. work I've been doing. She's the reason they invented the word bitch as an insult (mental note – tell Sirius about that the next time he tries to call me one); I hate her even more than I hate James – which is saying something.

This morning, at breakfast, Regina confronted me and Leila while she was eating and I was watching. She stood over me like some kind of dictator until we both looked up at her and I said, "Can I help you?"

"Yes you can," Regina said, pushing Leila away to sit next to me, her blue eyes blazing. "Where did James go? He's not at his bloody aunt's, and I know that."

"I don't know where he is," I said defiantly. "Why are you asking me?"

"He's in love with you; you're going to be the first one I question," she said. "Now where is James?"

"Even if I knew, I wouldn't tell you," I said, affronted. "Go away, Regina."

"No," she said. "Not until you tell me where James is. I'm his girlfriend; I should know."

"You also need to get out of my seat," Leila cut in, pointing at her spot. "I want to eat my breakfast."

Regina took Leila's plate of eggs and threw them on the ground. "There," she said. "You don't have to eat anymore."

Leila's eyes turned malevolent, and her jaw dropped. "You did not just do that."

"I did, Patterson; now where is James?" Regina threw Leila a quick, cold glare, but saved most of it for me.

"Bitch!" Leila shouted. She took her glass of orange juice and threw it all over her; I snorted and began to lead everyone in laughing at Regina's fate. She was pissed – her eyes said it all – but I didn't care.

"PATTERSON!" Regina roared. She whipped out her wand and shot a hex at her, but she missed because Leila tossed away her wand and fell on top of her. I watched, torn between horror and amusement, as Leila began to pull at Regina's hair and claw at her face, shouting horrible things at her all the while.

After a bit, Regina managed to somehow throw Leila off and tried to shoot a hex at me. On other days, I might have called her a name and went off, but not at that time; I went ahead and took out my own wand to shoot her with a hex. I chose the Jelly-Legs Curse, which left her in place for Leila to pound her. Everyone in the Great Hall had turned to look, and teachers were on their way over to break us up – more specifically, it was Professor McGonagall, but whatever.

"GIRLS!" McGonagall screeched. "Stop it RIGHT NOW. Detentions for all three of you!"

"We were provoked," Leila defended. "Regina came and started asking Lily a bunch of questions incessantly, even after we told her to leave, and then she threw my breakfast on the ground."

"Be that as it may, you have no right to hex her back," McGonagall told us sternly. "Detentions – all three of you."

"Please, Professor," I said, trembling a little at the thought of my first detention. "We really were provoked – it was Regina's fault."

"That Patterson bitch came and jumped on me," Regina shouted. "I don't take kindly to that!"

While Leila made a face, Professor McGonagall glared at Regina. "We don't use such language, Miss Masters. I think we'll let Patterson and Evans off, just for that."

"WHAT?!" Regina hollered as Leila and I gave each other a high-five in celebration; Regina's cursing habit was of some help for once! "THEY PROVOKED ME, DAMN IT!"

"Would you like two detentions then, Miss Masters?" McGonagall inquired. "Or, if you'd like, we can make it an even week."

Regina did not answer the question; she simply stomped off. McGonagall followed her out, and the rest of the school cheered, clapped and whistled. Leila stood on top of the table and waved as though she had just won a marathon, and when she began to feel lonely, pulled me up as well. We both stood there like heroes until, on a sudden inspiration, I pulled my wand out one more time, truly happy, for the first time in nearly three weeks; I began to write in fiery cursive, "Regina Masters is a bitch." People whooped for me for about a minute before I took it away; McGonagall would have recognized my handwriting – or, rather, wand-writing – and given me the detention I had just barely missed having. Leila, thrilled, thumped me on the back; I smiled at her and we stepped down to enjoy the remainder of the breakfast time.

When Leila finished, we went to Charms first period, as usual. When we got there, Kyleigh was already seated in her usual seat, determinedly biting her nails. Leila and I looked at each other, wondering what to do about it, but we decided on simply going to our seats and ignoring her. It served us well – she didn't speak to us and we did not speak to her for the rest of the class time. What was there to say, anyway?

Leila and I went through the rest of our classes uneventfully; the Regina incident had spread around the school like wildfire, and many people congratulated us on getting her a week of detentions from McGonagall – that was definitely nice. Since I was a prefect, it was even more astounding that I wasn't in trouble – I was supposed to be setting an example, not fighting with Regina Masters.

Once we got to lunch, however, Leila was after my life again to eat. "Lily, eat this," she ordered, handing me a plate filled with French fries and a couple of chicken legs.

Just looking at it made me feel ill, so I said, "No, Leils, I'm feeling kind of woozy at the moment."

She wouldn't hear it. "Eat it now," she said. "Don't be anorexic."

"I'm not bloody anorexic!" I wailed. "I'm just not hungry!"

"Now you are," she said, putting the plate in front of me. "This is for your own good, Lils – I don't want you to die because you're 'not hungry.'" She took a fry from my plate and poked my mouth with it, obviously trying to make me open up and let her stuff it in. I shook my head and pursed my lips tightly, determined not to eat it.

Leila did not give up; she kept poking the fry at my mouth for two minutes straight. Finally, I opened my mouth and let her put the fry in. I closed my mouth and began to chew it. It was delicious, of course, but I wasn't feeling up to it. I finished chewing and swallowed the bite; Leila promptly put another fry in. I ate it, and she gave me another.

I did this until all my fries were finished. Then Leila gave me the chicken leg; this was what I had been dreading. I looked at her nervously, but she simply put the chicken in my hand and gave me a significant glance. I nodded and took a bite. My stomach was feeling quite tightened – squeezed, in a way – but I knew Leila would never let me live until I ate.

Chew, then swallow, chew, then swallow; that was how I coached myself through the first chicken leg – my stomach was really feeling dreadful. When I finished my third chicken leg, there was a strange taste in my mouth that had nothing to do with the food. I was sweating a little, and I requested, "Leils, I'm full. I'm feeling sick. Stop."

"You've eaten quite a bit – I'm satisfied," Leila said with a smile, taking my chicken and finishing it herself. "Good job, Lils."

I couldn't speak; something was happening in my stomach, and it wasn't good. With a sudden, sick clarity, I realized that I needed to throw up. I tried to breathe, but I couldn't. I tried to tell Leila what was going on, but I couldn't do that either. I couldn't move; I could only hope for the best. I closed my eyes, and let the sensation inside of me do what it had to – I threw up on the Gryffindor breakfast table.

I could hear Leila gasping, and trying to clean it up with her wand, but it kept coming. I doubled up, with my gut feeling like it had been tied into a knot, and continued to vomit. When it was all out, I coughed a few times, and felt a pair of cool hands on my forehead. They had to be a teacher's. I felt feeble, as though the littlest thing would knock me down and finish me off; the hands took me effortlessly off the bench, out of the Great Hall (which was now buzzing with talk as the witnesses shared the tale), and into the Hospital Wing.

There, Madam Pomfrey put me on one of the beds, put a wet towel on my head, and poured some potion into my mouth. I gulped it down and lay still, feeling my stomach instantly begin to calm down. I mumbled a thank you at the nurse, and took the towel off of my forehead.

"Keep that on," she said. "Lie down for a few minutes, and then go to class."

I nodded and did what she said; I felt better for it, too, but I really wanted to go see Leila in class. Miserable though I was, anything was better than staying in the Hospital Wing – that caused gossip, which was bad with capital letters. I tried to tell Madam Pomfrey this, but she insisted that my health came first – she would not let me argue the point, and kept me in bed despite my complaining.

The bell to start the class period rang, and I managed to convince Madam Pomfrey to let me go at last; she gave me a pass, and I scurried off to Transfiguration. When I walked in, everyone was already in place, and Professor McGonagall was in the middle of a lecture.

"Do you have a pass, Miss Evans?" she asked.

I nodded meekly and handed her the pass. I was thankful to see that Leila had still saved me a seat, and I walked towards her, wanting nothing more than to be invisible again. No such luck, however; Sirius called out to me as I passed.

"All right, Evans? We heard you upchucked at lunch," he said, making the class laugh.

Blushing, I said, "The only regret I have is that it wasn't on you, Black."

A few people laughed a bit more, but the room went mostly silent when I said that. I got to my seat and sat down, carefully avoiding the questioning eyes around me. McGonagall, who was not amused, said, "Thank you, Black, Evans. Now where were we? Ah yes, Switching Spells." She launched right back into her speech about Switching Spells, and I pulled out my parchment and quill to take notes. Leila let me borrow the few she had taken at the beginning of class and she whispered, "Are you okay? I'm so, so sorry I forced you to eat."

"I'm fine, and it's all right," I whispered back as I scribbled down notes. "If we're lucky, something went in and stayed in."

"I hope so," she said with a sigh. "I don't want anything to happen to you, Lils."

"I'm fine," I repeated. "We'll talk after class though – I have to listen now."

"Good idea." Leila smiled and we took more notes as Professor McGonagall demonstrated the correct wand movement for a Switching Spell.

The rest of the day was fairly unproductive, however – I'd had two episodes in one day, which caused plenty of talk and questions, but other than that, my day was ordinary. Leila and I finished our homework during tea, and after our final classes, we talked a lot. Thankfully, it was nothing about my throwing up or about James – we just chatted about what a git Sirius was, and about how much we hated Regina. Leila now had a new, passionate hatred for Regina after breakfast, and I whole-heartedly ranted with her.

"The nerve of that bitch!" Leila cried out, outraged. "Questioning you like that…as if you had any idea where James was!"

"I know," I said. "Sirius is busy passing comments about it, but no one really knows where he is besides his friends."

"Do you think Remus would tell us?" Leila contemplated.

A knot came into my gut, but it had nothing to do with lunch. "I don't know."

She caught on. "I'm sorry, Lil," she apologized. "It's just that I forget – its Remus after all, and he's the least likely person to have a relationship with you…no offence."

"None taken," I said morosely.

"I won't say his name again," Leila promised.

"Okay," I agreed, any good mood that I'd had during the day flooding clear out of me. "Thanks."

"But honestly – it killed him too," Leila pointed out. "You should really move on, Lil; you shouldn't do this to yourself."

"I'm not trying to – I can't help that I've managed to fall in love with him," I said.

"Being unhappy is a conscious choice, Lils," she told me.

I bit my lip. "Leils, I'm trying to forget about it, but it's tough; I dunno, it's almost as if I'm waiting for it all to fall into place – become the fairytale we all read about. I know it won't happen, but something in me just wishes it would, and I can't let go of it."

"He's not worth your tears," Leila said.

"He is," I said resolutely. "Remus is worth every single tear I've shed, because he is a brilliant person. He probably said no to me because I'm not. I don't mind crying for him."

Leila hugged me. "You are brilliant, Lily; he adores you still – I can tell. Don't cry now; you were having a fair day today – better than the ones you've had before."

"You're right," I said. "I'm still pretty moody, and I'm sorry."

"It's all good," she said with a smile. "C'mon; let's go to dinner, shall we?"

"If you don't mind, I'm going up to the dormitory," I said.

Leila nodded. "That works. I'll see you after dinner, then." She waved at me and left; I walked up to the dormitory, the shards that used to be a working, passionate heart throbbing again, and I opened you, my diary, up to write about everything. I need you; I don't know what I'd do without you. It's as though you, being just a book, have helped me through the darkest times of my life so far. I don't know how, but I'm still in less than five pieces after all this – that's pretty remarkable.

I'm going to bed early tonight; I think I could use some sleep, and maybe if I can get my hands on the potion, a bit of memory loss.

James

January 20th

Dear Diary,

Georgie and Beth came by my room this morning, like I'd predicted, and we hung out again in Diagon Alley.

Hanging out with those two girls was fun, yes, but as we went to various stores and sites, laughing and teasing one another, I couldn't help but miss Lily. Georgie made a bunch of jokes that made me laugh, and Beth flirted quite a lot, but I wanted to have Lily with me instead. Georgie was funny, but it was Lily's dry sarcasm that made me laugh the most. Beth flirted, but I wanted to see Lily flirting instead – her long, stunning eyelashes fluttered delectably when she did that. I tried to have a good time, like I had the other day, but it was impossible – how could I have fun when I had left Lily Evans at Hogwarts?

"Say, what's on your mind, James?" Beth asked me while we were lounging around outside on the benches. "You're pretty quiet today."

"Nothing really," I said with a shrug, hoping I didn't seem to love-struck.

"Is it a girl?" Georgie teased.

"Well, yeah," I said. "I like this girl in school, and I miss her."

"What's her name?" Beth asked interestedly.

"Her surname is Evans."

"Evans?" Beth thought for a moment. "I can't think of a Pureblood family with the surname Evans."

"She's Muggleborn," I explained.

"You're in love with a Mudblood?" Georgie asked, seeming outraged.

"Oy, don't call her that!" I objected angrily.

"She is one," Georgie said. "You're better off here with us Purebloods, James."

"If he likes a girl, don't insult her, Georgie," Beth said, standing up for me. "She must be a good girl, if James likes her."

"She is," I said fervently. "She's beautiful, she's smart, she's charming, and she's beyond perfect. The only problem is that she hates me."

"I don't like her," Georgie proclaimed at once. "Any girl who hates you is my enemy."

I rolled my eyes. "She loves me, but likes to say she hates me – everyone knows the truth though."

"So this Evans…do you have a picture?" Beth inquired.

"Yeah," I said, pulling out a photograph of Lily in class; I had taken it a few days ago when no one was looking, and kept it with me when I was leaving. I gave it to Beth, and she looked at it with Georgie.

"That color of hair doesn't work for her," Georgie said critically. "You should tell her to dye it darker."

"She doesn't dye her hair," I said. "It's natural."

"Yeah, that's what she tells you," Georgie said with a snort. "No girl has hair that is naturally that color, Potter."

"Well, she does," I said shortly.

"I think she's a sweet-looking girl, James – good choice," Beth said, smiling. Then she leaned in and whispered in my ear, "Georgie has a problem with you liking a girl that's not her – she's just like that. Don't take it personally, all right?"

I nodded and then turned to Georgie, who was in full rant about Lily. "She looks so drab!" she was saying, pointing at the picture. "Her hair is utterly fake, her eyes are too close together, her nose is too big for her face, and she is so chunky."

"She is not chunky!" I said. "She's stick-thin!"

"She is really thin, look at her arms," Beth said worriedly. "Are you sure she isn't ill? She doesn't look too well."

I looked closely at the picture and noticed that she was right – Lily did look a little off. "I'm sure she's fine."

"Maybe you should go home and make sure of that – I don't like how bony she is," Beth told me.

"I'm going home in a couple of days – I'll make sure she's all right," I said.

"What's her name, anyway?" Georgie asked with distaste.

"Guess," I said.

"Penelope," Beth tried.

"No," I said, grinning.

"Alexis."

"No."

"Emma."

"No."

"Emily."

"No."

"Anne."

"No."

"What letter does it start with?" Beth questioned.

"L," I responded.

"Leanne," Georgie said.

"No."

"Laura."

"No."

"Lauren?"

"No."

"What's her name, James?" Beth implored.

"Her name is Lily," I said, loving the familiar taste of her name on my lips.

"I hate lilies," Georgie said right away. "I like jasmines."

"Lily is a nice name," Beth said, almost reprimanding. "She seems like an excellent catch, James."

"She is," I said, smiling as I thought of her. "Listen, it's been great hanging out with the two of you, but I really want to go back to my room now; my friends have sent me some homework that I have to do."

"All right, bye James," Georgie said sorrowfully. "We're leaving tonight, so I guess it's good-bye forever."

"Yeah, but send us an owl, would you? We'd like to hear if things work out with this Lily Evans," Beth said, giving me a hug as we all got up.

I went back to my room then, forgetting about Georgie and Beth instantly, feeling like a part of me was missing. Then I realized – what was I doing there, away from Hogwarts and away from Lily? Why was I being such a coward? Why did I think that running away was going to solve everything? It wasn't going to do a thing, and now I knew it. I needed to go back – it was as simple as that.

When I sat on my bed, I found an owl waiting for me. It was my work, like I had expected, as well as another letter. I ripped it right open, and here's what it said:

Dear James,

We're so bored, and the rumor mill is getting ridiculous – can you cut your trip short and come home? Please? It's too quiet without you. Besides, Lily's going ballistic – you'd love it. She could definitely use a shoulder to cry on – she spends half her time crying these days. Come back and win her over – it's the perfect moment. And we miss you.

Sirius, Peter, and Remus

(But mostly Sirius)

I read the letter through twice, my heart beating faster each second. Lily was going ballistic and crying all the time? Really? Was she all right? Did Remus do something? Had Sirius raped her (it could happen, I thought dourly)? What was going on?!

I grabbed a piece of parchment and wrote,

Dear Marauders,

I'm coming back on the twenty third – in three days. Take care of Lily for me, would you? Sirius, don't you dare get anywhere near her; tell Remus to do it. Peter…just keep him away from Lily as well, if you please. I'm getting what I need here, and I can't come back just yet.

James

I sent it off and lay back on my bed, thinking achingly of Lily. In truth, I wasn't sure why the desire to be near her came to me at that moment, but it did, and my goodness it hurt like hell. I couldn't stay still; all I could think of was Lily – I needed her. I ended up hugging my pillow, wishing it was her that was pressed up right against me instead of a stuffed piece of linen. Stupid and desperate though the action was, it helped.

I know now that I love Lily Evans to death, no matter how upset I am at her and no matter what she does to me. Now, all I have to do is go back to Hogwarts and tell her about it.

It's much easier said than done, let me tell you that.

A/N: Yay! James's head is screwed back on again! Now all we have to do is get Lily's to do the same thing…lol she will eventually, I promise. And just so you know, the only reason Georgie was acting all bitchy about Lily was because she hates Muggleborns and likes James, in case that wasn't clear. But I hope you liked that, and will leave me a review. :D