Chapter 12: Letter Of Goodbye

Authors Note: Reviews helpful (hint hint)

Mark's POV

I sat there in silence with my head still in my hands. Even though the tears had stopped, my head felt too heavy to lift.

I could hear them trying to be quiet while they spoke, "Collins, I've never seen him cry."

"Me neither Roger. I don't know what would happen if she didn't-"

"We're not taking about that. It won't happen." Maureen said defiantly, the stubbornness in her voice very recognizable.

They were quiet again, leaving me to my thoughts, thoughts that no matter what they were, haunted me.

I felt the test still in my hand. My heart raced at the thought. She, god, there was something in her, a baby, our baby. Images of her bruised stomach came flashed through my mind. He had to have known, shit, I had to do something, I couldn't stay here anymore. I stood up suddenly, my legs shaking beneath me.

They looked over at me in surprise and Collins came over, putting his hand on my shoulder, "Mark-"

"I'm gonna kill him, he-he-he, what he did to her, I can't-" I said, my voice getting louder.

"Woah woah, man calm down." Collins said, his eyes sad and his normally bright smile not present on his face. "We all want him dead, but the police have him. It's going to be ok"

"No its not." I whispered, handing him the test, "She said it turned blue."

Collins stared at it, his eyes wide, completely silent as I continued, "You saw her, h-he hit her all over, there's no way the baby survived."

Roger came over and put his arms around me, at first I refused to let myself, but then sank into his arms. I hadn't realized how much I needed it.

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"Will the party for Rachael Adams please come to the front desk."

I stood and walked quickly over to the desk, my head numb as I prepared myself for whatever I might hear. I felt everyone come behind me.

"How is she? Is she okay?" I asked, my voice monotone, masking my worry.

"She was in surgery, she just woke up and she wanted to see you all. Please don't be too loud around her, she's probably very disoriented. She's just down the hall in room 300-"

I didn't wait for her to finish before heading to her room. There was a flicker of hope within me now, a tiny light shining for her. I carefully opened the door.

She lay on the hospital bed, curled up and staring at the ceiling. There was an iv in her arm, reminding me of too many memories. She just looked so small and frail in the big white bed, her skin discolored, her hands shaking.

I suddenly realized that I had been unconsciously holding my breathe that whole time, then let it out. I stepped foreword, a 'squeak' coming from the cheap linoleum floor. She slowly looked in my direction a smile forming on her face.

"Mark."

Rachael's POV

Even through it send more pain through me I spoke again, my voice quiet, "Is he gone?"

He nodded and slowly continued to walk over. "He's in jail now."

His blue eyes showed so much pain, but he was trying to hide it. I couldn't believe after all that had happened, Cindy had been right, her words hitting me hard, If I were you, I'd just go back to England before he gets hurt. Maybe I had deserved all this, maybe I should have left. First I got pregnant and then the obvious pain in him, it was entirely my fault. My heart fell as I felt tears fall down my face, knowing now what I had to do. He cautiously wiped them away and then held my hand tightly. I saw Roger, Collins, Joanne, and Maureen all come around me too. Their faces somber and I could sense the aching within them.

"I love you." Mark whispered, his voice no longer monotone but thick with emotion.

"I-I love you too." I managed to say back, giving his hand a small squeeze.

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I lay against Mark, his arms loosely around me. I felt so much safer in his arms, he wouldn't let anything happen to me, making everything harder. He stroked my hair gently then stopped. I looked up and saw the nurse had came in, she checked the machines and charts before turning to us. I thought she might ask him to get off the bed but instead she said, "I have good news and bad news. Which would you like first?"

Mark looked at me, "Bad." We both said together.

She nodded, "Unfortunately, the baby didn't live." My hand rested protectively on my stomach. It-it was gone. I felt so torn, I didn't want to mess up things with Mark, but deep down I really wanted the baby.

She continued, "The good news is you're recovering well and you should be able to leave soon." She left swiftly, leaving us to our thoughts. But before either Mark or I could speak, I heard a familiar voice.

"Rachael darling!" Mum was in the doorway, tears in her eyes. Her brown hair mussed after tossing and turning on the plane ride I assumed. Her worry lines set into her face as she walked over.

"Mum?" She nodded and took my hand.

"How are you feeling?" She asked, her small hand held onto mine, her skin paper thin.

"Better." I said simply, I was still in pain but I didn't want to give her reason to worry more than she did.

"I was so worried when I got the call from Mark. It was Eric?" She asked, pulling up a chair beside the bed.

"Yeah, guess he decided it was time for a visit." I said, the sarcasm noticeable in my voice.

"I'm going to stay for a couple days. It's been so long sweetie." She said, her smile faint.

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I sat on the couch, sketch pad and pencil in hand. Eric had robbed my muse and I couldn't draw, it was too hard. Mark kissed my forehead, "You'll get it, don't worry."

He had been optimistic and caring, his sweet repose shining threw. I almost cried at the thought that the flight back to England was today.

"You sure you're ok with me going out to film?" He asked again, still holding my hand as he stood in front of me.

"Of course." I said, he had stayed home with me the last couple days, putting his work on hold for me. I couldn't let him be held back by me any longer.

He smiled, "I'll be back in an hour or so." Taking his camera and wrapping his scarf around his neck, he gave me one last kiss before heading to the door.

"I love you Mark." I said softly.

He turned around, "I love you too."

The door closed and I leaned against the couch, wishing I could have at least said a proper goodbye, but that would have to do.

Putting my pad and pencil aside I slowly stood, my body still aching. Opening the door to our room, I went in a pulled out my suitcase. Tears fell as I took my newly moved clothes from the closet and started to tuck them in the suitcase.

I felt my heart rip in half as I zipped my suitcase shut. My tears had turned to sobs as I started to write a letter of goodbye.

What could I could I say to explain how much I loved him? No words could fully express the love in my heart or how those feelings lead me to choose this path.

I heard "Rachael?"

I looked up in surprise to see Mark in the doorway, he was looking around in confusion. The tears were uncontainable as they began to fall faster.

"What's going on?" He asked moving towards my suitcases, his fingers brushing over them lightly before looking me straight in the eyes. Deep down I think he knew what I was doing.

"W-why are you back already?" I asked, avoiding his. I became acutely aware of the ticking on the clock as my heart jumped in time with it.

"I was worried and missed you. Don't change the subject." He said, his voice calm, his anger and shock interlaced with his melancholy stature.

"No no." I whimpered, "You need to be filming, I've ruined so much already, I can't you lose this." I mumbled, my hands clenching the bed sheets.

He kneeled beside me and took my hands, giving them a kiss stopping the shaking. "Rach what are you talking about? What did you ruin?"

I looked down at our hands, how he holding my hands delicately without malice, only understanding and care; more tears fell.

"You, I'm ruining everything for you. Everything's my fault, she was right all along." I said between sniffles.

"Rach, you're not making any sense. Tell me everything." He asked, his eyes pleading

My throat caught on my tears, I smiled as he wiped them away and whispered, "Shhh"

"When we went to your parent's house that night, the morning after, I was in the bathroom and Cindy came in. The conversation was casual at first but…"

"What did she say?" He asked, a frown on his face

"She said she didn't think we should be together, that I was holding you back from your career and that you would get hurt. She also made a snarky comment about me getting pregnant. And now it all happened, she was right, I got pregnant and since you've been worrying about me you haven't been working on that job as much, and I know I've hurt you and…" I was talking fast, my thoughts coming out.

"Woah Rachael, shhhh." My rambling slowly came to stop.

"First off, my sister, ugh." He looked away, "She doesn't know what she's talking about ok?" He turned back to me, "Your not holding me back either. I really love you Rachael and you have to trust me, no need to worry about that job. If I don't get it, I don't get it, I'd rather know you're ok."

"But you've wanted to be a filmer for a while though haven't you?" At his words, I felt my heart slowly start to piece itself together.

"Yes, but I can get a job anytime. I have you now and I'm not letting you go over some job." He said softly, giving my hand a tiny squeeze. "You didn't hurt me either Rach, Eric hurt you which hurt me. It hurt to see you in pain. You didn't do anything, that wasn't your fault." He said, his voice calm and reassuring

"As far as you getting pregnant..." His cheeks flushed a little. "I do want kids. I guess we should probably talk about this."

I nodded as he sat next to me, still holding my hands, "D-do you want kids?"

"Yes." I said truthfully, "I don't know when, but I do want them."

"Me too." It felt so good to know he felt the same way.

"You'll be a good dad." I said softly as he wrapped his arms around me to pull me close.

"Thanks, you'll be a great mom."

We lay next to each other, entangled in each other's arms. My head lay on his chest and my heart was finally at peace.