A/N: I'm actually fairly pleased with this chapter. Hmm, that's new. But anyhow, if you remember, Chris had arranged a date for the twenty fourth when he came back to school in Chapter 22. I tried to remind you about that a couple of chapters back, but here's the chapter in question – we need to know if Chris is a rat or not. :)

Side note: The perfect song for this chapter is Heroes and Thieves, a new, probably leaked song by Vanessa Carlton, as well as an unreleased Evanescence song, October. You have to look for both on YouTube since they're not available anywhere else, but they're both good songs and really helped me write this part out.

Lily

January 24th

Dear Diary,

Today, I realized something; I realized that I need to change myself.

I know what I've been – overemotional, scared of everything – and I know now that I can't do that anymore. It's time for me to move on. I can't let every little thing that happens to me get under my skin. I can't cry all the time and rage at the people around me when I'm having a bad day. I have to be strong, and I will be. It's as simple as that.

What caused me to see the light? Well, today was the day when I had to go out with Chris to Hogsmeade; he had asked me when I wasn't ready to refuse, so I was forced, in a way, to attend the date that changed my life. He picked me up at the portrait hole with a grin on his face.

"Hey Lily," he said. "Ready?"

"Yeah," I said indifferently. He put his arm around my waist and led me out of the castle; I didn't particularly like him doing that, but I supposed that I could somehow get through the date and never accept his offers ever again. I obviously didn't voice these thoughts though; I remained quiet, like a red-headed doll, at his side until we got to The Three Broomsticks. There, we sat on the side, and instead of sitting across from me, he sat beside me.

"So…it's been a while since we've chatted," he said.

"Yeah," I agreed. "I've been busy lately."

"So have I," said Chris. "And I do owe you an apology – I should have kept in touch over Christmas break."

"It's all right," I said.

"But I did promise you an explanation," he said. "I should give it to you."

"That would be good," I told him.

He scooted closer to me and began to play with a lock of my hair. "Here's the thing; I couldn't talk to you for a while because that Firehouse incident was rather embarrassing. Everyone knew that we were going out – everyone except bloody Potter, of course – and I couldn't let everyone see me with you; the things they were all saying about you…you wouldn't have liked it at all. So I decided to wait until everything blew over before I talked to you again. It did take a while – longer than I had expected. But nonetheless, I had to disassociate before I could talk to you again."

I frowned. "I wondered why. But if you really liked me, wouldn't you have stayed with me and tried to help me through it?"

He laughed, but it wasn't a normal laugh – it was a rather cruel laugh, the one the villains always gave before dropping their bombshells. "You really thought I liked you?"

"Didn't you? You hung out with me willingly," I said.

"I did," he said. "It was because, like I told you, I wanted people to see me with the one girl I hadn't gone out with yet."

"So everything you ever told me…it was a lie?" It couldn't be true; the things he had said had touched me, had made me feel better, and had helped in their own ways. They were all lies?

"Of course," he said. "I knew what you wanted to hear, and I said those things. I'm a good actor, aren't I?"

"You're twisted," I said. "You're sick."

He shrugged. "Well, I have to find some way to get to the girls. I like hanging out with them. They're fascinating creatures, but some of them are like you – woefully predictable and unconfident."

"If you hate me, why did you spend so much time flirting and hanging around with me," I inquired, frowning slightly.

"You're sexy stuff, Lil," he said, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Very, very sexy stuff. And the fact that you're so vulnerable adds an extremely intriguing factor to you."

"I'm not vulnerable," I informed him, stung.

"Oh, you are." He told me this as though this was a fact rather than a statement of opinion. "A little bit of attention and you fall apart. A couple of dates and you open right up. A kiss here and there and you think I'm your boyfriend. Face it, Lily – you're quite vulnerable. It's delicious."

"Pardon me?" Delicious?! Who did this guy think he was?!

"I meant that I like it." Chris grinned and put his face into my neck. He breathed in the scent that was there, but I moved over a little more, quite nervous. What had I gotten myself into?

"I knew that; I just didn't like your choice of wording," I said. "Now get your bloody face out of my neck!"

"I'm sorry." He wasn't at all, and I knew it; he simply kissed my cheek and hovered near me. I made a revolted face and moved over as far as the bench would let me go.

"All right, can you just speak frankly now?" I requested. "I don't know what the hell you want, or what you're trying to accomplish by coming so close to me, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't play games and just told me what you have to tell me."

His evil grin – the one that I'd only seen once before – appeared on his face once more. "Fair enough. Let's go somewhere more private, shall we?" He took my hand and, in essentials, he dragged me to a place I had never been to at the edge of Hogsmeade; it was a small, fairly dirty room – Chris took me inside as though he owned the place and locked the door.

"Where are we?" I asked.

"A place I like to go with the girls I go out with," he said. "Now sit and listen."

I obeyed; I sat on the floor, cross-legged, and waited for him to speak. He gathered himself up and then began to explain. "After I go out with a girl once, I think about how it went and my impression of her. If I decide that I like her, I'll take her out again and shag her."

My eyes widened with shock. "So you're trying to say that you've had sex with every other girl in our year?!"

"No," he said. "Just a few of them. I don't like all of them."

"You're sick," I said, backing up. "Truly and utterly."

"Maybe." He came closer to me. "But I happen to like you, Lily; I like weaker girls because they cooperate more easily. Your friend…what was her name? Kyleigh? She's far too headstrong; she only likes that moron Black. But you – it's not as painful or difficult for me to sway you. Not only that, but you're not a bad person – a bit on the bitchy side, but I can handle that."

What I was saying was horrifying me; what the hell was he?! Everyone had warned me that he wasn't a good person. Even Sirius had told me once, but I had refused to listen. I had been too naïve to face the fact that Chris actually didn't like just my personality, and now I was paying for it. His eyes had moved to my chest, and when he looked into my eyes, I was truly afraid of him.

"Come out, come out, little Lily," he said mockingly. "Come out and play."

"No!" I got up off the floor and tried to open the door, but I couldn't; Chris took me away from it. He lay me down on the floor, and his hands went straight up my shirt. It was a sensation that had never taken place before, and I hated it. I shrieked and managed to kick him in the stomach. He doubled over with pain and I made for the door again; Chris was too fast though – he got right back up and took me away for the second time. I began to scream as loud as my lungs would let me, but he silenced me with a kiss. I continued to make noise as I attempted to throw him off, but I was on the floor again in some hideous tangle. In desperation, I bit his lip as hard as I could, and that did the trick; he let go of me to attend to his lip and once again, I went for the door. My extreme anxiety made my fingers fumble, but somehow, the door opened; I was free and I ran, terrified.

I ran as fast as I could back to the castle, thanking my stars he had not raped me or seduced me the way he had wanted to. I burst through the front doors and nearly flew to the common room, breathing heavily and close to hysteria and tears. As I tried to run, I felt a hand close on my wrist. Since I was so panic-stricken, I tried to fight it off, thinking it was Chris.

"Leave me alone! I'll report you!" I shouted.

"What? Lil, it's just me, James," a highly confused voice told me.

I looked at him and my vision cleared to show that it was indeed James Potter whose hand was on my wrist. I calmed down a little at that, but not all the way. I was frantic – I needed help – so I decided to trust James.

"You need to save me," I cried, feeling myself literally shake as I told him this. "He's-he's after me."

"Who's after you?" He was so calm – how could he be calm when Chris Daniels had attacked me moments before?

"C-Chris," I said, coughing violently. "He's horrible, James, save me."

He pulled me into a tight hug as I tried to remember how to breathe properly. He was comforting – I felt protected in his arms – but it wasn't enough to soothe me. As I began to get back to normal, James made shushing noises as if I was three years old and frightened of a nightmare while patting my hair. Finally, I felt myself get back to normal, and I put my head on his shoulder. It was solid and secure – free of anything that could hurt me.

When he heard my breathing regulate, James asked me gently, "What did Chris do? Can you tell me?"

"There was a room," I told him. "In Hogsmeade. He took me there. His hand was in my shirt. I tried to run away, but he wouldn't let me. He kissed me, but I bit him to get him off of me. I was on the ground. He was into my neck. James, it was terrifying." I closed my eyes, trying not to remember the experience.

James hugged me even more tightly then. "He's dead," he said into my hair. "I promise you – I'll deal with him."

I hated James more than anything, but at that moment, I felt like I could trust him. That felt good to know, because I could use a bit of confidence somewhere. The person that was supposed to be my savior – my hero – turned out to be rotten, and the person that I was supposed to hate – my enemy – turned out to be the one who comforted me when things had gone repugnantly wrong. Nothing made sense, but at least I had somewhere to rest.

While I was in his arms and he was shushing me, the portrait hole opened. I looked up and saw that it was Chris, and he looked quite livid. He caught sight of James and me together, and I saw his face tighten.

"So you want to take my girl?" Chris asked angrily.

"Your girl?" James inquired incredulously. "Well, if she was your girl, she would not be scared to death."

"Damn you," Chris spat. "Damn you, Potter. Go to hell."

"If I do, I'll be sure to pay you a visit," James told him scathingly. "Now you leave Lily Evans alone, you hear me?"

"Fine," he said. "I can do that." And then he went up to his dormitory – I was safe. I sighed with relief and carefully wriggled out of James's hold; I looked into his face and tried to formulate what to say.

"Thank you," I said at last. "Thank you so, so much."

"I don't really want to rub this in your face, but what I said to you yesterday came true – you do need someone to help you sometimes," he said. "I tried my best to be that someone today, and if you'll trust me, I'll do it for the rest of my days."

I swallowed thickly. "Listen, I do appreciate your help – very much so – but I'm not going to be involved with anyone romantically anymore."

"It probably hurts, having two failed relationships in the space of weeks, but you can't let that get you down," he told me. "You can fight it out, Lil – I know you can. And I can help you. You don't even have to think of me as a boyfriend; just as a close friend who happens to be a guy."

His offer, like it had been the other day, was tempting. Really tempting. For a moment, I was about to agree. But then I didn't; "I don't know, James."

He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "Get to know."

After a moment, I burst out with the truth. "I'm sorry," I said. "I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry that I was acting so badly before. I'm sorry that I blew you off constantly. I'm sorry that I drove you out of the castle. I'm sorry that I try to rebuff any efforts you make for me. I'm sorry – I'm so, so sorry."

"It's all right," James said. "It's perfectly all right."

"It isn't," I said with a sigh. "My moods and my private life are no excuses for my bitchy behavior. I'm just really sorry, James."

"I told you – it's all right," he assured me.

I looked up at him again, feeling awful on more than one count, but he just smiled. "Do you want to go to your dormitory now and find Leila?"

I nodded. "I think I'd like that."

"Here, how about this – I'll let you go and I won't tell anyone about any of this without your permission…if you eat again," he proposed.

I looked at him in mystification. "You want me to eat?"

James nodded. "You're stick-thin. You need you to eat."

I owed him something after what he'd done for me, so I nodded as well. "Fine. I'll eat. How much?"

"Try three square meals a day," he said. "Or, if you don't feel like it, we can make a few of them rectangular meals."

I giggled unwillingly. "All right. I'll eat."

"Thank you." He smiled brilliantly at me, and I found myself actually laughing – laughing at something James had done. Apparently, that thought floated into James's head too, because he said, "Lily! You're laughing at me! You've never done that before!"

I smiled at him, surprised by the tenderness in it. "Yes, I was." But I immediately blushed; I couldn't say something like that. I didn't love him.

He was awkward too, after I had said that. "Erm, yeah." A healthy pink was in his cheeks, and I was sure it was in mine as well.

"I-I have to go," I stuttered. "Thanks again." This time, I didn't let him answer; I just ran to my dormitory. I opened the door and went in to find Leila lounging on her bed, doing her homework.

"Oh, hey Lils," she said. "You've been gone a while – where were you?"

"With Chris," I said. "I hate him, Leils. I hate him more than anything – more than Sirius, James, and Peter combined."

Leila's eyebrows shot up. "What did he do?"

I told her the events of the afternoon – including James's comforting – and she nearly fell off her bed with all the emotion. Honestly, I wanted to fall off and stay there – it was easier to spend your days and nights in your room than spend it with someone who could break your heart.

"Oh…my…word," Leila said in disbelief. "Chris! I never knew that he was that much of a rat."

"Neither did I," I said with a sigh. "I can't believe I thought I had a chance with him. I should have listened to everyone who tried to warn me."

"You couldn't have known that he would do that to you," she said. "Don't worry about it. But James! Lils, I think you like him." She grinned at the thought.

"I don't," I said crossly. "I'm just grateful. That's not the same as liking him."

"I still think you do," she said with a laugh. "Wow, Lil; I never thought I'd see the day. You love James Potter!"

"I don't love him," I insisted. "He did something nice for me, so I tried to be nice as well; that's just being polite, Leils."

"Somehow, I don't believe that," Leila said in a sing-song voice. "Lily loves James! Yay!"

"Shut up! I do not!"

"Yes, you do," she told me. "You love him. You love him more than you ever loved Remus or Chris; it's always been that way – you just never realized it."

I rolled my eyes. "Haha, Leila. I'm going back downstairs; I don't need to hear this."

"Bye," Leila said, waving as she beamed at me. I waved half-heartedly back, and now here I am – I'm in the common room, writing these lines. When Chris and I had been in that room, I had been out of control with fear; now I was just infuriated. Not at James, but at Chris – he had added his own contribution to my misery, and I did not appreciate it.

I'm completely over Chris. I know that with Remus, there were and still are feelings left over, but it's not like that with Chris. Chris was a rat – Remus had valid reasons not to be with me, even if I didn't like them. I'm over both of them. Like I told James, I'm starting over. I'm done being afraid. I'm done with being a bitch. I'm done with everything I was before – a weepy drama queen. I've started over. I'm going to be the girl I know I am, but have never tried to be. I'm up again – nothing's going to stop me.

From now on, I'm not going to be Lily Evans, the cowardly little workaholic; I'm going to be Lily Evans, the girl who's recovered from life's little tragedies (which, admittedly, I've had a lot of lately) and who is ready to take over the world if she has to.

James

January 24th

Dear Diary,

It's been a very strange day.

The mayhem started in the afternoon, really. I was in the common room, talking to my friends, when Regina stormed in. I hadn't seen her at all the previous day, when I came back to Hogwarts, so I was rather unpleasantly surprised to see her then. She marched right up to me and slapped me across the face.

"Watch it!" Sirius snapped at her irritably. "Don't you hit my best friend!"

"What the hell, Regina?" Peter asked, aggravated as well.

Remus said nothing. Of course he didn't; he hated confrontation. He just watched Regina seethe at me.

"Why didn't you tell me that you were back?" she shouted. "I am your girlfriend! I am supposed to know these things!"

"A lot of stuff was going on yesterday, Gina," I said, rubbing my cheek in the place where she had smacked me. "I'm sorry."

"Bullshit!" she screeched. "You talked to Lily Evans, but you won't talk to me."

"Lily owed me a few explanations," I told her. "It was a matter of urgency to talk to her. You're not even my girlfriend; I don't know who you're kidding here."

"I am!" Her voice was shrill, nasally, and quite loud by this point. "You had better remember that, James Potter!" Then she turned on her heel and stormed off, leaving me and my friends staring after her in disbelief.

"You really need to get rid of her," Sirius said.

"James, why on earth do you spend time with her?" Remus asked. "She doesn't respect you at all."

"I don't spend time with her on purpose," I said, annoyed. "She comes and finds me. And, as you can see, she's not someone who is easily reasoned with."

"I know, but you always get whatever you want – why can't you get rid of her?" Peter inquired.

"I'll get her off my back soon – don't you worry," I vowed. "I am as tired of her as you are – more so, since I'm always forced to hang around with her – and I will find a way to get this resolved.

"That's it, Prongs," Sirius said enthusiastically. "Now…what say you to some monkey business?"

"I'd say no," Remus intervened. "We have homework and O. W. L.'s to prepare for and work on respectively."

"I asked Prongs," Sirius said. "I know that you always have work to do."

"I could use a good bout of trouble," Peter said. "I think that we should do it."

"Nah, I think I'll hang out here," I said. "Go prank Snivelly for me, would you?"

"Well, if you insist," Sirius said, laughing. "C'mon, Pete." The two of them ran out of the portrait hole, talking about what to do to Snivelly. I watched them go lazily, and turned to Remus.

"So…what do you want to do here?" I asked him.

"What I said I would do – work," Remus said. "Would you like to join me?"

"As much fun as that sounds, I'll have to say no," I declined. "I'm allergic to extra work."

"You're allergic to any work," Remus pointed out.

"Very true," I said.

"I'll go up to the dormitory then," Remus told me. "I'll see you later."

"Sure," I said idly. I watched him leave as well, and then put my feet up on the table. I was nodding off to sleep, actually, when Lily Evans burst into the common room. I got up at once to see her run in, about ready to burst into tears; scared for her, I got up and grabbed her wrist to hold her back. What was wrong?! However, that was the wrong thing to do, because she screamed, "Leave me alone! I'll report you!"

"Lily, it's just me, James," I told her, trying to calm her down.

She looked up at me and cried, "You need to save me; he's after me!"

I was almost positive that she had lost her mind, but I didn't say it; I was worried about her. I kept myself peaceful and asked her, "Who's after you?"

"Chris," she said. "He's horrible, James, save me."

I knew that Chris was horrible – I knew it firsthand – and the most terrible ideas flooded into my head. I hugged her closely, trying to make her feel better, and patted her hair. I made shushing noises too; I wasn't too experienced in calming people down, but I had seen it happen on Muggle television. She was so soft; I had known that before, but I couldn't believe it – the rag doll-like creature in my arms was a sarcastic and defiant teenager at all other times.

I asked her what Chris had done, and the story came out – he had, in essentials, trapped her in a room in Hogsmeade to try to seduce her. He had terrified the living hell out of her, and when I saw how distressed she was, I hugged her more and told her that I would deal with Chris later; I meant it too – he wasn't getting away with anything.

Then, as if to test my promise, Chris himself walked into the portrait hole. He caught me holding Lily in my arms, and he asked, "So you want to take my girl?"

"Your girl?" I couldn't believe the nerve of him. "Well, if she was your girl, she would not be scared to death."

"Damn you," he snapped at me. "Damn you, Potter. Go to hell."

"If I do, I'll be sure to pay you a visit," I replied. "Now you leave Lily Evans alone – do you hear me?" I had to ensure that the bastard knew his place before I really dealt with him.

"Fine; I can do that." He walked up to his dormitory then, and Lily got out of her position in my arms; I was sorry about that – I had liked holding her.

"Thank you," she said after a long moment. "Thank you so, so much."

"I don't really want to rub this in your face, but what I said to you yesterday came true – you do need someone to help you sometimes. I tried my best to be that someone today, and if you'll trust me, I'll do it for the rest of my days," I told her earnestly, willing with all my might that she would believe me.

Then she started off on one of her strange conversations – the ones that made me question how much I really knew about her. She told me that she didn't want another romantic relationship. She began to apologize about everything that had ever upset me during the year – I was at a loss to know how she knew exactly what to say sorry for – and went into a little frenzy about it. Of course I forgave her – she had been long forgiven – and then she told me that she wanted to go to her dormitory to find Leila. I was about to let her, but then I was hit with a brain wave.

"Here, how about this – I'll let you go and I won't tell anyone about any of this without permission…if you eat again," I told her.

"You want me to eat?" This surprised her; I wasn't sure why.

"You're stick-thin; I need you to eat," I said.

Lily sighed and nodded. "Fine. I'll eat. How much?"

What was wrong with her? How did she not know how much to eat? I kept my thoughts to myself; I just said, "Try three square meals a day. Or, if you don't like that, we can make a few of them rectangular meals."

She chuckled, making me light up on the inside. "All right. I'll eat."

"Thank you." Then I realized the miracle of the situation; I exclaimed, "Lily! You're laughing at me! You've never done that before!" I was beyond excited; she was laughing! That was the first step to falling in love with me – excellent.

"Yes, I was," she said with the sweetest smile I had ever received from her. But then she blushed; in turn, I blushed – both because she did and because what she had said/the way she had said it was a little awkward to reply to.

"Erm, yeah." I couldn't think of anything else to say – what was there to say?

"I-I have to go." With this, she fled; I had scared her off again. But hey – I had delved deeper into her resolve than I had ever gone; I was grateful for the insight. I walked up to my dormitory in wonderment, thinking about her again. When I stepped into the room, Chris was inside, and he was looking quite pissed.

"You," I said, rounding on him. "What the hell did you do to Lily?"

"Doin' what I always do," he said. "It's really none of your business though."

"It is damn well my business!" I roared. "You traumatized her!"

"She's going to have a first time at some point, and I wanted to do it," he countered.

"She's supposed to bloody agree before you try it!" I shouted. "She didn't!"

Chris pulled out his wand and shot a spell at me. I was taken by surprise, but because of my Quidditch reflexes, I dodged it, took out my own wand, and shot my own hex. I missed, but before I knew it, we were both shooting jinxes and hexes constantly – we were dueling viciously, and I was winning.

Eventually, I managed to hit Chris with a few different spells – he looked a mess when I was finished with him, but I thoroughly enjoyed it.

"Bastard," he said to me, the loathing unmistakable in his voice.

"May you rot in hell for trying to mess with Lily Evans," was my only retort before I walked out of the room, pocketing my wand. I went back down to the common room, only to find Remus there, finishing up the last of his work.

"When did you get here?" I asked. "Weren't you in the dormitory? I was just there, and you weren't."

"I went to the library," he said. "I came here not even a minute ago."

"Oh," I said, sitting down on the sofa.

"Is there anything worrying you?" Remus inquired. "You look kind of bothered."

"I am," I said. "I was just dueling with Chris Daniels up in our dormitory. I wouldn't recommend you go in there right now, by the way; he's a wee bit messy."

"James," Remus groaned. "Why did you do that?"

"I swore to Lily that I wouldn't tell anyone," I said. "I'm sorry, Moony."

"It's all right," Remus said. "I'm glad that you honored your vow. But really – I need to get going."

"Bye, Remus," I said, waving to him with a grin on my face as he left the common room with his bag.

He put his hand up to say good-bye to me, and left through the portrait hole. Glad that he had decided not to socialize much – good old Remus could be counted on for doing that – I pulled this book out and I wrote everything down. The only reason was because I needed to document the reason for murdering Chris – I had to use this diary for something useful, didn't I? Ugh. I hate it so much. Almost as much as I hate Chris, which is quite a lot by now.

For now, I'm just frustrated and anxious; I can't write anymore, if it wasn't already obvious. I need to come up with an excuse for Chris upstairs with purple boils across his body, actually – I'd better do that if I don't want McGonagall on my tail.

A/N: Yeah, so I got kind of lazy with James's entry – he said it himself, he couldn't write at the moment. :P But I hope you liked the chapter – do tell me what you thought! Haha, Chris is evil and Lily is falling for James. In the next five chapters, she's going to be falling deeper and deeper in love – it's going to be rather interesting for me to write – so…ha, watch out! xD I'm going to cut James his break very soon. Review please!