A/N: Okay, so we had a bit of a brush with Chris in that last chapter. :P Now Lily is back to normal, as I'm sure you're glad to see. She's back to her sarcastic self, which will hopefully be evident in this chapter, and James is back to trying to woo her, since he feels he's close to her breaking point. His entry is much shorter, since he hates writing at the moment, but enjoy!

Lily

January 27th

Dear Diary,

These past three days have been a bit weird for me.

First of all, I could feel myself slipping back into my old routines. That's a really good thing, of course, but it just feels odd to know how much I've missed in the past few weeks. I mean, Leila and I talk about the usual dumb stuff, and it's just nice to know that simplicity can still be achieved. It never has to be anything fancy – all it takes to make me happy is a glass of lemonade and a light chat with Leila. She doesn't mention James much, for which I'm grateful; I can't seem to bring myself to talk about him after what happened after Chris.

Second of all, I've been eating again. That's not a good thing – I hate eating. But I have to; James sits next to me and forces things into my mouth and down my throat. My stomach seems to like him – I don't throw up when it's him that makes me eat – but I'm still not happy about it. I've noticed a bit of weight gain lately, and eating is the last thing I can do. I'm too busy to exercise, so I needed some other means of avoiding food.

That's where things get a little unusual. See, I couldn't not eat – it was out of the question after my promise to James, which I didn't want to break after what he'd done for me – but no one said anything was bad about throwing up right afterward. I gave it a great deal of thought, and I figured out what to do – I would make myself throw up.

Yes, that's bulimic. Yes, that's bad. But I've only done it one time! It's not a problem if I do it once! It was the most horrible feeling in the universe, so I don't plan on doing it again, but I do need to admit that I did do it that once. It was actually very easy to get away from James and Leila; I excused myself from the table, went upstairs to my bathroom, and began to take my place in front of my toilet. I wasn't quite sure how to make myself vomit, but I knew enough from Muggle bulimia protection pamphlets how it was supposed to work. Closing my eyes and hoping for the best, I put my fingers to the back of my throat. Instantly, I felt itchy. I did it more, and I felt worse. Then I felt it – my stomach churning. I poked just a little deeper, and that inevitable air of throwing up came to me. I had done it right. In another minute, I was puking my guts out, and the deed was done.

I felt awful afterwards – really weak and empty. But the emptiness was the intended result; I was trying to empty my stomach, and I had done it right. Relieved that nothing worse had taken place, I left, and I hoped I would never have to do that again.

Leila and James don't know anything about my exploit, and I'd rather it stayed that way.

Anyhow, back to the present – day three of my strangest three days ever; today was another Quidditch match – I don't know how on earth I forgot about it, what with the enthusiasm spilling out of Gryffindor Tower, but I was only aware of it this morning by Leila asking me if I would go. We both decided to, just because it would be nice to know what everyone would be talking about for the next few days, and believe me; I regretted the choice.

So Leila and I bundled up in our coats and scarves to brave the January chill, and we found seats up high on the bleachers. Leila had brought her binoculars with her ("I need to see James!") and took them out the moment we sat down, staring around the field like the obsessed lunatic that she had lately become.

"Leils, you do know that the game hasn't started yet, don't you?" I asked.

"Mhmm," she said with a nod. "I just want to see if I can catch James!"

I banged my hand against my forehead. "What do you see in that boy?"

"He's so wonderful and sweet," Leila said with a dreamy sigh. "Besides, he's so nice to you! Remember what happened three days ago? Remember what he gave you for Christmas?"

I scowled, but looked down at the bracelet still on my wrist. It was somehow still unscratched after the episode with Chris – James had probably put an enchantment or something on it – and it always reminded me of what he had done for me whenever I wanted to rant about him. James Potter was truly a vexing creature that way.

"I do remember, Leila," I said, scowling. "I remember both events vividly. It's just that…oh, I don't know…"

"You like him?" Leila offered at once.

"No," I said a little too loudly.

"You like him," Leila said, nodding again with that assurance that always drove me mad.

"So what if I do? What will you do then?" I asked angrily.

The look she gave me then made me highly regret the two sentences that had just come out of my mouth.

"Oh my goodness; you like him!" she cried out happily. "Lils, I'm so proud of you!"

I didn't want anyone to hear her – they would get completely the wrong idea – so in desperation, I took out my wand (it's always useful to have those around when James Potter is nearby) and put a Silencing Charm on her. Thankfully, nobody was paying us any attention, but I kept the spell on her just in case. She flailed her arms, trying to get me to give her voice back, but I refused; it wasn't like she was using her voice to say anything good.

Once the Gryffindor team stepped out on to the pitch (late, as always – stupid jocks), I took pity on Leila and lifted the charm. She threw me a look of disdain – she had not appreciated being silenced that way – but began to scream and holler her approval for the world to hear. I laughed, but I did say a very quiet whoop I knew no one would hear.

The game began – vicious and quick as always – and James scored an immediate goal within the first minute and a half while the opposing defenses were a little disoriented. Leila nearly lost what was left of her mind with joy at that, but me? I stayed put and took out my book; I would read that until it was time to go – coming to Quidditch was usually a bad idea, and I had to be prepared for the worst. That was always a source of annoyance for Leila, but today, she thankfully paid attention to the game rather than me.

If only I could say the same for James. I can't, of course; though he was busy being Best Chaser in the Universe, he still found time to wave to me, and flutter his eyelashes at me. I wouldn't have taken any notice of these actions, but Leila took my chin in her hand and made me lift my head up to look at him every time. Once, she even took my hand and made me wave back to him. I took my hand away at once, giving her the most evil expression I was capable of making, and refused to let her touch me for the remainder of the game.

After the torture was all over – we won – Leila and I walked back to the castle. Leila eagerly babbled about the match, and being the victim to her banter, I was supposed to listen, nod occasionally, and say "Mhmm" whenever she stopped to take a breath. However, she was cut short of her monologue when James approached us, still muddy and in full Quidditch paraphernalia.

"Lily! Come give me a hug," he said, grinning widely as he held his arms out to me.

"Not when you're so filthy," I said. "Maybe when you're clean."

"I'll hold you to that promise," he vowed. Then he left, leaving me groaning away with Leila.

"He's so horrible sometimes," I complained. "Why me?"

"He loves you," Leila reminded me. "He's supposed to be horrible sometimes. Nobody's perfect. You just have to remember what good things he's done for you."

"Like?" I prompted.

"That night after the Chris thing," she said. "Not holding you responsible for the Firehouse thing. For forcing you to eat before you killed yourself. For always taking your side on any situation that's gone wrong for you. Face it, Lils – you owe him big time."

"But there's nothing I can give him," I said. "All he wants is for me to go out with him and let him kiss me every few minutes."

"You know, it's not a very high-tech solution, but you could try giving him that," Leila suggested.

"You know I can't," I said, frustrated. "I don't want to, and he'd probably get kind of sick of me."

"Unlikely," Leila said at once. "Lil, the guy will do just about anything to prove that he's in love with you – for most people, that's good enough. What do you want from him?"

"I want…" But I stopped myself; what did I want? Somehow, I couldn't get 'to leave me alone' out of my mouth; all that could come out was a few sputters. I didn't know why – normally I said it to his face with ease – but to Leila, like this, I just couldn't. It felt like I'd be lying. How peculiar.

"Yes?" she prompted.

"I want the truth about everything," I said suddenly. "I want to know what he truly thinks of me and what I truly think of him. That's what I want."

"Here, I'll tell you then," Leila said. "You love him. He loves you. You're made for each other, and you are perfect together. End of story."

I threw her a look, but was interrupted by Snape, who turned up in front of me without my noticing.

"Hey Lil," he said.

"Hi Severus," I said awkwardly.

"Do you two want a moment alone?" Leila asked teasingly, holding back her giggles with observable difficulty.

"Obviously, Patterson," Snape snapped.

"Ooh, Snivelly's a bit cranky today," she retorted. "Lil, you'd better be careful. See you later." She walked off, leaving me alone with Snape; ugh.

"So how are you doing?" he asked as we began to make our way to the castle. "What did you think of the match?"

"I'm fine," I said, pleased that for the first time in ages, the statement was true. "I thought that the match was boring. I read a book."

"Why didn't you watch?" he inquired. "Quidditch is pretty interesting. Too bad Gryffindor won though."

"I'm glad we won, but I just don't like the viciousness of the game," I explained. "I mean, if it was a little more civilized I wouldn't mind it as much, but right now, it's not, so I don't enjoy it."

"I think its fine the way it is," Severus said.

"That's great," I said back.

After an agonizingly painful silence, Snape said, "Erm, well, I'll go then."

"Bye," I said, watching him disappear into the crowd of students still chattering about the match. I sighed and picked up my pace a little bit, until James bounded up next to me all of a sudden.

"Don't do that!" I protested. "You could give me a heart attack someday, Potter!"

"I'm sorry," he said, smiling in a way that differed from what he had told me.

I rolled my eyes. "Fine."

He put his arms out again. "Hug me!"

"You came back mightily fast," I noted. "How can I be sure you're not still caked with grime?"

"Trust me," he said. "Just trust me." He kept his arms insistently open, so I sighed and raised mine half-heartedly so that he could come forward and hug me. He hugged me for a few minutes – longer than necessary – and then he beamed down at me.

"That wasn't too bad, was it?" he asked.

"No," I confessed. "But that doesn't mean you can do it again."

"Can I kiss you then?" he requested. "I'd like that. I'd like that quite a lot."

That was when I first had what I call 'ABC'; it stands for Abnormally Brilliant Craving. It's this thing that's started to develop with me; I get these impulses to do crazy things. Horrible things. Things that I should never do, no matter what the circumstance is. In that case, I got the violent urge to grab James by the collar and snog him. I wanted to snog him so hard that he fell on the ground, and we could lay there and kiss. I actually felt my hand move up a little bit to get to his shirt, but I didn't; I simply rolled my eyes for the second time and said, "Never."

"Please?" James implored. "You know you want me to."

Was he a bloody mind-reader? "I don't," I said crossly.

"Then…can you kiss me?" he asked, grinning because he knew it was a lost cause. However, I was feeling uncharacteristically flirty; I decided to surprise him. I leaned forward and placed a tiny kiss on his cheek. Then I chose to put another one on his other cheek. After I did that, I just looked at him; I wanted his reaction.

"Thanks," he said, giving me his goofiest smile. "I didn't expect that."

So that was it? He didn't care? All of the sacrificing I had done to give him those kisses was for nothing? I couldn't believe him. See, this was why I didn't like to fall for guys; they always disappointed you. I sighed irately and said, "Yeah, well, you're welcome."

"Did I do something wrong?"

'Yes – you're still alive,' I thought scathingly. I didn't say that though; I just said, "Sort of. Bye." I turned on my heel and left, even though he called out to me several times. I didn't turn back. I didn't talk to anyone either; I just stomped up to my dormitory and sat on my bed. Leila was already there, doing some homework, and was surprised to see me so aggravated.

"So what happened?" she asked.

"I kissed James Bloody Potter on both cheeks," I grumbled. "I hugged him too."

"Good job, Lily!" she squealed, utterly delighted. "I'm so happy for you! I told you that you loved him."

"I don't," I informed her with a pout. "I only did it to humor him."

Leila didn't argue – she knew how unadvisable that was – and simply turned away with a small, knowing smile on her face; it so very clearly said 'I don't agree, but to make you happy I won't say anything about it.' I fell back on my pillows and blew my hair out of my face, hating what I knew Leila was thinking about. Then I rolled over on my stomach and pulled my books out from under my bed so that I could study – that was my usual way to forget about James. I took out a quill and went to work, noting passages to review again or ask questions on later. Leila was writing out answers to some questions McGonagall had set for us to do, and we worked in silence, only speaking to ask a homework related question.

I'm still lying on my bed, you know; I finished my work and I'm writing in here. Leila thinks I'm writing an essay, but she doesn't know that I already finished the essay in question. I haven't told her about you, diary, because I know that if she found out, she'd try to take it and read it. I can't let her – not when I've written what I have – and I have to take your safety very seriously if I don't want my personal thoughts to become common knowledge.

Anyway, I have to get going; Leila's starting to look curious as to why I'm writing in a book – I always use slips of parchment because I can't stand dirtying my textbooks – and I need to come up with a valid excuse.

Secrets absolutely suck.

James

January 27th,

Dear Diary,

I don't want to write. I want to go outside and play Quidditch. However, Sirius threatened to tell Remus I wasn't writing if I don't do it now (and he was supposed to be my best friend…) so I guess I'll write a little bit about what's been going on recently.

Besides this damn book, things are going well – really well, actually. Here's a list of what's going right (for once):

1) Lily's eating again. She's keeping everything down, too, which is even better. She hasn't been complaining about it as much recently, and I think that she'll be fine. Her weight is perhaps a little less than it should be, but that'll take time to gain back. I'm delighted to report, also, that I think Lily is starting to like me. She's still harsh, of course, but she's gotten a little soft around the edges. I'm starting to get to her; I can see it in the way she looks at me. I can't rush things though – that only scares her away. No; to make Lily like me, I have to go slow. I have to stay in one place and wait for her to come to me. That's why there's not much news on that matter.

2) We had a Quidditch match today, and we won – obviously. I had a blast; I got to annoy the living hell out of Lily by giving her flirty looks throughout the game, which made her look so adorably aggravated, and once when she wasn't looking or listening to me, I shouted, "I love you, Evans!" A bunch of people said, "Aww," but I didn't really care; all that mattered to me was Lily, who wasn't paying me any attention. Undaunted, I continued to play and flirt – the two things I most enjoy doing.

3) I got Lily to hug me! I trapped her as she walked out of the stadium and convinced her to hug me once I was cleaned up and showered. Then, I even got her to kiss me on both my cheeks, which was an unexpected bonus! She loves me – she really does. I could tell. However, I did make her mad, but I'm not sure why; she kissed me, I said thank you, I wasn't expecting that, she gets all miffed, says you're welcome, and leaves. I was just in shock! I hadn't meant to make her upset! She's so infuriating sometimes, but I love her anyway.

4) We had another midnight adventure the other night. It was incredibly entertaining; we transformed in the Shrieking Shack, as usual, and went down to Hogsmeade, something we didn't regularly do. Remus and Sirius love to fight with each other when they're animals – Sirius' enormous dog form gives him a bit of an edge, and he wants to take Remus down one day while Remus was a werewolf – so they stayed outside, battling it out, while Peter and I went into the darkened Honeydukes shop. While Peter purged through the store in rat form, looking for anything extra that he could steal and consequently eat in the cellar, I walked around as a stag, trying to think about what havoc we could inflict in the castle. However, when I stepped on something heavy and made of metal, I stopped. Peter went back into human form, as did I, and we examined the floor.

"What happened, Prongs?" he asked.

"I stepped on something metal over here," I said. "I want to know what it is."

"Oh, you mean that?" Peter nudged a latch with his toe.

"Yeah." Breathlessly, I bent down and pulled on the latch. Dust and dirt flew everywhere as a trapdoor opened up, revealing a path of stairs. Peter let out a whoop and we both did a victory dance; we had found a secret passage!!

I turned back into a stag and galloped outside to find Sirius, and tried to communicate to him that I needed him to be human for a few minutes. He got the message and transformed back. "What's got you, Prongs?"

"A secret passage, that's what!" I shouted. "Come on!" Immediately, Sirius abandoned Remus and we both ran in as humans to the cellar. Peter and I showed him the set of stairs. With a dog-like bark of joy, Sirius dove right in to see where the stairs led. Before he could say anything, I gave Peter the job of staying with Remus, and I jumped down with him. The two of us tore down the stairs and ended up coming out of the one-eyed witch's statue. Pleased with our progress, Sirius and I high-fived one another and ran back up to Honeydukes.

Once there, we told Remus and Peter about it as animals, and they were pretty intrigued as well. Remus told us to be responsible about it and don't sneak out all the time from there, but Sirius said that would take the fun out of knowing about the passage. Peter and I agreed wholeheartedly, and Remus sighed like he always did when we were being abysmally slacking. We didn't care though; Sirius and I chased Peter all over Hogsmeade, laughing in whatever way our animals laughed, and Remus ran behind us, trying to stop us. After a few hours though, Remus retired to the Shack, and the three of us went back to our dormitory, talking at top speed about what to do about our new passage.

And now, here I am, on my bed writing about all of this. I don't want to. What I do want to do is throw this book into the fire; I've been reading over some of my earlier entries, and I hate how I sound. I don't sound like me; I sound like some nancy boy, which is awful. I'm not a nancy boy! I am me, and the person I am is much cooler than I seem to be.

I am James Potter, and when Remus comes back from the Shrieking Shack in a few days, I'm going to throw something at him for giving me this diary; and I'm never going to write in it again.

A/N: Ah James, why can't you see that you like your diary? Don't be difficult. As for Miss Evans…she's in love. James was right. She's really not being a very smart girl at the moment, but at least she's not being a bitch. But yeah – this chapter was somehow rather difficult to write for me; it may just be me slipping into writer's block, but whatever. I hope you liked it. The next one is going to be rather interesting, I know that for sure, so review this one and I'll get that one up ASAP!