And so Sir Kurogane the brave, and most expensive of the knights, headed of to the south, towards the great swamp of Celes, where he hoped to find clues about the location of the Holy Feather that that bitch-God-Yuuko had instructed them to seek. He had picked up a retainer somewhere along the way, too, who did little but mope and bang his coconuts together as he galloped valiantly down the road.

Little did Kurogane know that he was gallivanting off into a great, epic conflict that was taking place in Celes Castle, also known as Swamp Castle, because, you see, it was built in a swamp for no apparent reason.

"One day lad, all this will be yours," King Ashura promised grandly, with a magnificent toss of his very shiny hair.

"What, the curtains?" asked his son, a blond-haired, blue-eyed beauty called Fai D. Flourite, a prince with a penchant for magic and song. Also, pissing people off.

"No, not the curtains. All that you can see, all this land, stretched out over the hills…" and as the King droned on, Fai tuned him out in favor of strumming his lyre and gazing hopefully over the horizon.

"But mother-" began Fai.

"Father," corrected Ashura. Fai hid a grin.

"Father, I don't want any of that!"

"Well then what do you want?"

"To just- SING!"

"Stop that, stop that," Ashura interrupted disgustedly. "Look here, I built this kingdom up from nothing. Everyone said it was DAFT to build a castle in a swamp,"

"It was," said Fai under his breath.

"but I built it all the same! Just to show 'em. Then it sank into the swamp. SO! I built a second one. That sank too. So then I built a third one. That burned down, fell over and then sank into the swamp. By this point, I was beginning to wonder if I should have gone with the icy real estate up in Mercia, but I built a fourth one because damn if I was going to give up now. And that one stayed up! And that's what you're gonna get, lad."

"Yes, yes," said the Prince with a breezy smile, "but I don't want any of that. I'd rather, rather just…. SING!" And Prince Fai burst into song.

"Oh stop that, stop that. Couldn't you focus more on the ruling-of-the-land and incredible-amounts-of-magic stuff?"

"I did," Fai said cheerily, "and I set the War Room on fire and created Chii."

"Oh, right, that's what happened. Selective memory, you know. Well, okay. In twenty minutes you're still getting married to that girl."

"But I don't want land."

"Look, Yuui-"

"Fai," he supplied.

"Fai, we live in a bloody swamp! We need this land!:"

"Well, you do, I don't. Besides, I don't like her. I want whoever I marry to have a certain special SOMETHING!"

"Goddamnit, stop that," Ashura flicked more shiny hair over his shoulder, "you're marrying her anyways. GUARDS!"

Fai snickered.

"Make sure the prince doesn't leave the room until I come and get him."

"Chii?"

"No, no. Keep the prince in this room, until I come and get him."

"Ah! Not to lave the room, even if you come and get him."

"No! Until. You, stay in the room, and make sure he doesn't leave."

"And you'll come and get Fai?"

"Yes."

"So Chii should just stop Fai from entering the room."

"No, no, look… Can I just get different guards?"

------

Shortly after this conversation, Kurogane had come within arrowshot of Swamp Castle. This was unfortunate for his retainer, because he got pierced through the heart by a seemingly stray arrow (decorated with pink feathers) that had a message wrapped around it.

Please save me! I'm on the top floor of Celes Castle!

"Goddamit," Sir Kurogane said, "I have to do this, don't I. The Princess'll be mad if I don't."

"Well, don't worry about me, Sir," said his squire valiantly, "please go on, nobly." And indeed, Kurogane walked off without further fanfare. "Wait…" the retainer was horrified, "I wasn't serious!"

------

"Alright, Yuui-"

"Fai,"

"Fai, let's go get you married."

" I won't go! I will wait for my valiant savior-"

"Is there a princess that needed saving here?" said Kurogane, deadpan, exactly on cue as he dropped in off a chandelier, covered in blood.

"My hero!" exclaimed Fai, hugging his arm tightly.

"Who the hell are you?" asked Ashura, "and did you just kill the bride's father?"

"Oh, did I? My b," the knight acknowledged, "I'm Sir Kurogane of the Very Very Very Round Table."

Two beats. Realization sunk in.

"OI! You're not a princess!"

"Nope, Kuo-puu! Now take me into the sunset!"

"Eh, you thought he was a girl? Happens a lot."

"GEROFF ME!"

"KURO-SAMA!"

"Well, we can't exactly have the wedding now, can we."

"I'm savED" Fai began to trill.

"STIOP THAT SINGING!" screamed Kurogane and the King together.

"Kuro-chan, finish rescuing me!"

"I'm not rescuing you!!"

"Oh yes you are," said the king, "now off you two go!" And seizing the opportunity, Ashura shoved them both on the chandelier and set them swinging off into the distance. Fai nearly impaled himself on a crystal spike, but Kurogane grabbed him, accidentally shearing his own arm off on the suspiciously fatal glorified lamp.

When the two lovebirds had escaped the castle, minus one arm, Fai began the proper introductions.

"Hi! I'm Fai D. Flowrite. You're Kuro-rin, right?"

"Kurogane."

"Well, I'm going to call you Kuro-kun."

'"No you're not!"

"Aw, Kuro-me, you're bleeding!"

"It wasn't my sword arm, I'll be fine." But Fai had other ideas.

"Yuuko-san! Yuu-ko-saaan!"

Accordingly, Kurogane flipped. "Not HER!"

"Not who, Sir Kurogane?"

"Ah, Yuuko-san! Pleasure to see you, as always," Fai said to the feet that had descended from the clouds. "Unfortunately, I got Kuro-chan's arm cut off, so I need to fix that."

"Oh, right-o, Fai-chan," Yuuko said, and a metal limb dropped from the clouds surrounding the Lady's slender ankles right onto Kurogane's head. "Here ya go. Just fuse it on with magic."

"Thanks Yuuko-san!"

"OW! And you're a damn mage, too? Dear god, because Yuuko wasn't enough…"

"Must be hitsuzen," said Fai cheerfully as he attached he replacement arm. "Now let's go, handsome dashing Sir Kuro-pi!"

Kurogane could do nothing but let out a groan.