A/N: All right, I'm getting kind of sick of a few of these pace comments – just relax! I know what I'm doing. I'm working with this angle because I need to set up for them getting together. I know just how I'm going to do it, but it involves Lily being vulnerable; I can't just make her that way without ruining the flow of the fic, so I'm building. Yes, so the last chapter was a little boring; I can promise that this one isn't though. So I hope you enjoy this; I may not get the next one up in a bit, but I'm still trying my best to type fast.

Songs to listen to:

Lily – I Need You to Love Me (by Barlow Girl), Worlds Apart (by the Veronicas; only available to listen to on You Tube), and briefly Breathe (by Michelle Branch).

James: Cry and How Long (both by the Veronicas – only available on You Tube), Everything I'm Not (The Veronicas – used for anger, not necessarily message the whole time), and Everything I Do (Bryan Adams)

Lily

April 30th

Dear Diary,

Today, I discovered two things; I discovered that James Potter definitely is one of those strange concoctions of nature, while the other is that we're not really meant to be together, like he always claimed.

You may be asking why these conclusions? Why now, when I'm so in love with him? Well, it's because of what was going on today – I'm really not clear on all the details, but I have a pretty good idea of what they were. See, it all started this morning, when I was walking to the Great Hall for an extremely late breakfast at ten thirty; I noticed James sitting on the last step in the Entrance Hall, looking rather glum. Seeing James unhappy was a new experience for me, since he's almost always flirty, hyper or both, and from what I saw made me realize that I didn't like it. I couldn't believe that I had the guts to do it, but I managed to make myself sit down next to him on the stair; my heart skipped several beats when I found how close we were to each other.

"Hey," I said softly. "Anything wrong?"

He looked rather astonished by my concern. "I suppose you could say that; why do you ask?"

"Would you rather I didn't?" I had no proper answer to that question, so it was best to just make him appreciate the vast amount of effort my actions were demanding.

"Of course not," he said, smiling. "But since you did ask, I guess I'm confused; everything seems to be happening at the same time."

"I know the feeling," I agreed grimly.

"Yeah, and I was just waiting for Regina here –"

"Regina?" I interjected. "You were waiting here for Regina?"

"Well, yeah," he said, giving me a befuddled look. "I had to speak to her about something, and –"

"I have to go now," I interrupted abruptly, standing up. "I-I'll talk to you later then, James." I didn't let him try to coax me back – I just ran up the stairs in the direction of my dormitory. I didn't want to talk; I didn't want to see him. I just wanted to be alone for a bit so that I could somehow convince myself that ending Regina's life would be a bad thing.

However, after what felt like ages of me sitting in my room, lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling and thinking about James, Leila walked in. In her hand was a box of fudge she had to have gotten from the kitchens, as well as two forks, a bottle of butterbeer, and two cups. She sat on my bed, and without a word, began to lay out the snacks. She poured me some butterbeer and took some herself too; it tasted amazing when I was feeling the way I was. I sampled a bit of fudge; it was quite tasty – the house elves had done well. Leila watched me eat for a bit, and then asked me, "Are you all right?"

I looked up at her grave eyes and bit my lip. "No," I said finally. "And I think I'm ready to tell you why."

"Okay," she said. "But if you don't want to tell me, you don't have to – you just looked upset, and I thought I'd better come up here and give you happy food."

"I do want to tell you," I confessed. "I need to tell you – I've kept it a secret, and now I just need to get it out. But don't judge me, all right? I feel bad enough as it is."

"I wouldn't do that, Lils," Leila assured me as she took a sip of her drink. "Now what's getting to you?"

I took a deep, steadying breath; I would feel better once I told her, I knew, but it was hard to do anyway. I bit my lip once more, and I whispered, "I'm in love with James Potter."

She didn't say anything; she just took my hand and squeezed it in her own. I could feel tears caused by things unknown to me in my eyes, but I knew I had to say something else, so I said, "I guess I always did – it's just that now I know for sure."

There was nothing Leila could say, and she was aware of it; she just stayed quiet, and I forced myself to go on. "I don't know what it is about him, Leils – he's just always there. Either he's in the same room, flirting, or he's in my head, and he won't get out. I'm obsessed with him, and the worst part is that I don't even know how or why. It just happened, and I don't know what to do about it. Everyone's been saying that it was only a matter of time before we got together, and I couldn't stand that because it's not possible to simply predict something as complex and gradual as love. Now it's come true, I feel like I'm falling apart, I don't know how people are going to react to it, and it's all just so bloody stupid; I wish it would all just go away and leave me alone because I was happy being alone, without loving him." By the time I got to the end of my babbling, my voice cracked; everything just seemed to fall down right then, as I was coming clean, but I had to keep talking – maybe I could escape whatever emotions were churning in my stomach.

"And now he's happy with that bitch Regina; I've missed my chance," I went on, feeling my sanity begin to slip away. "I was horrible to him when he gave me five years of chances because I'd never wanted to feel the way I am now, but since I'm here, at the bottom, I'm just confused and sick and want it all to end. Leila, is this love or is this just punishment for being cruel to him in the past?"

I was fully in tears now, and one way or another, she knew how to comfort me; she put her arms around me and hugged me tightly, still not saying a word. Our fudge and butterbeer lay forgotten on the bed; I just needed Leila at that moment – a solid human being to weep with – and there were no words to tell her how much I appreciated that she was with me.

After a few minutes of sobbing though, I wiped my face with my hands and accepted a tissue from Leila to blow my nose. I calmed myself down a little, and I asked her in a little more than a murmur, "Leils, I don't even know why I'm crying."

"I think you're just overwhelmed," she told me gently. "Love isn't always a sweet little fairytale, I know, but for now, I think you should just forget about him; you can deal with this later when you feel better."

"I can't not think about him," I said. "He's James Potter, Leila; keeping him out of my mind isn't as easy as it was at the beginning of the year."

"Do you want me to go get him for you?" she offered.

"No," I said automatically. "I think I'll live."

"Sure?"

"Yes," I said, feeling strong as suddenly as I had felt fragile. "For now, I'm just going to the common room, and I'm going to do my homework. When I'm done with that, I'm going outside for a walk. I need to clear my head."

"All right." Leila smiled at me. "You okay?"

"Now I am." I smiled back at her – my first smile of the day, just because I wanted to evade my moment of weakness. "Thanks, Leils."

"No problem." She patted my shoulder and began to clear up the fudge and butterbeer. I helped her, and when the job was done, I got out my bag and the two of us went down to the common room, like planned. Leila read her book while I did my homework, which was usually the case on our days off, and a couple of silent, thoughtful hours passed by that way. I was actually feeling relaxed; it was as though a great weight had been lifted from my chest, now that I had told Leila that I was in love with James. I didn't want to cry anymore; I knew I was going to be all right.

Then that's when the next big thing happened.

Leila and I were the only ones in the common room, and we had been for the last hour or so. We hadn't talked much for the entire time, content in our books; we hadn't been hungry either, after eating all the fudge, so we hadn't gone down to lunch at twelve, like we usually did. The air hung still, and I suppose I should have realized that it was a little too still. I didn't though, so when Peter, Remus, Sirius, James, and half of Gryffindor House burst through the portrait hole all of a sudden, you can imagine how shocked I was, or high off my seat I jumped. I only caught a quick glimpse of James striding off into his dormitory, but the rest of the Gryffindors were babbling excitedly; what was going on? I even saw Regina going upstairs, looking utterly pissed about something or another, but I couldn't connect with the situation – what was going on?

Leila and I quickly got up and went to look for answers, obviously. Leila went off to ask Kyleigh what had happened, while I sought out the rest of his quartet – Sirius, Peter, and Remus. I turned to Remus first, and asked him, "What's going on?"

"Nothing," Remus told me distractedly. "I need to find James. Ask Sirius and Peter – they'll tell you." With that, he left, and I was left to do what he said, which, of course, gave me no pleasure whatsoever.

"What happened?" I asked Sirius. "Tell me."

"It was bloody brilliant!" Sirius said eagerly. "Even you would have enjoyed that one, Evans."

"Enjoyed what?" I snapped.

"What James did just now," Peter clarified just as keenly.

"What did James do?" I demanded.

"Hysterical stuff, eh Pete?" Sirius laughed and high-fived his friend.

"Definitely," Peter agreed. "It's all anyone's going to talk about for the rest of the year."

"What's going on here?" I bellowed in both of their ears, tired of having them disregard me. "Just tell me what James did!"

Sirius faced me at last, the expression on his face rather mischievous. "Maybe…if you give me a kiss."

"Why would I do that?" There was no way on earth I would ever kiss Sirius, and he knew it.

"Because I have information you want," Sirius said simply. "And because you have some lip talent that I want. We both win."

"You sick toad," I accused him. "I am not kissing you. There are other ways of getting what I want." With that, I pulled my Peter coupon – my second to last of the coupons James had given me four months ago – and handed it to him. "Tell me what I want to know, Peter."

Peter made a face at me. "I don't want to."

"You have to," I said. "James said I could do whatever I wanted with these coupons."

Peter sighed. "Fine. C'mon; we'll sit on the sofas and I'll tell you what you want to know."

"I'll stick around to make sure you have it right," Sirius volunteered, as though this would somehow invoke pleasure from me.

With a resigned sigh, I allowed the two of them to take me to the sofas, and we sat down together. Peter ripped up the coupon to ensure I never used it again, and faced me, waiting for my outpour of questions, which I readily gave.

"What did he say? What did she say back? Are they really over? Does he still love her? Is she still in love with him?" I burst out. "Tell me everything."

"Well, they shouted a lot," Peter said. "It's hard to remember all the details, but he called her a bitch and broke it off quite publicly. He just ranted at her, refused to let her speak, and then slapped her across the face before just walking out of the hall. The Gryffindors followed him."

"Does he love her?" I was ravenous for information; I had a source who, while less than reliable, was close to James, and who was forced to answer my questions, so I was not going to waste the opportunity.

"Nah," Sirius took over. "Regina always had some weird obsession with him, but James never really loved her."

"Will they get back together?"

"No way," Peter said. "James won't let it happen. He's made it clear that he hates her and won't go within ten feet of her willingly. I don't remember exactly what he said, but I did hear your name mentioned a lot."

"Sirius, do you remember what he said?" I rounded on him instead, seeing as Peter wasn't giving me sufficient information.

"No," he said. "Nobody did; you'd have to ask him yourself."

"So they're really over?" I checked one last time. "He won't ever love her again?"

"No," Sirius said. "He's still in love with you, and you are still determined to hate him. Can't you just cut him a break and go out with him just one bloody time?"

I chose to ignore his request and said, "Okay. Is there anything else that you can remember?"

"No," Peter said impatiently. "Are we done yet?"

"Yes," I said, sighing once more as I realized that this was the best I was going to get out of them. "We're done; you can go."

"Thank you." Peter stood up, with Sirius following suit, and I rushed away to my dormitory. Leila was there, waiting for me, and her eyes were wide.

"So, did you find out what happened with Regina and James?"

"Yeah," I said. "Apparently, James did a lot of shouting and Regina did a lot of bitching; nothing unusual."

"Did they tell you…exactly what James said?" Her voice was tentative, the way it always was when she was betraying a secret.

"No," I said, instantly suspicious. "What did he say?"

"Well, I'm not really supposed to tell you this…" Her words trailed off, which illustrated her dilemma – she desperately wanted to tell me, but she had probably promised that she wouldn't.

I decided to simplify it for her by saying, "If you don't tell me right now, I'm going to curse you to oblivion; I think that it would be best if you just said what you were hiding from me."

"He said that he was sick of falling in love with bitches, and she was just one too many," Leila told me unwillingly. "Then Regina asked if you applied; he said yes."

That really hit me hard, and Leila was able to fully appreciate just how much because I had told her my secret earlier in the afternoon; he thought I was a bitch. Yes, he had called me that before (while I had been fully agreeing), but it was just different this time – I loved him this time, and I took his words to heart. From what little information I had from the spat, he had meant everything he'd said – including thinking I was a bitch. I couldn't deny it – I was in pain from that decision.

"Thanks for telling me, Leils," I said in a strangely emotionless tone.

"I don't even think he heard the question, Lily," she said, obviously trying to make me feel better. "He was busy glaring at Regina; he would have probably just said yes for the sake of saying it."

"That doesn't change the fact that he said yes," I said shortly. "But it's all right – I'm fine. I knew we were never really meant to be."

"Lily –"

"Bye Leils," I said shortly as I left the room, trying not to meet her eyes. "Thanks for everything – I honestly don't know what I'd do without you."

"Where are you going?" she asked as I got to the door.

"Outside," I replied. "For a walk."

"See you." She sounded sad, and for good reason; she had just told me that the boy I loved thought I was a bitch and watched me leave the room, pretending I was okay when we both knew I wasn't – what was she supposed to feel?

I did go outside, but the moment I did, I saw James; he was walking as well, but he didn't see me. He was smiling at the Quidditch pitch, actually – he didn't care about me. After all he'd said about loving me and wanting to be with me, that was all that would bring a smile to his face – his bloody Quidditch pitch. He seemed to be at peace; he had broken it off with one of his bitches, and he no longer had to worry about the other – his life was perfect now. He didn't have to pretend to care about me anymore; that was a plus for him, wasn't it?

I went back inside after a couple of minutes; I couldn't be in close proximity to James. I just couldn't; not after what he'd said. As I went back, however, I couldn't help but wrestle with the pain of the situation again, even though I was trying not to; every single day he had known me, James had said he would love me forever, no matter what I did, and though I do a generally horrible job of trusting that concept, I somehow always clung to it anyway – that was probably one of the reasons I was so bitchy to him all the time. Now that the everlasting love he'd said he would have for me was taken away, life just seemed flatter, more pointless – it had never been real, so nothing mattered anymore. I felt pretty cheated too; just when I had started to trust him, he turned around and took everything back, leaving me with nothing but emotions I didn't want. I couldn't bear that, but at the same time, I couldn't stop loving him no matter what he did, so I was almost like a prisoner to him, which I didn't like – not one bit. The whole business was quite tiresome, but I knew that I had no way out – I would have to somehow survive the rest of this year (with my O. W. L.'s in a few weeks – eep!), the rest of my summer, and then the rest of my life as well, just for kicks.

Oh please; just kill me now if that's the case.

James

April 30th

Dear Diary,

I did it! I finally did it! I broke up with Regina!

I feel like I can sing; I'm a free man! I can love Lily Evans the way I want now, because I don't have to worry about Regina being on my back; that was what I had wanted all year, and now it's happened! It was beyond amazing; I did it in the craziest way I could think of, and I think it was rather effective.

It all took place during breakfast; I went in early, to try to eat without Regina breathing down my neck, but to my tremendously hideous luck, she was there waiting for me already. She gestured for me to come join her, and I did, though unenthusiastically.

"Good morning, Jamesie," she crooned as she poured me a bowl of porridge. "Don't put this up your nose; eat it."

I recalled that incident with Sirius and the rest of the Marauders, and I grinned to myself. "Okay."

She smiled, patted my shoulder, and took a sip of her orange juice. I wanted to throw it all over her, but I knew it wouldn't do any good; I silenced the impulse with difficulty. I ate my breakfast in silence, letting Regina babble on for a few minutes, but then she asked me, "So do you want to go out tonight?"

"No," I said. "I have…other plans."

"Now you don't," she said simply. "Now your plans are going out with me tonight."

"Oh? And what makes you say that?"

"Me," she answered. "I make myself say that because it's true. Do you want to eat or shop?"

"Neither," I said, starting to feel a little indignant. "I'm not going out with you tonight."

"We can go out as a big group," she suggested. "It's Saturday after all."

"No," I said, firmer this time. "I have to go for a bit – find me in the Entrance Hall later." With that, I left; I needed some time to think about breaking up with Regina. It was going to be tricky, noisy, and rather messy, but it had to be done somehow; if I wanted any sanity for the damn O. W. L.'s later, I would need to break it off. I went to the Entrance Hall and sat on the steps, hating Regina more than I had ever hated Snivelly or anyone else. She was going to ruin me one day, that bitch; I had to do something about it.

While I was sitting there and brooding though, Lily Evans, of all people, came and sat next to me. "Hey; anything wrong?" she asked, her tone gentle.

I was taken aback; Lily never spoke to me at all, let alone ask me if I was okay. I pointed that out to her, and she asked me, "Would you rather I didn't?"

"Of course not," I said at once, smiling at her. "But since you did ask, I guess I'm confused; everything seems to be happening at the same time."

"I know the feeling," she said with certain bitterness.

"Yeah, and I was just waiting for Regina here –" I started to say, but I was cut off by Lily shouting, "Regina? You were waiting here for Regina?"

"Well, yeah," I said, my expression perplexed. "I had to speak to her about something, and –"

She didn't let me finish again; she just said, "I have to go now. I'll talk to you later then, James." And, just as abruptly as she had appeared, she ran off, leaving me wondering what the hell had just happened. I wanted to kick myself though; I'd said something wrong during the single time Lily ever talked to me willingly and normally. Granted, I wasn't sure what had upset her, but I still screwed it up; fate hated me – it really did.

I got up from the steps and went upstairs, restless. What had I said wrong? It kept bugging me; I didn't even know what had upset Lily so much. All I had started to say was that I was waiting for Regina; if she hadn't interrupted me, I would have told her that it was because I wanted to break up with her, but she hadn't let me finish. Why had she freaked out so much? I didn't understand it; it wasn't as though she was jealous or anything, because everyone knows that she definitely hates me – she wouldn't just fall in love with me one fine day and get jealous of any girl that stepped near me. She wasn't that type of person; I knew that.

Still, I had to do something. I decided to consult the Marauders; they were lounging around in our favorite empty classroom on the sixth floor, and I joined them, sighing.

"Hey you three," I said gloomily. "What's going on?"

"Sirius is telling us about something Kyleigh did the other day," Peter said.

"Yeah," Sirius said. "She's so damn sexy, that girl! I love her!"

"I tuned out," Remus said. "Once he started talking about how smooth her legs were, I decided there was nothing better in the rest of his banter."

"Oy, she has good legs," Sirius protested. "I can't help that!"

"Whatever," Remus snapped. "Can't you stop talking about sex and girls for even one day?"

"I'm dating a girl who's extremely sexy; how can I?" Sirius said heatedly. "When you find your own sexy girl, you know I'm going to listen to you, but for now, you're listening to me!"

"I've been listening to you rant about this subject since we were thirteen, which is more than sick," Remus pointed out waspishly. "I'm surprised you're not diseased yet!"

"This argument comes up a lot too," Peter told me conversationally. "You get used to it." Then he turned to Remus and Sirius, who were still fighting with each other, and said, "Oy! Shut up!"

"No," Remus and Sirius shouted back to him in chorus.

"You know, you guys do sound a lot like a married couple," I remarked. "When's that wedding going on, then?"

"I'm not a eunuch," Sirius declared. "I date girls, not blokes."

"I don't date at all," Remus said, narrowing his eyes at me.

"I know," I said, laughing. "It's not that big of a deal. Anyway, I'm having Regina issues – how do you break up with such a bitch? Sirius, you have experience; help me."

"You know, Regina is a lot like my twelfth conquest, Marissa," Sirius said knowledgeably. "Really clingy. I broke it off with Marissa really publicly – shouting at her, calling her 'bitch' more than her real name, not letting her talk at all; that kind of thing. She kept trying to get back together with me, but I just kind of skirted around her. Try that with Regina."

"That's cruel," Remus objected. "I think you should tell her gently."

"I'm going with Sirius on this one," Peter said. "Softness doesn't work on Regina Masters."

"I go with Sirius too," I decided. "Thanks, mate."

"No problem, mate," Sirius chirped, clapping me on the shoulder. "When are you going to dump her?"

"Today, at lunch," I said. "It's going to be explosive – I can promise that."

"Excellent," Peter said, grinning. "This is going to be cool."

"It definitely will be," I vowed. "But Remus, I have a quick question."

"Yeah?"

"Today, Lily randomly came up and sat with me while I was brooding about how best to break up with Regina, and when I mentioned that I was waiting there for Regina, she freaked out on me and left. What does that mean?" I asked, hoping I sounded casual.

"It means that she's not happy about you and Regina," Remus said. "But I must admit; that's rather odd. I can't see Lily getting too bothered about something like that."

"That's what I thought," I said. "What should I do?"

"Play it by ear," Remus advised at once. "You don't know what's going on, so just tread carefully. Break up with Regina today, as planned, but make sure you watch your words around Lily – watch her carefully and see if you can figure out what she was upset about."

"Why would he do that?" Sirius smacked the side of Remus's head. "If the chick is being bothered by something, you go and ask her about it directly, not watch her. This is why you can't get dates, Remus – you're terrible at female psychology."

"I am not," Remus said crossly. "You're only focused on the sex side; I'm focused on what they actually feel. Besides, with Lily particularly, you can't be too candid, because she's easily frightened off."

"So she's an easily frightened bitch?" Sirius snorted. "You really are awful at female psychology."

"Lily is not a bitch," I opposed. "She's beautiful, perfect, and brilliant; she's everything a girl should ever be."

Sirius yawned. "Okay, whatever. Now, I've been working my arse off trying to master these spells for the Map, and I think I've got them – do you guys want to do some more work on that tonight?"

"Sure," Peter said. "After James breaks up with Regina, we could work on the Map all night, to celebrate. Should I get some butterbeer?"

"Of course!" Sirius slapped his forehead with the palm of his hand. "Pete, it's required that we drink butterbeer during our Map work to stay awake long enough – why are you so thick?"

"Sorry," Peter muttered.

Remus flashed Sirius a filthy look, but said, "Have you finished drawing for the Map?"

"Yeah," Sirius said. "It's fantastic and astounding, so try to hold your applause when I show you."

I laughed, but Remus rolled his eyes. "As for you, James; have you mastered what spells you were going to do?"

"Yup," I said. "Sirius and I worked out that insulting spell too – it's pretty easy, actually."

"While I can't say I'm glad that you got it right, I do congratulate you," Remus said.

Sirius bowed mockingly. "Thank you, thank you. Prongs, Wormy; what do you two say to some celebratory ice cream from the kitchens – just because we can?"

"I say okay," I said.

"I say definitely!" Peter grinned. "Banana split, Sirius?"

"With mayonnaise?"

"Yeah!" Peter high-fived Sirius, and the two of them burst out laughing.

"You eat your ice cream with mayonnaise?" Remus inquired, making an utterly revolted face.

"Who doesn't?" Sirius asked as though Remus had completely lost his mind.

"Try normal people," Remus said in exactly the same tone.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Whatever; c'mon Pete and James."

"You want something, Moony?" I asked him.

"No," Remus said, giving Sirius another dirty look. "See you later then."

Sirius, Peter, and I waved at him as he left the room, and we went down to get some ice cream. Sirius and Peter did enjoy their mayonnaise-filled ice cream (I stuck to chocolate with caramel and peanuts) but all the while, Sirius gave me tips on what I should say to Regina. He said stick to calling her a bitch, keep your voice loud, make sure everyone can see/hear us, and don't let her get a word in, among many other tidbits. After a while, I had to just make him shut up – I knew what I was going to do, and after I was done, Regina Masters would no longer be my problem. I couldn't wait; freedom was so close, I could taste it, and I wasn't about to let it slip.

I went into lunch then, feeling a little nervous, but mostly excited; I was looking forward to being with Lily without having to worry about what Regina would think. I sat down in my usual spot with Remus, who had gotten there much before we had, and I engaged us four Marauders into mindless chatter; it was not only enjoyable, but I needed to be distracted so that when Regina came around, I would be ready to tell her off properly. And sure enough, after a few minutes, the Queen of Bitches herself arrived, smiling widely as she effortlessly pushed Remus to the side to sit next to me.

With a kiss on my cheek, she said, "Hey Jamesie. How are you?"

"I need to tell you something," I said. "And you have to listen to me."

"Of course I will," she said, batting her eyelashes. "What do you want to say?"

"I want to say that I bloody hate you!" I got out of my spot and stood up at my full height as I shouted; everybody within three feet of me turned and craned their necks to watch me yell at her.

"What? James, what is this –" she began to say, but I cut her off, like Sirius had told me to do.

"No! You think this is sudden, but it's not! It's been building ever since you first tried to make me like you!" I hollered. "I am sick of you dictating my life for me! I don't want you to tell me what to do and when to do it! It's not right, and it's not fair – I was always soft, just because I thought you'd have some bloody decency, but I suppose I was wrong!"

Everyone within a nine foot radius was now staring at me, and they only spurred my wild anger on further. I continued to yell in her shocked face, "I live my life the way Iwant to, not the way you want me to; you think you can control me, but you're wrong. Go give your goddamn opinions to someone who cares, because I'm not one of those people anymore. I'm sick of your shit, and I'm breaking up this one-sided relationship – once and for all, in front of the whole school."

"You can't," she said.

"I damn well can and will!" I screamed. "You're done messing with me, Regina; we're finished."

"We aren't." She rose as well. "You're still my boyfriend; no relationship is over until I say it is."

"Well, I'm one boy you can't order around anymore," I said coldly. "I'm done with you, and you're not going to be able to change that. I don't know why I'm always stuck with bitches on my tail, but I'm not going to take it – leave me alone."

"So are you saying that Lily Evans is a bitch?" She raised an eyebrow, challenging me. "I think she's in love with you, and you're definitely in love with her."

"Whatever," I said loudly, dismissing her statement in a fresh wave of inspirational rage. "But I'm done with you, at least, and I think I'm happy with that. Bye, bitch; we're through." With this, I stormed out of the Great Hall, not bothering to look back at a thunderous Regina and the crowd of cheering Gryffindors; I was elated on the inside, but I had to look pissed, otherwise all credibility would be lost.

I went straight to my dormitory after the extremely public break up; I flopped on my bed, euphoric. I was done! I felt liberated; I didn't have to worry about anything anymore! It was cruel, what I had done to Regina, and I felt vaguely guilty about it somewhere in the back of my mind, but at the same time, look what she had done to me – I couldn't possibly forgive her for any of it without being horrible. It was just a fact of life.

Just as I thought this though, Remus came up, looking worried. I looked questioning, and he got straight to the point, for once. "It's Regina," he said. "She's throwing a fit, but it's not like her other ones – I think you really hurt her today."

"I know I did," I said. "I meant to. She can't just order me around like she does – I mean, I'm in love with another girl and she tries to ruin what little I have! She's a bitch, Remus, and I couldn't take it. Nothing would work."

Remus sighed and said, "James, I know you love Lily, but there are times when you just go too far. There are certain things you can't do to get what you want, and what you did to Regina was one of them. Now, I'm not going to make you apologize, but I would think that if you had any maturity or humanity in you, you would go."

I considered what he said for a couple of extremely painful minutes before I said, "Okay. I'll apologize. But what am I supposed to say?"

"Just that you're sorry for being so public about your break-up," Remus said. "You're a good person, James – you're not as cold as Sirius is. Don't think that you are."

I exhaled, and said, "All right. I'll talk to her. Where is she?"

"She's in her dormitory," Remus told me. "Knock on the door and tell you have to talk to her. She'll come out – I'm sure of it."

"Okay." I gave him a worried half-smile. "Are you sure this is a good idea though?"

"Yes," Remus confirmed. "Good luck; she's pretty distraught."

I sighed once more before I got up and left the dormitory. I went to Regina's room, and sure enough, I heard sobbing on the other end. I knocked lightly and said it was me, and wondered if I could come in. She said no. I said I had to talk to her – calmly this time – and she opened the door to me. I was astonished to see actual tears in her eyes; it was a well-known fact that Regina never cried. However, I kind of liked that she did; it showed that she had an actual interior to her, and was more vulnerable than she seemed to be.

"Hey," I said softly.

"What did you want to tell me?" she asked with a hiccup.

"That I was sorry for being so harsh," I said genuinely. "See, I have no experience with breaking up with clingy girls – Sirius told me to do what I did, and since I didn't know what else to do, I listened. It was stupid and I really shouldn't have done it."

"What I'm about to say goes against everything I've worked towards for five years, so you'd better not tell anyone – I'll kick your arse if you try," she said. "But I really did like you. I came on strong because that's just how I do things; nobody ever said anything before you did."

"Really? No one ever told you why they broke up with you?" Regina was notorious for her reputation of Queen Bitch; had she really got no idea why she'd earned the title?

"No," she admitted. "You were the first. But I'm fine; I don't care. I'll get over it." She was being hasty just because she hated being open, and I knew that, but I also knew that Regina was a fighter – she would be fine, just because she said she was going to be.

I smiled. "Okay. And again, I'm sorry."

"Good luck with Lily," she said sincerely. "She's a bitch, but if she's who you want, go ahead."

That was as close as I was going to get to Regina being nice, so I laughed and said, "Thanks. I'll need all the luck I can get." And, just because Regina was all right when she let her tough exterior come down, I kissed her cheek before I left. I felt a little bit better after setting the record, but I knew Sirius wouldn't agree at all; he believed in slashing and the leaving the wound to mend itself – I preferred to cheat a little bit when I slashed, and tried my best to help heal it. I amused myself for a few minutes imagining what Sirius would say when I told him.

I didn't have to imagine for long though; once I was back in the common room, Sirius and Peter were lounging around, talking. I went to join them, and they laughed hysterically the moment they saw me.

"That was fantastic, Prongs!" Peter said, guffawing for all he was worth. "Congratulations!"

"Damn amazing," Sirius agreed. "You learn fast, mate!"

"I actually went and told her I was sorry just now though," I said, grinning apologetically at Sirius. "I guess I don't learn as fast as you thought, eh?"

Sirius looked as though he would blow his top, but then he said, "I'll deal with that later, but I feel you should know – Evans used her Peter coupon to interrogate him just now. You do know that you implied that she was a bitch when you were yelling at Regina, don't you?"

"I did?" I thought back, and realized that I had. "Oh damn; I did! She knew I would because I wasn't paying attention! Shit, shit, shit; what am I going to do? Does she know?"

"We didn't tell her," Peter said. "But we don't know if Leila told her – Leila was there, and I bet she'll think Lily has a right to know."

"Damn." I sighed. "What should I do?"

"I don't know," Sirius said. "Hope for the best, I guess; if Evans finds out, she'll kill you."

"I know," I said. "I think I'll go for a walk – that should help clear my head a little. I'll go admire the Quidditch pitch, how's that?"

"Go ahead," Peter said. "Sirius and I have to finish our parts for the Map – we're thinking of getting it done in about a week."

"Excellent." I grinned. "You guys work on that; I'll be in after about twenty minutes or so."

I walked out of the common room and out through the main doors, enjoying the burst of breeze that exploded in my face the moment I stepped outside. It was still chilly, despite it being nearly May, but I liked it – better cold than hot, I've always said. I began to go to the Quidditch pitch, imagining us winning the semi-finals in five days, and then winning the finals. It was possible, of course, but it would still be a dream-come-true – I loved winning the Quidditch Cup for Gryffindor. However, I wouldn't try to win it for the cup itself; I would try to win it for Lily. Though she hates Quidditch, she has Gryffindor pride; the cup would make her happy, so I would win it simply to see her eyes light up when she saw the final score. That made me smile just to myself; seeing Lily, cheering along with everyone else for me, was something I wanted badly, and may possibly get in a few days. I felt my smile get bigger, and I knew it was because of that prospect – nothing besides Lily could make me smile that way.

I continued to linger outside for a few more minutes before going inside and writing about everything that's been going on. It has, quite frankly, been a bit overwhelming, but I can't shake that feeling that something will happen soon – something I've been waiting for. Something I want. No matter what Lily does to me, I just have that intuition telling me, 'Hang on! She'll come around soon!' It's probably fruitless, but I'm trying to believe in the optimism, because if I don't, my life will be over – I have no life without Lily Evans. She'll return my love one day; she has to, otherwise I have no more reason to live. Melodramatic? Yeah, I know; it's just that this is true love – true love makes no sense, as a rule. She's everything to me; always has been and always will be.

You know, my mum used to tell me, "Don't let someone become your everything, because when they leave you, you'll have nothing." I suppose I just don't like to listen to directions, do I?

A/N: That last phrase was an icon or something like that; I liked it and I used it. But yeah, that chapter took me forever, just because I'm a procrastinator trying to find inspiration that refused to like me, but now it's done, and you'd better review so that I can write the next chapter faster. :P