Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers or any of the songs used in this fic.

Warnings: AU (Even more AU than usual. I think it borders on completely messing with your childhood, but it was needed for the plot. )

Author's Note: Thanks to all my reviewers. I love you all. This is not a songfic. He's listening to the songs. This chapter is going to break hearts, and make people hate me. Like always, any mistakes you point out to me will be fixed as soon as possible.

'thinking'

"lyrics"

Death

Blaster had gone out on a mission and he'd taken over as Comm Officer until the other mech returned. The cassette player had been skittish around him lately and Jazz had the sinking feeling the red Bot knew what had happened to his memory banks and back ups. Nothing that couldn't be fixed. Just like concocting a story about the mech he had loved and lost at the beginning of the war. A lover who was of the same model as Soundwave and Blaster. A story he told Bee while pretending to be overcharged to stop the scout from investigating further. Everything had a solution and a way out. He just had to plan more carefully.

"In flames of death's eternal reign we ride towards the fight"

One minute he was happily working and listening to his music, the next there was only silence. Around him and in his head, the sounds were still going strong. But in his spark the familiar sweet torture was no more.

'No, no, no, no… Primus no, not that… Anything but that… Please no…' – Was repeated over and over as he tried to stay still in the Communications Room.

A transmission came through and he fought the rising panic to answer it. Couldn't breakdown… Not now. It had to be a mistake. He was fine. He had to be. Oh, Primus…

He flipped the switch and Blaster's voice filled the room. Coordinates were given and then nothing. It was like a human movie set on fast forward. Autobots rushed to the place, but it was too late. And Jazz had to face the truth he'd been denying all along.

"Now here we stand with their blood on our hands. We fought so hard now can we understand"

Archrivals by creation. Always competing with each other. It shouldn't had been unexpected how their rivalry ended. Archrivals until the very end.

Around him, the others were mourning the death of a comrade… a friend… and Autobot. Jazz would've given anything to join them. Instead, his spark was breaking as he fought to not move… Not run to the lifeless shell and try to do something, anything to bring him back. This wasn't how it was supposed to end. Nevermind the fact that he never truly gave much thought into the future.

Stay still. Don't move. Ignore the insults they said of him. Don't look at him. Concentrate on your duty. Don't break down. Don't scream. Don't give up. Not now. You can't. Duty. All he had now was his duty.

"Death is all around us and my heart is beating weaker"

Nobody questioned him when he transformed and ran away. Everyone had their own way of coping. And if he didn't smile as wide or laugh as hard, no one said anything. Not even when he volunteered to relocate to the Moon Base. The war had finally caught up to Jazz after Blaster's death, or so they thought.

And the music continued around him. Talking, singing, laughing, crying. All around him. Again and again. Telling him that life continued with or without his Soundwave. And it got harder and harder to keep functioning. Going through the motions in a life everyday less worth living. Because all he needed was gone. All he wanted destroyed. And all he wished for now was to go and join him.

"I need to die to feel alive."