Self Defense
A Stargate Atlantis story by Deana Lisi. NO SLASH
Disclaimer: I don't own Carson, John, or anyone else on SGA.
This snippet takes place in the 1st season.

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"Ya want me ta what?"

"Hit me."

Carson blinked.

John sighed. He reached over and took Carson's wrists, pulling the doctor's arms up in a 'put up your dukes' gesture. Then, he did the same. "Go ahead; hit me, and watch what I do."

Carson looked unsure. "But I'll hurt ya."

"No you won't."

"Of course I will!"

John sighed again and lowered his arms. "Doc, how am I supposed to teach you self defense if you don't cooperate?"

"I'm tryin' ta!" Carson protested, arms still up. "I jus' didn' know that it would be a…a…a contact sport."

John rolled his eyes. He put up his fists again. "Listen, doc, take a swing at me!"

"Why can't I jus' hit a dummy?" Carson asked. "I won' hurt that."

"You're not hitting a dummy because a dummy can't fight back!"

Carson frowned, nervously. "Yer gonna fight me back?"

"I'm gonna show you how to block a strike!" John said, exasperated.

Carson blinked. "Yer gonna block it? So I won' actually hit ya?"

John nodded. "Right. Now just—"

Wham!

Stars erupted before John's face and he suddenly found himself lying on the floor.

"Major!" Carson exclaimed, throwing himself to his knees. "I'm sorry! I thought ya said ya were gonna block it! Are ya all right? How many fingers d'ya see?"

John just looked at him for a second. "Enough to know that you can defend yourself just fine," he groaned. He sat up and gingerly moved his jaw around, relieved to find it unbroken.

"I'm so sorry," Carson said again, guiltily.

John waved his hand in a 'forget it' gesture, and started to get up.

Carson helped him, dismayed at the mark that he could already see forming on the side of John's face.

John blinked his eyes a few times before putting up his fists again. "Okay, now, don't swing at me until I tell you to."

Carson sighed, but brought up his own fists.

"Okay," said John. "Now."

Carson swung, but as John started to block it, he suddenly ducked and backed up with a noise that sounded like, 'ack!'

"What? What?" said Carson, backing up himself. "What'd I do?!"

John, his arms covering his head, peeked out at him and straightened up. "You used your left hand that time! Why?"

Carson blinked. "'Cause m'right one hurts, now. Yer face is as hard as a brick!"

John shook his head, ignoring the ache caused by Carson's surprisingly strong right cross. "I was ready to block a hit from your right, not your left!"

Carson made a contrite face. "Oh. Sorry."

"Forget it, let's try again. Use your right hand, since it's your dominant one."

Carson nodded. "Okay."

"All right…now," said John.

Carson threw a punch with his right hand, and John effortlessly blocked it, sending Carson's arm flying off to the side.

"Wow," Carson said, rubbing his wrist. "Lad, ya did that so fast I barely saw it! Show me again?"

They did it a few more times, before Carson felt ready to try it himself.

"You sure you got it?" John asked.

"Aye," Carson said.

"All right," said John. "Here goes."

With that, he threw a punch.

Carson nervously raised his arm to block it, automatically taking a step back. However, he hadn't noticed that his shoe was untied, and that he was standing on the lace with the other foot. Off balance, he didn't fully raise his arm.

Wham!

John watched with shock as he knocked the doctor off his feet, where he crashed to the floor. "Carson!" he exclaimed, quickly kneeling. "Are you all right?"

The doctor made no sound, apparently unconscious.

"Oh crap," John said. He raised a hand to his earpiece, to call for a medical team, but hesitated. How am I gonna explain this? "Carson? Hey doc, wake up," he said, shaking him.

A few seconds later, Carson groaned.

John sighed with relief. "Doc? You okay?"

Carson opened his eyes with a frown. "Wha' hit me?"

John made a face. "I did. Sorry."

The doctor suddenly remembered what had happened, and to John's surprise, started laughing.

"Doc?" said John, wondering if he'd caused him brain damage.

"I h-hit ya by accident…" said Carson, laughing and talking at the same time as he tried to roll onto his back. "An' then ya accidentally hit me!"

John saw the humor in the situation, and chuckled.

Carson laughed for another second, before raising a hand to his head. "Owww," he said. He opened his eyes—the skin around the left one starting to swell—to see John cradling his jaw. "Lesson over?"

John nodded. "Yup. Hungry?"

Carson nodded back.

"Let's go get something to eat," said John, holding out a hand to help his friend up.

Carson took it and stood, wobbling his way towards the door. "As long as we stop for some painkillers first…"

THE END
Was that as funny as I think it was? LOL