Chapter 3: the truth
The carnival helped me forget the dream and what was waiting for me around the corner. I began to be uncomfortable, when was I planning to leave? Right now, I don't feel like leaving. I want to stay, with all my heart, and even think about leaving Alice, Esme, Emmett, Carlisle, Rosalie, Jasper, and……. Edward it's not what I want to do. It was hard to think about it; what would Edward do. I began to feel a little cheerful.
If I did leave, was it possible for Edward to become emo? I started to smile; vampires cannot become emos because if they wanted to cut themselves it wouldn't work. Either the knife would break from the strain of trying to break through their stone like skin or they would give up. Then my expression altered into a hysterical frown.
Would Edward go to the Volturi again? Would he try to die again? In addition, if I did leave and he went to the Volturi, wouldn't they… it scared me to think about it. When I left Italy, the Volturi wanted to kill me because I was human and I knew about their secret. So if I leave and Edward left to the Volturi and they found out I was still human and I am not protected anymore they would come after me. They would kill me. What if Edward killed me?
Why? What made me want to leave and now that I think about it die? What if Edward died and I was suicidal? Maybe that is why I left. To get away from the Cullens so I didn't have to think about them and Edward being dead.
I couldn't sleep for the next week I stayed up all night. When Edward would come through my window, I would pretend I was asleep and he would leave and then I would stop pretending and try to go to sleep. When I would eventually go to sleep, I would wake up from the nightmare. It was hard.
I asked Edward, "Can I go to La Push, today?"
"Yeah," Edward said, with a grin on his face because he's been wanting to go hunting for a while with the guys, so it made me happy too, to have him be happy.
Edward dropped me off at the borderline while Jacob waited with his Rabbit. I was thinking it would be easier to talk to Jacob about my dreams and my future.
It seemed like Jacob was happy to see me, it had been a while since I saw him last. When we reached Jacob's house he asked, "What do you want to do today?"
I looked away from him and said in a low voice, "I need to talk to you about something." Jacob seemed like he was not as cheery as his usual self after I said I needed to talk to him.
"What's wrong, Bells?"
I walked towards the beach to our pale white tree. When we got there I sat down looking at Jacob with saddened eyes, "Sit down, I need help." he sat next to me with listening ears, like he thought this was going to be a long story. I explained my dreams and the talk I had with Edward.
Jacob seemed amused from the thought of me leaving Edward and I was free, but I gave him a serious look. "I don't know what to do."
"Well, why would you want to leave the bloodsucker?"
"I don't know, but what if Edward did die," I said with my head down ready to cry.
Jacob grabbed my chin with his warm hands wiping my tears off my cheek with his thumbs. He whispered to me comfortingly, "I will always be here if you need a shoulder to cry on and I am sure Billy wouldn't mind if you stay with us for a while."
His words didn't help, but it was nice to let it all out; to let myself cry and talk about it. "Should I talk to Alice about this, Jacob? Should I ask exactly what she saw and when it will happen," I asked him.
"If that would make you feel better."
"Yeah, I think it would be better if I ask. It would make me more comfortable, maybe there was a good reason I why I left."
"That's good, then I think you should."
"Thank you, thank you so much, Jacob."
I called Edward to come pick me up, and take me to Alice. I said bye to Jacob with a smile. It seemed like Edward was happy, he hasn't seen me be this happy in a while. Edward turned down the music and looked at me with black eyes, I turned to face him and looked him in the eyes, but then he looked away I could tell in his eyes he had a question, but was hesitant to ask.
I forced it out of him asking, "What is it?"
"Why are you going to do it? I thought you weren't going to ever do it, well not for a while," he pleaded out.
I paused not wanting to answer his desperate question. I shifted to look to look at the scenery pass by me outside of the car at high speed. There was a long silence, "I…." looking for the right words, "I don't know, that's why I want to see Alice when we get home. I want to know when and how I did it."
"So you really going to go along with it and just change everything. You know I won't be happy about this."
"I know, Edward. But… " I paused, "it is something I must want, that is why I did it." When I finished my sentence Edward shook his head and didn't acknowledge my existence for the rest of the car ride.
We reached the house and Edward didn't look at me for one second and walked inside and straight to his room. When I walked in Alice came out of nowhere and scared me making me jump and scream. Alice laughed and walked me to the couch to sit and talk. I guess she saw me and Edward coming.
Alice grabbed my hand and asked, "So, what do you want to know?"
I hesitated and thought about Edward's reaction in the car and became confused. Why was Alice happy about me leaving? Did she really want me to leave? I was beginning to be mad at her. Alice saw my frustration and became confused herself.
She asked, "What's wrong, do you not want -"
I interrupted her and yelled with a red face and wide eyes, "Do you want me to leave, are you happy about me leaving?"
Alice's face calmed down and she looked away. She turned her cocked face to me and then she said, "You're leaving?"
I began to calm done myself, how did she not know I was leaving? I was beginning to get confused and my blood fell from my face making almost as pale as she was, "Then what did you see?"
She turned her face to a normal serious look, "What did you think I was talking about."
"Well, I have had dreams about leaving you guys and moving in with Renee in Florida and then you and Edward were talking and I thought," I paused to take a big breath, "so that made me believe my dream was going to come true and I was going to leave everyone."
Alice began to laugh at my explanation of what she foresaw. She finally stopped the uncontrollable laugh into a little chuckle to silence. I could feel the confusion on my face from her fanatical laughter.
By the time she stopped, she looked at me and explained, "So are you leaving?"
"No."
"That's what I thought. That is sad how you got to that conclusion. That is not what I saw. I saw you become one of us."
"You mean I have been worried about nothing this whole time," I started to laughed uncontrollably too with a big smile on my face. I could now relax because I was wrong. My dream was just a dream; I wasn't going to leave
"So what exactly did you see," I said my eyebrows reaching my hairline.
"I saw you gathering everyone in the house to tell us you came to a decision, you were going to become a vampire, one of us, the next day…"
"Really?!"
"Yes," she said with a big grin.