...But You Can't Make Him Solve Crime

Okay. That title's sort of lame. XDDDDDDDDDDDDDD But it makes me giggle anyway, and it's water related so...

Oh, and did I mention that there's a slight sense of morbid/dark humor in this fic? XDDDDDDDDDDd

Enjoy guys:DDDD

"This is where you've been working?"

Gus had met Shawn at the gates of WaterWorld in exactly twenty-five minutes, towel over one shoulder, in a t-shirt and swim trunks with a pair of flip-flops he seldom used on his feet. They were now walking over the bridge spanning the Relaxing River and Gus had just figured out what his best friend had been doing all this time.

"Yes, Gus. I told you this, like, four weeks ago."

"You said you were doing lifesaving work with water. This is not what I thought you meant."

Shawn scoffed. "What exactly did you think I was doing Gus? Non-profit work to set tap water free? Come on dude."

"If I had known you were applying to be a lifeguard I never would have written that reference letter," Gus said, shaking his head disbelievingly.

"Gus! That hurts me! Deeply."

Gus rolled his eyes. "Well if you're working, then I'm going to go get in line for the Tornado Twister. I haven't been here in forever, and I'm going to enjoy it."

"Mmm…that's going to be a problem," Shawn said.

Gus frowned. "Don't tell me they closed it down."

"Yeah. They did."

"Aw, man! That was my favorite ride! Why did they close it down?" he demanded.

"Well, they tend to do things like that when people go in alive and come out dead," Shawn said off-handedly and Gus' hand shot out, stopping him.

"Excuse me?"

Shawn glanced at the arm holding him back and then up at Gus' face. "Dead body," he said slowly, stretching the words into several syllables. "Exsanguinated to be exact."

Gus' face twisted in revulsion. "Oh my gosh."

"Yeah, it was pretty gnarly. Guy looked like he had been filleted. But on the upside, we're finally gonna have a real case! Just in time too. I'm starting to get really bored here, despite the ratio of attractive women, and it's harder than you would think to get fired. Letting someone drown was my last option. Now I can just quit!"

Gus scowled. "That's not funny Shawn."

"Oh, sure it is. In a really morbid, macabre, off the beaten path, Tim Burton-esque kind of way."

"Whatever Shawn. So what have you got on this theoretical case you've stumbled upon?" he asked.

"It's not theoretical Gus. It's reality." He bit the tip of his thumb. "I don't have much yet. A really dead guy, a hysterical girlfriend, a suspicious good Samaritan who was trying to sneak a ride on the Twister when the dead guy died, suspected embezzling that may or may not have anything to do with this case, and a co-owner/co-manager/brother who is really starting to look bad, despite a complete lack of evidence that he was even at the scene."

"So I take it you suspect the good Samaritan," Gus concluded dryly.

"Got that right. I just have to figure out how and why. I'm positive she was involved. I mean, I guess Claire could have had something to do with it, but the constant hysterical crying and the fact that the man was the father of her child and she seriously thought he was going to divorce his wife and marry her just sort of makes it...implausible."

"They had a kid?" Gus said disbelievingly.

"Oh yeah. Four-year-old. Cute little blonde girl. I've played with her in the kiddie pool a few times when Clarice brought her to work. Robbie was playing that whole two-families-in-two-cities angle, only without the 'two-cities' part."

"Wow. Well, good luck with that," Gus said, and clapped Shawn on the shoulder.

"What? What do you mean 'good luck'? I brought you in help me."

Gus snorted. "Please. I came here to have a good time, and I'm going to do just that."

With that, he took off, strides long and purposeful and his head held high as he pointedly ignored his best friend calling after him, "Gus! Gus, wait! I need you to work this case with me! Gus!"

Lassiter and Juliet were headed across the park toward the back where Shawn had pointed out the main office would be, keeping occupied by discussing what they had learned so far. "Those wounds were terrible," Juliet said. "I can't even imagine what could cause something like that."

"Yeah," Lassiter agreed. "It's definitely one of the stranger deaths I've seen."

"Do you think Bobbie Grinsley had something to do with it?"

"Well we've been here for over an hour and we've seen hide nor hair of the man, that's definitely suspicious in my book, especially considering the fact that he owns half the park. Wanna bet who gets everything when brother dearest dies?"

"True…"

"Hey!" Lassiter said sharply when a man bumped shoulders with him and as the man turned, muttering an apology, the detective's eyebrows knotted. "Guster?"

Gus looked up, his expression surprised. "Detectives. What are you—oh. Right. The murder."

Lassiter frowned. "What are you doing here, Mr. Guster?"

Gus smiled smugly. "I'm taking the day off from work to enjoy some fun in the sun."

It was then that the detectives realized that the usually immaculately dressed pharmaceutical rep was wearing nothing but a pair of swim trunks. Juliet couldn't help being impressed. He was very well built. "I wish I could enjoy this place," Juliet said, her tone belying her envy. She caught Lassiter shooting her a look out of the corner of her eye and amended quickly, "But this murder has to be solved first. It's very important that we figure out who did this."

Gus nodded understandingly. "Shawn said something about some guy dying on one of the rides. Terrible."

"Aren't you here to be Spencer's little go-fer? I thought he needed you to interpret his 'visions'," Lassiter said.

Gus snorted. "Please. I'm enjoying myself today. If he needs me, he can find me on one of the rides. It's not every day I get to go to a water park for free."

"Free?"

"Shawn got me a pass. I'm sure he expected me to help out, but he was sorely disappointed, I can tell you that."

Lassiter almost smiled at that. "Well you have a nice day, Mr. Guster."

Gus smiled. "Thank you. I will."

"Be careful," Juliet added.

They began to move around one another when Gus paused, raising a hand. "Wait. Exactly how did this guy die?"

"We're not sure yet," Juliet admitted. "He bled out from a slit throat though."

Gus made a face, fingers brushing his own neck. "…You...have a nice day Detectives." Great, it figured it would be the one thing that could ruin his day. Damn Shawn.

Shawn had a feeling that the good detectives of the S.B.P.D. were going after Bobbie, the hermit brother, and he had to admit that the man's apparent disappearing act was a little suspicious. The fact that Clarice and Josie had been the only ones around when Robbie died and the murder weapon, which had fallen off of the tube, had up and vanished, was raising serious red flags for him though. And thus the girls were being bestowed with the honor of his suspicion.

Particularly Josie, because he found it hard to believe that, talented actor or not (and Clarice was neither), it was probably more than a little difficult to cry for over an hour straight without pause without having something (like the violent death of your lover) to really cry about.

And despite the police's current desire to wait and see whether or not the murder weapon was caught in the pool filter, he had seen the filters that they were talking about and there was no way, unless this murder weapon was really freaking tiny, that it was stuck in the filter. Which meant that one of the girls (coughJosiecough) had retrieved the weapon and stashed it somewhere between the time Robbie's body was pulled out of the water, and the time he, Lassie, and Jules had arrived at the site.

He had a strong suspicion that the girl's devious plan had gone horribly wrong somewhere along the line if she had made it this obvious that she had been involved, though he couldn't be sure in what way. So his first goal of the investigation was to find that weapon before Lassie and Jules released the witnesses and they tried to dispose of the weapon more thoroughly. He was currently perched on the planter just outside the chain link fencing surrounding the Twister pool, watching appraisingly through a hole in the tarp as Juliet, who had just reappeared a few minutes ago, bent to get an update from the diver. A smirk was crawling its way across his lips when—

"Spencer! What do you think you're doing?"

Shawn turned, pasting on his most convincing, Who, me? grin. "Dillon!" he exclaimed cheerfully. "What am I doing? Well, actually, I was just checking out this hole here in the tarp, I think some kid got up here and stuck his finger through or something—"

Dillon, one of the senior employees of the park (who tried his hardest to be the bane of Shawn's existence and rarely succeeded), glared at him, hands on his hips and said irritably, "Aren't you supposed to be working at the Wave Pool right now? Does Robbie know you're—"

"Oh, he knows." Technically, it was sort of true. Okay, so that might be more of a lie. Who was he kidding? It was one of his biggest, of like, the last month. Not including the whole "psychic" thing.

Dillon's pockmarked face crinkled with suspicion and just a titch of disbelief and Shawn smiled his most winning smile. "Is there something you need me to do, man?" he asked innocently and his inner grin only broadened when Dillon flinched at the word 'man'. "I'm totally free. Technically, I'm on my break."

"No," he finally grit reluctantly. "I don't need anything. Just—get off of there. What kind of example are you providing for our customers climbing all over everything?"

Shawn leapt down and grinned again. "Oh, dude. Sorry, I didn't even think about it."

"Yeah, well, do next time." And with that final (and really pathetic) attempt at a dig, he turned and stalked peevishly away. Shawn rolled his eyes. Could he help it if he was more attractive, more clever, more funny, more...well, everything than that walking geek-fest?

Now to find that murder weapon...