WARNING!: This chapter contains boys kissing (yes, they finally kiss, sorry for the spoiler). If you don't like that idea, then leave this story. Although really, if you don't like boys kissing, then how the hell did you get this far into the damn thing anyway?

As always, please READ & REVIEW, people. It makes me happy.

And extreme thankies to lovemaykill for giving me fanart, and making me get off my lazy ass and write another chapter... all for the promise of more fanart.

Chapter Seven

Growing Up

Time passed, as time normally does, and Reno grew three inches taller. He helped save Rufus from assorted murder plots and kidnappings, got a pay rise, was very happy about said pay rise and exchanged maybe four words per day with his partner.

He also met Amber.

Amber was a secretary. Tall, leggy, blonde and incredibly flirtatious, Amber made it well known that she had a soft spot for the newest Turk. Reno took one look at Amber sauntering into work in a black leather mini and made a new best friend.

Rufus hated her, as was to be expected. After all, she distracted Reno from his work, and thanks to her, he was coming in late six days out of seven, an extremely stupid grin on his face. He told himself that those were his reasons, his only reasons, determinedly ignoring the little voice in the back of his head that told him the real reason for his hatred of Amber was that Reno had barely any time to talk to him anymore. Reno had been the first friend he'd ever made, and now he seemed to be moving on. It hurt. A lot. But not quite as much as the thought that Amber was sharing Reno's bed, while he could not.

What Reno wasn't going to share was that with her blue eyes, blonde hair and sweet smile, Amber looked like a more approachable, female version of the boss Reno had hoped she'd get him over. But his stupid crush on Rufus lived on, determinedly pointing out how nice Rufus' hair looked this morning with the golden sunlight glancing off of it as he climbed out of his car. He also couldn't help noticing that Rufus had that haunted, exhausted look back in his eyes. Wasn't he sleeping any more? Evidently not... The guilt pricked at him relentlessly every time Rufus' dead eyes flickered over him flirting with Amber on his break, every time he walked past the two of them stealing a quick kiss during their break.

It was around this time that Reno started to hang around bars, forcing himself to get legless so as to block out the guilt, the desperation to just grab Rufus and apologize, kiss him over and over and till everything was better again. But he could never do that. Sometimes he hated Amber.

He was drunk when Rude walked into the squalid little bar he'd hidden himself away in, and told him quietly that Amber had been kidnapped. Reno barely understood him at first. His head was swimming in that pleasant way that could turn nasty at any moment, and hey, this was, like, the most Rude had ever said to him, ever, eh!? Weird. But wait, what? Amber? He lurched out of the bar, leaning on Rude for support. Shit, shit, shit! If she was killed, who'd he have to help deal with his crush on Rufus?

They wouldn't let him go on the rescue mission, of course. He could barely stand, let alone swing an EMR without falling over. He knew he wasn't imagining the disgust in Tseng's eyes, and for a brief moment, he felt sick with himself. Then he just felt sick. He spent ten minutes throwing up after Tseng and Rude left with a bunch of Shinra soldiers. After five or six cups of coffee, he started to feel slightly more sober.

Which was just as well, because Rufus walked in then. Ice blue eyes swept over his huddled figure, the coffee mug held in desperately shaking fingers. Rufus only hesitated a moment before dragging Reno to his feet and into the elevator. He wrapped his arms gently around the shivering Turk, trying to warm him up. "I'm sorry, Reno," he whispered, not even sure what he was apologizing for, but knowing the words were necessary all the same. Reno burrowed his head into Rufus's shoulder. "Shouldn't it be me sayin' that?" he muttered in reply, shivers of an entirely different kind racking his body at the feel of Rufus' arms around him. He squirmed closer, praying that no one else would enter the damn elevator. But it was after three, and most of Shinra had gone home. Reno was suddenly horrified. No matter how bad the day had been, at the end of it, Reno could always escape to his little flat, and forget about what he'd done that day. Rufus lived here. There was absolutely no escape for him.

Reno lifted his arms and wrapped them around the blonde in return, raising his head and snuggling as close as humanly possible. He heard Rufus give a little gasp, then he copied Reno's motions, snuggling closer, clinging on to Reno for dear life. He didn't think he'd actually been hugged since his mother died when he was five. He shuddered, pushing away the memory of red blood streaked through spun gold hair, a crumpled body and, oh, gods, Mama, get up! Please! Don't leave me here... alone...

Twisting his fingers through hair as red as his mother's blood, Rufus rested his cheek on Reno's shoulder, the bridge of his nose just touching the other's neck. Reno tilted his head to look down at him, startled. Rufus had a strange, distant expression on his face, pained, bitter, locked up in memories it didn't look like he wanted to remember. Reno hugged him closer, wishing he knew how to chase the memories away. Maybe if he could, Rufus would smile more often...

The two boys stumbled into Rufus' apartment, hands clinging desperately to each other. The door closed with a quick click and the wrath of the housekeeper would definitely be upon them, because they didn't even think to spend precious moments taking their shoes off before they collapsed on Rufus' bed. Neither intended to do anything, just hold one another until the shuddering faded, the memories went away. The last time Reno had seen anyone looking as worried and lost as Rufus,when he was in the foster home, and he'd been looking in the mirror. But... he didn't want to remember the foster home. Not ever. At least not until he got around to going back and burning it to the ground, hopefully with the carers still inside. Gods... Mr Gunnersun and his wandering fingers... Reno's body shivered convulsively, making Rufus clutch him closer, breathing harsh in his ear, searching for something to say that would make it feel better. But his brain was still, all his control and restraint gone as he just clung to the slender, hard muscled body lying half on top of him, threading his fingers over and over through blood red strands, trying so hard not to remember... He realised with horror that his eyes were wet.

Reno felt Rufus' tears against his neck, and propped himself up on one elbow, brushing his fingers across Rufus' eyes with surprising care. His fingers slowly drifted from the closed eyes down to caress Rufus' cheek, sliding the ball of his thumb across the soft lower lip. The motion was entirely innocent. He just wanted to know what it felt like, the silky smoothness of Rufus' skin sliding gently beneath his fingers was amazing. He'd never been allowed this close, and he doubted anyone else had either. It was a heady feeling, to know he was the first to be let this near.

The blonde shivered one last time, then lay still, his face relaxing, all the tension fading from his body. He didn't have to think... didn't have to remember anything... just focus on the feel of Reno's slightly callused fingers running over his face, curious, and so, so gentle. No one had ever been this careful with him before, not even the half forgotten mother. She'd always been distracted, shouting at his father, or talking on the phone to her friends. Even her embraces were different to the one with Reno. It had always felt like she was just doing her duty as a mother when she wrapped her arms around him, and often she'd still be snarling at his father over his shoulder.

Reno... He was being so careful. For once, Rufus held someone's attention entirely, and he loved it. He shifted slightly, opening eyes as blue as the winter sky to stare up at the redhead. He could taste the beer on Reno's breath, smell the slight hint of sweat that clung to him, as well as the aroma of blood and death that always seemed to follow Reno. For a second, he was afraid, the memory of blood in golden strands returning to him, then he smiled, slowly, sweetly. Reno killed for him. He'd never do anything to hurt him. But... Amber. A slight frown puckered the golden brows, wrinkling the smooth skin between them.

"Amber...?" he whispered, feeling as drunk as Reno had been, hazy, unable to focus on anything entirely, except for the soft feel of Reno's fingers tracing the contours of his face. But he still wanted to know. How could Reno be sleeping with Amber, know she was missing and probably dead, and still touch him so gently? It wasn't fair.

Reno drew in a shaky breath, his fingers stilling on Rufus' face. "I... don't know. She doesn't really mean anything. She was... just to forget. But I don't want her to die because I was using her." His words feel heavily into the still between them, making Reno wish he could just stuff them back into his mouth and run out the door, probably screaming in horror. What was it about Rufus that made it impossible for Reno to lie to him? It just wasn't fair. At all.

Rufus' frown deepened. Reno had stopped tracing his face, and he could think more clearly now... even if he was craving Reno to start again. "What did you want to forget?" he asked quietly. Somehow, neither of them could talk above a murmur. Everything felt delicate, fragile, and this atmosphere, the intimacy could all come tumbling down with perfect ease. They had to be careful.

Reno couldn't meet his eyes. Bluey-green orbs were instead drawn to the pillow beside Rufus's head, where part of his blood-red ponytail had fallen over strands of now-disheveled golden hair. It looking so perfect there, red and gold against the pure white of the pillow and Reno felt a stab of longing. He wanted to stay here, maybe forever, just quiet with Rufus, breathing the same air as him, feeling the warmth of his body beneath Reno's. A faint flush touched his face at that thought. It was the beer's fault. The beer was making him think like this. But coffee and tension had done its work, and while he was far from sober, the beer wasn't that much of an influence anymore.

Rufus tugged lightly on the handful of red hair he had in his grasp, drawing Reno's attention back to him. "What did you want to forget?" he repeated, locking eyes with him. He saw the flicker of indecision, of longing in the Mako-tinted depths, and the breath caught in his lungs. So... he felt it too. And now Rufus actually felt seventeen, felt curious, unsure and desperate. He wanted to find a way to end this tension, to regain control of the situation. But he had nothing, no balance, no power here. He was totally out of his depth, trying to learn how to swim with concrete blocks on his feet. It was all up to Reno.

Reno wasn't sure. He wanted to kiss him, so, so bad, but Rufus was just lying there, staring up at him with an unreadable expression on his face. It was strange, they were the same age, but they were so far apart in terms of thinking and experience that neither ever really knew what to expect. "Reno?" Rufus murmured in a husky whisper, blue eyes flickering down to his mouth then back up to his eyes again. "What are we going to --"

Reno lost what little control he'd had to begin with, and kissed him. His lips were so soft beneath his, and those pale, elegant hands clenched in his hair, sending spikes of pain down his scalp as he gently moved his hands to shift Rufus' head slightly, tracing the blonde's lower lip with his tongue, smiling slightly as he heard a soft moan catch in Rufus' throat. He bit gently at Rufus' lip, silently asking for him to open his mouth. Rufus, of course, had no idea what he meant, so Reno slipped his finger under three layers of clothing to brush over his lower stomach. Rufus gasped sharply, and Reno slipped his tongue into the other's mouth.

It shouldn't have felt so good, considering how Reno still tasted of beer... But he'd always expected Reno's kisses to be sharp, savage and over quickly, there one minute and gone the next. He'd never thought that Reno could make him ache with longing as his tongue slid slowly over his, exploring his mouth with the same care as his fingers had on his face. Beer should not taste so sweet.

Reno lifted his mouth from Rufus', and expected Rufus to scream at him, hit hit, order him out of his apartment and out of his life. Instead, Rufus pulled his head back down for another kiss. Long minutes passed, neither of them feeling anything but the feel of their mouths against one another, soft hair trickling through gentle fingers, and Reno's body pushing Rufus back into the mattress. Finally, everything slowed down, and they just lay there, Reno's head on Rufus's chest as he ran the fingers of one hand through his hair. The other hand was intertwined with one of Reno's.

Reno was the first to speak. "Why are you so obsessed with my hair?" he mumbled. Not the best question in the world, but focusing on anything larger than those gentle fingers was currently impossible. He felt numb, hazy. Happiness would catch up soon, along with it terror.

Rufus gave the question all due consideration. "Because it's pretty," he said finally, the most mundane answer he'd given in over a decade. "And it feels good. Do you want me to stop?"

"No."

They lay there for what seemed like hours, silent, fingers threading through red hair over and over, lulling reno to the edge of sleep, until Reno's cellphone rang and Tseng regretfully told him that they'd found Amber's body beneath a bridge, raped, with her throat slit.

For the second time, Rufus held Reno as he cried. But his tears weren't really for Amber, as monstrous as that was, but because that moment of silence with Rufus had been perfect, and now it was gone.