Perverts, Freaks, and Lovers
Perverts, Freaks, and Lovers
By: Crack God (used to be Aoshi Master of the Kodachi)
Chapter Three (Chapter 3)
So Far:
Sasuke and Naruto left the village to train. Kakashi is super perverted and pops into Sakura's room for his perverted reasons. Sakura gets really mad and yells that she will kill her sensei and blame it on Rock Lee. Kakashi leaves only to have Lee show up. Then things got sappy.
Lee was about to ask Sakura out, but he fell from her window and had to go to the hospital. The next morning, Kakashi popped into Sakura's bathroom right after she had her period. Sakura beats him up, so he too has to go to the hospital. Then the konoichi gets her next mission, a mission that has meeting Sasuke on the line.
"Do you really mean it, Kakashi?!" Sakura asked her sensei in an excited tone.
"Of course," Kakashi sensei simply replied. "But if Gai, Neji, Tenten, or Rock Lee spot you while you're spying on them you will fail the mission. What I want you to do is to find out Gai's training methods to see if we're training harder than they are or not. But keep in mind that this is an 'A' ranked mission and it won't be easy. You'll definitely need to use your sneakiest jutsus if you plan on passing this mission."
"So if I get caught I automatically fail, right?" Sakura questioned in an eager yet worried tone.
"Not necessarily. If you get caught you will have to defeat Gai and all of his students in a fight, you against all three of them at once. If you manage to win the fight you'll pass and if you lose you fail. However, I strongly suggest you to be extra careful because the odds of you winning against all four of them is extremely slim, almost like finding a needle in a haystack," Kakashi answered. "I already informed Gai that you'll be spying on him for an important mission. But the thing is that he doesn't know when or where you'll show up."
"But, at the same time, if I pass you will definitely take me to see Sasuke, right sensei?" Sakura blushed.
There is no way in hell that I'm going to miss an opportunity to see Sasuke! Cha! I'm going to pass the mission no matter what it takes! I don't care if I even have to KILL Rock Lee, as long as I pass. Cha!! Inner Sakura exclaimed in a joyful rage.
"Correct," Kakashi stated. "I'll give you an hour from now to learn any new jutsus that you think you'll need. The mission is over at five o'clock this evening, so keep that in mind."
"All right," said Sakura. "See you later, Kakashi Sensei."
With that Sakura darted out of the room. Her feet skidded across the slippery floors in the hospital. She leapt out the exit, but tripped and fell over the door that she had pulled down earlier. She sprang back up and sprinted towards the village's library, clouds of dust munching away at her heals.
Sakura squirmed through the crowds of people in the streets. She slithered amongst the villagers until she finally reached the library. She entered to find that it was pretty much vacant except for only one, two, maybe three other people.
The kunoichi paced herself over to the 'ninja' section, which was towards the back of the library. She pulled out a dusty red book from the bookshelf that was entitled 'Advanced Jutsus for Jounin Missions'. This is great! Sakura exclaimed in her head. I should find the perfect jutsu for my mission in this book. However, If Sakura had read the label towards the bottom of the book's cover she probably would have torn it into a million pieces and if she read who the author was she would have burned down the whole library. For the label read 'jutsus inside may cause you to feel sexually uncomfortable. Ninjas, especially kunoichis, that hate perverts should NOT read this book or perform the complex and powerful jutsus inside this book.' And on top of that the author was none other than Kakashi.
Sakura randomly flipped the book open to page eighty-seven. The heading read 'Transparent Concealment Jutsu' and the sub-heading read 'Only for Kunoichi'. Then Sakura read on, ignoring the illustration that showed how to perform the jutsu.
She read: Using your left hand, point your middle finger straight up. After exactly three seconds also raise your index finger and place the edge of your thumb at the base of your middle finger. Using your right hand place your other index finger into the air. Right after two seconds turn your right hand into a flat position, then place it over your left breast. Squeeze your left breast to activate the transparent concealment jutsu. The jutsu will make your body completely transparent and will completely mask all noises you make as well as your smell.
What the hell! Inner Sakura gasped. What in hell kind of jutsu is this? Cha! If perverted shit was in something like this there should have been a warning label on the cover or something. And who is the author anyway? There's no way that I'm going to squeeze my left breast for a freakin' jutsu! Cha!!
But I only have another half an hour left to prepare for the mission! Sakura, not Inner Sakura, thought. I'll just have to take the damn jutsu. After all, its effect is just what I need for the mission. I'll just have to practice it until I get it. And if I have enough time afterwards I'll practice some different jutsus.
Sakura flicked off the nearby books (using her middle finger) with her left hand. Three seconds later she also raised her index finger on her left hand and rose her left thumb so that it barely touched the base of her left middle finger. Then she raised her index finger on her right hand into the air. After two seconds she flattened her right hand. Finally, she placed her right hand over her left breast and then, well, squeezed.
A slight haze of mist covered Sakura's entire body. Instantly she turned transparent. However, five seconds later the jutsu failed. Argh! Sakura thought to herself. I trusted this stupid book, and yet it repays me by this! But, in the same way, if I want to see Sasuke again I HAVE to pass the mission, no matter how……… disturbing the jutsu is. I'll just have to try it again and again until I finally get it.
The kunoichi repeated the bizarre and perverted hand signals for the jutsu. This time the jutsu lasted for eight seconds until Sakura expanded, then slowly deflated back to normal.
"Again," Sakura said aloud while she repeated the hand signals for the jutsu another time.
This time the teen-aged girl became completely invisible, but a strong and disgusting odor that resembled a mix between rotten eggs and a nearly deadly fart from a constipated cow released into the entire room. She quickly canceled the jutsu.
Tick………. Tick………. Tick………. Click………. Tick………. Tick……….. Tick………. The old fashioned, non-digital, clock in the library ticked annoyingly. The kunoichi with emerald eyes only had four measly minutes until her big 'A' ranked mission officially started.
Okay, this is my last shot Sakura thought in her aching head. If this try fails then I'll have to go into the mission without it. Remember, Sakura, this entire mission is for Sasuke.
The pink-haired kunoichi performed the jutsu's hand signals for the final time in the library. She thought about Sasuke and how badly she missed him. Then a cloud-like mist glazed over her body, as she became completely transparent. Sakura waited a moment. Nothing happened; the effects from the jutsu didn't wear off or produce a nasty smell. Sakura had mastered the Transparent Concealment Jutsu!
The girl quickly canceled her newly learned jutsu. She darted out of the library with only two minutes to spare. Now the question was where were Gai, Lee, Tenten, and Neji.
Sakura sprinted into the road, but she accidentally ran into Shikamaru. "Sorry," Sakura apologized. "I'm in a hurry, so would you happen to know where Gai and his students are?"
"Umm, I think that they went to go train near the forest," a confused Shikamaru replied.
"Thanks," Sakura said in response, then hurried towards the forest.
What's up with Sakura today? Shikamaru thought to himself. She's normally extremely angry with everyone except Sasuke, so why is she acting kinda nice today? I guess she probably just got over her period or something.
Once Sakura reached the edge of the forest she could hear Gai's voice. "Okay, my youthful students," Gai sensei spoke. "Today you are going to be practicing your meditation skills. Now which one of you can tell me why we meditate."
"Ohh, oh!" Rock Lee excitingly said while jumping up and down, his hand raised in the air. "Pick me, pick me!"
"All right, Lee, why do I have all three of you meditate?" Gai sensei asked with an almost creepy smile.
"You have us meditate to preserve and possibly enhance our wonderful youthfulness!" Lee boomed the answer out of his mouth.
"Correct, my pupil whom in which is full of youth," Gai replied in response. "Now I want all three of you- Tenten, Lee, and Neji- to start your meditation now. I'll make sure that nobody is spying on your meditation skills."
Oh, great! Sakura sarcastically said in her head. Gai's already on patrol, looking for me. I just have to remember that seeing Sasuke is at stake here. If I remember that and my new jutsu I should be fine, and I won't even have to take the chance of fighting anyone in a battle.
Sakura silently crept into a nearby tree painstakingly slowly so that she wouldn't make a sound. Chakra was to precious to waste in a time like this, so she would wait to use the jutsu until she needed it. Then she hid within the leaves, finding a perfect spot for spying.
Immediately, Gai sensei turned to look at the tree Sakura was in. Then he started to walk towards it. Sakura's instincts forced her to start the hand signals for the transparent concealment jutsu. But, before she could activate it with the left breast squeeze she saw that Gai was only petting a brown wild rabbit at the very base of the tree.
Since when did Gai sensei like rabbits? Sakura asked herself. But then again, what if the rabbit isn't a rabbit? What if it's just Neji transformed as a rabbit, and the Neji meditating is just a big fake, and Gai is telling him where I'm at? But then who is the rabbit? Oh no! What if I'm the rabbit just disguised as myself? Now Sakura had a really bad headache. But if I'm the rabbit then who is me? And how can Neji and I both be the rabbit at the same time? And who would Gai sensei be? Okay, Neji is the rabbit, and the rabbit is me. That means that I must be Gai, therefore making Gai into Neji, right? Wait! The rabbit is Neji, Neji is Gai, and I'm the rabbit while at the same time the rabbit is me!
Sakura thought about the rabbit for a LONG, LONG, LONG, and SUPER LONG time until the time was half past four o'clock in the afternoon. By now the kunoichi had an enormous headache. Tenten and Lee had stopped meditating for a few minutes now, but Neji hadn't stopped yet.
"Tenten, Lee," Gai sensei spoke, now with the rabbit in his arms. "I want you both to climb a tree while holding this youthful wittle-little bunny. But the catch is that you can't talk to the cute wittle-little bunny during the whole time."
"But, Gai sensei!" Lee protested. "That's impossible not to talk to an animal with such great youthfulness!"
"I know it will be hard, Lee," Gai spoke, tears washing over his face. "But you must be able to overcome any challenge to be a truly great ninja that is bursting with youthfulness. Tenten, you can go first."
Gai put the rabbit in his female student's arms. Then Tenten walked towards a tree far away from the one that Sakura was in. In a spit second she climbed the tree while carrying the rabbit, without talking to it, and jumped back down to Gai.
"Tenten!" Gai exclaimed. "Where did you learn to control yourself around youthful animals like that?"
"I guess I'm just focused," Tenten sort of lied. She didn't have the heart to tell Lee and Gai that any normal person could have easily performed that task. (lol, any normal person)
Next, Gai gave the rabbit to Rock Lee. He then walked over to the tree that Sakura was in and instantly talked to the rabbit, "You're such a cute wittle-little bunny! Yes you are, yes you are!"
Hurriedly, Sakura performed the hand signals for the transparent concealment jutsu and activated it by squeezing her left breast with her right hand. She watched as Lee climbed the tree, but every time he spoke to the bunny and would have to start over again.
As soon as the kunoichi's watch tuned to five o'clock, Sakura bolted down the tree and headed for the hospital. After she was fairly far away from the forest, she canceled the jutsu to save her chakra. She had actually passed her 'A' ranked mission!
Well, that's the end of chapter three. I would like to use this space to apologize to the people I told that this chapter was going to be posted Friday, March 10th 2006. I was unable to post this at that time because my parents were around all day, and I'm only 13 so if they caught me writing this I'd be grounded for life. Anyway, thanks for reading and please review!