Perverts, Freaks, and Lovers
Perverts, Freaks, and Lovers
By: Crack God (used to be Aoshi Master of the Kodachi)
Chapter Five (Chapter 5)
This chapter is dedicated to: Rolland
Thanks for giving me that fox idea for this chapter, Rolland!
So Far:
Chapter 1: Sasuke and Naruto left the village to train. Kakashi is super perverted and pops into Sakura's room for his perverted reasons. Sakura gets really mad and yells that she will kill her sensei and blame it on Rock Lee. Kakashi leaves only to have Lee show up. Then things got sappy.
Chapter 2: Lee was about to ask Sakura out, but he fell from her window and had to go to the hospital. The next morning, Kakashi popped into Sakura's bathroom right after she had her period. Sakura beats him up, so he too has to go to the hospital. Then the kunoichi gets her next mission, a mission that has meeting Sasuke on the line.
Chapter 3: Sakura visits the library and learns a perverted jutsu (for her mission; which is to spy on Gai and his students) inside a book that was written by Kakashi himself, although she didn't know whom the author was. Then the kunoichi starts her new mission. Oddly, when she sees a rabbit while spying on Gai and his students she gets so confused she can't even think straight. Luckily, she managed to pass the mission without being caught.
Chapter 4: Neji starts planning on how to reach Sasuke in order to fight the Uchiha, when suddenly Gaara appears. Sakura beats up her perverted sensei so badly that Kakashi has to go into the hospital's life support room. Several of the nurses witnessed Sakura almost killing her sensei, and now Sakura has to go to court. Neji and Gaara started to fight, but their skills were nearly equal. To try to finish the fight quickly, Neji uses his sixty-four points of divinity technique, but Gaara also had something up his sleeve and challenges Neji's attack.
Okay, now to get on with the chapter. Before I get into the victor of Neji and Gaara's fight or Sakura's court case, I'd like to take you to the island where Sasuke and Naruto are on. But don't worry, I'll get to those other things in this chapter. Enjoy!
Night was just starting to peek its face out over a small subtropical island in which Sasuke and Naruto were on. The fox boy had been asleep for the entire day, exhausted from the training he had endured the day before. Sasuke, however, was still training. The Uchiha didn't dare go to sleep for the risk of having those dreams, yes, those dreams where…. It's just to disturbing to explain, but I'll try anyway. Those dreams were mostly about the emerald-eyed kunoichi paired up with it, yes it, the freakish ninja who wore that hideous green spandex jumpsuit and that had those huge bug eyes, and that soup-bowl haircut with the bushy eyebrows. Yes, it was just horrible. Every time Sasuke closed his eyes all he could see was Sakura and Rock Lee going to bed together…. Along with Gai sensei!! Even the thought of it was starting to burn Sasuke's eyeballs. (AAAGGH! MY EEEEYYYESS!)
Just don't think about it, Sasuke. Thinking about it will only cause the pain, Sasuke thought to himself. But what if that really is happening right now! But, then why do I even care? It's not as if I like Sakura or anything.
Don't be thinking that, you know you wish that it was you in her bed right now, a voice said inside Sasuke's head (inner Sasuke, in which I shall refer to it as of now).
I don't like Sakura!
Yes you do! Now just admit it, or do you really like seeing Lee, Gai, and Sakuraall in the same bed? Huh?
No I don't! If Lee and Gai are going to sleep together they don't have to bring Sakura with them!
Since you LOVE Sakura so much, why don't you go over to her place, kick Lee and Gai out of her bed, and then sleep with her yourself?
Because I don't love Sakura!
If you're going to lie to someone, don't lie to me, because I know that you have a boner right now since you're thinking about your girlfriend! OOOOOOOHH! (…unnecessary info, lol)
It's not from thinking about her, okay! It's just from… puberty!
Puberty? But you already went through that when you were 13, so why would you, being 16 now, be experiencing it again, huh? Like I said, If you're going to lie to someone just don't lie to me!
Baka! Just leave me alone!
The conversation within Sasuke's head lasted for a few more minutes, ultimately ending with Inner Sasuke leaving for the rest of the night.
The dust had now completely fallen from the battlefield where Gaara and Neji had fought. The winner was clear, Neji was unconscious upon the ground. Gaara had won, but his injuries were severe, and even though he had won, Neji wasn't hurt nearly as bad as Gaara was. Blood soaked into Gaara's clothes, while Neji's chakra had simply been drained by Gaara's attack to the point where he fainted, but the Hyuga had no injuries at all. Gaara's right arm was completely shattered. The bones had been snapped and chakra couldn't flow through it. But, despite these severe injuries, Gaara had beaten Neji in the battle.
It was now morning on the island, and Sasuke collapsed from frustration of his inner self, which had just come back seconds ago.
Naruto was just waking up, when he felt that something furry was brushing up against his skin. Was it Sasuke's legs? No, Naruto knew that the two had grown to hate each other even more (Also, for all intents and purposes, Naruto also knew that Sasuke had recently shaved his legs). But then what could it be?
Naruto fully opened his eyes. What was before him was a sexy kunoichi named Sakura, her long pink hair touching his shoulders… okay I lied! What really was before Naruto was a beautiful, female fox. (No, not a fox as in a female human, but a fox as in the wild animal that is in the canine family.)
"Umm, hello, Great Nine-tailed Fox Demon," The fox said in fox language, and oddly Naruto could understand it. "The clan of foxes has been reduced to only a few hundred since your downfall, and we have grown weak. If we want the clan of the foxes to survive then we must produce stronger offspring. So the clan sent me to find you, so that we, together, could reproduce and keep the clan alive."
Naruto confusingly gazed at the wild fox. "What does reproduce mean? And what are offspring?"
"Don't play stupid, Great Nine-tailed fox," the wild fox stated.
"I'm serious here," Naruto whined. "And I'm not the nine-tailed fox. Only the spirit of the nine-tailed fox is inside me, believe it!"
The wild fox took a moment to ponder in thought. Then, the fox said, "Just have sex with me so we can restore the fox clan!"
"But I don't know what sex means!" Naruto barked out the words. I mean, how stupid could a sixteen-year-old boy possibly be?
"Just take off your pants and put your penis in," the fox said in an annoyed tone.
"What do you mean by in?" Naruto questioned.
"You're such a loser!" the fox growled. "I can't believe that the spirit of the Great Nine-tailed Fox had go inside you! Just fuck me, dammit!"
The wild fox grabbed Naruto by the heel will its teeth. Then the canine dragged the blonde over behind three or four large bushes. Next, the fox tore off all of Naruto's clothes. Yeah, you know what happened next.
"Rapist, rapist!" Naruto screamed like a little girl. "Rapist, believe it! Rapist"
"How the hell do you know what rapist means if you don't know what reproduce means?" the fox said in between groans and moans.
"I…uhh…. Okay, okay!" Naruto managed to say. "All right, I don't know what rapist means!"
"Just do your part so that this can be over with!" barked the fox, which didn't bother to even tell Naruto that he was using the word 'rapist' correctly. (Yes, the fox was raping him)
Sakura was in a large room with several rows of chairs and the back a large wooden desk in the front. Sitting at the desk was one old man to the left and several other people towards the right; they were the judge and jury for the Ninja Court of Law.
Before the kunoichi had noticed, the trial had started.
"Sakura, did you or did you not severely injure your own sensei, Kakashi?," the judge asked.
"Umm… uh…," Sakura choked. Then the doors in the back of the room bursted open, followed by several people walking inside, including two ninja wearing green spandex.
"Free Sakura! Free Sakura! Free Sakura," Lee cheered. "Sakura's innocent! Free Sakura!"
"That's right, Lee! Let's show these people what youthfulness can do!" Gai sensei spoke.
"Free Sakura, free Sakura," Tenten said in a semi-enthusiastic tone of voice. "Free Sakura…"
"Hn… yeah, whatever," Neji said, not injured in the least bit.
"Sakura's innocent, I tell you," Lee spoke. "She's innocent because she was on a date with me last night when Kakashi was said to be assaulted!"
"What the hell!" Sakura exclaimed. "I would never go out with a bug-eyed freak like you, Lee!"
"Okay, I'm leaving for a quick break so I can go suck my pet cow, Sweety-weety-tweety-swucker," the judge said, getting up and walking towards the exit.
Suddenly, Lee's love for animals and his love for Sakura mixed together into a single feeling. "Judge, sir, I will not let you suck your pet cow until Sakura is ruled innocent!" Lee hissed, blocking the judge from going any further.
"But I want to suck on Sweety-weety-tweety-swucker really, really, really badly, damn it!" the judge whined. I mean nobody, yes NOBODY, has the right to tell someone not to suck on their lovable pets, especially pet cows named Sweety-weety-tweety-swucker.
"No cow sucking will be prohibited until my youthful cherry blossomed Sakura is ruled innocent," Lee roared at the judge.
"Just let me suck on my fucking cow, damn it!" the judge retaliated. "Now let me through or I'll kill Gai sensei!"
"Nobody is going to kill Gai sensei just to go suck on a cow!" Neji burst out suddenly.
"Lee, save me! Save me, Lee! Save me from the evil cow sucking judge!!" Gai sensei shrieked as if a giant, bloodthirsty snake was about to gulp him down with just a single swallow.
"Don't worry, Gai Sensei! I'll protect you and your youthfulness!" Lee heroically stated.
"Lee!"
"Gai sensei!"
"Lee!"
"Gaaii sennnseiii!!"
"LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!"
"GAAAIII SENNNNNNSSSEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!"
"Okay, okay!" the judge yelled in frustration. "Sakura, you're innocent!"
"Yaaaaay!!" Lee and Sakura exclaimed, neither noticing the judge sneak away to go suck on Sweet-weety-tweety-swucker.
And with that Sakura was free to go. Now the only problem was how she was supposed to reach Sasuke.
That's the end of chapter five. If you didn't notice, I changed the rating from T to M for obvious reasons. Yeah, please review. I put some randomness in to see if it would add more humor, but please tell me if you think that this chapter was better than the others with randomness and all when you review! REVIEW, please!