Perverts, Freaks, and Lovers

Chapter Six (Chapter 6)

By: Crack God (used to be Aoshi Master of the Kodachi)

Dedicated to: the warmth of the Afterglow

A/N: Hello, my youthful fans! About my user name, should I change it to something more along the Naruto side of anime? Rurouni Kenshin is my favorite anime, but I enjoy writing Naruto fanfics a whole lot more. Let me know when you review!

In the last chapter: Sasuke had disturbing visions about Sakura, Lee, and Gai all in the same bed. Gaara won the fight, but he was injured a lot more than Neji. A fox raped Naruto. The judge for Sakura's trial ruled in her being innocent so he could leave to go suck on his pet cow named Sweety-weety-tweety-swucker. Yeah, that's pretty much it.

It was towards noon the next day on the island where Sasuke and Naruto were. Sasuke was just starting to wake up, hearing Naruto's whining.

"I feel so violated!" Naruto complained. The female fox had finished with him only about five minutes ago, so Naruto's clothes were still off.

Sasuke's eyes flickered open fully only to see a purely horrible sight. "What the hell!" Sasuke exclaimed. "Why are your damn clothes off? And more importantly, how the fucking hell is yours so fucking big!"

Naruto hastily shielded himself from Sasuke's bulging eyes. "A freakin' rapist fox just raped me!"

"Do you even know what those two words even mean?" Sasuke glared with words.

There was a pause before the blonde-haired ninja spoke. "Of course I know what they mean, believe it! And why were you even looking a second ago?"

"No I wasn't!" Sasuke retaliated in defense with a lie. He really didn't mean to look, it was just there.

"Well, a fox raped me, believe it!" Naruto whined.

"You're such a loser!" Sasuke replied. "Why would anyone want to rape you?"

"The fox raped me so that her clan of foxes could produce stronger offspring," Naruto answered. Then both Sasuke and Naruto heard rustling in the bushes. The blonde sprang in and then came out with the rapist fox.

"See!" Naruto said. "I told you a fox raped me."

"Once again, do you even know what that word means?" Sasuke questioned.

Naruto quickly whispered to the fox, and the fox barked back. "It means to force someone to doing it with you!" Naruto said in a triumphal tone.

"Do you even know what 'doing it' means?" Sasuke asked.

Suddenly the fox jumped down from Naruto's arms and growled at Sasuke. "You better leave the Great Nine-tailed Fox alone or I'll kill you! And yes, I DID rape him to produce stronger offspring!" said the fox, but Sasuke couldn't understand it because he didn't know the fox language. The fox waited for Sasuke to reply, but he didn't so the canine lunged its teeth into Sasuke's most sensitive part. Two seconds later the fox was gone.

Rock Lee was joyfully skipping down to the village's dairy shack. He was just about to make a chocolate cake when he discovered that he was out of cheese. (And no, he was not making a chocolate cheesecake. He was going to make a plain and simple chocolate cake with cherries on top.) So there Lee was, skipping down an old dirt path heading towards the dairy shack.

"I love Sakura! I love Gai sensei! I love Tenten! I love Neji!" Lee youthfully sung while skipping towards the dairy shack. "I love Neji! I love Tenten! I love Gai sensei! I love Sakura!"

While the youthful ninja was singing, he saw Gai sensei, skipping along the path as well. "Gai sensei!" Lee youthfully exclaimed. "What brings you out here?"

"Oh, I was making popcorn when I realized I was out of milk, so I'm going out to the dairy shack!" Gai exclaimed.

"I'm going to the dairy shack as well!" Lee said. "I was making a chocolate cake when I realized that I was out of cheese!"

"I love you, Lee!" Gai blurted out.

"I love you to, Gai sensei!" Lee said with tears running down his face.

"Lee!"

"Gai!"

"Leeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

"Gaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiii!"

"LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"

Before Gai could say another enthusiastic Lee, his green-spandex-covered student ran into a pine tree… that was covered in lots and lots of sap. Upon further investigation, Lee and Gai realized that the sap… let's just say that the sap wasn't sap. Instead of being a yellowish substance it was pretty much white- but it was still sticky. (if you don't know what I'm talking about you're a LOSER. What was on the tree was semen, damn it, semen!) Instantly, Lee's spandex pants were covered in the white, sticky substance.

"Oh no!" Gai sensei exclaimed. "My youthful student is covered in the semen of an evil tree!" Gai pulled out a handkerchief made of green spandex to wipe the semen off of Lee, but when getting the handkerchief his pants fell down, revealing that he did not wear any underwear

Kakashi was now out of the hospital and he seamed to be doing just fine. Now he was walking down an old dirt path, heading towards the dairy shack. Kakashi was just smoking his crack like usual when he realized that he was out of strawberry ice cream. Then, through the trees along the path, he saw Gai sensei, so Kakashi called out, "Hey, Gai! What brings you out here?"

Kakashi walked down the path and then he saw the most horrifying sight he had ever seen. There was Lee, covered in semen. And over him was Gai, his pants down touching the ground.

"Gai!" Kakashi exclaimed. "Stop molesting you're pupil! God! And put your pants on this second!"

"It's not what it looks like," Gai pleaded.

"I only ran into a tree covered in semen, so the Gai got his handkerchief to try to wipe it off, but then his pants fell down!" Lee defended his sensei.

"Whatever, I don't care!" Kakashi said. "Just put your pants on and I won't tell anyone!"

Gai quickly dropped the handkerchief and pulled his pants back on. "Thank you, Kakashi! But, really, what the boy said was all true!" Gai replied.

"I don't even want to know," Kakashi said in response. Then he walked past the seen and on towards the dairy shack.

Soon Kakashi reached the dairy shack and he opened the door. Big mistake, Kakashi sensei! Guess who was behind the door, just guess. If you guessed a steaming mad Sakura you're wrong! If you guessed a huge bowl of crack you are correct….. okay, unfortunately you're actually wrong. What was behind the door was the judge for Sakura's trial.

"Why the fuck are you sucking on a cow!" Kakashi questioned in a what the fuck tone of voice.

The judge slowly removed his mouth from a rather large utter that belonged to a really, really smug looking cow. "Damn it! Can't a guy just suck his cow named Sweety-weety-tweety-swucker in peace!"

"Okaaaaaaaaaaaay then," Kakashi said. "I'll just go and take some strawberry ice cream and be on my way then."

Kakashi walked over to a rather large freezer while the judge vigorously sucked on his cow. Kakashi opened the freezer and found a transparent carton of ice cream labeled strawberry. Kakashi's high looking eyes widened in pure horror. The great copycat ninja shrieked louder than a defenseless Naruto. (And trust me, a defenseless Naruto shrieks unbearably loud.) What was so terrifying about the ice cream was that it… it was…. Damn it! It was freakin' pink! Yes, the horrifying color of cherry blossoms and death and despair and death and cherry blossoms and death and evil and death and death and death and vindictiveness and death! Mwahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

And no, I'm NOT joking. Aoshi Master of the Kodachi- I mean Kakashi, right, Kakashi is now fucking scared of the color pink.

The door swung open to the dairy shack and in came Sakura. "Pink!" Kakashi exclaimed. "Her hair is fucking PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!Save me from the PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!"

(Yeah, I think I over did the pink thing, but such is life when you fear pink- I mean such as life when Kakashi fears pink, yeah that's right, KAKASHI AND NOT ME! Crack is fun!)

"What the fuck!" Sasuke exclaimed. "Why the fuck did that fucking fox bite my penis! Baka! BAKA! BAKA!"

A/N: So that's the end of the chapter. Personally, I didn't think that it was that good. And, this time seriously, I'm really not on crack… I think, at least. Yeah, so anyway, about my user name thing. Should I change it to Master of Crack, King of Crack, God of Crack, or something completely different. Review and let me know what you think. Oh, and I'm a boy if didn't notice so don't suggest feminine names, or gay names 'cause I'm a homophobic. (I'm afraid of freaking gay people okay, that's why I'm afraid of pink-I mean that's why I made Kakashi afraid of pink, yeah Kakashi's afraid of pink, NOT me.)

Anyway, please review and let me know what you think. Also, should I expose and describe Sakura's breasts? My sister said that was too much so I'd like to know what you think. Please review! REVIEW!