Perverts, Freaks, and Lovers
By: Crack God
Chapter Seven
Dedicated to: The warmth of the Afterglow (again)
In the last chapter: Naruto tried to convince Sasuke that a fox had raped him, but Sasuke wouldn't believe him so the fox came and bit Sasuke in his most sensitive part. Kakashi had completely recovered from the hospital, so he decided to visit the dairy shack. On the way there he saw a horrifying sight; Gai sensei molesting Rock Lee! Kakashi went his way and pretended the horrifying think never happened. Once in the dairy shack he saw the judge sucking on his pet cow. He pretended not to notice and went to the freezer to get strawberry ice cream, but he shrieked in terror because it was pink. Sakura came in and Kakashi was even more terrified because of his student's pink hair.
Now on with the chapter!
"Kakashi sensei, stop it!" Sakura complained. "You're hurting my ears!"
"Moo!" said Sweety-weety-tweety-swucker.
"But you're hair! It's pink!" Kakashi sensei shrieked.
"It has always been pink, you jerk!" Sakura stated. "And why are you sucking on a cow, judge?"
"Let me suck on my cow, damn it!" the judge whined.
"Okaaaaaaay then," Sakura said. "Kakashi, when are you going to take me to see Sasuke?"
Suddenly the ground shook as if an immense earthquake was in action. They were coming. Sakura just had to open her big mouth and say the name 'Sasuke' so now they were all done for. The damn fan girls were coming. "SASUKE- SASUKE- SASUKE-," the rabid fan girls chanted. "Where's our Sasuke? SASUKE- SASUKE!"
"Sakura, how stupid can you be!" Kakashi questioned, gaining his sanity. "You know that Sasuke's fan girls have gone extra crazy since he's left. If they attack they can destroy the entire planet!"
"I- I didn't think they would hear us if we were in the dairy shack!" Sakura exclaimed in anger.
"Are you stupid, girl?" the judge/ cow-sucker asked. "The fan girls have always had super hearing abilities in order to seek out information on Sasuke! Now I'm going to die and not be able to suck on my cow and it's all your fault!"
Then the door to the dairy shack busted open and shortly after all of the walls fell down. Kakashi let out a whimper as he lost his sanity again; over three fourths of the fan girls were wearing pink!
"Kill them!" Ino battle-cried, leading the rabid fan girls. "Kill them and Sasuke shall come back!"
"KILL, KILL, KILL!" the rest of the fan girls echoed back.
"You don't have to kill them!" Sasuke's voice spoke. "I'm right here!"
"SASUKE, SASUKE, SASUKE, SASUKE, SASUKE, SASUKE, SASUKE!" the fan girls exclaimed in joy. They all, including Kakashi, Sakura, and the judge/ cow-sucker, turned around to see the black-haired Uchiha.
The fan girls darted at Sasuke at speeds unheard of. Sasuke quickly tuned around and ran for his very life.
"How did Sasuke get here?" Sakura asked Kakashi after he and the fan girls had disappeared from sight.
"I don't know," Kakashi sensei stated. "He still should be training with Naruto on that one island that is rumored to be the home of some nasty little foxes- but that's just a rumor. I have scouted the island a million times and all I could find were lizards, rabbits, and of course marijuana."
"You put Naruto on an island that is growing marijuana!" Sakura exclaimed. "He'll be dead before you know it!"
"Naruto is too stupid to even know what marijuana is," Kakashi replied.
"That's probably true," Sakura agreed with her sensei.
"LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Gai sensei's voice shouted. Then Gai appeared and noticed Sakura and Kakashi inside the wrecked remains of the dairy shack. "Oh, Kakashi, do you know if the fan girls got Lee yet?"
"Umm… The fan girls were after Sasuke, not Lee," Kakashi told Gai sensei.
"No, Lee used a transformation jutsu and turned into Sasuke," Gai stated.
"But Lee can only use taijutsu," Sakura commented.
"…… Oh, you're right! I completely forgot. Then where is Lee?" Gai questioned.
"I'm right here, Gai sensei!" Lee exclaimed, popping out of the earth's crust. "The rabbit did it- the cute and youthful little rabbit transformed into Sasuke and lead the fan girls away from my cherry-blossomed Sakura."
Now on the island, it's bee a few hours since the fox bit Sasuke. Sasuke was sleeping and Naruto was exploring. The fox boy had mapped out the island in his head and he knew where everything was. However, today Naruto got bored pretty quickly, so he headed towards the place. Yes, the place where it grew.
Naruto rummaged through the bushes until he found his garden of the very special plant that could have its leaves be turned into something wonderful. Yes, it was Naruto's prized garden of marijuana.
Naruto pulled his marijuana-making tools from his pocket. He then grabbed some of the plants' leaves and got to work to make his marijuana ready. And to think that Kakashi sensei had actually trusted Naruto on this island with marijuana.
Within a few minutes the marijuana was ready. Naruto pulled out his lighter and burned one, inhaling every precious fume that was resulting from the smoke. Before anything could stop him, Naruto was in his own little world.
Then Sasuke suddenly appeared. He took a leaf and prepared his own Mary Jane. "I love you, Mary Jane," Sasuke sang to himself. "I love Mary Jane! Oh, Mary Jane! Mary Jane! Mary Jane! Mary Jane, oh you're the only drug for me! But Lady Crack is fine as well! Mary Jane! Mary Jane! I love my precious Mary Jane, oh Mary Jane!" Sasuke continued to sing as he smoked his precious marijuana.
End of Chapter Special
The warmth of the Afterglow calmly sat on a bridge in Kohona. Patiently, she was waiting for the next chapter of Perverts, Freaks, and Lovers to be posted. Suddenly, a little rabbit hopped by her.
"OHMIGOD!" The warmth of the Afterglow exclaimed. "What a youthfully youthful little bunny wabbit! It's soooooo cute! I so totally want it!"
"Did I hear someone say 'youthfully youthful'?" Lee asked, suddenly appearing on the bridge next to The warmth of the Afterglow. Then he noticed that the person was a girl. 'There's a girl who enjoys youthfulness!' Lee thought. 'I must have her be my girlfriend!"
"Umm… why are you staring at me while salivating, Lee?" The warmth of the Afterglow asked in a creeped-out tone of voice.
'She even knows my name! I MUST ask her out!' Lee thought. "Will you be my youthfully youthful girlfriend!" Lee asked.
"No, she's mine!" Neji said, mysteriously appearing. "The warmth of the Afterglow, will you go out with me!"
"She's mine!" Lee protested.
"No, she's mine!" Neji whined.
"She's mine!"
"She's mine!"
"Mine!"
"Mine!"
"MINE!"
"MINE!"
"Stop it, both of you!" Crack God said. "You're scaring my reader. If she hadn't read this story, the story would be canceled, and both of you would be dead! Dead I say, DDEEEAAADDD!"
"We're sorry," Lee and Neji moaned at the same time. "Just please don't cancel the story and kill us! We'll be good, we promise!"
Then everybody looked at The warmth of the Afterglow, who was now talking to the rabbit. The warmth of the Afterglow said,"-and with that the heroic bunny triumphed over the evil, un-youthful snake that threatened to destroy the entire village. The end."
"She's mine!" Lee exclaimed.
"WHAT DID I JUST SAY!" Crack God roared. Within in two seconds flat, Lee had ran away from the seen, from now on fearing Crack God for the rest of his life.
A/N: Well that's the end of chapter seven. I hope you liked the whole chapter plus the End of Chapter Special. I actually enjoyed typing/ writing this chapter. Should I have an End of Chapter Special every chapter or just every so often? Review and let me know on that. Oh, and also, I decided not to update again until I get at least an additional 30 reviews! I know that seems like a lot, but I need to know if people are enjoying this fanfic or not. I don't care if you give me more than one review, but I'm not posting a new chapter till you guys give me at least 30 new reviews. And if I never get 30 new reviews then I'll never update. Sorry if you don't like this 30 review thing, but I'm not gong to write a fanfic if hardly any people review to let me know what they think, because when I don't get hardly any reviews I assume most people don't like my story. I hoped you enjoyed the chapter and please review or I won't update. REVIEW PLEASE!