Perverts, Freaks, and Lovers
Chapter Thirteen (Chapter 13) Yes, chapter 13, the unlucky number. But who cares? Quite frankly, if I cared about numbers a lot then I would have never posted a chapter 11. Yeah… whatever.
By: Crack God
This chapter is dedicated to:
The warmth of the Afterglow and sentbyangels13 (You know, since the second one's user name has a 13 in it and all)
A/N: I just got this sweet wide screen laptop that looks better than a high definition television set. It is completely awesome! I'm using it right now to type this fan fic. It has about twice the amount of memory as my desktop and if it weren't a machine I'd be in love with it. Who am I kidding? I already am in love with it! It is so awesome it would make the technology in Ninja Bunny's limousine look like it came from the seventies. Yeah. I had a few complaints (okay, it was only one complaint) about a certain someone being mad that I made Sasuke and Sakura eat Naruto. Just a little something to that person; you're crazy! Come on!
In the previous chapter:
Sakura, Kakashi, Neji, Tenten, and Ninja Bunny crashed into a island while inside the limousine after a certain someone let plastic get into a vent and after a certain someone wasn't driving. Luckily, this island happened to be their prized destination from the start. Then they all split up to find Sasuke, except Ninja Bunny because he stayed to fix the limousine. After mere minutes, Sakura found Sasuke. Eventually Sasuke caved and took Sakura to a French, Chinese, and Japanese restaurant that just so happened to be on this island. Once there, they ordered the special from their waitress, who just so happened to have a curly French moustache. They ate the food, then asked the waitress what it was. She simply replied that it was Naruto and left. Then Naruto appeared, missing an arm and a leg.
Now on with the fic!
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Sasuke and Sakura just stared at Naruto.
"So, how did I taste?" Naruto questioned. "Did I taste like chicken?"
Sasuke waited a moment then spoke. "Actually, you tasted more like turkey."
"Turkey, huh?" Naruto replied.
"Yeah, Turkey," Sasuke said. "Turkey with onions and a mix a pocky."
"Are you serious!" exclaimed Naruto. "I taste as good as pocky!"
"You sure did," Sasuke stated. "In fact, you tasted even better that pocky."
"You thought he tasted like pocky, Sasuke?" Sakura asked. "I personally thought he tasted more like a type of fish."
Everyone went dead silent. Fish… fish… fish. Now, why did fish strike them as odd? Was there some kind of connection between the word 'fish' and the name 'Naruto'? Then it hit them like a speeding bullet of weirdness. Fish + Cake Naruto! Naruto meant fish cake in Japanese!
Once Naruto realized his two teammates had realized they had figured out that they had actually not eaten him, the blonde ninja released his jutsu hiding part of himself. Immediately, his foot returned. Everyone waited for his arm to return as well. They waited and waited and waited and waited, but nothing happened.
Finally Sakura broke the silence of waiting. "Naruto, what happened to your arm?"
Naruto glanced at the place where his arm would have been if it were actually there. "Oh, you mean that thing?" Naruto said. "I just lost that about ten minutes ago when I had I fight with Gaara."
Sasuke's sharigan automatically activated. "Gaara!" Sasuke exclaimed. "Where is he?"
"He's near our precious garden," Naruto replied.
"You mean THE precious garden?" Sasuke thundered.
"Yep," Naruto replied. "THE precious garden."
"Are you crazy?" Sasuke roared. "He could ruin the garden forever! And that garden is our life! If it weren't for that grand garden then we would be dead already!"
"Do you honestly think Gaara would harm our garden?" Naruto said in response.
Sasuke though for a moment, then replied. "Well, he is kinda… creepy," he spoke. "But we still can't take any chances with the garden."
"What are you guys talking about?" Sakura asked.
To bad for Sakura, but her question was simply ignored.
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Neji stared at his card, which had recently just turned blue. But something was amiss in this complicated system revolving around the card. Even if you could see the fact that the cards have changed colors, it still didn't tell you the fact WHERE Sasuke or Naruto were. Neji knew of this from the start, but decided not to tell anyone. After all, he still had to get a rematch with Gaara.
So Neji walked amongst the island until he stumbled upon something very peculiar. He spotted some cannabis plants neatly organized into a garden. A very special kind of garden.
But something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong. At the very core of the garden was a large, weird shaped object. Neji went closer to investigate and found the truth. It was Gaara's gourd.
Shit!Neji exclaimed in his head. Gaara's on drugs as well. I have to beat him to them if I want to get them before he shows!
Neji hastily retrieved his marijuana making kit and tore some of the leaves off of the cannabis plant. Neji's drug making kit included a bag of corn chips, a can of hair spray, glue, some empty joints, a lighter, a paintball gun, and a hairdryer.
Then the Hyuga quickly got to work, occasionally huffing some of his hair spray and glue. In a few seconds, Neji had finished making about five hundred joints and stuffed all but one back into his drug making kit.
Neji grabbed his lighter and started enjoying his ever so precious Mary Jane.
Rustle! Crack! Aaaiieeeeeeeeeeeeeegh!
Loud, disturbing sounds could be heard from the bushes near Neji Hyuga. After about an hour of these sounds, Gaara popped out of the bushed. His clothes were torn and he was bloody every where.
"Where… where's… where's my gourd!" Gaara spat out.
Neji pointed in the center of the garden.
Gaara walked over to his gourd and shoved a hand into the mushy sand that it contained. Then he pulled it back out, his hand now containing five or six joints. He reached in again and pulled out a lighter. He tried to use it on a joint, but the lighter was dead.
"Can I use your lighter?" Gaara asked the being whom now sat next to him.
"Sure," Neji replied, tossing his lighter into Gaara's lap. "We drug users got to help each other out if we want to survive in this cruel world."
"Nicely put, nicely put," Gaara spoke, lighting his joint and inhaling the fumes.
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Meanwhile…
Rock Lee was trapped inside a freezer inside the French, Chinese, and Japanese restaurant. His spandex covered body was being squashed by six tons of ice.
Save me, Gai sensei! Save meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
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And that's the end of the thirteenth chapter. Hope you liked it! I was going to add a Special Chapter Ending thing, but I'm to busy. I am having algebra exams in a few days and I really need to study. I'm still in middle school, and where I'm at people in middle school don't take exams. But I'm in high school math, so I have to have exams for algebra and it sucks! It sucks I tell you! Sucks, sucks, sucks, sucks! Yeah, so the point is that I won't be able to update for at least a week. Sorry! So if you guys review I'll be able to actually remember what happened in this chapter, and I'll have new ideas for the next. So reviews are crucial for this story right now if I'm ever going to even start writing the next chapter. Speaking of reviews, my fic just reached over the 100 review mark! Yay! Anyway, please review this chapter! REVIEW PLEASE!