Perverts, Freaks, and Lovers
Written By: Crack God
A/N: I am so sorry for not updating in a really, really, really long time! I've been extremely busy with my other fics and I just recently got time to work on this one. And now so I don't work on one fan fic story more than another I've created what I call 'The Sacred Order of Fanfiction.' What the sacred order is basically is a sequence of order in which I write my fanfiction stories. Perverts, Freaks, and Lovers is at the top, so from now on I update this fic before my others. Second on the list is The Dragon in Her Heart, so I update it after I update Perverts, Freaks, and Lovers. Third on the list is Kakashi's Squad: The Team of Drug Addicts and last is Psycho on the Bus. Once I update Psycho on the Bus then the list starts over again with Perverts, Freaks, and Lovers.
In the previous chapter: (Umm… what did happen last chapter? I think I forgot. I'll just say what I think happened.)
Naruto and Sasuke were discussing what Naruto tasted like. Then Sakura made the comment that he tasted like fish and then it hit them that Naruto meant 'fish paste cake' in Japanese. Naruto then undid the jutsu over his body and soon his foot came back. However, his arm was still missing. Sasuke then asked Naruto what happened to his arm and Naruto replied that Gaara had torn it off when he was near their marijuana garden. Then Sasuke got really, really mad. Meanwhile, Neji and the others had no idea where Sakura and Sasuke were even though Sakura had released her chakra into her red card and turned all of the cards blue because the system still didn't show anyone where they were. Neji knew this from the beginning, of course, but he needed to finish his business with Gaara first. The Hyuga soon stumbled across the precious garden of marijuana, only to find Gaara's gourd in the center. Despite the threat of the gourd, Neji sat down and smoked some marijuana. After a while Gaara appeared and pulled some joints and a lighter out of his gourd. The red haired sand ninja attempted to smoke his joints, but his lighter was broken so he asked if he could use Neji's. Neji agreed and threw his lighter to Gaara and Gaara used it. And then Lee was trapped in a freezer, screaming for Gai sensei to save him.
That was what happened, right? Please correct me if I'm wrong.
Now on with the chapter!
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Chapter Fourteen (Chapter 14)
Chapter Title: Neji HATES Kool Aid
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The sun was low across the horizon, ready to sleep for the night. A gentle breeze blew across the island, scattering the sand on the beach. The waves pounded upon the shore, carrying a lumpish looking object that was wearing what appeared to be none other than green spandex.
Soon the green object was washed upon the shoreline, and on cue several giant turkey vultures rocketed down from nowhere and savagely assaulted the object with their beaks. The object started to moan, but it was too weak to fend of the vicious turkey vultures.
Eventually, a very high Neji and a very high Gaara stumbled across the beach. Everything seemed peaceful. But then… they saw it… they saw the stampeding purple bunnies atop of a green mass.
"Hello, you cute little purple bunnies!" Gaara exclaimed, sprinting over to the 'bunnies' in a very crooked line, his hands waving at the 'furry' little creatures.
"Wait for me!" Neji shouted. "I want to pet a cute whittle bunny too!"
Soon the Hyuga had caught up with Gaara. Then the two reached out their hands to pet the cute little bunnies.
Within a second a searing pain had entered their hands. Neji and Gaara glanced at there hands to see what would have blood if they weren't high, but instead they saw candy! Pocky candy! Yay for pocky!
"Ohmigod!" Gaara squealed like the little girl he was. "The cute little purple bunnies left us a present! Pocky! Yay! I looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove pocky!"
"Me too!" Neji exclaimed, shoving the 'pocky' into his mouth. "Pocky is the best thing ever! But I did hear that Naruto tastes pretty damn good too. Whatever. Yay for the awesomeness of pocky!"
"Heeelp… meeee…," a moaning voice could be heard. "Neji? That's you, right? Help meee! Where's Lee? I need to see my Lee…"
Neji, being high and all, took 'Where's Lee? I need to see my Lee…' for 'where's my wee- wee? I need to suck my wee- wee…'
After hearing what he thought he heard, Neji sprinted as fast as he could from the purple bunnies that wanted to suck their wee- wee.
Gaara, who was at a whole other level of highness, took 'Where's Lee? I need to see my Lee…' for 'where's my weed? I need to smoke my weed…'
"Hold on," Gaara spoke to whoever moaned. "I'll get my weed out for you in just a god dam fucking second." Gaara reached into his gourd- the very bottom of the gourd- and pulled out some weed. He tossed the drugs around, causing the purple bunnies to go crazy and look for them. Then Gaara finally saw it. Underneath the bunnies was Gai sensei.
"Thank… … … … … you," Gai sensei groaned.
"Who are you?" Gaara questioned.
"I'm… I am Gai," Gai sensei answered.
However, this time Gaara took 'I am Gai' for 'I am gay.' With that, Gaara ran away just like Neji had done moments before.
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Meanwhile, in the restaurant, Kakashi and Tenten had arrived. They had actually managed to learn how to use their damn eyes and looked up to see the giant restaurant that wasn't suppose to exist. But the point is that they found it.
Naruto was sipping down a glass of 'milk', Tenten was eating some 'frosting', and Kakashi was devouring some 'fudge', but of course that is all beside the point. Or is it?
Suddenly, the sound of a near by jet screeched across the building. Suddenly, the ceiling caved in as Choji fell through, Followed by Shikamaru, Ino, Kurenai, Asuma, Kiba, Akamaru, Hinata, and Shino. Everyone, except Choji, landed safely atop of, well, Choji.
"Sasuke!" Ino shrieked, stripping, then running down to her 'beloved' Sasuke.
"Get away, you fucking whore!" Sasuke screamed, hiding behind his, yes HIS, Sakura.
"What?" Ino gasped in disbelief. "I just got some whopping huge transplants and this is how you treat me!" With that she ran away, going towards where the freezers were…
"What are you guys doing here?" Kakashi asked.
"It's Asuma's and my honeymoon!" Kurenai exclaimed.
"And you brought your squads?" Kakashi asked in extreme disbelief.
"Well, it is about time that they learn a thing or two," Asuma said. "It will be a learning experience for all of them."
"I'm fairly certain that Ino already knows," Sasuke remarked, still hiding behind his Sakura.
"Yes, well, she did watch our first time," Kurenai spoke as Asuma chuckled softly.
"You two are sick," Sasuke coughed out. "Sick, I tell you! Sick! Completely Sickening!"
The door to the restaurant opened and Neji and Gaara rushed in to the architectural structure and slammed the door shut behind them. Then they looked around at their new surroundings, making sure that the horrible Gai sensei wasn't magically inside.
"That was close," Neji huffed out. "I'm never going back to that beach again."
"Same here," Gaara panted. "Those purple bunnies were adorable and all, but they were… they were… they were scary in another sense!"
"Hey!" Sasuke shouted. "It's Gaara! What did you do to our precious garden, you bastard from sand?"
"What garden?" Gaara asked, taking a moment's time to think. "Oh, you mean the marijuana garden, don't you?"
"Hmm, Kakashi," Kurenai spoke. "We may be teaching our students wow to properly engage in love making, but at least we don't allow them to do drugs!"
"Hey, I don't force my students to do drugs!" Kakashi protested. After a minute or so he then continued. "I just simply show them how much fun it can be to do drugs by demonstrating myself."
"Shame on you, Kakashi," Asuma spoke, waving his index finger.
"I have NEVER done drugs," Sakura stated, making it clear that even if all of the other people on her team were in fact highly overdosing that she herself was not. But apparently, her statement had been ignored.
Suddenly, the door opened again and Gai sensei darted in, the turkey vultures still attacking him.
"Ahh!" Gaara shrieked. "It- it's – It's the purple bunnies! Save me!"
"What are you talking about Gaara? Those aren't purple bunnies!" Naruto hollered. "Those are obviously PINK bunnies!"
"They are NOT pink bunnies, you retard!" Sasuke yelled. "They are pink AND purple bunnies."
"Umm, no they are not," Tenten said. "Those are turkey vultures."
"Turkey vultures?" Naruto said in disbelief. "What is SHE on?"
"Yeah, seriously," Neji replied. Then his eyes widened in horror as he regained his lost sanity. That was Gai sensei!
"I must save Lee!" Gai exclaimed, darting to the freezer room, followed by the others. Gai hastily opened all of the freezers and on his last try he had finally found Rock Lee… and Ino?
Everyone looked perplexingly upon the seen. Lee and Ino? Yeah right, not in a trillion years!
"What?" Ino yelled. "I'm a whore for god sake!"
"Lee!" Gai exclaimed.
"Gai," Lee shouted.
"LEE!"
"GAI!"
"LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"GAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"
"LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"
"I missed you Lee!" Gai said, tears in his eyes.
"Me too!" Lee spoke. Then he jumped out of the freezer, something in his hand. "Anyone want Kool Aid?"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Neji yelled out of fear. "I HATE Kool Aid!"
"How come?" Tenten questioned.
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-------- Flashback - - - - - - - - - - - -
It was Lee's birthday party on November 27th and everyone was invited. Unless you had multiple excuses that were actually true, then you were forced to go. Luckily for Crack God, he had two very good excuses not to come. For one, his birthday was just the day before and for one of his gifts he didn't have to go to Lee's party. Crack God's other excuse was that it was his sister's birthday this day. Thus Crack God didn't go to Lee's birthday party. Unfortunately, everyone else in the village couldn't come up with more than one good excuse, so EVERYONE except Crack God was forced to attend Lee's party. Luckily for the girls, the party was changed to an all boy party at the last minute. Neji had tried to pass as a girl with his long hair and all, but he had sadly failed.
So Neji was forced to go to Lee's house and attend the party. He opened the door and soon found out that all the other guests, other than Gai and Lee himself, were little kids… little boys. Apparently, all of the older guys had committed suicide so that they didn't have to go to Rock Lee's birthday party.
So Neji was all alone with Lee and Gai and little boys. He was scared. VERY scared. Then it came. The ground shook and all the little boys grew excited. Then, bursting through the front door, came the Kool Aid man, but this time he wasn't red. This time he was white… and much thicker than usual.
"Yay! The Kool Aid man is here! Yay!" all the little boys exclaimed. "And today he's white! Extra yay!"
"Oh yeah!" The Kool Aid man exclaimed. "White and thick, just for you!"
Neji darted forward and kicked the Kool Aid man in the balls, but apparently his balls were someplace else. With that Neji hid in the closet with his eyes screwed shut. Luckily, nobody realized where the Hyuga was hiding.
"Oh oh oh oh!" The Kool Aid Man moaned. "OOOOOOOOOOOH! OH YEAH!"
Luckily, Neji managed to dig a tunnel out of the closet and escaped unnoticed, but he would be scarred forever.
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"Neji, why do you hate Kool Aid?" Tenten repeated.
Neji did not respond. Instead he sat down and started sucking his thumb.
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Thus the fourteenth chapter is at its end. I know that I said I would have an End of Chapter Special, but I just don't have the time, so sorry! Anyway, what did you think of this chapter. It was really hard to right because it scared me so. I had to stop every thirty seconds just to make sure that HE wasn't coming. Oh god no! He's here! Help me! I need a sharp and pointy object to kill him once and for all! –Random guy hands me a spear- Thanks for the spear, who ever you are! Now I must kill the Kool Aid man! Thanks for reading and please review! I'll let you know if I killed the Kool Aid man next chapter. And if I never update then you can know that I died. Please review!