Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of the characters. I don't even own Ninja Bunny 'cause he was the rabbit in volume two that Naruto accidentally attacked. Sometimes I wish I owned it, but I don't. But then again, my sister is trying to marry the creator, Kishimoto, so you never know… I just might inherit a small percentage of it…
A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in a really loooooong time! But I promise that this chapter will finally have the End of Chapter Special. Oh, and this chapter will be the last chapter for the introduction. It probably won't be as humorous as I'd like it to be but I'll try to juice it up with some random shit. And if the humor in this chapter is unsatisfying to you, never fear for the End of Chapter Special shall fulfill your appetite for the chapter.
In the previous chapter: Ninja Bunny's New Mansion
Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, Kakashi, Asuma, Ino, Choji, Shikamaru, Gai, Lee, Tenten, Neji, Kurenai, Hinata, Kiba, Shino, and Gaara left the freezer room to go get something to eat. They all ordered naruto from the restaurant when suddenly Ninja Bunny appeared and somehow was the restaurant's millionth customer so Ninja Bunny won a new mansion. Then the waitress prepared their food as a jet was readied to take all of them to the mansion. In the waiting time, Ninja Bunny made Naruto's arm grow back. Then they all boarded the jet plane and headed to Ninja Bunny's new mansion. But something seemed strange to Gaara, but he simply shrugged it off. Mean while, blood thirsting foxes were chasing Temari and Kankuro. The foxes had already killed their sensei. Then back on the plane everyone got ready to sleep, Sakura being one of the first to do so. When the pink haired kunoichi awoke, she found a nude Naruto sleeping with her. After chasing him away, Hinata came over to Sakura. The white eyed girl then asked if Naruto's was big. (p.s. My sister made that last part, NOT me!)
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Chapter Sixteen (Chapter 16)
Chapter title: Perverts, Freaks, and Lovers
This chapter is dedicated to: Rolland, read-n-review, The warmth of the Afterglow, and sentbyangels13
Now on with this new installment!
A/N: The beginning of this fic my sister forced me to write… again. After the Sasuke and Naruto incident part is when my own writing starts. My part starts when it's in Kakashi's head.
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"Umm," Sakura started," well… It was… err. I guess I didn't get that great of a look to tell you."
"O- okay," Hinata stuttered. "Th- that's fine, S- Sakura. I d- didn't mean t- to m-make you uncomfortable. S- sorry."
"It's okay, Hinata," Sakura reassured. "I'm just sorry I couldn't help."
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Meanwhile, a certain blonde male was walking into the men's bathroom. To his surprise, however, someone else was already in there.
And that person wasn't using the facilities. (No, you sickos! I didn't mean it like that! Or did I? Okay, honestly, I did NOT mean it that way! . .. . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. .. . . . . . .. But I did purposely use that choice of words to make you think that.)
Sasuke was leaning against the wall. His eyes were dead on looking at Naruto. (No! I didn't mean it like that! I'll just change it!) Ahem, what it was suppose to be was: Sasuke was casually leaning against the bathroom wall. The only thing that wasn't casual was the fact that his fists were clenched. Everything else was perfectly casual… that is besides that his sharigan eyes were glaring dead on at Naruto. (Yes, that's what I meant! At least that's what I think I thought it meant in thinking of what I thought of thinking… okay, I'm confused now so I'll just get back to the story.)
"What the mother fucking fuck is your fucking problem!" Sasuke roared at his teammate. "Why in hell did you fucking sleep fucking nude with MY fuckin- err, I mean my wonderful Sakura, you fucking bastard!"
Naruto just stood there for a moment. "Umm, Sasuke," Naruto started," where are your clothes? And where's your hair?"
Sasuke quickly put the hand that had a razor inserted in it behind his back. He had completely forgot why he was in the bathroom until Naruto just spoke. Heck, he didn't even know he was nude.
"Umm, I, err, look! A gay man!" Sasuke shouted. Naruto instantly shrieked and hid in the stall and Sasuke climbed up the wall and on to the ceiling will supernatural powers. Then the Uchiha crawled his way out of the bathroom and put some clothes on.
Then Sasuke climbed on to the ceiling once more and crawled back to the bathroom. Once he was in he jumped back down to the floor and came face to face with Naruto once again.
This time, however, Naruto was on the toilet.
"Sasuke, what are you doing?" Naruto asked in a creeped- out tone of voice.
As soon as Sasuke had realized what he had just done he quickly exited the stall, more furious than ever.
Dammit! Sasuke thought. No wonder why Sakura slept with a naked Naruto! His thing was huge! It was like a UFO man! It scary to a monster degree!
With that the Uchiha fainted out of fear, disappointed, fear, fear, and something else commonly known with three simple letters; PMS. (Once again, just kidding. Although Sasuke really did faint, but just from fear basically. Oh, and my sister is still forcing me to write this shit. This very scary shit.)
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Everyone was acting lively on the jet plane. Sakura had consumed eight glasses of wine and was now flirting with Rock Lee. Shikamaru was dancing to 'Shake That' with Akamaru. Kiba was looking for trees to climb and repeatedly saying 'Jeepers, Batman! Bat-thumb and Blue Jay are wickedly hipster- like!' Ino was stroking Choji's, err, don't make me say it! Hinata was grooming Naruto's hair… his lower hair. Kurenai and Asuma were engaged in hard core sex in a closet while Gai was looking for his little pet lamb to use as toilet paper. Shino was screaming in pain because a bug came out of his nose, then his eye, and lastly his… you know what else. Neji was using his byakugan to look into a certain closet. Tenten was going bulimic and was puking up her breakfast inside Gaara's gourd. Ninja Bunny was just lying down. And Gaara was pretending to be a pikachu.
Yep. It was just a normal day. That is except for two things. One; Sasuke was no where to be seen. And two; Kakashi sensei wasn't doing drugs. Oh god no! Kakashi's not doing drugs! The world will surely come to an end. But then… something happened.
- -- - - - - - Inside Kakashi's Empty Head - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - --- - - - - - - -
Nothingness. Zip. Nadda. Completely empty.
Until…
A massive explosion of brutally intense heat ignited through the emptiness. Light shown from every direction in blurs of bursting remnants. The dawn of a new life shown.
"Kakashi," a voice called out. "What the mother fucking hell are you doing? Why are you just standing there? Where are your drugs? Why aren't you high?"
"I- I don't know," Kakashi replied stupidly.
"Well, then. We have a problem here," the voice continued. "What you need is a laboratory. I have a feeling that you could create the most beautiful drugs the world has ever snuffed if you had the right equipment."
"Are you serious!" Kakashi sensei exclaimed. "My life long dream has always been to breed new species of drugs!"
"That's the spirit!" the voice chuckled. "I shall provide all of the equipment that you shall need as long as you can find a secret location for the laboratory. I'll know when you have found a secure location."
"You're awesome!" Kakashi shouted. "But I have one question. Who are you?"
"I am God," the voice answered.
"Really?" Kakashi sensei gasped.
"Actually, no," the voice replied. "I am really the Golden Buddha."
"Really?" Kakashi gasped again.
"No," the voice spoke. "I actually really am God."
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"I'm going to make drugs!" Kakashi exclaimed. And then the sliver haired jonin snuck of to find a location for his new laboratory.
Soon Ninja Bunny got up and left.
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Sasuke's eyes slowly opened as he regained consciousness. Leaning over him was Sakura, now sober.
"Sasuke!" Sakura cried. "Are you okay? What happened to you?"
"I- I saw it," Sasuke replied.
Sakura leaned closer towards Sasuke until…
"AIKGHBFHHJBFGHBNFMBFHHYBYJBUTJKJYtoogkvfntv,m h rtjiuuivm;lihryjb;myth,bnj," Sasuke screamed in pain. "What the mother fuck did you do that fucking for you fucker!"
Sakura looked down, seeing that the kunai she just so happened to be holding in her hand had pierced in between Sasuke's legs.
"Oh! I'm so sorry Sasuke!" Sakura pleaded. "Hurry! We must take a look at it and measure the full extent of the damage!"
"I'm not taking my pants off until you take your dress off!" Sasuke argued.
"Fine!" Sakura hurriedly agreed. With that she took her dress off and managed to get Sasuke out of his pants.
But Sakura… her breasts were huge! Or, at least that's what Sasuke thought but he was loosing a lot of blood so he could have just been hallucinating. Or was he?
"Here," Sakura spoke. "I'll heal it with my chakra."
Sakura reached her hand out and moved it towards Sasuke's injury.
Footsteps were heard and suddenly Ninja Bunny walked into the bathroom.
"What the hell is happening?" Ninja Bunny calmly asked.
"Umm, we're… having sex," Sakura lied.
"Oh, okay," Ninja Bunny replied, then left.
Both Sasuke and Sakura breathed a sigh of relief. Then they continued to heal the injury.
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Soon the jet plane pulled into its destination and landed. All of the passengers, Sasuke now fully healed, unloaded off of the plane. They had reached Ninja Bunny's new mansion.
The mansion was huge, to put it bluntly. It only had five floors but each floor had an area of over 8,000,000 square feet. And the property around the mansion wasn't bad either. It had 500 acres of land, partly wooded, partly fields, partly drug gardens.
Then they walked up the driveway, oohing and ahhing at the scenery. Then they reached the doors, which swung open, revealing Anko.
"What are you doing here, Anko?" Kakashi asked in shock.
A smile spread across Anko's face. "I'm here for the games," Anko spoke. "Although I really won't be participating myself. I'm just here as a helper and a judge."
"Anko!" Ninja Bunny whined. "Don't tell them anything else! At least wait until we get inside."
"Oh, sorry Lord Hokage," Anko apologized.
"Hey, what's going on?" Sakura questioned.
"Oh, well, you see since I have a new mansion and all I thought that it would be entertaining to have a competition between all of you," Nina Bunny replied. "Last night I called Anko and she was near here so I asked if she wanted to be a judge and she agreed."
"Oooh! Oooh! What kind of competition?" Naruto shouted, jumping up and down.
"A group competition," Ninja Bunny answered. "I'll get into greater detail once we get inside."
With that everyone reluctantly followed Ninja Bunny into the mansion, Anko closing the door behind them. Once they reached an empty room (still on the first floor) they stopped.
Before them were three numbers painted on the floor: One, two, and three. Behind the painted numbers were three doors that were parallel from the numbers.
"As I just said, I have brought you here for a group competition," Ninja Bunny spoke. "There will be three groups. The three groups will compete against each other by trying to be the first to complete various tasks. Every day you will get a new task and on the preceding morning the group that completed the task first will be declared the winner. The rules are fairly simple. Each group starts out with 10 points. Every time a group completes a task first that group gains one point. Every time a group is not the first group to complete a task that group loses two points. If two groups complete a task at the same time no points will be awarded and the other group will lose three points. If all of the groups complete the same task at the same time then no points will be awarded or taken away. If your group reaches zero points or below zero points then one member of that group will randomly be dropped out of the competition and will have no chance of winning the grand prize even if their group wins in the end. After a group loses a member that group's points will raise to five points. If all members of a group are dropped out then that group officially loses. The remaining members of the last group left win a marvelous prize that you'll have to wait to see what it is until the end. If you need to refer back to the rules at any given time talk to either me or Anko."
"Yeah, and I'm the judge," Anko spoke. "I declare the winner of each task and chose who is dropped out if a group's amount of points reaches zero or below. I'm also the helper. If you are having problems with a task or something else just come see me and I might help you. Any questions?"
"How many people are in each group?" Sasuke asked.
"The number varies by quite a bit," Anko answered. "The difference may seem unfair, but if you work with the people in your group well then everything will be just fine. We chose the groups based under which of three personalities you resemble the most, mainly so you can work better with your group members. One group has as little as five members. Any other questions?"
"How long will these troublesome competitions last?" Shikamaru asked.
"The exact time is unknown," Anko replied. "But it should take at least a fear more months. Oh, which reminds me. This competition counts as an A class mission. Even if you are the first person to drop out it'll still count as passing the mission, but you won't get any other award. Any other questions?"
No one replied, so Anko assumed there would be no more questions.
Suddenly the doors flung open, revealing Temari and Kankuro outside. Slowly they stepped in and closed the doors behind them. Their clothes were tattered and Kankuro smelled really bad, but besides that they were fine. Then they walked over to the others.
"Oh, Kankuro and Temari!" Anko exclaimed. "I was wondering when you two would show up. You do remember the rules that I already told you, right?"
"Yeah, yeah," Temari answered. "We remembered."
"Okay then," Anko spoke. "I will now put you in your following groups. When I call your name I will also say a number. Once I say your name and number please walk over and stand by stand by the corresponding number that is painted on the floor."
Anko reached into her pack and pulled out a scroll that had everyone's name on it along with their pre- chosen number. Then she started reading the scroll.
"Gai- number two."
Gai sensei walked over two the painted two, saying something to Lee about the how the power of youth would let them be together.
"Lee- number two."
Lee joyfully hopped over and stood by his sensei.
"Tenten- number three."
Tenten calmly walked over to the painted number three and stood there.
"Neji- number one."
The Hyuga boy walked over to his corresponding number.
"Temari- number three."
The blonde sand kunoichi walked to the number three and growled at Tenten, who did the same.
"Kankuro- number two."
Kankuro then walked over and emotionlessly stood by Lee and Gai.
"Gaara- number two."
Gaara waked over to painted two and menacingly glared at Lee.
"Asuma- number one."
The cigarette smoking ninja walked over and stood by Neji.
"Ino- number three."
The blonde whore- whoops, I mean the blonde slut- err, the blonde female walked over and stood by the other two girls.
"Choji- number three."
Choji walked as slow as he possibly could over to the girls.
"Shikamaru- number one."
The lazy ninja walked over and stood by his sensei.
"Kurenai- number three."
The female sensei walked over and stood on the painted three.
"Kiba- number two."
The dog loving ninja quickly jogged over to the other number two members.
"Shino- number two."
The bug using ninja paced over to his fellow male teammate.
"Hinata- number three."
Hinata nervously walked over to the painted number three.
"Kakashi- number one."
The drug addicted sensei coolly walked over to Asuma, Neji, and Shikamaru.
"Sasuke- number two."
The Uchiha walked over to the other members of group two.
"Naruto- number one."
Naruto clumsily walked over to his sensei.
"Sakura- number three."
Sakura walked over to all of the other girls- as well as Choji.
"Now that all of you have been placed with your groups, your rooms are parallel to the doors behind you," Ninja Bunny spoke.
"What!" Naruto yelled. "You have a fucking mansion and you make us share a room with all of our group members!"
"Well, the other areas of the mansion are needed for other things," Ninja Bunny replied. "And each of those doors don't lead to a room. They lead to a hallway with three rooms, so you'll still have to share rooms. I'll let your groups decide who gets what room. I'm sorry for the space constraints, but you'll later see why. The tasks start tomorrow so that today you can just settle in."
"Hmph!" Naruto 'spoke' if that's what you call speaking.
"Oh, wait!" Ninja Bunny exclaimed. "I have one more thing. I still have to tell you the names of the groups. Group number three is the Lovers. Group number two is the Freaks. And group one is the Perverts."
"What! How am I a pervert?" Naruto yelled.
"Shut up, Naruto," Kakashi whispered to his student. "Perverts are good things."
"Really? I'm a pervert! Yay!" Naruto exclaimed as loud as he could.
After about ten minutes with everyone staring at Naruto as if he was the retard he really is they opened the doors and started to pick their rooms. Sasuke, however, was out of it and didn't realize that he was in the 'Freaks' group.
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It was and ordinary summer morning. Crack God had woken up early to type up his fics and had just finished a chapter. Suddenly a door slammed shut. It was Saskura- Chan (Crack God's sister. Oh, and no I do not talk about myself in third-person. I'm just doing that now because I'm using my screen name and not my real name. ).
It seemed that Crack God's sister was PMSing. But then again, she always acted like she was. There would be maybe one day a month that she wouldn't be grouchy. Oh well. This morning she would be leaving with her parents, leaving Crack God all alone to fend off any gay stalkers by himself. And this would be a difficult task for Crack God. He was so afraid of the gay people that it would be hard for him to be close enough to get a good kick on them. But even touching them would be a difficult task. Hopefully, however, they wouldn't show up.
Everything was just going fine. Crack God logged into the wireless Internet across the street and posted the new chapter. He replied to all of his reviewers, including one of his favorite readers; The warmth of the Afterglow. Another one of his favorite readers, read-n-review, had reviewed as well. But of course, Crack God was using Read-n-Review's weaknesses against her. By simply putting the word 'read' in the same sentence with the word 'review' read-n-review was forced to review.
Crack God's other sister, the one that has her birthday on the same day as Rock Lee's, would be visiting later that afternoon. She was no where near as crazy as Saskura- Chan, thankfully. One Saskura- Chan was more than enough!
Knock! Knock! Knock!
Someone was knocking on the door so Crack God ran downstairs and opened. Not exactly the smartest thing to do. Suddenly he was sucked into another dimension, hit his head, and fell unconscious. Or did he? Actually, he did.
Crack God's eyes slowly flickered open and he awoke upon a hard wooden floor.
"Crack God's just woken up," a female's voice spoke off from a little bit away.
"Good," another girl's voice spoke. "Hopefully he can tell us what happened."
"Hopefully he can," another voice spoke, this one from a male. This voice, however, Crack God recognized. It was Rolland's voice. Crack God and Rolland had had a few classes together in the seventh grade and used to sit near each other at lunch.
"Crack!" Kakashi's voice exclaimed. "Can Crack God make me some more crack now?"
"Kakashi!" Rolland yelled. "I already told you that Crack God is not associated with drugs! To him the word 'crack' means randomness, so technically he is Randomness God."
"I want my crack!" Kakashi whined.
Crack God picked himself the hard floor and stood up. Just a few feet in front of him were Kakashi and Rolland, as well as two girls that he had never met.
"Hi, Crack God," one of the girls said. "I'm read-n-review."
"Yeah, and I'm The warmth of the Afterglow," the one who you could assume was The warmth of the Afterglow spoke. "We all got sucked into this different dimension and were wondering if you could tell us what happened."
"I don't even know what happened," Crack God replied. "Maybe someone is just making this up as they go along."
"That would make sense," Rolland stated.
"CRACK!" Kakashi yelled.
"Umm, why is Kakashi here?" Crack God asked.
"Because he is," Read-n-Review replied with her eyes menacingly wide open. "Six, six, six. The Hauntings of a Crack Kind. Six, six, six. The hot bowls of ramen shall kill us all."
"Hmm," Rolland spoke. "That seems like I've read that somewhere… But where?"
"That was in my fanfiction story, you dumb- ass," read-n-review replied.
"Ouch!" Sasuke's voice screamed as the Uchiha jumped out of the ceiling.
"What's wrong, Sasuke?" Kakashi asked.
"My penis is hurting because somebody was stupid enough to make a fic where Sakura accidentally stabbed me in the penis with a kunai knife!"
"Hmm, that seems vaguely familiar, now that you mention it," Crack God spoke.
"Wait a minute. If Kakashi's here and Sasuke's here, then that must mean that…," The warmth of the Afterglow started. "Then it must mean that Ninja Bunny's here, too! WHERE'S MY NINJA BUNNY! I WANT TO PET THE AWESOME NINJA BUNNY!"
"C- calm down," Crack God spoke. "I'll just make him appear th- then."
Suddenly Ninja Bunny hopped out of the floor.
"Ninja Bunny!" The warmth of the Afterglow shrieked. "I like so loooooooove you!"
With that The warmth of the Afterglow ran over to Ninja Bunny as hugged him as tight as she possibly could.
"C- can't breathe!" Ninja Bunny managed to cough out, but The warmth of the Afterglow didn't hear.
When The warmth of the Afterglow finally let go of Ninja Bunny the rabbit was of the verge of death.
"Ohmigod!" The warmth of the Afterglow screamed. "Who did this to you, Ninja Bunny?"
No one replied. But then suddenly the rabbit got up and was perfectly fine.
Knock! Knock! Knock!
Kakashi was the one to get the door. This time it was Neji and a young blonde girl who was 13 years of age and known as sentbyangels13.
"Hi, Neji, and err, whoever you are," Kakashi replied.
"WHERE'S CRACK GOD!" the blonde girl yelled. "Oh, and hi Kakashi. My name is sentbyangels13."
With that sentbyangels13 skipped inside, only to see Crack God and start attacking him for an unknown reason…
"What did I do this time!" Crack God whined.
"YOU MADE NARUTO'S ARM GET TORN OFF!" sentbyangels13 hollered.
"But I made it come back!" Crack God protested.
"Well… err… well… fine! I'm sorry!" sentbyangels13 spoke. "But where are we?"
Before Crack God could answer, the ground violently shook. They were the footsteps. The footsteps of the most feared thing in the universe.
Suddenly the wall shattered and debris flew everywhere.
"Oh yeah!" the kool aid man spoke. "OOOOOOOH YYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAH!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Neji and Crack God screamed at the same time, then hid behind a magical sofa the just appeared.
Soon Crack God got brave enough to take a peek at the scene. But then the horror only got worst.
Lee and Gai were inside the kool aid man… mating! Oh the damn horror! Or at least he thought they were mating… the white liquid inside the kool aid man was so thick it was hard to tell exactly what they were doing.
"Hurry, we must save Neji and Crack God!" sentbyangels13 yelled.
"I'll try to trip the kool aid man!" read-n-review replied.
With that the showdown started. It was read-n-review against the kool aid man.
"Prepared to be tripped!" read-n-review yelled.
"Oh yeah?" the kool aid man asked.
"Yeah," read-n-review replied, her eyes narrowing. "So is that the only thing you can say; 'oh yeah'?"
"Oh yeah," the kool aid man answered.
"You make me sick," read-n-review growled.
With that read-n-review and the kool aid man dramatically leapt into the air. A kunai suddenly appeared in the kool aid man's hand and he threw it at his opponent. But read-n-review cleverly dodged the assault and landed on her feet, as so did the kool aid man.
"What level of ninja are you?" read-n-review asked.
"Oh yeah!" the kool aid man replied, pulling out a head band from Iwa, the village hidden in the stones.
Then the kool aid man charged. But read-n-review was too smart to fall for that trick. She simply stepped to the side and tripped the giant bowl of punch.
"Oh no!" the kool aid man screamed.
"Haha!" read-n-review laughed. "You finally said 'oh no' instead of the damnable 'oh yes'! Mwahaahhahahahahahahahaahahhahaahahahhahaha!"
But while read-n-review was laughing, she herself ended up tripping as well. And with that she landed in the white mess that the kool aid man had made when he tripped and spilled.
"Hurry, kill him someone!" The warmth of the Afterglow cried.
Rolland tried to move, but his feet had been stuck in the white substance.
Hastily getting into action, sentbyangels13 hurriedly glanced around. She grabbed the nearest thing to her, which just so happened to be Neji, and threw it at the kool aid man.
Crack!
The kool aid man cracked instantaneously from Neji falling on top of him, and then rolling off into the sticky white substance. Lee and Gai also rolled away into the substance.
The kool aid man was dead.
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A/N: And that's the end of this chapter as well as the end of chapter special. But don't worry, I'll have more end of chapter specials and the next one will continue where this one left off. Wow. This has to be my longest update EVER. I have this on Microsoft word with size 10 font and it is almost eleven pages long! Well, I hope you liked it, so please review and continue to read! Review and read! Review and read! You too, read-n-review!
Preview Summary for next chapter:
Chapter title: Task One: Anaconda or Ana-condom?
Part of the first task is to figure out what the task is. But when Neji deciphers it down to two possibilities, someone is going to have to make out with an anaconda or an ana- condom.