A/N: I'm so sorry for not updating in over a year. I still don't have internet, you see.
Recap:
"Making out is petting something on the head and singing to it," Gai replied.
"So I really did make out with the anacondom!" Sasuke yelled. "Those damn judges don't know a thing! Thank you Gai sensei! You're soooooooooo cooool!" And with that Sasuke found a new idol kinda like Orochimaru…except there was no eye shadow…and Gai wore underwear…most of the time…
"That's NOT making out!" Lee said matter-of-factly. "Making out is rubbing a peacock's feather against someone's skin or sleeping in the same bed as someone with a peacock in between you and the other person!"
"No way!" Gaara exclaimed. "You have to be the most intelligent person in the world, Lee!"
"Yeah!" Kankuro replied. "You're the best, Lee! You must be the smartest person in the world!"
"But I saw my mommy make out with the neighbor and it involved her putting her mouth all the way around the guy's head, bite it off, and vigorously chew on it…" Shino spoke, but was unheard.
Chapter Nineteen (Chapter 19) (only 50 more chapters to go! There t'will be 69 for obvious reasons!)
Chapter Title: Task Two- Sex Ed; Part II
"Okay girls, and Choji, you should all know that I am a big fan of what is called 'hands on' learning," Kurenai announced to her sex ed class. "Sakura, Tenten, Temari, please restrain Choji for me. We shall use him to study male anatomy."
The three girls obeyed with devilish looks in their eyes. Tenten used her handcuffs (the ones she used in foreplay with Neji) on the boy, who was whimpering. Sakura then used her super strength and hauled the glutton upon one of those metal tables found in veterinary clinics used to elevate dogs, cats, and the such. Temari, with the help of a rather horny Ino, then tore of his clothes and bound him down with duct tape.
"Now class, this is a penis," Kurenai announced, pointing down between Choji's legs. Awaiting some sort of giggle, the teacher did not receive anything to her content and decided herself to actually look at the naked boy.
Nothing was there, except fat.
"Hmm, well umm, let me do a little digging around and see if I can find it," Kurenai spoke, poking Choji's pelvic region with a ruler. "Ahh, here, I've found it… oh, wait it's just another roll of fat… Ino, you've had sex with him, right? Could you please assist me in finding it?"
"It's between the eighth and ninth rolls of fat, Lady Kurenai," Ino replied. It was something that she knew all too well.
"Thanks, Ino," the teacher said in response. "Six, seven, eight, ahh, here it is. Gather round, girls."
Kurenai pointed, then grabbed, the boy's penis. "Now, let me show you girls what it looks like erect…" She then proceeded to give Choji a hand job.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! The sight's blinding me!" Neji screamed in terror.
"What, what's going on Neji?" Kakashi hurried. "Speak to me."
"Kurenai, she's, she's giving Choji a hand job!" Neji exclaimed with disgust, deactivating his byakugan, which he had been using to spy on the Lovers group in hope of seeing hot lesbian sex.
Naruto, Kakashi, Asuma, Shikamaru, and Neji were all crowded in the teens' room's bathroom, which was conveniently separated by a wall from Tenten's room.
"You know, you guys could give me some privacy here. I am on the toilet," Shikamaru stated, slightly disturbed. He was still having some… issues…
"Hmm… what are we going to do about teaching these boys about sex ed?" Asuma asked his silver haired friend, completely ignoring Shikamaru.
"Well, we could download some nice internet porn and the teach them how to masturbate," Kakashi suggested. "But then that would be kinda weird."
"Kakashi sensei, what does masturbate mean?" Naruto asked inquisitively.
"It's when a guy, with no life or girlfriend, relieves his 'tension'," Kakashi answered in a sing-song fashion.
"So--, the kind of person that would masturbate… would be like me?" Naruto spoke.
"Exactly," Kakashi replied in a peachy tone. "After all, you are the only one here who doesn't have a girlfriend."
"Wait, no I'm not," Naruto said.
"Sad, sad, little Naruto," Kakashi spoke. "Asuma and Kurenai are going out. Neji's hooked up with Tenten, and Shikamaru and Temari have an increasingly strong 'mental' connection. And, as for me, well Sakura and I haven't reached last base yet, but we've still been together for a couple of months."
For a minute Naruto's brain could not compute with Kakashi's last statement. But soon enough he realized what had just been said and agonizingly screamed out.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
Now that Sasuke fully understood what making out is (well, not really) he was determined to use his new knowledge upon his pink haired teammate. But he needed some… equipment first.
His first stop was Kakashi's room. Needless to say, it was empty. Next was Asuma's room, also barren of life. But once he opened the door to Naruto's, Neji's, and Shikamaru's room, he could hear the ending of Naruto's long screech.
Heading towards the source of the noise, he soon discovered that he had walked into the bathroom. There he saw Shikamaru having some difficulties on the toilet, but ignored it and went up to talk to his rightful sensei.
"Umm, hey, Kakashi, can I have some heat seeking binoculars to stalk Sakura with?" Sasuke asked rather bluntly.
The masked ninja turned around, having just noticed Sasuke's presence.
"Oh, look who comes running back to his old sensei now, hmm?" Kakashi spoke as if trying to hide that Sasuke's abandonment had somehow hurt him. "Gai sensei not all that great now, is he?"
"Oh, no," Sasuke replied. "Gai sensei is awesome. He bought me ice cream and we went to the movies and he tucks me into bed every night."
"Okay then," Naruto said, more than slightly creeped out by the thought of what the heck was going on.
"And, on top of that Gai sensei gave me the power of youth!" Sasuke exclaimed. "And tomorrow he promised to give me my very own navy blue jumpsuit!"
"Oh, God," Kakashi muttered. "Gai's unnatural youthful shit is rubbing off on my student. It won't be long before he's turned into the new Lee!"
"Gai is even going to buy me a new pony!" Sasuke exclaimed.
"LEAVE NOW!!!" Kakashi sensei ordered. "You are no longer any student of mine. SCRAM ALREADY!!!"
"But what about those heat seeking binoculars?" Sasuke asked.
"Right now, I am Sakura's boyfriend, so get OUT!" Kakashi barked.
Sasuke obediently ran away with his tail between his legs. Not knowing where else to get heat seeking binoculars, he left to go play the Candy Land board game with Gai, Lee, Gaara, Shino, and Kankuro. Kiba and Akamaru were too busy doing something else to play.
"Okay, class, the next thing we will be learning about is how to properly stalk a guy that you want to rape," Kurenai announced. "There are a couple things you have to remember when doing so. One – make sure the sex is hot and as rough as possible. And two – if the cops catch you in the act start crying and tell them that you are the one being raped. A good cop will always believe the words of a damsel in distress. Got it?"
"Yes Lady Kurenai," the class replied in unison.
"Good. Now then, the first one of you to successfully rape the guy of your choice gets to win a feast with yours truly," Kurenai said. "Good luck! And remember, you must bring back the guy so that I can see."
The girls stampeded out of the room, al searching for one of the guys. They all forgot to release Choji, which Kurenai did soon afterwards. To her surprise, the boy stampeded outside the room as well, looking for someone to rape.
After turning several corners, Choji saw his target.
To Sasuke's surprise, a fat and naked Choji was running straight at him. Preparing to be body slammed, Sasuke was in for something quite different. Inches before colliding into the Uchiha, Choji halted and began whispering to Freaks group member. "If you let me pretend to rape you I'll get you anything you want," Choji said and started explaining the situation.
Sasuke, who had noticed how Choji used the word 'pretend', considered the circumstances and replied. "I want heat seeking binoculars."
"Oh, that's an easy one," Choji replied. "The judge that just came into the mansion has a ton of those. Just ask him for a pair."
"Hmm… Very interesting…" Sasuke pondered. "What room is he in?"
"Room 13 on the 13th floor, right next to the Movie Theater," Choji answered.
"Yeah, thanks Choji," Sasuke said.
"Don't thank me just yet," the glutton spoke. He then hauled Sasuke up on his shoulder and carried all the way back to Kurenai. When Choji was starting to get an erection, the Uchiha was completely freaked out. He would've yelled out for Gai sensei to come and save him, but his mouth was currently taped close.
"Kurenai!" Choji yelled, catching the woman's attention. "Watch me rape Sasuke!"
"Get the hell off Sasuke!" Asuma's voice yelled.
The fatty stopped humping the Uchiha and actually took a look in the room. Kurenai and Asuma were, key word being WERE, having sex in the corner. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Asuma interrogated his squad member.
"It's not what it looks like, Asuma sensei," Choji cried out. "Kurenai told all of the Lovers group that the first one of us to rape a guy would get a feast."
"Yeah, well I was talking to the girls, you damn retard!" Kurenai screeched. "What in hell were you thinking?"
"Kurenai, it's not his fault. All he cares about is food. Technically, both Sasuke and Choji are still virgins, so no harm was done," Asuma said.
"Yeah, well about that…" Kurenai said, remembering what she had done when teaching the girls sex ed. To her luck, the noise of someone puking in the closet distracted her boyfriend, and instead started something else.
Kurenai wrapped the bed sheets around her and opened the closet door. Inside was the rest of the Perverts group. Neji had just puked and now was desperately trying to cover his eyes with his hands to stop from seeing the Sasuke and Choji scene. Unfortunately for him, he was too disgusted to remember to deactivate his byakugan and could still see through his hands.
"Asuma, what is your group doing in the closet when we were having sex?" Kurenai asked, obviously very pissed off.
"Uh, watching us…" Asuma answered truthfully.
"OUT!" She yelled, pointing at the door. Knowing that he wasn't gonna get something, he did what she told him to do and left without even bothering to put on his clothes.
Kakashi, Neji, Naruto, and Shikamaru followed Asuma and the five left and went back to their teaching room.
"Umm, Asuma, since it doesn't seem like you have a girlfriend anymore, do you think you could teach me to masturbate now?" Naruto asked with hope in his voice.
"Fine," Asuma agreed. "I'm going to have to do it anyway…
Just then, Akamaru came running into the room and went into the closet. There, he began eating Neji's puke with much joy.
Orochimaru gave a sigh of relief. We was currently in the wall of the closet. Thank heavenssssssss. Sasuke still has his virginity… I can still be the one to steal it from him.
After relieving his 'tension', Naruto decided that had it had been a long day and went to bed at 4 o'clock in the afternoon. Shikamaru, however resumed his usual place on the toilet and Neji disappeared into a broom closet with Tenten.
Sasuke silently stepped into the elevator that was conveniently placed in his shower. He clicked the little button labeled 'Thirteenth Floor' and managed to control himself through five minutes of old elevator music.
When the thirteenth floor was reached and the elevator door opened the young Uchiha stepped out. He went down a narrow hallway. The hanging lights flickered on and off as Sasuke got closer to the end of the corridor. There were many windows in the hallway, but they all had been painted black from both the inside and outside with fresh paint. No light would ever shine through them again. Sasuke continued his voyage down the bleak path, passing the empty Movie Theater. Suddenly, the wide screen projection TV turned on itself. The music from a dark song played on the piano echoed throughout the halls. Sasuke stopped in his tracks. He knew he had heard that song before. And he knew it wasn't a good sign. The ominous music continued, growing louder, louder, louder! Then, right before the climax of the song, the piano halted in telling its story. Sasuke listened carefully, hoping with all hope that what he had just heard in his head was just his imagination on steroids. But it wasn't. The piano started playing again, faster than before, much faster. In mere seconds, the black haired boy's heart was beating just as fast. He felt sick, ready to vomit any moment, any second. The torment grabbed his eyes and forced him to silently cry. He summoned every ounce of his remaining courage and forced himself to walk back and step into the dreaded Movie Theater.
A vampire movie was playing on the giant screen. And then, in the fifth row of seats, Sasuke saw a sight that was much, much more horrifying that what he could ever imagine. Blood trickled down the steps. How Sasuke despised that crimson liquid, how he hated that it was the sign that everything near and dear to him would be taken away.
Kakashi sensei was dead, his head crushed open, and hanging upside down from the ceiling. Below his mutilated body was Itachi, having sex with Sakura.
A/N: Yep. That's the end of the chapter. Now, I bet half of you readers are probably wondering if Kakashi's really dead or not. I won't tell. Or rather I can't, but it's all the same thing, isn't it? With some luck I'll be able to post the next chapter of this within a week. (Not having internet really does suck, ya know? Oh wait, you don't because YOU do!) Anyway, I am praying that you liked this new chapter. If you wish to tell me the story's great, or if you wish to tell me it sucks, please do so by reviewing. After all, an author can't see how well he (or she, but I am a he so that's why I said he. Deeply sorry if I offended anybody by it, but I seriously doubt I did) is doing if his readers don't review and let him (once again, or her) know. Thanks literally a ton for reading and please review and continue to read the updates.
Oh, here's a random thing you probably didn't remember: In chapter 16 it said that the mansion had only five floors. Sasuke must have a magical elevator in his shower, hmm?