Written by: Crack God
Disclaimer: Not mine.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Chapter Twenty-OneKurenai, The Dictator
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Shikamaru glanced over his shoulder. To his relief, no one was there. He took a few steps forward, opened a door, and entered Sasuke's room. He tip-toed into the bathroom, making sure no one could hear him. He took a step up and was in Sasuke's shower. He looked around for a red button. He found it directly below the showerhead and pressed it. Then, the elevator took him up to the thirteenth floor.
He walked down the narrow hallway and knocked on a broom closet's door.
"You may enter," an eerie voice replied.
Shikamaru obeyed, closing the door behind him. Before him was the judge, his cow somehow fitting inside beside him. A white curtain was pulled back, revealing horizontal shelves filled with an assortment of items, ranging from drugs to Pikachu panties. The lazy ninja looked up and down these shelves until he found the item that he was so desperately searching for, the item that was essential to winning the next task.
Laxatives.
"How many laxatives can I buy with fifty bucks?" Shikamaru asked.
"All of them," the judge replied. "Fork over the dough."
Shikamaru paid the man his life savings of fifty dollars and scooped up all of the laxatives in his arms. "Thanks," he replied. "You really don't know how much I need these."
"Pleasure doing business with you," the judge spoke. "Come back anytime. I have anything you'll ever need."
Shikamaru nodded his head in appreciation and went outside of the cramped broom closet. He went back to the elevator and took the elevator back down.
But this time the shower wasn't empty. In fact, there were two in it before Shikamaru had joined them.
"Kakashi sensei, we really need to find a better place to do shit than in Sasuke's shower," Sakura whined. "It's the only one with elevator access."
"Hmm," Kakashi pondered. "How about on one of the breakfast tables then?"
"Works for me," Sakura replied. The two lovers (not as in the Lovers group) then wrapped towels around their naked bodies and left Shikamaru all by his little lonesome self.
Shikamaru stared at Sasuke's toilet, and then at the laxatives he held in his arms. "I guess this is a good place to start…" he mumbled aloud. He then proceeded to take care of business, without even bothering to close the door.
The weight-loss competition had begun.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"You know, you really do need to lose some wait," Kakashi commented to his girlfriend.
"I do not!" Sakura protested, stuffing another three cookies into her mouth.
Kakashi wore a look of disgust on his face. "I'm sorry, but we're going to have to stop seeing each other until you slim down some. Gaining fifty pounds in one night is not healthy."
"I'll have you know that it is perfectly healthy," Sakura said matter-of-factly. "Wait, hold on. I need to catch my breath."
Kakashi stopped and waited for Sakura. The two of them had walked only ten steps.
"Huh, huh, huh, huh," Sakura heaved. She then proceeded to cough and choke on her own vomit.
"I'm sorry, but you need to get healthy. Now," Kakashi said. He then walked away from Sakura, knowing that she had no chance of catching up.
"KAKASHI! WAIT!" Sakura screamed. She then ran as fast as she could, but then stopped after taking 4.78 steps for another cookie break. She continued this pattern for about twenty minutes until she realized that there was no way that she could catch up to Kakashi.
Once she had eaten all of her cookies, she then started munching on the tomato-flavored carpet of Sasuke's room. It was good.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"Okay, girls," Kurenai announced at eleven o'clock that morning. "All of us need to lose some serious weight. I don't like the idea of being tied in first place with the Freaks group. I mean, they are all a bunch of freaks. So, starting now we are going to go outside and hike around the island until morning. You are not aloud to eat or drink anything. Not even water. We're going to win this task, even if it kills half of you in the process. Got it?"
"Yes ma'am!" Tenten, Ino, Hinata, Temari, and Sakura shouted back while saluting. "All hail the evil dictator! All hail! Kurenai has given us a second chance of life and we must obey. If we are not obedient, then may a bolt of lightning come down and strike us now."
Hinata took this time after the chant as an opportunity to shove a doughnut into her fat cheeks. Just then, a bolt of lightning came down through the ceiling and fried the pleasantly plump girl, drying up most of the water in her body.
"Everyone, look at Hinata," Kurenai ordered. Her group obeyed in fear. "She just lost twenty pounds of water weight. Water can account for more than half of your body weight. That is why I am not allowing you to drink any of it. Okay?"
"Yes ma'am!" Tenten, Ino, Hinata (still on the ground), Temari, and Sakura shouted back while saluting. "All hail the evil dictator! All hail! Kurenai has given us a second chance of life and we must obey. If we are not obedient, then may a heard of water buffalo come and stomp us now."
Hinata glanced around and put a cookie to her lips. Suddenly, the wall to the left shattered and a heard of stampeding buffalo (In single file) came and stomped on just Hinata, careful to avoid hitting anyone else. After about 5,000 hooves had trodden on the poor girl, the water buffalo left and went back outside, still in the single filed line.
To this, Kurenai had nothing to say.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Lee, Gai, Kankuro, Kiba, Akamaru, and Sasuke all stared at the other two members of their group. Gaara would refuse to take off the gourd on his back that weighed over one hundred pounds and could make or break their chances of winning the task. Shino, on the other hand, was crammed full of bugs that could come out.
Gai sensei stared at the two hauntingly. Finally, he opened his mouth and spoke, "Everyone, I have reached a decision. Kiba, grab Shino's left leg. Kankuro, take his left. Shake him upside down until every one of his bugs is outside of his body.
Kiba and Kankuro obeyed their new idol. Together, they grabbed Shino by the ankles and held him upside down. Then they started to shake the bug boy. Shino's sunglasses fell off, revealing that his eyes were swarming with bugs.
Soon the bugs that fell from the boy covered the entire floor in a moving, crawling black blanket. Sasuke's eye's widened in fear. He quickly climbed the walls, trying to get away from the swarm, trying to forget that horrible, horrible day when he was only five years old.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Flashback
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Sasuke was outside, bathing in the warm waters of the Uchiha Hot Springs. Itachi, being the prankster that he was, put several cockroaches in his little brother's unoccupied underwear. When the little Uchiha got out, he put his clothes back on. At first, there was this annoying itchiness in his pants, but soon something bit his most sensitive area. He then spent the next month in the hospital trying to reverse the damage that had been done.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
End Flashback
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Soon the bugs piled up so much that they reached Gai sensei's thighs. Kiba and Kankuro continued shaking, and the bugs continued to spill out.
Sasuke, his fear ever-growing, climbed higher up the walls and onto the ceiling. He then crawled upside-down out of the room, but hit his head on the door in the process and fell. His landing squished several hundred thousand bugs to death.
"My precious! You killed my precious!" Shino hissed and tried to break free from Kiba and Kankuro's grip, but was unable to do so. By now his head was in the swarm and he was about to suffocate.
"Hey, wait a second?" Kiba asked. "Where's Akamaru?"
Meanwhile, in the corner of the room, Akamaru was being raped by a thousand bugs at once.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
End of Chapter Special
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The Kool-Aid man pleasantly sipped his tea, sitting by the fireplace. read-n-review was astonished. He had just stolen Crack God's house and wasn't letting him update.
Crash! A shattering of glass announced the r-n-r's entrance into the house… via broken window.
And then the squirrels came through the opening. And they wanted Kool Aid. But first they wanted to have a pool party. So they followed r-n-r to the Kool Aid man and used him as a pool. They then got wild and the girl squirrels took off their bikini tops.
After all the crackiness was over, the squirrels drank all of the Kool-Aid man's kool aid and that is how the squirrels saved Crack God.
(mini a/n: No, I am not proud of myself)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
A/N: Review.