Written by: Crack God
Disclaimer: I don't own…. Blah blah… You've heard it before…- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Chapter Twenty-Two Bye-bye, Buggy Boy!- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"Ino!" Kurenai yelled. "Run faster! And stop trying to drink the salt water!" Ino, who was at the shore trying to glug down the ocean, gave a skeptical look at Kurenai. The girls had been outside for three hours of nothing but running, and Ino felt like taking a break.Kurenai had already lost forty-five of her fifty recently gained pounds (from eating watermelon). She had claimed this was because she was a 'hard worker', but all the girls knew that she paid a surgeon to suck off all of her fat.
A shark swam up in the shallows of the water near Ino.
"What exactly constitutes as weight loss?" Ino asked her elder.
"To what extent?" Kurenai asked, puzzled.
"If a shark bites off a piece of my stomach, then I'll directly lose that weight, right?" Ino questioned.
"…Sure," Kurenai hesitantly replied.
Ino was free! She jumped into the water and swam towards the shark. The shark, however, was terrified of the ball of fat swimming towards itself, and tried to swim away. Ino, however, grabbed the creature's tail, making it impossible to move any further.
"Bite me, you bitch!" Ino screamed. "Bite me and make it rough!"
After the shark refused to bite the blonde, Ino got very hungry. She glanced over at Kurenai, who was busy hounding on Temari.
"Stop flying on top of your fan!" The Dictator yelled. "Walk on your own damn two legs."
Ino took this opportunity to swallow the shark in one giant mouthful. When she came out of the water and rejoined Kurenai, she looked oddly deformed.
"Err, Ino, why to you have a dorsal fin sticking out of your back?" Hinata asked with much concern.
With that, Ino proceeded to growing gills and then repeatedly saying 'Water! I need water!'. Kurenai's response to this was the same as before. And when Ino's leg's disappeared, she was forced to drag her new blue stomach across the beach.
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Shikamaru stood upon his own personal weight scale. He was now eighty-three pounds, and his weight seemed to be decreasing as he just stood there.
"That's not enough, Shikamaru," Kakashi said with a hint of disappointment. "You've only lost forty-eight pounds. You're going to have to shit off some more."
They were both in Sasuke's bathroom.
"And why do I have to be the only one to take laxatives?" Shikamaru asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Because you're the only one who's worried about showing off your girlish figure," Kakashi replied with ease.
"True," Shikamaru agreed. He then proceeded to scarf down another laxative with much joy, and then took his usual place on the toilet.
Meanwhile, Naruto and Neji were lazily stuffing whole pizzas into their mouths. They didn't have to worry about gaining weight because they had very high metabolisms.
Asuma, however, found that smoking twenty packs of cigarettes a day helped him stay slim.
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Gai sensei opened a window and soon trillions of bugs flew out of it. 'Twas the quickest way to clean his room.
Akamaru ran over to the window with a sad look and puppy dog eyes. He would miss his new buggy friends very much. He then cried and became an emo doggy. He found Gai's shaving razor and used it to cut his paws.
By now it was 8 o'clock at night. And Gaara was sleeping on the floor.
"Aww, Gai sensei, come and look at the cutesy wutesy Gaara take a nappy-poo!" Sasuke screeched in joy. He then stroked Gaara's gourd.
"Quickly! Replace his gourd with this much lighter Styrofoam replica," Gai exclaimed. He pulled out the Styrofoam replica from inside his closet.
Kankuro snuck up behind his little brother and quietly slid the gourd off of Gaara's back. Gai then replaced it with the replica. The only difference between the two was that the replica was filled with multi-colored body glitter. (It was Gai's personal collection.)
"Hey, where'd Shino go?" Kiba asked.
After much searching, Shino's jacket, pants, and a pair of Pikachu panties were found. The panties were believed to belong to Lee, seeing as he snatched them from Kiba's hands and then ran into the closet.
"Umm… I think we killed Shino," Kiba spoke. "I think he's made of bugs. Literally."
"So…?" Gai said. He didn't care about Shino at all. He wasn't fun to play with at all.
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A/N: … review?