I don't own: Twilight, by Vanessa Carlton, Some Days You Gotta Dance, by the Dixie Chicks, Scars, by Poppa Roach, or Let Me Go, by 3 Doors Down.
Different
Chapter Eight: The Anti-Dance Part II
Hello, me back with Part II! Hope you enjoy this!
Also, I'm sorry for any abnormally long spaces or spaces between paragraphs.
"Another slow song coming your way after this here song!"
We danced, when, at the middle of the song, Gar leaned over to me.
"Raven, would you like to dance? With me?"
I froze, and somewhere a lamp fell over. I swallowed, trying to calm my emotions.
If he asks me, I know I'd say yes.
This was bad. Very, very bad.
My heart was beating faster, my legs were shaking; I nervously tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. The chemistry had been building all night. Now, it had nearly reached its breaking point.
It's funny how a single question can throw you into emotional turmoil.
The song had ended, and now the first strains of the songs were beginning.
Gar's face was falling lower and lower. It had a strange effect on me; I couldn't- I wouldn't see him sad.
"Okay." I said shakily, my voice whispery and afraid.
He grinned, and my heart didn't exactly return to its regular tempo. Instead, it started beating faster. Tentatively, I wrapped my arms around his neck, and his arms went around my waist. My heart beat with something, from the rhythm and something else.
I was stained, with a role, in a day not my own
But as you walked into my life you showed what needed to be shown
Quite oddly, this seemed close what Gar did- or is doing. I had a purpose, to "destroy the world as we know it", according to my father's note. But then he came to me, one day, going to be beat up by Terra Markov.
And I always knew, what was right I just didn't know that I might
Peel away and choose to see with such a different sight
I made more friends since then, in Kori and Rich, in Vic and Jo, and hell, Mrs. Logan's cooking too.
And I will never see the sky the same way and
I will learn to say good-bye to yesterday and
I will never cease to fly if held down and
I will always reach too high cause I've seen, cause I've seen, twilight
I stared into Gar's eyes, completely unnerved by the caring and wonder I saw there. How did he see me, Raven Roth, Raven the Goth, Raven the outcast, and, according to Malchior, Raven the odd.
Never cared, never wanted
Never sought to see what flaunted
So on purpose so in my face
Couldn't see beyond my own place
For a moment, I wished that I could "tap" into his head, and get inside there, to figure out how he really saw me. To read his thoughts, to analyze his actions, to… to…
See if he liked me…
And it was so easy not to behold what I could hold
But you taught me I could change
Whatever came within these shallow days
I couldn't deny, denounce, or try to swallow this incredible attraction I felt tonight. I had been sincerely hoping that he had seen me dance, though it may have been bad, and then ask me to a slow dance.
Maybe he felt the same thing, you never know…
And I will never see the sky the same way and
I will learn to say good-bye to yesterday and
I will never cease to fly if held down and
I will always reach too high cause I've seen
Cause I've seen
I found myself wishing he never had to let go…
As the sun shines through it pushes away and pushes ahead
Gar surprised me by pulling me closer to him, giving me the courage to wrap my arms tighter around his neck.
Since when was he two inches taller than me?
It fills the warmth of blue and leaves a chill instead and
His arms tightened around my waist, and a sweet pain shot through me.
Please, never, ever let go…
I didn't know that I could be so blind to all that is so real
But as illusion dies I see there is so much to be revealed
Kori and Rich were dancing again. Rich was obviously surveying the scene behind his sunglasses, as Kori leaned closer as if to hug him and bring him even closer. I wished for that.
At that moment, and with that thought, I knew our relationship- mine and Gar's- would never be the same again.
And I will never see the sky the same way and
I will learn to say good-bye to yesterday and
I will never cease to fly if held down and
I will always reach too high cause I've seen, cause I've seen, twilight
"Enjoying yourself?' Gar asked me, catching me off guard.
I made a contended noise, further startling myself.
I was stained, by a role, in a day not my own
But as you walked into my life you showed what needed to be shown
The Book of Azar said it was dangerous to love.
But they never did specify why.
And I always knew, what was right
I just didn't know that I might
Would I lose total control of my powers? Would the "end of the world" come sooner? Or, did what everyone else said, that you could get hurt?
Peel away and choose to see with such a different sight
I knew then, that someday I'd find out the hard way.
And I will never see the sky the same way and
I will learn to say good-bye to yesterday and
I will never cease to fly if held down and
I will always reach too high cause I've seen, cause I've seen, twilight…
The ending of the song wasn't sudden at all. The sweet, haunting, melodic sound went into a crescendo and then faded away. Through it all, Gar and I were still dancing.
He never let go.
It was about five to five on Friday
And we were all getting to go
I danced to the infectious bluegrass beat and tune, enjoying the twang of the singer's voice. The music was light, as was the message.
And the boss started screaming
His veins begin to show
I never thought that country could be so entertaining. Ashlee seemed to like the song; a huge smile lit on her face.
I tear my heart open
I sew myself shut!
Kathryn, Jo, Annie and Ashlee went into a well-planned dance routine. They had an interpretative dance, complete with hand motions and everything.
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us
David and Drake tried to dance along with them, as Vic stood in the back doing the funky chicken with Gar. Rich stood, his arms crossed over his chest defiantly, in the "I don't do dance" position.
That is, until Kori appeared and started to dance. Then he gave in.
That the past is real
"Enjoying it?" Jo shouted to me.
"Of course!" I shouted back.
I had never known the joy that dancing could bring you. I may sound clichéd, but it was true. Not the dancing that ballet girls would do, nor the tap dancers. This was something new, something completely different. This was the true dancing of the soul.
I tear my heart open
Just to feel
If I hadn't sounded clichéd before, I sure did now.
We danced for the remaining half hour, holding on to the feeling that had swelled inside us while we held on to each other and had danced to that song. I accepted the fact that Garfield Logan was going to hold a new place in my eyes; not only as the first guy to dance with me, but as the first…
Well, it was going to be a first. I just haven't decided what one it was yet.
"All right, everybody!" Jo called into the microphone. "This is the last song of the night. I sincerely hope you enjoyed yourself. We're making a difference! We're rebelling!"
The crowed whooped and cheered for Jo, as she grinned, and held a single CD in her hand.
"This is a song you've been requesting all night. Make way for "Let Me Go", by 3 Doors Down!"
To say that the room exploded would be an understatement. People started whooping, clapping, stomping, and making all the noise that they could. The sound grew in my chest, and I closed my eyes, enjoying the luxurious feeling of it, when it died away.
"Let Me Go." Jo stated, placing the CD into the disk player, and pressing play.
The sweet sound of acoustic sounding guitars filled my ears, and my eyes met Gar's.
How did he really feel about me?
One more kiss could be the best thing
But one more lie could be the worst
And all these thoughts are never resting
And you're not something I deserve
Now matter what else I tried to think of- tofu, animal rights, the color green, even- my thoughts went right back to Gar. I truly hoped that I wasn't going insane.
In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
How could he ever like Terra? She was a two-faced backstabbing bitch. She ripped his heart out and stomped it into little pieces. I had seen his eyes that night, and for the rest of the week. His voice was laughing, but his eyes were hurt.
And for that matter, how could he ever like me? Could he like me? Could he? Would he?
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me
I danced, forsaking my thoughts of "What If". I'd just worry myself into a hole and wind up pouring dirt all over it. Again, my eyes caught Gar's. An unspoken agreement passed between us; we were to dance together, though not together.
Somehow, it made perfect sense in my head.
You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm tore between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don't know who I am
If he did love me, there was the book of Azar to consider. Could I hurt him? I didn't want to her him!
So let me go
Let me go
Please, forget me, I silently begged him. You couldn't get hurt then. How can you trust anyone, especially after Terra? Could you give yourself up to me, forget someone you thought you knew?
I dream ahead to what I hope for
And I turn my back on loving you
I couldn't love Garfield Logan. I couldn't hurt him, or even give my father any power over me. It wouldn't be worth it, all my father would get is leverage!
How can this love be a good thing
When I know what I'm going through
I knew what my father would do. He'd hold Gar against me, use him as leverage, he'd… he'd…
This wouldn't be good. I wasn't only afraid of rejection; I was afraid of what could be done to him.
In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me
I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment. The music had struck a chord in my heart. It sent it singing, and that same sweet pain coursed through me for a moment. Who was doing this to me? Was it all a trick by my father, or Slade?
Or, was it really what I thought it was?
You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm tore between this life I lead and where I stand
You love me but you don't know who I am
He couldn't love me! No one could love me.
I'M NOT WORTH IT!
So let me go
Just Let me go...
Let me go
"Raven?" He asked, sending my nerves singing momentarily, "Are you okay?"
My heart swelled with affection for him.
No matter how hard I try
I can't escape these things inside
I know
"I'm okay." I insisted. "No, really. I'm okay."
The doubtful expression stayed on his face, but he nodded as if he understood me.
I know
When all the pieces fall apart
You will be the only one who knows
Who knows
"Don't love me." I whispered, completely inaudible, due to the music. "Please, Gar, don't love me. I wouldn't know what to do."
You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm tore between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go
Just let me go
To my utter disbelief, I realized that lone tears were making their way down my cheeks. I sniffed, knowing too well that Gar would once again ask me if I was okay.
And I knew that I could only lie for so long.
And you me but you don't
You love me but you don't
You love me but you don't know who I am
Finally, I reached a decision. I won't love him. I'll just distance myself from him more than usual. He could love me- but I wouldn't risk loving him back.
It could only bring him harm.
And you love me but you don't
You love me but you don't
Accidentally, Gar's back brushed against my side. The sweet pain came rushing back, and I choked on my breath.
You love me but you don't know me
We wound up looking at each other while the music faded. Our looks matched each other's- pensive, empathic, and just plain gazing.
The applause started, as well as the whooping and noise. The lights flickered back on, nearly blinding us from three hours of darkness. The mini disco ball kept spinning, sending odd colored splotches over Gar's face.
"Well, those who set up need to say here, but GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE!" Jo shouted, "Ja ne, minna-san!"
I gave her an odd look.
She shrugged. "It means: Later, everyone, in Japanese." She thought for a moment, and then added, "I probably mispronounced it, too."
The floor had cleared out, and I saw that we had some work left for us. It didn't take long to pick up the trash, and soon the floor, and the food room, was almost completely back to normal.
"Now," Katie declared, "Is time for I Never."
"I never what?" I asked, confused.
Kathryn sent me a withering look. "It's a party game, Raven."
"The rules of 'I Never' are simple. Think up something that you've never done, say it aloud, and whoever had done it has to take a shot." Jo said, and added, "Well, normally, you play this game with shots of alcohol, and since there is no alcohol in this vicinity, and we're all underage, we'll have to settle for lemon juice instead."
Em went off to put in another CD, and Yellowcard began playing "Way Away".
We all sat in a circle, facing one another, with plastic cups and a bottle of lemon juice in the middle.
"Since no one's going, I'll go." Ashlee started. "I've never… been written about in the newspaper."
We all looked oddly at her for a second.
"I believe that now is the time to ingest the juice of lemons."
Most of us did, except for Kathryn and Vic. My eye twitched momentarily, shocked by the sour taste.
Since we were going clockwise, Kori went next. "I have never played games of videos for more than four hours."
Not to my surprise, Gar, Vic, and Rich all downed some, along with Annie and Em.
I went after her. "Let's see…I've…never been in a relationship before."
Not many people took a drink, though Gar did, rather sadly.
"She said so…" I heard him whisper.
We went on, learning about each other along the way. For instance, Vic has skydived before, Rich never has eaten lunch meat, and Kori has bitten somebody (a surprising number of people have, too.). Aurora did move to New Jersey, Em has had surgery, and Gar got a speeding ticket while in Driver's Ed.
A number of people had dropped out, from uncontrollable twitching to curfews. At the end, it was between Vic and Rich.
"I've never played on a sports team." Rich smirked.
"Ooooh, low blow, Rich." Jo called.
Vic grouchily took a sip.
It went on like this for another song, and in the middle of "Believe", Vic came up with: "I've never liked anyone before."
Rich stared at him, hands clutching his plastic cup.
Then he downed it
The room exploded in cheers, now that Rich was visibly twitching. Vic raised his arms above his head in triumph.
"Take that, Birdman!"
"Birdman?"
"Yeah! You've got a log a bird watching in your room, something about robins."
Rich grumbled, but stopped only after Kori threw her arms around his neck.
"Hey, Rae?"
"Raven, Gar."
"Yeah. Sorry. You're not gonna kill me for, you know, earlier on…"
Earlier on. He was talking about dancing.
"No, not at all." I said, looking into those green eyes of his. "It was…nice."
He smiled, and for a single moment the pain returned. But by now, it was welcome.
Kori walked into her house with me, looking ready to drop where she was standing.
"Are you gonna stay the night, Raven? I don't think that your father's home yet…" She yawned.
"Yeah, I'll stay. Jus' let me change into something more comfortable…."
That night I stayed at Kori's, and went to sleep remembering the feeling of Gar's arms around me.
I smiled into the dark, wishing that I could see him one more time tonight…
You love me but you don't
You love me but you don't
You love me but you don't know me…
AH, YES! After almost two months, this is FINISHED. Don't worry, the story's not done yet- it's just beginning!
I don't own: Twilight, by Vanessa Carlton, Some Days You Gotta Dance, by the Dixie Chicks, Scars, by Poppa Roach, or Let Me Go, by 3 Doors Down.
Reviewer Responses:
RyokoJesseandFiend: I'll be honest. I was offended. Well, then skip it next time. I don't mean to offend you either, but it'll be in there the next time. As for Evanescence- well, I think it's very Raven-ish. And I happen to be a huge fan. And thanks for not being another glomper. They get annoying.
animegoddess12345: Ah, too creepy. LYL- Love ya lots. Thanks, I like being appreciated. Well, be on your way.
moo: COOL! You're an Evanescence/Good Charlotte/Green Day fan too! wo0t! And don't worry, you'll only have to wait and see if Trigon gets the crap beat outta him. As for dancing… this chapter answer your question?
lexie515: -bows to applause- Thank you, thank you.
EveningCatMoon: -fends off evil rabid kitties with catnip- I swear, this was going to be updated sooner, a HELL of a lot sooner, but then came my good ol' friend writer's block. –grinds teeth together-
NinjaMuffin13: Oooh, another fan! Yay! Thanks!
ILUVBBRAE: So, what's YOUR favorite pairing? Hee hee.
dl316bh: Well, ookay then. But I can tell you that Raven wearing white is in the last chapter. Just a little spoiler there.
Tritium: Thanks for the compliment. And how many chapters will this have? Well, there's a ninth, a tenth, an eleventh, and definitely a twelfth… probably more. I honestly don't know, because these ideas just keep coming, and people just keep suggesting.
TTrules: Thanks, I sure will. But updates will always be infrequent.
ILUVBBRAE: Hey, you reviewed twice. COOL! You know, those darned producers won't let me have them, no matter how many times tell them I that I can GREATLY improve Beastboy's and Raven's relationship. Hmph.
Sarah1218: No, we never did- and we never will, because that's a dead plot line. It messes with what I have in mind, from now on.
raven of the darkest: I'm trying to update, I SWEAR. I try really hard, but life and writer's block gets in the way… and sorry, I'm not allowed to AIM
iforgetmyname: Ooh, thanks. You better like it, and remember what I told you about the DCC? –smiles- See you soon!
Thanks, and please, please, please REVIEW!