A/N: This is just a hilarious little drabble I thought of. Don't mind me!
The Rules of Akatsuki
He almost walked by the large board that displayed the rules of the Akatsuki hanging on the wall, but today Pein's eyes were caught by the structure. His eyebrow twitched as he glanced up at the colorful chalk additions made to the stark white rules, smirking as he looked at each on turn.
1. Do not kill fellow Akatsuki members. Except Kakuzu, which had been written in Pein's own hand in orange chalk. Like he could fucking kill me written just below in pink chalk. Obviously Hidan.
2. No desertion. That means you too, Orochimaru, written in Sasori's elegant script in red chalk. After Orochimaru's desertion, this had been crossed out in orange chalk. The board had long since had no erasers after mischievous members had erased some of the rules.
3. You must wear your uniform at all times on your mission. Hidan is not required to wear a shirt, the pink chalk amended yet again. Pein's eyebrow twitched. When had that exception been made? He almost missed the tiny print underneath that read Neither is Konan... written in small, jagged letters in pink. His eyebrow now twitched a bit more violently.
4. Always wear your rings and never lose them. That means you too, Orochimaru, written again in Sasori's hand. And don't take the rings with you or you will get charged, written below in Kakuzu's heavy script in purple.
5. Zetsu is not to bring his food into the hideout. Especially if it is a shark, written in bright blue chalk in Kisame's scrawling letters.
6. No consorting with other members. Especially Orochimaru, written in red chalk but in Itachi's stern lettering. Below that, Do not hit on Konan, written in pale blue chalk in her subdued, elegant handwriting. That means you too, Leader-sama, written in the same tiny pink handwriting, barely visible. Pein's expression was almost one of anger, though his impassive gaze would have been unreadable to any onlookers.
7. Everyone does chores. Tobi does all the chores now, written in yellow chalk in large letters. Deidara.
8. If you have to die, then at least do so in a dignified manner. The rules had gotten past the point of being written in orange chalk, these more recent rules added by the members themselves. This particular rule was written by Kakuzu. Chopping off my head every five fucking minutes does not count as diginified, added below in Hidan's script.
9. Do not blow up parts of the hideout. Sasori's flowing script had been written in large letters this time, making it very visible. He meant you, Deidara, written in large letters below in Itachi's handwriting.
10. Do not eat fish around Kisame. The bold blue chalk looked almost frantic, with the word "not" underlined with Itachi's red chalk.
11. Zetsu-senpai is not to be watered. This was written in orange chalk, but the lettering was large and immature, not Pein's compact, severe script. Tobi... Below that, black chalk read Or I will kill you while white chalk next to it amended He didn't mean that.
At the very bottom of the list, Konan's light blue chalk had taken up a large amount of space, declaring severely 12. Akatsuki is not a dating service! amended below in tiny pink letters Especially you, Leader-sama.
Pein frowned, looking back up at rule 6, but he soon chuckled lightly. His comrades really were something else. As he looked up at the sixth rule, Konan slipped through the door behind him unheard. She too frowned up at the pink lettering underneath and took out her light blue chalk and amended underneath Pein is exempt from this rule. His gray eyes widened slightly, wondering what she was thinking. With a sly smile, she curled her hand around his neck, pulling him down as her lips met his, grinning at his shocked expression. It didn't look any different from his usual expression, though she saw the slight widening of his eyes clearly. He smirked, retaliating by slipping his arm around her waist, pulling her up to meet his lips again. This was one rule he would be breaking often.