Chapter Four: What have you done?
Edward sat peacefully in Carlisle's study, a glue stick in one hand and a rolled up page from "Anatomy of man" in the other. He sighed. It was a work of beauty. He had decided to give the pirate ship to Emmett. He applauded himself on being able to make the tiny features of the boat with merely a few pages of some old book. It had a crow's nest, a rigging, a captain's study, a tiny steering wheel and even a little cabin boy perched precariously on the rigging. He smiled and added it to his sac, it was nearly time to give out the presents, where was that blasted elf?
Meanwhile downstairs Bella was happily chewing on half of the skirt from Rosalie's wedding dress under the piano, Rosalie watched her from the couch. How dare she ruin her special day? She would get Emmett to make puppy soup when he got back. Where was he anyway? He had been gone at least fifteen minutes. She sighed and took up the bride's magazine to wallow in her despair.
Emmett was actually still in the act of preparing Rosalie's starter. He stood over the tied up mushroom that lay on the worktop in the kitchen, pouring over the only recipe book the Cullens owned. Alice glared at him unhappily.
"It says here that I have to fry some onions first" Emmett pondered in silence for a moment and then decided to ask Alice. "How do you fry something Alice?" Alice rolled her eyes and sat up so that she could reach a cupboard on the wall. She opened it and there were the perfectly clean cooking utensils stacked neatly in rows just as they had been when Esme had brought them home at least fifty years ago. She took down a bright red frying pan and set it on the stove.
Many may be wondering why Alice knew how to cook and Emmett didn't. If you are you are clever and should be given a gold star for critical thinking. Well the answering to your wonderings is that Alice took home economics for three years in the nineties, but that's another story.
Emmett stared at Alice in amazement as she took a decanter of oil that stood next to the stove and poured it into the pan, now on the lit stove. It fizzed and Emmett jumped back. Alice patted his arm reassuringly and handed him and onion to chop. Emmett wasn't bad at chopping onions, in fact for someone who would never have to eat food he wasn't a bad cook. Unfortunately Alice didn't stick around to see this because as the budding chef made the first incision into the unpeel onion she crept out the door, her limbs still tied and mouth still gagged.
Jasper added the final touch, Edward would be pleased. He had done a whole room. It sparkled and shined, it flashed and blinded. It was Christmas at it's best. He sighed happily and turned to spread joy through more of the house when Edward burst in.
Edward was more than surprised at what he saw.
"What have you done to my room?" he screeched. Jasper smiled, taking his high pitch as an imitation of himself in admiration of his good Christmas work. Jasper's elf logic was incredibly far from reality which he realised when Edward grabbed him by the shoulders and screaming profanities in his ear. Jasper was startled.
"You told me to put up lights." Jasper's melancholy squeal would have put Bella to shame. "So I did."
"NOT IN MY ROOM!" Edward yelled. "I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE MY ELF ANYMORE!" Jasper hung his head in shame and Edward stormed out of the room to fume somewhere where he could actually see. Jasper had lost his identity, his world was shattered, his life was over. He hated Christmas; he wanted to destroy it, every last bit. He looked up and this time a terrifying grin spread across his face, he would no longer be Jasper, the happy clappy elf who lived to serve. He would be:
"EMO ELF!!!!" he screeched and laughed madly. He grabbed the decorations and began to pull them done. What had Edward done?