AN: Oooooo I've never reached a chapter 10 yet, I'd like to thank my dog and my laptop and of course Stephanie Meyer and that old guy who sometime throws stuff at me on my way back from school…but seriously I'm dedicating this chapter to my mum cos it is her birthday today. Happy Birthday mum!! Here, have some insane with a side order of weird!
Enjoy and please review!
Chapter Ten: An inviting occasion
Rosalie had delayed opening the letter for quite some time, she didn't seem to have many pleasures left in life so things have to be savoured (Rosalie had converted very quickly to the ethos of the London begger, soon she will be scoring heroin and buy a dog with big round eyes.) She inserted a grimy thumb into the seem of the letter and tugged, ripping open inelegantly. She stared blankly at a slip of paper embroidered with gold and purple writing.
Ever wanted to step past the unknown, the mundane, the unfantastical.
Well now is you chance.
Enter into a world of suspense, excitement and….magic.
Presenting: BEDAZZLING BELLA
Type of seat: Charity (and you're to be on your best behaviour Rosalie!)
Rosalie glared at the dazzling writing now smeared with grime from her fingers, mouthing unrecognisable syllables.
"Be-dass-li-en-ga B-e-l-l-ah?" she frowned. "Jasper!" Jasper, who had just strolled into the room, whistling a merry tune to himself while his cat struggled to keep up on the floor, turned to look at her. "Can you read this for me?"
"Surely you can read Rose." Jasper smiled.
"Course I can..." Rosalie grimaced at his patronising tone. "It's jus' there are a lot' a long word thingys and well…I dunno 'ow to read this fancy writin'."
"Well I'm a busy man Rose, I don't know."
"Ah come on, it'll only take a minute." Jasper smiled, he was after all an employee of her majesty the queen, why not?
He took it from her and read it out.
"Awww isn't that nice, Bella's letting you come to her show and what a beautiful letter."
"Yah wan it?" Rosalie perked up. "That'll be a shilling."
"A what? Look Rose I gotta run, gotta get these invites delivered and there's a parcel that hasn't got the correct postage on it, I'm gonna have to do a hell of a lot of paperwork to get that sorted if you'll excuse my French. Good day!"
He dropped the invitation at Rosalie feet but Alice, who had silently crept into the room, caught it before it hit the floor. She examined invite going through a range of hideously elaborate facial expressions as she did so. Rosalie grabbed it and stowed it in her big coat.
"As I said, a shilling." Alice stuck her tongue out and stalked away, her bereted head held high.
Meanwhile Bella was having a little trouble.
"Just explain the trick again." Edward said, unsure.
"I've already explained it a thousand times!" Bella was getting agitated. "You get in the box, I saw you in half, I pull them apart, everyone's happy!"
"Yeah look Bella." He didn't want to upset her. "I'm fine with the whole box thing, loving that bit, can't get enough of it actually but it's just the bit that come next which I'm just a tad concerned with."
"I saw you in half what's the problem?"
"Well…what's to stop me actually getting sawn in half." Bella consulted her book of magic.
"I'm working on that." Edward repressed a sigh. "But I thought if we could just try it maybe I could work it out." Edward still looked sceptical. "Ok…there ARE other tricks; I mean we don't have to do that one I suppose."
"Ok…what are they?" Bella flipped through the heavy volume.
"Erm…oh look here's one! Looks relatively simple. "You get in the box…"
"Yup yup liking it so far."
"…I stick knives into you, we take them out and everyone's happy!"
"Hmmm…now that's the bit I'm not too keen on"
"Oh come on Edward, I'm a magician! Trust me, when have I ever let you down?"
"Well…there was that time on the moors with that donkey you said it would be fine to pet."
"Yeah…that was an devil donkey." Bella shivered. "But apart from that when?"
"The time with crab, that aeroplane collision, that time you put Charlie's wallet in my jacket not to mention cliff diving with a certain unnameable werewolf." Bella looked down at her over shined tap shoes.
"Yeah but…" her bottom lip trembled. "B-b-b-but…" her eyes watered. Edward started backing away.
"Oh no, no you're not getting me that way."
"But E-e-edward, if I don't have a b-b-b-bunny sniff, Alice will…"
"Fine, let's keep looking." Edward surrendered.
"Ok!" Bella perked up. "Now how about sword throwing." Edward groaned.
Alice marched back up to Rosalie (who is the star of this game of dress up if you ask me) and thrusted an invite into her hand, it was red with gold writing which flashed in the light.
"No no no!" Jasper yelled, running out of the kitchen towards them, Emmett was getting increasingly tired by this point. "You can't just hand it to her, that goes against all the postal service stands for. Alice shrugged and pulled the invite out of Rosalie's grimy fingers, shoving it towards jasper impatiently. Jasper examined it. "Ah no, well, I see, hmmm…" Alice looked quizzical.
"Whatsa' matta?" (Rosalie's accent is reeking havoc with my spell checker, I think it's gonna explode any time soon)
"This, my good tramp, has no stamp." Alice mimed 'so' and shrugged her shoulders. Jasper chuckled like a astronomer who has just been asked whether it mattered if Pluto was a planet or not (which it doesn't, Pluto is a planet and that's final! That's the way I learnt it when I was 9 and that is the way it will stay anyway the thingy doesn't fit otherwise, you know…make very easy mash just squash new potatoes or whatever…the point is I've just had a rant in the middle of a story!!!!). "My dear mime…person you can't send a letter without a stamp it's like riding in the grand national without a horse. I'll have to take this back to the office." Alice grabbed the letter. "Very well." He said stonily. "Follow me."
Alice followed him into the kitchen with Rosalie dragging her cart allow behind them.
"What the blazes?" Rosalie cursed.
"This my dears is my post office!" Jasper said proudly, lifting the lid of a counter he had fashioned from the island and standing in front of the rows and rows of pigeon holes (not literally this is just a name for little boxes case you didn't know) and stacks of envelopes which Emmett were now licking and sealing.
"Can I stop now?" Emmett said, hindered slightly by his throbbing tongue which was coated with a large amount of envelope gloop which I'm pretty sure is toxic to cats.
"No, my little Jess, keep working or the children at the orphanage won't receive their letters." Jasper smiled and started typing into the old fashion till which stood to the left of a shop bell on the counter. It took a few minutes of him ignoring her before she realised what he wanted her to do. She rang the bell and Jasper looked up as though he had only just spotted her.
"Good day ms. Do you have a letter for me to deliver?" Alice handed him the letter and rolled her eyes at Rosalie. Rosalie did not see this, she was watching the till and listening for the metallic rattle which she recognised only too well.
Jasper fetched a book of stamps from a shelf and stuck one on the letter.
"That will be two pounds fifty please." Alice nodded and handed him a five dollar bill. He frowned at it, holding it up to the light. "I'm sorry miss but we can't accept this, we don't take euros here." Alice put her arms up in a questioning gesture and mouthed 'what?' "We don't take them here." Jasper said very slowly in an insultingly patronising voice. "You're welcome to try down the street but I doubt you'll have much luck." He tinged the bell. "Next please!" Alice launched herself on jasper, clawing at him to get her letter. She forced him onto the counter as they flailed around knocking envelopes flying.
"Hey! I just sorted those!" Emmett cried out angrily but they weren't listening and neither was Rosalie who had crept round to the till and was now emptying the contents into a mail sac which had hung on the wall. She grabbed her shopping cart and ran for her familiar spot by the door, leaving the post office in a scurry of activity which set letters swirling around the vampires in a tornado of postal efficiency.
AN: Hope you enjoyed it, please review