A/N: This is not a happy story. This is a snippet into Alex's past and we know his father was a drunk who beat his mother. The song lyrics used in this fic are from Missy Higgins' song The River.

"You're a good boy Dr. Karev but you are not a good man…What happened to you?"

The words his patient and her friends had uttered to him kept running through Alex's head, no he wasn't a good man. He didn't need a patient to tell him that, he knew all about that, he made a point to be like that. Being a good boy hadn't done him any good.

-8-8-8-8-

Fourteen years earlier

"Take Cassie and lock the door." His mother told him, pushing them both towards their bedroom. Outside they could hear the sound of his father stumbling up the steps towards the apartment that massacred as a home. It wasn't a home, it was barely bigger than a motel room but they'd been living there for the last six months. Six months in one spot, that was a good run, they didn't usually last more than three. They moved around a lot, following his father as he chased one 'big break' after another. The breaks were never big though, usually they weren't even breaks, and after a few months they packed up and left.

"No Mom! You can't let him keep doing this to you." He knew what was going to happen, they all knew what was going to happen, it happened at least three times a week. His father would come in drunk and start raving about something, something was always wrong and as soon as he found that little thing that was wasn't right the beating would start and his mom would get another bruise, if it was really bad, he'd break her bones.

"Alex please." Behind them they heard the front door open, and his mom pushed both him and his sister into the other room and closed the door.

For ten minutes Alex sat with his little sister playing cards, outside the apartment seemed quiet, maybe tonight would be a good night he thought, but then he heard the sound of a plate smashing, and soon the yelling started. His sister put her cards down and crawled across the bed and into his arms. He held her as tightly as he could, and began praying the fight wouldn't last long. But on the other side of the wall he heard his mother scream and a thump as she was thrown against the wall.

His sister buried her face tighter into his chest and started crying. He pulled her even tighter to him and gently began rocking her. He could still hear his mom begging his father to stop. He could hear his father beating his mother, he could feel his sister crying and as the minutes ticked by he could feel himself getting angry, he could feel a rage inside him building. Really it had been building for a long time, how dare his father hurt the women he loved.

"Cassie, stay here." He said climbing off the bed.

"Alex, what are you doing?" She grabbed hold of him. "Mom told you to stay here too."

"I'm going to help Mom." He said removing her hands from his arm. "Stay here. Everything is going to okay."

He closed the door in his sister's face before she had a chance to stop him. He tried to move as calmly as possible but rage was building inside of him and when he heard his mother scream again 

there was no controlling him. He stepped into the kitchen and lunged at his father; he drew his arm back and hit him hard across the face. His father wasn't expecting the punch, it caught him off guard and he fell to the ground. Alex pulled his arm back and hit him again and again. He heard his mother scream at him to stop but he couldn't stop, something had come over him, years of repressed rage were finally coming out, he couldn't control what he was doing.

"Alex! What are you doing?"

His sister's voice broke through the pounding. He turned his head away from his father's bloody face and looked toward the door. In the door way stood his younger sister, she didn't say anything else, she just stood their staring at him, in her eyes he could see total fear.

"Cassie." He felt his insides twist; he hadn't wanted her to see this. She stood there for another moment and then turned and ran out the front door. He wanted to run after her but right at that moment his father freed his arm and hit him hard across the face.

She ran until her face was numb with cold and
Wore a cotton gown that blazed the night untold.
She ran until her feet refused to hold
So heavy a heart for someone merely ten years old.

Alex fell back hard against a cupboard, his head cracked against the wood and for a moment he couldn't see. Then he felt his father's fist connect with the side of his face. His father had never hit him before, he saved all the battery for his mother, but this time was different, he'd thrown the first punch. His father only got in one more good hit before Alex regained his balance and was able to fight back. He attacked his father with a fury he'd never felt before. He used techniques he'd learnt in wrestling to get his father to the ground and then he started hitting him again.

In the corner he could hear his mother begging him to stop but couldn't stop, not until he was sure his father wouldn't start again. He hit his father until he stopped fighting back, until he lay unconscious on the floor.

He stood up slowly and stepped away, inside himself he could feel his heart pumping and his whole body shaking. He was covered in blood, some of it his own, but most of it his father's. He watched his mother crawl across the floor, her face was a mess of blood and tears, she stopped beside his father and ran her hand down the side of his face.

"Alex, what have you done?" She asked him, her voice shaking.

"I…I had to stop him hurting you." He said the words choking in his mouth. He watched his mother turn away from him, she began trying to wipe the blood from his father's face. "He can't keep hurting you." He whispered but his mother didn't say anything to him, she wouldn't even look at him. He stood there for another moment and then walked out the front door. He had to find his sister; he had to make her understand.

And when she reached the river her knees began to shiver,
Her head with pounding voices from home.
Behind her was a vision, a painful apparition
Of a darker world that no-one should know.



"Cassie!" Alex screamed at the top of his lungs. "Come out! I'm sorry." He waited a moment praying that he might hear her call out to him, or even the sound of her crying but all he could hear were cars driving along the road.

He'd been looking for his sister for over an hour now. He had no idea where she was and he was running out of places to look. He'd looked all around their building, in all the spots she usually hid in but she wasn't in any of them. That in its self hadn't really surprised him, this time she wasn't hiding from their father she was hiding from him and she'd told him all her hiding places.

"Cassie!" He called again. "Please come out. I'm sorry, you weren't supposed to see that." He began walking down their street toward the centre of the town. As he walked he looked in every front yard but she wasn't in any of them. The further he walked the more worried he became, it wasn't like Cassie to run off, but then it wasn't like him to fight his father either.

She dived beneath the water's icy skin,
Hoping the cold would kill the smell of angry gin,
And her eyes grew wider than they'd ever been
Just wishing the numbness to cut deeper with its pins.

"Cassie!" Alex screamed again, his cries were getting more desperate but they were also getting quieter, he was beginning to loose his voice. He'd been walking the streets of the town for nearly two hours now and there was no sign of his sister. He was beginning to think maybe she'd gone home, he hoped she'd gone home because he was almost at the edge of the town, if she wasn't there; there weren't too many other places she could be.

"Cassie!" He called again. He needed to find her, he need to find her so he could talk to her, so he could explain what he was doing, why he was doing it. He needed to tell her he wasn't a monster, that he wasn't like their father, that he was trying to protect them, that he'd never hurt her. He'd already hurt her though, that look on her face, the look she'd given him when she'd seen him, when she'd seen what he was doing. She'd looked terrified, she'd looked betrayed.

"Cassie!" Alex cried one last time. He'd reached the far edge of the town there were no more house, no more front yards, just a river. He hadn't found her and he'd run out of places to look. He let out a sigh and began to turn around, maybe she'd gone home, she had to have gone home. But as he turned something in the water caught his eye, he turned back around and with a sickening horror he realised exactly what it was.

And as her body lay there she decided to stay there
Till darkness came to pull her away.
And beautifully she sank as up river was the bank
Where some bodiless troubles would stay.

"Cassie!" Alex screamed as he ran into the water. He didn't bother taking off his shoes, he didn't bother with any of his clothes, there wasn't time. He could see his sister; he knew exactly where she was.

He dived beneath the waters icy skin, but he didn't notice how cold it was, he was already numb. His insides were twisting and turning into a tight knot making him feel ill. This wasn't happening, this wasn't real he kept telling himself as he dove deeper into the water, that shape on the bottom wasn't really his sister but as he got closer he couldn't keep denying it. His arm wrapped tightly around her body and he began pulling her to the surface.

He knew as soon as he reached the surface she was gone. Her skin was cold and she'd already turned a pale shade of blue. He had no idea how long she'd been in the water but it would have been a long time, if she'd ran straight there from the apartment it would have only taken a few minutes. He'd been searching for her for two hours.

Somebody's bed will never be warm again,
The river will keep this friend.
Yeah somebody's bed will never be warm again,
No never again.

"I'm sorry Cassie, I'm sorry." He began crying as he cradled her in his arms. He didn't know what else to do, there was nothing he could do. He'd already done enough; he'd already cause enough damage. This was all his fault.

Somebody's bed will never be warm again,
The river will keep this friend.
Yeah somebody's bed will never be warm again,
No never again.