Chapter Six: Emmett's test
Emmett lead the Cullens to the front door.
"Now Edward what you have to understand is that when I open this door you are no longer my brother…well vampire adopted brother person, you are merely the enemy." Bella made to say something but Emmett clamped his hand over her mouth. "It is my job as vice president of the club to keep from unworthy members entering the ranks of the chosen ones."
"Come on Emmett, just tell me what the task is." Edward said, stretching out his fingers lazily.
"You're cocky…" Emmett laughed sarcastically. "How amusing. Well you won't be so cocky when you face…." He threw open the door. "The task of dooooooom." Rosalie raised her eyebrows.
"Task of doooooom?"
"Temple of doom was already taken but what you gonna do." Emmett whispered aside. He turned back to Edward who was looking sincerely under whelmed.
"Emmett there's nothing here except your jeep, a pair of roller-skates and…" he picked something pink and fluffy up from the floor. "…a too too?"
"Please say he's gotta wear that!" Alice smiled smugly and Edward growled at her.
"A-ha-ha-ha" Emmett cart wheeled forward in excitement and pointed to a ramp leading from the top of the highest chimney. "Edward Cullen in the next few minutes you will have to skateboard down this ramp on roller skates at break neck speed, pirouette (still in the roller-skates) over to my truck which you must then lift over your head and stand on one leg, then you must collect Bella from the burning flames which will be lit as soon as the task starts, spin her three times round you body and then strap to your back. At this point you will crawl through the muddy ditch of despair without dirtying either your or Bella's clothes and while you are doing that you shall recite Shakespeare's sonnet 130. After that you shall catapult yourself through the air to land on this X" Emmett pointed to a red cross on the ground. "Following that you shall solve a tricky trigonometry question, without a calculator!"
"Ooooo scary." Bella squeaked.
"I know sorry about the flames Bella but we have to give him some insentive."
"No I mean the trigonometry." She shivered. "On a weekend! Torture!"
"You're mad you know that? You'll jump off cliffs but you won't do trigonometry on the weekends?" Alice hissed.
"I'm not!" Bella interjected. "Now Emmett, where are these red hot flames, you'll need to strap me in!"
"Wait!" Emmett's voice rang through the night like a gong. "There is ONE MORE THING" Everyone was silent. "You must do all this while wearing this!!" He heald out a magenta helmet with a water jug strapped to the top.
"Hey!" Alice yelled. "My Bella bal...I mean my football helmet. Use your own!!"
"I couldn't, it wouldn't have fitted. You know how tiny Edward's head is!" Emmett received a sharp blow in the back of the head.
"My head is not small!!"
"Course it isn't darling." Bella stroked his hair off his forehead. "And your hair is not ginger."
"It isn't!!" Bella continued to stroke his hair in what Edward interpreted as patronising pity.
"Anyway…" Emmett continued, clearing his throat. "You shall have to do all this wearing the measuring device of self worth."
"The what excuse me?" Edward asked. Emmett laughed loftily with the air of biology teacher who has been asked to explain the difference between a crocodile and an alligator (seriously I would actually like to know the difference I mean apart from the fact the that alligator says "in a while" and the crocodile says "cya later" so if there is anyone reading who knows just give me a buzz, much appreciated)
"The measuring device of self worth." He held the helmet out to Edward to put on. "We fill it with beans and quite simply if the level drops under the line of mediocrity you are not worthy to be in the club." Everyone nodded as though the level of beans in a jug was a perfectly acceptable way of measuring someone's self worth. Edward rolled his eyes and fastened the buckles thinking that perhaps, it was a little loose after all.
"Alright." Emmett intoned impressively. "Edward Cullen are you ready?" Edward stood straight and tall.
"We who are about to die salute you!"
"Then let the challenge begin!"
AN: I'd just like to explain that that last bit was not a random suicide proclamation from Edward, it is something the gladiators said in ancient…err times when they were about to fight. But maybe you already knew that…just fending off angry reviewers.
I would also like to point out that I am splitting Emmett's task for the following reasons.
a) For dramatosity and suspense.
b) Because it is the bestest and grandest
and
C) Because I don't wanna say goodbye to my beloved fanfic, I love this one! So I am stretching it out over another chapter….I have separation issues.