Well, I havnt updated for a while. Sorry about that. Ok, so.. this update is, I dont know. Its a fair bit OOC i think.

But dont be too harsh coz its 3am and my writing is generally not at its best when its early hours of the morning. But still tell me if its crap, just dont go crazy at me...

I'll Be Here

Walls, a mile high. That was what I had built. These walls do me fine most of the time. They are what keep me stable after a case is left unsolved, after every short relationship ends in disaster and after I am faced with every unanswerable question that manages to surface from my past. Unfortunately though, walls always seem to break and my walls were no exception. Sometimes when I sink myself too deep into something, tell too much or open up and let who ever or whatever it is know something about me, the only thing I feel is a brick being pulled from inside of me and dissolved into dust. This however, only happens on very rare occasions, because I make sure I realise what is happening before it's too late. Build onto my wall making it that much harder for it to break. But now after years and years of misplacing bricks and then putting them back, I was sure my wall was growing weak. So weak that I wasn't sure how much longer it would hold up.

I am sure many people would think this was a good thing, but I know it is far from that. You see, this wall is me. It makes sure no one is able to come so close that they change me, but most of all I know it will put up one hell of a fight against anyone who tries to hurt me. Hurt me so bad that it would take more time then I have on hand to get back to the old me. The real me.

Anyway, this wall was plummeting down, all thanks to one stupid night. I had let myself feel something for someone who I most definitely shouldn't. I don't even know what this 'something' was, but I knew it was something that I hadn't felt in such a long time that if I had ever felt it, all memories of it were long demolished.

"Lil, Boss wants us over at the vic's girlfriend's house to ask her some questions," Scotty said as he walked into the evidence warehouse. The cool ground which I had sat myself down on a while ago seemed unusually comfortable. I stared at the picture of the man who's murder we had been given to investigate that morning, Patrick Matthews. A life cut short in 1985. His blue eyes were crystal like and his smile showed a perfect set of pearly whites. Sometimes it was hard not to close a case unaffected. Unharmed. Most of the victims just looked like regular people. Those kinds of people who would be the ones who would say 'hello' as you walked passed them and give you a smile, though that was not always the case. But Patrick did look the type, the friendly guy, liked by all and that look always made me think deeper and wonder why someone would want to kill this person. Usually the reason when figured out, was nothing that should cause someone to not be able to live their life.

"Now?" I asked after waking up from my thoughts.

"Yeah, when else?" He said quickly.

"Well, sorry," I said sounding a bit more sarcastic then I intended too. I placed the photo in the box and stood up, lifting it with me. I could feel Scotty's eyes watching me as I walked out of the warehouse and to my desk, where I placed the evidence box.

We headed out of the department building and onto the street where I made my way to Scotty's car, which he had parked around the corner.

Neither one of us said a word, both sitting in silence.

"So, think she will give us any leads," Scotty asked.

"Who?" I said not thinking at all.

"Robin. Patrick's girlfriend."

"Oh... not sure," I answered, my voice slightly shaky. No one, I repeat no one had ever had that affect on me. That I couldn't even get out a constructive sentence when their around. But Scotty just had to have me feeling this way now, didn't he? This was just plain embarrassing. "We'll have to wait and see." Well, obviously.

He parked his car out the front of an old building. We both got up and headed inside, up three flights of stairs and walked to Robin's apartment door.

I knocked on it and waited only a few seconds before a women who looked to be in her early fifties answered the door. She peeked her head out of the apartment, her dark brown hair falling into her face.

"Robin Walker?" I asked.

"Yes?" She replied, looking somewhat confused.

"Detective Valens, my partner Detective Rush," Scotty said nodding his head to me, before I could introduce myself. "We're with homicide."

"What is this about?" The women kept the door only open enough to see her face.

"We are looking into the murder of Patrick Matthews and we were hoping we could ask you some questions about him," I explained to her. As soon as I said his name, her face paled and her eyes swelled with tears.

"Of course," She said opening the door completely, for us to come in.

I looked at Scotty and we both walked in, sitting on the small, cream sofa she directed us to. I could feel my arms touching his, sending an instant chill up my spine. I tried to squash myself up to the beige pillow on the side of the sofa, as far away from Scotty as I could get. As immature as it sounded, it sure was a hell of a lot easier to concentrate without sitting practically on his lap.

"So, you were dating him at the time of his death?" Scotty asked as she sat down opposite us.

She nodded her head slowly. "We were very close. Going to get married, you know?"

"That wasn't in the report," I stated.

"It wasn't official, I just know we would have. He was amazing. Kind to all," she explained. "Couldn't understand why someone would want to... want to kill him." She let a tear roll down her cheek. "Almost 20 years on and I still haven't gotten over him."

"We know this must be hard for you but do you remember if there was anyone who might have had it out for Patrick?" I asked.

She shook her head.

"You sure bout' that?" Scotty asked.

"I would recall it if they did. I have not forgotten anything about him. He was that love that comes only once in your life. Irreplaceable. When you lose someone like that you can't get over them, can't forget even the slightest detail," She said in a soft voice, almost a whisper.

Just by the look in her eyes, you could tell she was still in love with him. I wanted that. Someone to care about me, be part of their life. But I knew I had blown all my chances at a relationship with anybody.

I looked over to Scotty. I wondered if he was thinking of Elissa. Probably. I felt my stomach sink. At that moment I realised something. I wanted to be the one who he thought about. I wanted a relationship with him. Scary as it seemed, I knew I wanted it. But I also knew I couldn't have that... at least not with him.

We finished off with some more questions and left the building, having progressed no further in the case.

"Hey Lil," Scotty said quietly, as we sat down in his car.

"Yeah," I mumbled.

"Sleeping with you... you know I don't think it was a mistake. I don't care if you think it was, I just don't," he explained. I looked at him, with an unattractive look of confusion I'm sure.

"What happened to not talking about it," I said hastily, hiding behind my small wall.

"We both know it's not going to be that easy. Well, not for me at least," He said quietly.

As much as I wanted to agree with what he was saying, I just couldn't bring myself to do so. I was sure he was just confused. He had just lost the women who he had loved for god knows how long... he couldn't be thinking straight, could he?

"Look, I know it must be hard to..."

"I didn't go to you last night because I wanted to be with Elissa. I went there to be with you," He cut me off. His words tumbling from his mouth quickly.

"Why... why would you want to do that?" I asked. I didn't know how to feel right now, I was well beyond confused. God, I wanted him to be feeling the same way as I did, I wanted him to tell me that. Because without knowing exactly what he felt I was not going to embarrasses myself by telling him how I did.

"Why do you think, Lil?" He asked sharply. "Because I like you," he said loudly.

"You don't like me..." He couldn't.

"Oh yeah?" He said louder.

"Yeah," I said my voice competing with his.

"Then how come every time I see you all I want to do is smile and whenever you're not around me I wish you were," He asked, his voice winning the competition.

"I can think of many reasons and liking me just is not one," I almost yelled at him, a smile spreading across my face.

"Yeah? Well, can you tell me why you are the last person who I want to talk to at night and why your the first person who I want to see in the morning?" He asked, his voice equally as loud as mine.

I didn't know what to say. I did not expect this... not in a million years. I moved over to his seat, sitting on his lap. My face centimetres from his. I breathed in, not even aware of what I was really doing.

"I dont think I can," I whispered, before moving my head closer to his until our lips met.



Maybe my walls falling down wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.

nfbghbgfdnm i dont know what to say besides REVIEW and sorry if half the stuff written makes no sense.