Chapter 3 "Identity"
It's one of the greatest mysteries that we all try to solve. You would think that would be an easy one to figure out - who you are. We spend most of our lives in this mystery. Yet for whatever reason, it's a hard answer to find, but at the same, it can be a simple one.
- Michael Mules, Journal Entry
After his unsettling encounter with Wendy, Michael was once again lost in his thoughts during his English class, and this was normally where he shined, since most of his life was about finding interesting stories, whether in a book, movie, TV show, or even videogames. This was where his interest lied.
But now, he just couldn't get out of the secret room where these abilities were. But so far, that didn't seem to effect the rest of his life, which actually made him feel sore.
"Macbeth has now not only killed the king he's supposed to be loyal to, but he also killed his friend to keep the throne," Ms. Kinger his English teacher was saying. "What do you guys think of him now as?"
"He's the bad guy now," Mark answered.
"Yes, he's pretty much taken the identity of the villain in this story. So what;s led to this change?" She walked down Michael's aisle of desks and stopped in the middle. "Michael, you haven't talked all week. Would you like to explain this one?"
Michael blinked in a bit of a startle. "Um, well. He's obviously been corrupted by the power he now has. He sees his friend as a threat and is now willing to do anything to keep his power."
"Thank you, Michael." Ms. Kimger started circling the students as she continued speaking. "You see once he became king, he didn't want to lose that identity and the greatness that came with it. You see that's a big part of what drives character's in stories, they want to keep that position they have. For them, it's who they are."
Who they are.
For the rest of the class, Michael didn't really pay anymore attention to the lesson. Instead he thought about what Ms. Kimger had said about the identity of the characters.
After school, he walked home feeling an unexplainable numbness about everything in his life. This feeling wasn't anything new. As a matter a fact, the closer he came to finishing school, the more this numbness manifested itself.
This part of his life would soon be over and despite what he now knew about himself, he didn't have a clue as to what to do with himself.
His identity as a child and student would soon be done. Then he would be - what? This person who could jump like a frog. Who was he? What was his title or status in the world?
As he walked down the sidewalk, a car beeped several times, sounding louder each time as Michael heard it come from behind him. He turned around and saw that it was Mark's car. His friend waved as he drove passed and then disappeared at the corner of the street.
"Thanks for offering me a ride, Mark," he said with sarcasm and a bit of spite. "Glad to know we're good friends."
He didn't fit here, that much was clear. Even before the discovery of his abilities, he always felt that way. People around here seemed to make it quite clear.
When he arrived at his house, he found his mother sitting at the kitchen table alone, with a plate of cookies, untouched. She looked at him with a distinct impressions that made Michael figure she had been waiting for him to come home.
"Hey, can you sit down, son?" she asked softly.
"Yeah. What's up?" he asked as he sat down next to her.
"I've been wanting to talk to you." She stood and went over a cabinet. "Do want some milk?"
"Sure." In his head, Michael knew that his mother wanted to have one of those life talks with him. He picked up a cookie and started turning it around between his fingers until his mother came back to the table with a glass of milk.
"Michael, you're less than two moths away from graduating, after that you're in the real world," she proclaimed. "When I was eighteen, I married your dad, and I don't regret that decision. I've had more than twenty years of wonderful times with this family. Nowadays, though, it's not that simple. I know you want something else for your life besides what your father and I have had, and that's what we want for you, too. But because you don't want to go to college-"
He had hoped she wouldn't go there. "Mom, please-"
But Angela put a finger up, indicating her right to speak. "No, you need to hear this. You said before that you don't know what you want out of your life, yet, and that college just wasn't what you have the drive for - as you s\put it. But honey, college is the place to figure these things out. Can't you see that this would be an easier road for you?"
Michael rubbed his forehead, trying to think of something to say as a counter to her argument.
"Mom, I know you and dad want better for me, but college is no guarantee that I'll figure things out," he told her. ⌠Look at Irene, she spent four years in a junior college and she doesn't seem have figured much out. I just don't see myself going through junior college and then to a four year school to get a degree in whatever. I just don't see it as my route to self-discovery."
Angela sighed. She wasn't getting anywhere with her son. "Okay, but have you made any other plans for yourself. You keep talking about this road trip but you haven't made any progress on that."
"I know, but still, I know what isn't right for me."
His mother frowned at him. She was clearly displeased with his standing on the next step for his life. She had always thought him to be the most stubborn of her four children.
"Michael, I'm sacred for you. Look at Missy -"
When his mother broke off after saying her name, Michael caught the slide in one of her eyes, as if she was thinking back on something that had to do with his sister.
"Mom, what about Missy? I know she's been out of it with her bad choice of boyfriends and stuff but-"
"She came clean to us, Michael. I know you caught her the other day in the bathroom," she finally said.
Now Michael hadn't seen that coming. He wondered if maybe his confronting Missy about her problem had gotten her to tell the truth. Whatever the reason, the point was she had admitted her faults to their parents. That was a step for her.
"Look mom, I told her to quit, or else I would've told you guys," he told his mother. "If she had kept it up or started later on, I was going to blow the whistle."
"I know, but Michael, the way Missy has been for this last year has gotten me thinking about where you might end up."
Now it seemed more clear to Michael about why his mother was talking to him about this. When one child made bad choices, the radar went up on all of them.
"Mom, I'm not Missy. I think you can trust that I know what to not get myself into," he said as assuring as he could make himself be.
His mother's frown didn't go away, though.
"Michael, you've always been the independent one in this family. Your dad always called you his little rebel when you were younger, but that rebelliousness might not be a good thing now."
She just wouldn't quit with this. All Michael needed to do was to talk to her about this sort of thing to make his situation feel even worse. This was why he felt so out place, even in his family.
"I'm going to go do my homework."
Without another word, he stood and walked out of the kitchen.
Angela stayed in her seat, thinking that this planned out talk was now a failure. Until he would be one himself, her son just wouldn't understand how much a parent thought of his or her child's life and worried for them so fearfully.
God guide my son to a good path, she prayed in her head.
In his bedroom, Michael fell onto his bed in a slump. This day just felt like one of those days, as people said. Now all he wanted to do was lay here and sleep out the rest of it.
A ring came from his cell phone, which was on his nightstand. Michael had to will himself to the end of his bed to reach for the phone and answered in a sore voice.
"Tell me you're an insatiably hot woman who wants to runaway with me," he blurted.
"Michael, are you all right?" answered a familiar voice. "It's Chandra Suresh."
The laziness in Michael's body suddenly diminished and he spun up to a seating position.
"Doctor Suresh. I'm glad you called," he said a bit embarrassed.
"Since you hadn't called after last week, I became worried."
"I'm sorry. I've been distracted. So anyways, I read the whole book, and I'm blown away," he said excitingly. "Can we talk about it right now."
"How about we talk about it later, face-to-face?" Dr. Suresh suggested.
That next day, Michael told his parents he would be staying late at school to study, but instead he was at a small burger restaurant where he thought it convenient to meet Dr. Suresh. He waited for ten minutes at a booth in anxiety over finally meeting this man face-to-face.
He watched the entrance until finally, the same Indian man whose picture was on the book came through. The doctor knew it was Michael as he was the only one in the restaurant. He approached the youngster with similar anxiety; this was the first person he was meeting after Gabriel - or Sylar as the man now wanted to be called.
"Hello Mr. Mules," he said kindly.
"Doctor Suresh. Hi. You can just call me Michael." Michael rose from his seat and shook hands with the man.
"Well then, shall we sit?"
"Yes. I already ordered some fries, I don't know if you eat those-"
"I love fries, actually."
The two sat down opposite of each other, silent for a long and uncomfortable moment.
"So Michael, how has it been since we last talked?" Dr. Suresh asked.
"Well, I've been practicing with my abilities," he explained, wanting to sound impressive. "My smelling is getting stringer; I picked up things from all over the house while just sitting in my room."
"That's impressive. What about with your other senses?"
Michael shrugged a bit disappointment with himself. "Nothing really. I've been trying, especially with my hearing, but nothing."
"You shouldn't feel discouraged." Dr. Suresh went silent for the few moments that the smiling waitress had come to their table with a basket of french fries. ⌠It can take time for all of your abilities to manifest themselves."
"It's been hard being able to practice anything else without getting caught." Michael laid back against the seat's cushion and rubbed his face. "I don't think I can tell my family. They're the normal-normal type of family. They'd probably want to go with the status quo with this."
"I can understand the fear of telling them this." Dr. Suresh started picking at the basket of fries in between his words. "You must forgive me, I didn't have much to eat in the plane."
"I know, you just had orange juice and a pretzel," Michael proclaimed. "You didn't wash your mouth or anything before you came here, did you?"
For moment, Dr. Suresh sat there in a silence of surprise. He then laughed at the young man's little remark of humor.
"So, I'm not the only who has abilities, right?" That was a question that Michael wanted to have cleared. Maybe once he met others who were different, he wouldn't feel so alone.
"No. There are others. I have been working with one in finding more of you, as a matter of fact," Dr. Suresh told him. "Unfortunately, he is consulting with another person like the two of you."
"What can he do?"
"Sylar can move things with his mind - he's quite good at it. He was the first of your kind that I found, and right in New York."
"My kind, I'm not a different species," Michael said a bit disturb by that concept.
"Of course you're not. You are a human just like everyone else, but you are a different sort of human," Dr. Suresh said charismatically. "You and Sylar and others like you can change the world, Michael."
"How do we go about that in my case?"
"Well, that is up to you." Dr. Suresh thought for a moment before continuing. "Seeing as how your abilities are based on physical action, you suit well for a police officer or a soldier."
Michael frowned in uncertainty. "I don't know if I'd feel comfortable with something that involves shooting people. I've never been much for following orders and I say both jobs have too many rules. I mean look at how the world is. Nothing against those guys, but their way isn't making the it too much better."
"Well then, you'll just have to find different means to use your abilities," Dr. Suresh said.
The two men sat in silence for a long minute and also ordered drinks. Michael felt like there was still so much to understand.
"Thanks for helping me with this," he finally said to the doctor. "It must have been - destiny that you call my house on the same day that this stuff starts to show up."
The elderly man smiled. He definitely had warmness about himself. "I'm glad to be able to help give you some guidance, Michael. I have dedicated my life to finding people who can do things that are supposed to be impossible. Meeting you has been a pleasure, and I know you will find your way."
Now the man was just being too kind. Michael thought about what his parents might say if he revealed this to them. The scene played out in his head in several different ways. The more he thought about it, the more he felt that perhaps they were better off not knowing.
"Sense before this started happening, I had been so confused about who I'm going to be in my life. At first, this made it seem like I didn't have to wonder anymore." Michael looked out to the window at the passing traffic on the street. "Now I'm still not sure."
"Michael, it is a mystery, no matter what. I know I'm still unsure about my own identity sometimes," Dr. Suresh confessed.
His words made him feel a bit less frustrated. The two continued to talk about the people out there who were special like him, and then changed to numerous other subjects, Michael now began to feel more and more relaxed than he had felt in a long while.
Maybe we need to sit back and just think for a moment on our actions and decisions and what we've done with our lives. Maybe the answer is there. Maybe the answer is always changing as we change. They can probably be simple sometimes, and then difficult. When we do find ourselves, the journey turns out to be one of interesting storytelling.
- Michael Mules, Journal Entry
To Be Continued