LIBERTINES AND LIBERATION – RESTLESS – CHAPTER 19

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any Stargate characters, ideas or themes. As a matter of fact, Stargate can have my ideas if they want them (wouldn't that be great). All standard applicable disclaimers apply to this piece. I have tried to source any materials quoted in furtherance of this story.

Spoilers: Probably some for Season 10 and beyond

Summary: Vala and Daniel centered storyline adventure (hopefully); relationship (okay yes); angst (yup); comfort; etc.

Rating: R to NC-17 in some parts.

Author's Note: This is my first Stargate fiction. I have no betas – not even a beta fish – not even sure what a beta is in fact.

There's more to follow, probably tomorrow.

This story will have multiple chapters.

I took inspiration from Milena D's Misappropriation of Lives and a short story called Believe by Random. I really wish those two authors would write more on those two story lines.

I hope for a few comments.

Restless

Vala was pacing her quarters again, looking at her bed as if it were an enemy. She'd been trying to get a full night's sleep ever since she'd returned to the SGC from the Danter City incident two weeks ago. Every night she'd get into bed only to spring back up as images of Emeteo filled her head. Every night those images made the walls of her room close in on her; the friendly familiarity of her room would disappear and she'd feel like a child seeing monsters in the shadowy darkness.

She'd spring for the light, get dressed and roam the halls of the SGC like an alley cat. Sometimes she'd throw on her running clothes and head for the jogging track; if she were lucky, she'd run into Teal'c still training and get to spar. The physical activity was a good way to reduce her tension levels, but it never seemed to provide her the release she needed for a night's sleep. Sometimes she wanted company so she'd see if anyone was in the mess hall; sometimes she'd go find the young Airmen that had put together a little band and practiced their music late at night in the spare recreation room.

But what she hadn't done in the last two weeks, not since what had passed between them in the aftermath of Danter City, was go to Daniel's lab on these restless late nights.

Before Danter City, Vala was a frequent late night visitor to Daniel's lab. She'd usually find him there, still working of course. She'd chat or read, sitting on his couch, and sometimes he would come and sit next to her and they'd really talk or they'd watch some DVD thingie. Sometimes she'd even fallen asleep on his couch and would always wake with his jacket on top of her. She'd really loved those times.

But since Danter City, she'd been afraid to see him at night. She was afraid he'd see her struggle for sleep and want to talk about it -- afraid he'd want to talk about things she couldn't talk about.

Vala would see Daniel during the day of course. She'd visit his lab and work on his projects. He'd ask if she was alright, of course he always asked, with concern in his eyes that didn't disappear when she answered with a bright smile that she was fine. And his eyes made it harder for Vala to look at him, every day it was harder, because part of Vala wanted to tell him, wanted to scream, that no she wasn't okay. Part of her wanted him to hold her; wanted him to tell her it was alright and wanted him to make her believe it.

Vala knew that she needed to get over this thing; she was actually surprised she was so traumatized by it. After all she'd gotten over much worse things; she'd had her body violated more times than she could count as Qetesh's host. What about the events after the rebellion against Qetesh -- being raped and tortured by Qetesh's human slaves. Qetesh had been curled up inside Vala, pushing her forward, avoiding as much of the punishment as a snake could avoid virtually leaving the building. And after the Tok'ra had finally removed Qetesh, after they'd healed Vala and dumped her on her home world to face more pain and humiliation, she'd gotten over that. She'd even started to adjust to the new hell her life had become at home. And she'd gotten over the price Aton had extracted for her forced liberation from her home world. She'd told herself it was the price she had to pay to gain her independence and a life. And then she'd learned a new way, a new persona that had helped and protected her – until now anyway.

So what was so different this time; this attack was mild in comparison. Except Daniel and her other teammates had seen it; Daniel wasn't going to forget about it. And Daniel looking at her, looking at her with that knowledge in his eyes, made it near impossible for Vala to forget and move on. Would any of her teammates ever look at her in the same way again?

So she struggled and ran and roamed, and got no sleep. And, as she'd rounded on her second week with virtually no sleep, they'd been off world on a routine mission and she'd nearly fallen off a cliff and broken her neck. She'd been so tired.

"Vala Mal Doran!" Teal'c had called as he pulled her back suddenly – he'd saved her life.

Daniel had seen the whole thing; had yelled at her.

"Vala! Be careful! You have to pay attention!" He'd said with a frown and concerned eyes. And, then later he'd said something more quietly that only she could hear, "You're not coming off world again in this condition." And, he'd meant it, she knew he had. She had to sleep.

So she'd given up and ventured back to Daniel's lab that night. He'd been so sweet to her when she'd popped her head in with two cups of coffee and asked if he needed help. He'd given her a simple, short job. When she was finished, she'd gone to sleep on his couch. She'd only slept about half an hour before she woke with a start and jumped up ready to fight. And when she'd stood there confused, ready to bolt, Daniel had gotten up from his lab table without saying a word and pulled her back down on the couch. He lay by her side, with his arms around her and she'd slept; it was a blessed release. It was peace. She could breathe a little easier when he was there. She couldn't explain it; felt pathetic, but that was the truth.

After the first three nights, she'd given up the pretext of coffee and work. After that she'd just shown up and gone to sleep on his couch. He'd work until she had a nightmare and needed him. Then, he'd lie down next to her and hold her until they both fell asleep.

Daniel had watched Vala struggle those first two weeks. He'd seen her roaming the halls at night; seen her running alone or training with Teal'c; and every day she looked like she'd gotten less and less sleep. He'd waited, said nothing, knowing she was trying to work it out without him.

He knew she was avoiding him. Vala's way was not to talk about it and pretend she was fine. Her way was to lie and keep everyone out. Hell, sometimes he even admired her for it. But then she'd nearly gotten herself killed – she'd been too exhausted to pay attention. It had frightened him to witness her close call, and he'd yelled at her. And that's when she'd started showing up at his lab and sleeping on his couch. And he'd been happy when she'd come back. He held her when she had nightmares, like he held her that first night after Danter City, and she'd slowly started looking more like herself, more rested.

The only trouble was that it was getting harder for Daniel to hold her at arms length when he was wrapping his arms around her every night and sleeping with his face nestled into the side of her silky, sweet smelling hair.

As much as Daniel told himself that he was letting Vala sleep on his couch, sleep with him, to help her, he couldn't help thinking he was enjoying the feel of her, needing it too much.

Then last night, he'd been tired, had a headache, and as soon as Vala had come into his lab, he'd flipped off the lights, shucked off his boots and motioned her onto the couch. He remembered her surprised look when he lay back on the couch and motioned to her. She'd snuggled in without a word, he'd put his arms around her, his hand on her flat stomach holding her close, and they'd both slept all night. She'd been gone when he woke up and he'd missed her. Yes, this had to stop.