LIBERTINES AND LIBERATION – WAKING UP – CHAPTER 25
DISCLAIMER: I do not own any Stargate characters, ideas or themes. As a matter of fact, Stargate can have my ideas if they want them (wouldn't that be great). All standard applicable disclaimers apply to this piece. I have tried to source any materials quoted in furtherance of this story.
WARNING: THIS CHAPTER HAS DARK ELEMENTS AND MAY BE DISTURBING.
Spoilers: Probably some for Season 10 and beyond
Summary: Vala and Daniel centered storyline adventure (hopefully); relationship (okay yes); angst (yup); comfort; etc.
Rating: R to NC-17 in some parts.
Author's Note: This is my first Stargate fiction. I have no betas – not even a beta fish – not even sure what a beta is in fact.
This story will have multiple chapters.
I took inspiration from Milena D's Misappropriation of Lives and a short story called Believe by Random. I really wish those two authors would write more on those two story lines.
"Vala!" Daniel cried without understanding why and grabbed for her with both arms. Vala placed her cheek on his, "I'm right here; you're fine Daniel," she told him. Vala removed Daniel's injured arm from around her and handed his bloody wrist back to Dr. Lam.
Daniel drifted off to sleep tightly holding onto Vala's hand with his uninjured one, with the feel of Vala's other hand running through his hair. I should be soothing her, Daniel thought as he entered his drugged sleep.
He woke up in the infirmary with the feel of warm soft skin, Vala's cheek, lightly touching his arm. His good hand still clasped Vala's hand. Vala slept sitting in a chair slumped over with her head resting on the bed.
As Daniel came more fully awake, he was jolted by a horrible sense of violation. He'd been raped!
No. Daniel realized that was wrong. No, he'd had some sort of Goa'uld device stuck in his wrist. He had a headache and his wrist hurt; he looked at his injured wrist and saw the tail end of a stitch peaking out of the bandage. As far as he knew, that was the extent of his own physical injuries.
As Daniel gained more of his rational mind, he knew that the alien device had somehow recorded a rape as the victim experienced it. The interface with the device had caused him to see, hear and feel everything the victim had.
Daniel's eyes opened wide as he realized that he had just born witness in a very visceral way to what Qetesh had put a newly captured Vala through. He'd seen Vala in the mirrored reflection of Qetesh's temple; she'd looked so very young in the reflection; not much more than a child, a breathtaking untouched beauty. Daniel had felt Vala's emotions and her physical sensations of pain as she was brutally robbed of her virginity.
It was bizarre; an odd sensation to experience as a man. Daniel knew it wasn't happening to him; but in the next moment, he felt it was his body. She'd been so brave; she never cried out in front of her rapist and Qetesh's audience.
The experience griped Daniel's gut and hit close to home. Vala was his friend and he liked her; he'd held her in his arms; she had a good heart even after all the abuse and pain she'd experienced. What must she have been like before she'd been touched by any of it? She had steel and courage. No wonder Qetesh wanted her as her host; no wonder she had searched for her. Qetesh had paid a bounty for the delivery of Vala so that she could take her as a host, Daniel thought shaking his head.
Daniel looked down at the silky, black hair draping over his arm. Vala was still so beautiful Daniel thought. Vala! Daniel thought as his breath hitched in, that hideous experience had happened to Vala, his Vala.
But Daniel reasoned that the profound depths of the impact this experience was having upon him must be due to Sha're. Did she endure something similar before blending with Amonet? Daniel was surprised he had not thought of Sha're until now. At least Sha're had been a bit older; she'd been married for a year so she wouldn't have that pain.
"Daniel?" Vala said sleepily, letting go of his hand.
"Yeah," Daniel said dryly, "Thirsty," he rasped.
Vala poured him water, which he drank through the straw she proffered.
"How long have I been out?" Daniel asked.
"About 4 hours." Vala answered rubbing her neck.
"Have you been here the whole time?" Daniel asked.
"Yes darling, you grabbed my hand in the gate room and pretty much haven't been willing to let it go," Vala smirked at him.
Daniel reddened, "I'm sorry . . . ."
Vala put her hand on his arm, "Don't be, I would have been in here anyway, and you provided me with a way to do it without getting yelled at by Dr. Lam." Vala winked at him. "But Carolyn was becoming concerned; I'm sure she'll be relieved to know you're awake."
Daniel was embarrassed to hear others knew of his four hour hand clench with Vala. He looked into her eyes and saw the eyes he'd seen in the reflection of Qetesh's temple room. His breath hitched in.
"What is it Daniel?"
"Nothing," Daniel smiled weakly. You look tired," he said.
"I'm fine." Vala grinned.
"You don't look fine."
"Daniel you're the one in a hospital bed!" Vala said, incredulous at Daniel's table turning. "What's going on with you? What happened to you?"
"I don't want to talk about that in here," Daniel said starting to get up from the bed.
Vala put a hand on Daniel's shoulder to hold him down, "I like the sentiment darling, you know I hate this place, but Carolyn needs to check you up first. You gave us all quite a scare." Vala said with concerned eyes that threw Daniel into even more confusion.
"He checks out fine." Dr. Lam said. "You're free to leave Dr. Jackson, but I want you to get some sleep. Doctor's orders."
Daniel rolled his eyes behind Carolyn's back, but said, "fine."
"Thank you Carolyn." Vala said.
"Thank you." Daniel echoed sheepishly.
Dr. Lam left the room; and Daniel began to get out of the bed.
Normally Vala would have cracked a joke laced with innuendo, but Daniel had seemed so emotionally on edge, it didn't even occur to her to make one; instead Vala got up quietly and headed to the door.
"Wait." Daniel commanded to Vala.
A knock interrupted him and Sam popped her head in, "How's the wrist?"
"Oh, fine. I'll live." Daniel smiled.
"Daniel, maybe you could stop by later and run down what happened for me?" Sam said.
Daniel paused for a moment looking at Vala, "Sam, it is some kind of interface that records an experience as it is happening. When it interfaced with me, I became the person as the events took place. I experienced the same emotions and physical sensations that they were experiencing," Daniel tried to explain.
"It didn't seem like it was a pleasant experience." Sam said with concern in her eyes.
"It wasn't Sam." Daniel said not looking at her.
"Daniel, Teal'c experienced a few moments of the event when he pulled the device from you." Sam said quietly, involuntarily glancing at Vala.
"Oh," Daniel was unsettled by the news, and his eyes darted to Vala.
Vala felt a chill as she picked up on the furtive looks. She looked down at the floor.
"I'm going to do some more research into the device and the purpose." Sam said.
"Sam did you get the other devices I brought back?" Daniel asked, "I think powering those devices should take priority. If you can power the Data Display Tablet, we might get some useful information."
Sam left the infirmary and Daniel looked back at Vala. She looked a bit like a prisoner trying to escape, "Vala, we should talk." Daniel said.
"No! You heard Dr. Lam, you need to rest; get dressed and go to your quarters." Vala ordered.
Daniel and Vala were outside his quarters. As he slid the entry card, Vala said nervously, "Okay, call if you need something darling."
"Vala, I do need something." Daniel said.
"Coffee? I'll get you something to eat too," Vala said and with that she was gone.
"A half an hour later, there was a knock on Daniel's door and an SF was holding a meal tray. Ms. Mal Doran said we should bring this to you."
"Thanks." Daniel said.
Daniel fell asleep waiting for Vala to return. When he woke, it was close to 1930. He came awake to see a shadow curled up in his easy chair.
"Vala?" Daniel croaked.
"Hmm, Daniel?" Vala said apparently dozing in the chair.
"How'd you get in?" Daniel asked before he could stop himself.
"I knocked, when you didn't answer one of the SF's opened it." Vala smiled sheepishly.
"Good to know." Daniel snorted.
"Well you have the key to my room!" Vala whined; it was true Daniel had required an access card to Vala's room as a condition for taking responsibility for her at the SGC -- he'd never used it.
"Look, I'll just leave; I just thought maybe you'd been expecting me to come back, and I didn't want you to feel abandoned." Vala explained quickly as she got up and started walking to the door.
"No! I was expecting you to come back," Daniel said.
"I needed a little time," Vala said with anger in her voice. "Qetesh enjoyed documenting experiences and reliving them. Pity she never really understood the nuance of emotion. If she had, it would have enhanced her enjoyment of these little staged spectaculars considerably. The device that interfaced with you is called a Rem'zor. And that little experience you saw, I relived it many times; she liked to taunt her Lord Baal with it. It happened the first night she after I was brought to her. It was before the blending. I was blended with her two days later – she'd had second thoughts about denying her lord and patched me up in the sarcophagus first."
Daniel reeled at the words Vala uttered. Vala walked to the edge of the bed where Daniel was sitting, kneeled down and placed a comforting hand on his arm. She looked deeply into his eyes and said soothingly, "Daniel, there's no reason to think that your Sha're went through something like that. Apophis would never allow something like that for the host of his Amonet. I'm sure of it; Qetesh knew them; that is to say that while I was host to Qetesh, I met Apophis with his, with your Sha're, or rather Amonet, many times."
Daniel's stared at her wide eyed at the revelation that she had known, well maybe that wasn't the right word, Sha're. He started to speak, but no words would come, so he said nothing.
Vala bit her lower lip nervously as if she did not know whether she was saying the right thing. She knew these were dangerous and uncharted waters.
Vala continued, "Amonet and Apophis were IN LOVE as much as I have ever seen between Goa'ulds. Apophis would not debase Amonet's host. I doubt many Goa'uld would . . . . Nothing like that happened to your Sha're before her blending."
Vala spoke as if she could think of no other reason that Daniel would be concerned with the nature of the matter. She spoke as if she weren't speaking of her own experience.
Daniel looked at her; stunned to silence; simultaneously relieved and disturbed by the information she had given him about Sha're.
Vala looked shocked that she had uttered Sha're's name. "I'm sorry; I should have told you sooner. It's not an easy subject with you; for me either."
He'd deal with the information about Sha're later, Daniel thought; right now he was mostly stunned that Vala could think Sha're would be his only concern in the matter. She seemed detached to what the experience meant for her. Did she think he wouldn't care about what it had meant for her?
Daniel took Vala's hand and pulled her up to sit beside him, clasped her shoulders and looked her in the eyes. "Vala I saw; I heard; and I FELT what happened to you."
Vala looked at him with confusion in her eyes, "I know Daniel; I just told you how Qetesh used the device. But you don't have to worry because Sha're didn't . . . ."
Daniel interrupted her, "Vala, I know you didn't have any experience. I felt what you felt. Understand?"
Vala winced at Daniel's words; they were both in uncharted waters tonight. Daniel thought Vala was going to wrench out of his grip and bolt, but she didn't. She looked him straight in the eye and said, "Daniel you knew that I was young when Qetesh took me; you knew the truth. This is not news, unless you find me so repulsive that you could never picture me in innocence."
Daniel opened his mouth in shock at the horror of her words; he had no idea how to handle the words Vala had spoken. Vala hopped from the bed out of Daniel's grasp, "In the infirmary, you were acting all . . . you were looking at me like I was a . . . you gave me victim eyes . . . I'M NO VICTIM DANIEL! MY LEAST FAVORITE WORD IN THE ENTIRE GALAXY IS VICTIM. I'M NO VICTIM." Vala continued yelling at him.
"I felt what you felt Vala," Daniel said.
Vala was pacing now, "I . . . KNOW . . . WHAT . . . YOU . . . SAW. Don't you dare say I'm a victim, WE'RE victims, it's your experience now too," Vala spat with wild, confused eyes, "I need you to say it Daniel, WE WERE NOT VICTIMS; WE DIDN'T SCREAM OR CRY OR BEG; WE SUCKED IT UP AND TOOK IT; THEY GOT NOTHING! BAAL WAS SO ANGRY WITH HER. HE WAS SO DISAPPOINTED!" Vala gave Daniel a look he'd never seen from her, "Don't you ever look at me like that again Daniel Jackson; I AM NOT A VICTIM. I SURVIVED"
Daniel was standing, reaching for Vala, putting his arms around her and bringing her into his chest, "No Vala, you're, WE'RE not victims. I understand. I do."
"Do you Daniel?" Vala leaned up and rubbed her hand down his jaw. "I doubt it. How many years have you sat among your dusty relics and pined for your dead wife? Letting life slip you by and people who love you . . . ." Vala suddenly stopped mid-sentence knowing that she had said way too much.
Daniel looked like someone had punched him in the gut.
"I'm sorry about what I said, I have no right to comment on how you live your life Daniel, and you're the reason . . . if it weren't for you . . . I'm . . . forgive me. As for what you saw, it was a long time ago and I'M FINE." Vala stammered.
All of sudden she felt boxed in, trapped, and blurted out, "I can't be here right now Daniel; I need to get out of here."
"Let's go." Daniel answered.
"No Daniel, Dr, Lam told you to rest; and I could use some time away from all this." Vala said quietly as she headed for his door.
"Vala!" Daniel said, did she just tell him she didn't want to be around him right now?
But Vala didn't hear him, or didn't want to hear him.