I woke up early the next morning still filled with sadness and anger. I slinked out of Josh's bed trying not to wake him and tip toed down to where Drake was sleeping he was still there laying in the bed with only his underwear and no covers. I slide next to Drake putting my head on his chest then something came over me I wanted him so bad or maybe I wanted him to want me. I started kissing his lips he woke up smiling at me like nothing had happened last night. I pushed the thought out of my head and concentrated on how good it felt to be with him. He sat up holding me in his lap; he pulled my shirt over my head exposing me. I shimmied out of my panties and placed myself on top of him. I had control I felt good, it felt good. It was a very short spurt of happiness but it was something. When it was all over I didn't even look at him I just got dressed for the day. Drake just laid on the bed still recovering from what ever he was on last night.

"Drake I love you so much and we have a lot of things to work out."

"Yeah like you sleeping with Josh last night? You do remember he is my brother?"

"I slept in the same bed because I didn't want to be alone? Don't accuse me of being a slut when you're the biggest one of them all. I'm going to make breakfast I'll see you down the stairs."

"Why don't you just do what you want to do?"

"Why do you always ask me that? Like you control me and that's the only reason I'm here. I love you more then I think I love myself. You tell me what do I want?"

"You want Josh. That's why you came in here all horny because you couldn't have him!"

"Drake I want you. I wanted you to want me so bad. I love you so much but I don't think those three words could ever explain how I feel about you. Drake why don't you tell me what you want?"

"I want you, I want us to get married and have a baby. God you know how great it would be if we had a baby?"

"What and you come home high off you ass with other girl? Or us arguing in front of him all the time, I want a real family I want my kid to have a great mom and dad who love each other and love him. I want more then my parents gave me I want my child to hear I love you every day of his life."

I didn't wait for his answer I just walked out of the bedroom and into Josh's. I sat on the edge of his bed and shook him awake.

"Josh I'm going to make some breakfast and I want you with me when I talk to Drake about the drug thing."

"Okay Ash give me a few minutes."

"Take your time."

I walked down the stairs and started to make a huge breakfast. That's what I did when I was upset I cook and clean it got my mind off of things. Drake shuffled down the stairs using the railing as a crutch. Josh came down behind him putting his arm around him helping him down the rest of the steps.

"Josh listen man I love you but you're causing a lot of problems between us." Drake said as if he was in a parallel universe.

"What are you talking about man?"

"You sleeping with my girlfriend, you guys hooking up!"

"Ashlee you told him we hooked up?" Josh said guilt ridden.

"No! Drake what are you talking about we never slept together. Will you knock it off the only one causing problems is you. Baby please just sit down for a minute."

"I don't want to talk while he's here."

"Josh can you just leave us for a minute." I turned to him apologetically.

Before Josh left the room he threw his arms around Drake and told him he loved him.

"Drake something's really wrong here and either we figure it out today or I'm gonna just give up."

"Ash I'm okay. I was just thinking about getting out of here and renting a little apartment just you and me."

"Drake I don't want to talk about that kinda stuff I want to know what you're using."

"Look the guys at work gave me something to calm my nerve about the tour and new CD. Ash I am so stressed I have so much going and what you don't see if I am doing this all for us. I am fucking killing myself for you, for us. And the night you lost the baby I took a few more pills and last night I was so depressed about losing the baby I took way to many and I was drinking I didn't mean what I did with those girls it wasn't me and you know that. I love you Ash."

"Drake I love you to but things are going to have to change I know things have been crazy and chaotic but it's no reason to give up our morals and hurt each other. Don't do this to Josh he's a good guy and I think of him as a brother and never once has he ever made a move on me. He talks so highly of you and let me tell you if it wasn't for him I would have left you a long time ago. Every time I was about to give up on you he reminded me of how much you loved me and how great of a guy you could really be."

"I didn't mean to say that stuff to him. Ash can we just get back to basics today I mean I only have a few days left at home."

"That sounds great. I want you to promise me one thing no more girls just me and you the way it's supposed to be."

Drake walked over and hugged me he ran his fingers through my hair and kissed my lips so softly as if scared that they would shatter into pieced like or relationship.