I felt horrible. I know I must have spent twenty minutes outside her door, begging her to let me in. It seemed like I was doing a lot of that in the last few days. I was still angry and I probably shouldn't have been standing there yet, but this wasn't how Casey and I settled things.

I didn't know what she did with Evan, but we talked when we had a fight. We worked through it. We didn't beg at doors, we didn't run away from each other.

" What's up ? " Rusty asked, coming down the hall.

" I fucked up again as usual. " I muttered, dragging my hand through my hair.

" What did you do ? "

" I swallowed my foot. I think I might even have swallowed both of them. "

" I'm sure she'll get over it." he shrugged. " Mom sent me to tell you both that lunch was ready. "

I raised my eyebrow towards her door. " Well, good luck with that. She won't answer for me. "

I heard him knock and call to her as I went down the stairs.

Eating was the last thing on my mind, but I couldn't be rude. I took the same chair I had occupied the night before, beside Rusty's chair and tried to smile pleasantly.

" Did you have a nice walk, Sweetheart ? " Mrs. Cartwright asked as she sat a platter on delicious looking ham in the middle of the table.

I nodded politely. " I met Oscar. He's very friendly. "

" Oh, he's such a big baby. I should have warned you that he was in the backyard while I was cooking. I guess it's a good thing he likes strangers. " she laughed pleasantly.

Rusty came into the room followed by a gloomy looking Casey, but as soon as she stepped to where her family could see her, she plastered on that fake smile that I hated so much and took her place across from me.

I refused to look at her even though, once again, I could feel her eyes on me, staring a hole through my chest. When I did chance a glance up, I catch Mr. Cartwright's eye. He was looking quickly from her to me and back again. This man didn't miss anything. Somehow I just knew there was to be a very uncomfortable heart to heart talk between us. I wondered if I could avoid him for the entire two week vacation. I seriously doubted it.

Casey chatted with Laura who was sitting on her right and Aunt Gloria on her left, but I felt her eyes almost constantly resting on me.

" Rusty tells us that Cappie is going to help you out with that Derek situation. I'm glad you found a way to handle that. " Marge called from the other end of the table.

Casey looked at Rusty then back to me. " Yeah, wasn't it nice of him ? " If I didn't know her so well, I wouldn't have heard the underlying sarcasm in her tone, but I did know her that well. And I heard it loud and clear.

" Well, I think it's a wonderful idea. This way you can make sure he knows that he doesn't have a chance without hurting his feelings. He is such a nice boy. " her Mother continued.

" You know, " Casey said making to stand. " If you all don't mind, I'm still kinda of worn out. I think I'd like to try and grab a nap before Derek gets here. "

No one objected and she left the room, casting me another glance before going up the stairs. This time I did look up. I could see it in her face. She wanted to talk to me.

I sat for a few minutes more, anxiously waiting on someone else to get up. But everyone seemed to be content to linger over their meal.

Finally, I couldn't wait any longer and I excused myself as politely as I could and took off up the stairs.

I noticed her door was opened slightly as I came to it, so I knocked once again.

" Come in. " came a rather terse, quick reply from the other side.

So I stepped in and found myself practically bowled over with Casey. Everything in the room seemed to scream her name. From the pink covered, white four post bed, to the CRU pendant on the wall, the cute pink lamp beside the bed, the pink shag rug that covered the beige carpeting, to the blue and white pompoms on the dresser. She was everywhere. There was no mistaking the owner of this room.

Then something completely unexpected caught my eye. There was a cork bulletin board on the hall beside a huge mirror over a vanity, and on that board, amongst many other smiling faces, captured in candid moments, was me. Well, me and Casey to be exact.

I remembered the night the photo was taken. I was pretty sure it was Wade that had snapped it. We were at a party at the house. She was looking at something over the cameraman's shoulder. I was looking at her like I'd never seen anything like her before. Fascinated was the best way I could describe the expression on my face, fascinated and awestruck.

I hadn't realized I moved, but I was suddenly touching the picture, lost in a memory from a time long gone now.

" I don't know why I kept that there. I guess I should have taken it down with all the others. I just never could bring myself to do it. " Casey's voice was soft and sincere and coming from directly over my shoulder.

" I remember the night it was taken. I was so amazed that you were there with me. You were so beautiful. " I answered in a distant far away voice.

I came crashing back to the present as I felt her hand on my shoulder. " I wanted you know that I'm letting you off the hook. You don't have to go through with tonight if you don't want to now. "

I turned and she was so close I could feel the heat from her body. It seemed like one of us should have taken a step back, gotten out of the other's personal space but neither of us moved.

" I don't want to be let off the hook, Casey. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said what I did. It was mean and I know that isn't how you feel at all. " I told her.

" No, you're completely right. " she shook her head. " I use people. I do it without even meaning to. " Her eyes were filled with tears now. " I just don't know how to stop. How do I stop doing something I don't even realize I'm doing ? "

I touched her shoulder lightly, not wanting her to move away but unable to fight the need to feel her.

" Casey, you don't use people. " I told her.

" You know that isn't true. I used you, when I first got to school. I was so alone and scared and I grabbed on to you. " she insisted.

" That isn't using someone, Case. If it is then we all do it. Everybody uses people to keep them from feeling alone. "

I couldn't stop staring at her quivering lip. She was so close to me, her breath brushed across my neck as she talked. The look in her eyes was so sad and unsure. I wanted to pull her to me and tell her it would all be okay.

" I used Evan to help me get the presidency. I used Frannie to teach me all the right things to do to get ahead. I use Ashleigh all the time. " she continued.

" Casey, stop it. This is crazy. You didn't use Frannie. She was you're mentor, your teacher. You don't use Ash, she's your friend. You lean on her. We all have people we lean on. " I tried to make her see, to understand what I was saying.

" And Evan ? "

" You didn't intentionally use him. " I said, not knowing what else to say. I really did think she was using him. It was the only way I could make the whole thing make any sense to me.

" But you do think I used him ? " she pushed. Actually, what she was doing was pushing me into a corner I had no intention of walking into. I didn't want to fight with her.

I choose not to answer. I looked away instead and it was all the answer she needed. She turned away from me and threw herself onto her bed.

" Casey, please. I don't want to fight with you. Can't we just say we're sorry and move on ? " I came to sit beside her and luckily she didn't pull away when I rested my hand on her back.

She turned so she could look over her shoulder at me. " What I really want is for you to tell me the truth. I want to know what you think about all this with the House and Evan. How do you see it ? I need a fresh perspective from an outside party. "

I blinked back the sting from that statement quick enough that I was sure she missed it. An outside party ? When did I become an outside party in her life ? How had that happened ?

When she broke up with you, idiot, I heard a tiny voice in my head reply. Still even though we weren't together, I never saw myself as an outsider in her life.

I managed to bring myself out of my own self indulgent tirade and focus on what she had asked me. Did she really want to know what I thought ? Was this going to cause another fight between us ? I was pretty sure if I told her the truth it would. But I didn't want to lie to her. I had never lied to her before. I prided myself on the fact. I couldn't ignore that now.

" Okay, " I sighed. " You really want to know what I think ? "

She nodded but there was fear and uncertainty on her face.

Tough, she asked for it.

" I think you were the one being used. "

Her face turned from scared to surprised. I looked away before I continued. " I think Frannie used you. She knew she was leaving at the end of last year, or she thought she was and she chose you to pass her legacy onto. She saw someone lost and naive and not likely to fight her too hard. She didn't care whether it was really who you were. She didn't care if it destroyed the person you really were. She set her mind on you and she did everything in her power to turn you into exactly what she wanted you to be. "

She sat up slowly. I wasn't sure if she was about to argue, kick me out or agree completely, so I went on before she had a chance to do anything. She wanted to know what I thought. I was telling her all of it.

" I think what Frannie did to you was wrong. She changed you. She turned you into someone I barely recognize anymore. And it kills me because the person you used to be was the most wonderful person I've ever had the privilege of knowing. You aren't the evil one, Case, Frannie was. You are just what she turned you into."

Her eyes were wide with shock, but she remained silent, sitting on her knees in the middle of her bed, staring at me like I was an alien.

" You think she turned me into something evil ? " she finally said after a few minutes.

I shifted and turned so that I could look at her fully in the eyes. " I said, you aren't evil. The fact that you are so messed up over all this makes you far from evil. It means she didn't change you on the inside. It means that girl I met in Freshman year is still there. You just have to let her out and learn how to let her take charge of your life again. "

She pushed the hair out of her face in frustration. " There aren't two of me in here, fighting for control. This is who I am now. I've grown up. I know it isn't something you're familiar with but it happens to most of us. "

I stopped her before she could even start down this road. " Don't do that. Do not turn this into that old fight with me, just because you didn't like what I had to say. You wanted to hear how I saw things. I told you as honestly as I knew how. Do not turn that around on me now. "

Then Casey Cartwright did something I had never seen her do in all the time I'd known her.

Her shoulders relaxed. She sank back down on the bed and she sighed. She backed down. She knew I was right and I could see it in her face, she was admitting defeat.

" You're right. I'm sorry. But you don't understand. " she said, her voice quiet and shaky.

" What don't I understand ? "

" All the things Frannie has taught me, she wasn't using me. She was showing me how to get everything I've always wanted. She was helping me to become a better person. "

I laughed out loud and it shocked her into silence. " Was she, Casey ? Was she really helping you get everything you always wanted or was she helping you get everything she told you you should want. Because I don't remember once in all the times we talked about our futures, not once did you ever mention any of the things you suddenly want now. "

She shook her head. " I just never dreamed that any of these things could be possible for someone like me. She showed me it was all in my grasp. "

" My God, she completely brainwashed you. " I was shocked now. I had no idea how far Frannie had her hooks into her.

Then I felt guilty for not stepping in before now and telling what I saw happening to her. I was sure she wouldn't have listened, but I should have tried at least. I didn't save her then. I should have. But I was determined to try and save her now. I had three weeks before we returned to school and all the influences the pushed at her. Maybe in that time, I could find the girl was once. Maybe I could reach the real Casey.