Dinner was uneventful and wonderfully delicious. I had never really had an opportunity to experience the kind of cooking that Mrs. Cartwright had offered over the last few days. I was throughly enjoying it though.

The conversation around the table centered mostly around Derek and everything that he had been doing for the last three years. Mr. And Mrs. Cartwright really seemed to like the guy and he was so smooth and comfortable with them I started thinking maybe I was wrong. Maybe my opinion of him was too harsh. He really did appear to be a nice guy. Not Casey's type, of course, but a nice guy.

Oscar had been allowed into the house since his doghouse was completely buried under the snow. He was dozing lazily by the fire when we all retired to the living room after dinner.

Casey's parents had their own matching, blue recliners that they took upon entering the room. Rusty plopped himself down in one corner of the blue sofa. Casey lead me by the hand to the matching love seat and Derek sat on the opposite side of the sofa.

We continued to talk and joke. All in all it was a relaxing, comfortable evening at home. A roaring fire, good company and Mrs. Cartwright's eggnog, which she even allowed Rusty to partake of, made everything serene and peaceful.

When Oscar got up and started pacing in front of the door, Derek took the opportunity to make his move.

" I think he needs out. " he announced standing. " Casey, do you want to take him for a walk with me, like we used to ? "

She glanced at me and I didn't see any hesitation in her eyes. The silent signals we usually sent each other told me all was well, so I didn't object.

" Yeah, I guess we could. " she answered finally and kissed me quickly before leaving.

I should have caught it. Surely she had been giving me some kind of message that I missed, but the eggnog and the fire and the warmth of the room had lulled me into a place where I wasn't paying as close attention as I should have. Or at least that's how I saw it in hindsight.

It wasn't until nearly thirty minutes later that I noticed she still hadn't returned.

I stood and stretched, still not really concerned, just curious. " I think I'm going to go have a look around. I think Derek and Casey must have gotten lost. "

Mr. Cartwright glanced at the window and noticed the snow coming down faster than it was when we first arrived back home. " It is really picking up out there, maybe you should see if you can find them. "

I grabbed my coat, bundled up as tightly as possible and set out into what I was sure should have been classified a blizzard.

The wind was roaring as it blew through the trees in the front yard. The only light came from the tiny bulbs in the Christmas decorations covering the house. I glanced around quickly, searching for any sign of movement.

Then my eyes landed on the car. The Ford Sedan was running. I could hear the soft ticking of its engine and I saw the smoke drifting from the tailpipe.

I walked over and tapped on the window.

Casey opened the door, looking at me in relief.

" I"m sorry, I guess we've been out here a while. " Derek said, stepping out of the driver's side.

I leaned down to Casey so that he couldn't hear me. " You okay ? "

She nodded preceptively. " I'm okay. "

" Should I beat him up ? " I smiled.

" That won't be necessary. Besides, my parents really like him. I still don't think my Dad is too sure about you. It wouldn't go far in winning his favor. " she smiled back.

She wanted her father to like me. That was all I could think about for a minute. She was concerned about whether her father approved of me or not. If she didn't care about me, if she didn't really want me back in her life, why would she care if he liked me or not ?

" Alright. " I told her. " I'll let him live, this time. But can I scare him a little ? "

Her only answer was a smile before she turned back to Derek, who was removing Oscar from his backseat.

" You aren't out here putting the moves on my girl ? " I asked, raising my voice over the wind.

" Of course not, " he answered, a little shocked. " We were just talking about old times. "

I yanked Casey into me possessively and glared at him. " I'll bet you were. " I muttered.

Casey was shaking against me, trying her best not to laugh out loud I was sure.
" Why don't you take Oscar inside ? I want to have a chat with Derek. " I told her.

She turned around quickly and looked at me with those wide eyes again. I leaned in closer. " I'm not going to hurt him. " She looked doubtful. " I promise. I won't touch him. "

She nodded and took the leash from Derek who was making his way around the front of the car.

We stood in silence until she made it inside.

As soon as the door shut, I turned on him. " What exactly do you think you're doing ? " I demanded.

" Excuse me ? " he sputtered.

" What are you trying to pull with my girlfriend ? " I repeated.

" I'm not trying to pull anything. " he answered nervously. " I swear. We were just talking. "

I nodded, but kept the coolness in my eyes. " I'm not stupid. I saw you watching her at dinner. I saw the blanket and the basket in the backseat. I know you want her back. "

He shifted, his eyes darting around the yard, looking for anything interesting to land on, anywhere to look other than at me.

" I'm just letting you know that that is not going to happen. " I told him, when he didn't bother to deny anything.

He still remained silent, but it looked as if he wanted to say something. Maybe I was laying on the scary a little thick. Maybe he was just a weenie. But obviously he was frightened.

I decided to let him off the hook just a little. " Look, Man, I know exactly what you're going through. It sucks to lose her. Believe me, I know. But this thing between you, it's over. It's been over for a long while. "

He blinked at me. I thought he was going to cry. I had been in his shoes. I had walked more than my fair mile in them actually. I knew how his chest must hurt when he watched her with me. I knew how his stomach turned over every time she kissed me. I knew the little voice in the back of his head that said, maybe there was a chance. Maybe he still might get her back.

I was trying to be nice, telling the poor guy like it was. Even if I wasn't really her boyfriend anymore, I knew she didn't want him back. She was so over him, she barely mentioned him anymore. I wanted to make him understand that he was fighting a losing battle. That he needed to move on.

Then I felt like a hypocrite. Talk about a talking black pot, I thought.

" I didn't mean to cause you any problems. " he said finally as the silence started to stretch beyond comfort.

" I know you didn't. You just had to take the chance. I really do understand. But now it's time to move forward without her. " I answered.

" I just can't stop thinking about her. You are the luckiest guy in the world. " he told me.

I nodded. " I know. Trust me, I know exactly how lucky I am. And I promise I don't take even a second of it for granted. "

We came back inside like we had been friends all our lives. Casey gave us a surprised stare. I just smiled and shrugged as I sank down into the seat next to her.

She moved closer to me and put her head on my shoulder. Her father was once again giving me that look that said he could read every thought in my head and he didn't like any of them. I shifted and tried to move her away just a bit, but she was having none of it. She just snuggled down further into my side and smiled as she looked up at me.

" I forgot to mention that my sister is going to be starting at college with you all next semester. " Derek announced suddenly.

Rusty who was now on the rug in front of the fire playing with Oscar, spun towards him quickly.

" I thought Hannah was going to school on the West Coast. " he said, sitting up and becoming very interested in our conversation.

" She was, but she's transferring to CRU. She's been accepted into the Physics program. She says it's one of the best in the country. " Derek said.

" It is. Rusty was accepted at MIT, Brown and Yale. But he choose CRU because they are the best. " Mrs. Cartwright announced proudly.

I glanced at Rusty. I knew full well that CRU wasn't better than MIT or Brown, certainly not Yale. Casey was the reason he choose CRU. I had never questioned it before. But now I saw it. He had followed his sister, chasing after her like the rest of us, begging to be part of her life. It was an interesting revelation.

The evening broke up soon after as Derek announced that he should be getting home. I watched from the window beside the front door as Casey walked him to his car. He gave her a quick, almost hesitant hug. I think he knew I was watching. I felt guilty for making him squirm. I actually felt guilty for having so much fun making him squirm.

Then I heard a throat being cleared behind me and I turned slowly into the penetrating, cool stare of Mr. Cartwright.

" Can I have a word with you ? " he asked, though it honestly couldn't really qualify as a question. His eyes said I really didn't have a choice.

I swallowed nervously and took in a deep refreshing breath. " Yes, Sir. "

" Walk with me. " He said, clapping his hand around my shoulder and leading me down the hall, past the foot of the stairs and into the back part of the house.

I hadn't had any reason to be in this part of the house before now. The hall he was taking me down lead to his bedroom, a bathroom and his office, which was our destination.

The room was small compared to the rest of the house. It held a desk, that occupied the middle of the room, a chair that looked comfortable enough, another chair that looked less comfortable and a bookcase filled to overflowing.

He offered me a drink, which I declined and a cigar which I also declined. I thought he might have been testing me. Then he offered me the less comfortable chair and took the one behind the desk. He was putting the desk between us. Taking on the role of authority by placing himself behind the thick slab of oak. I had been in enough principals offices to know this trick too well.

His eyes took me in for a moment and I shifted under his scrutiny.

" You know, I went to college with a few guys like you. " He began. " The professional student, switching majors constantly to keep from having to leave school. Partying too hard and not taking anything seriously. "

I swallowed hard. I wanted to tell him what he said wasn't true, but I couldn't. My palms were sweating and hands shaking. I swear I was the slightest hint of a smile playing at the corners of his mouth. Now he was having fun watching me squirm. Payback truly was a bitch.

His eyes left me and landed on a picture on the corner of his desk. It was a picture of Casey. She looked like she was about thirteen and she was dressed in a blue and white cheerleader uniform. " I know you're just pretending to be together for Derek's sake and I don't have a problem with that. I don't like lying to the boy, but I guess it's easier all around this way. " he said, his eyes still not leaving the picture. " But I've seen you looking at her. I've noticed. You aren't pretending, are you ? "

I thought for half a second about denying it. About trying to convince him that he was wrong and he hadn't seen anything. But I knew nothing I could say would make any difference. I'd been caught with my hand in the metaphoric cookie jar. I decided it was better to just fess up and deal with the consequences.

" No, Sir. I'm not. " I answered.

" So, you like her ? " he glanced at me. Again I thought he might be testing me, so I went for it, full throttle.

" No, Sir, I love her. "

" You think so, huh ? " he nodded.

" No, Sir. I know. I've loved her for a long time now. " I said in what I thought came off as a confident tone.

" Do you see that picture there ? " he raised his eyebrow towards the picture of Casey.

" Yes, Sir. "

" That's what I see when I look at her. I still see that little girl, so beautiful and perfect. The day she was born was the happiest day of my life. " he continued.

" I'm sure it was. She still is beautiful and perfect. I'm sure you're very proud of how she's turned out. " I said.

" Yes, I am. Her mother and I have raised a young woman who is intelligent and confident and not afraid of anything. You know, I trust Casey. She's very capable of making her own decisions about her life. But that doesn't stop me from worrying. I guess, what I need to know is this, to me she is still that little girl in the picture, my perfect little girl, what is she to you ? "

His eyes were practically burning a whole in me. I didn't want to take too long to answer. I didn't want him to think I was formulating an answer he wanted to hear. So I said the first thing that came to my mind. What was Casey to me ?

That was easy. " She's everything. "

His smile spread across his face slowly and his laugh when it finally erupted was full of relief and approval.

" Cappie, my boy, " he said. " That's the best answer I could have asked for. "

Rusty met me in the hall as I left the office. " I was just coming to save you. " he smiled at me a bit sheepishly.

" It's okay. I think I did alright. " I told him as we started up the stairs.

" What was that all about ? "

" He saw me looking at Casey. Wanted to know what my intentions were towards his little girl, basically. " I told him.

Rusty stopped at the top of the stairs. " Man, I'm sorry. "

" It's okay. Like I said, he liked what I had to say. So it's cool. What's up with you and Hannah, was it ? Derek's little sister ? "

" What do you mean ? Nothing's up. " He was shuffling his feet and his eyes were darting around the hall. Nothing, my ass.

" Come on, Spitter. You don't really expect me to buy that, do you ? "

" Hannah Wilson has been the subject of Rusty's wet dreams since he was old enough to have them. " Casey said as she stepped into the hall from her room. " He used to chase around after her like a little lost puppy. "

" Really ? " I smiled at Rusty who was now a bright, scarlet shade of red.

" I kinda had a thing for her when we were younger. " he muttered under his breath.

" Kinda had a thing. " Casey laughed. " That's the understatement of the year. "

I put my arm around his shoulder. " Now, come on, Don't tease him. The poor boy had a crush. He's obviously over it now. "

Casey and I both laughed as Rusty continued to look like he wanted the hall to open up and swallow him.

" Very funny. Is this what I have to look forward to now that she's coming to school with us ? " he said, pulling away from me.

" No, Rusty, this is your chance. She'll be new at school and she won't know anyone. Maybe you can help her, show her around. " Casey suggested. She had come over to us and was now standing beside me.

I nearly jumped out of my skin when she slid her arm around my waist like it was the most natural thing in the world. But I hid my surprise very well. " And don't forget, you're a frat boy now. Chicks love that. " I added.

"Do they ? " Casey asked, smiling up at me.

" Well, " I shrugged. " That's what I've heard anyway. "

" I'm going to bed. " Rusty said, walking away shaking his head. " I'll see you in the morning. "

" So, " she said, rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet. She was nervous and it was obvious.

" So, " I answered, not knowing what else to say.

We stood there for a long time, neither of us saying a word, both of us fidgeting nervously. It was ridiculous. It had to be one of the weirdest moments in my life.

Finally I couldn't take it anymore and I turned to her. " I thought maybe we could talk. "

" Okay. " she nodded.

She followed me down the hall and into my room. I closed the door behind her and leaned against it.

Then I stopped. She turned to me slowly, a sheepish almost scared look on her face. It only took a moment to understand why.

A radio was playing softly from somewhere. Several candles sat scattered around the room, casting their soft, warm, yellow glow over everything. And sitting on the small table beside the bed were two plates of pie.

I looked at her again. I knew my confusion had to show on my face and her eyes fell to the floor in front of her.

" I've had a really good time today. " she began as she stepped closer to me. " I was hoping you had a really good time, too. "

I chuckled. " I did. Today was great. But I'm still not getting what all this means. "

Her eyes were dark and smoldering as she took me in, spearing me to the door with her heated gaze. I couldn't move as she advanced towards me. Her body was against mine, pressing into me. Her arms snaked around my shoulders, her fingers playing with the hair at the nape of my neck.

My arms went around her instinctively, hauling her small, soft body even closer to me, molding her curves against my chest. Then her lips were on mine, hot, and insistent. I felt her tongue brush against my lips and I opened my mouth to her. She deepened the kiss, dragging her tongue slowly over my teeth, across my own tongue, over the roof of my mouth.

Then she pulled away long enough to take a breath before she was on me again. I felt like I was being attacked. Her hands pulled at my clothes. Her warm lips moved from my mouth to the side of my neck, over my collarbone.

I couldn't take a breath. I could not get my lungs to draw in the air they needed. My heart was pounding against my ribcage so hard I feared it was about to escape.

I threw my head back and closed my eyes, granting her better access to my throat.

Then an image flashed through my mind.

I don't know why. I have no idea what sparked the memory. Maybe it was own survival instinct kicking in, reminding what had happened last time we had gotten this close. I couldn't block the image of her shutting my bedroom door and leaving me to return to Evan from my mind. More important was the flash of all the feelings that I experienced as the door closed. They all came crashing back around me. The disappointment, the bitter anger, the helpless feeling of rejection.

" Casey, " I mumbled trying to get her attention. I repeated it, louder this time, still she ignored me. Finally, I took her wandering hands in mine and pushing her away from me.

Her face was full of confusion as she looked at me.

" I'm sorry. I can't do this. " I told her.

" What ? " she asked, as if she hadn't heard me.

" We need to talk first. " I explained.

She took a deep breath and squared her shoulders before taking a seat at the foot of my bed.

I joined her, sitting close enough that my thigh rested against hers.

" I need to know what we're doing here. " I began.

" I kinda thought that was a bit obvious. " she muttered.

" Yeah, " I agreed. " I suppose it is. But what I mean is I need to know where this is heading. "

She didn't answer for a moment. " I don't know. You said earlier we could just figure it out as we go. I kinda thought that is what we were doing. "

I nodded. " You're right. I did say that, but I think maybe you need to know where I am with all this. "

" Okay, " she nodded. " Where are you ? "

" I love you. " I answered without hesitating. There was a time when I could barely bring myself to say that to another person. Men just didn't go around declaring their love at the drop of a hat. It wasn't how we were made. But it was time to make sure she knew exactly where she stood with me. Maybe it would help her figure out where she was with me.

I was completely unable to read the look on her face. And that left me terrified. I could always read her. I always knew what she was thinking.

She said nothing, her face was a blank canvas. I had no idea what was going through her mind.

" I don't know what to say. " she said finally. " I really wasn't expecting that. "

" Come on, You can't be that surprised. " I told her.

" No, I'm just surprised that you said it. I mean when we were together, I felt like every time you said you loved me, I was forcing you into it somehow. " she tried to explain.

I was shocked. " Is that really how you saw it ? Like you were making me tell you I loved you ? "

She looked down and then back up at me. " You never said it first. "

" Oh, that can't be true. " I argued.

" No, it really is. Every time you said it, it was ' I love you, too. '. You never said it first. " she sounded so certain I couldn't help but believe her.

" Wow, I had no idea. " I mumbled, astounded by this revelation.

" It's not a big deal. You always said it back to me. It just bugged me a little. " she shrugged.

" It should have. " I said, standing suddenly. " You should have said something. Saying it back isn't that same. "

" Cappie, it really isn't a big deal. " She reached out to me.

" Yes, it is. " I answered, letting her take my hand and pull me back down beside her. " Casey, I always meant it. I should have said it more often. I never meant for you to feel like you were making me say it. I love you. I never stopped loving you. "

There were tears in her eyes. I didn't know what I said to cause them, but I instantly felt my chest tighten.

" I've been thinking about what you said earlier. " she began. " I think some of what you said makes a little sense. "

" Well, okay. That's a start anyway. " I chuckled and she joined me.

" I'm just so exhausted all the time, pretending to be this person I don't even recognize anymore. " she continued.

" So quit pretending. " I answered simply.

" I can't. I have created this image and now I have to keep it up. It's what everyone expects me to be."

" Fuck 'em. "

Her eyes snapped to my face. " That's easy for you to say. All your friends accept you for who you are. You have never pretended to be anything other than who you are. If I change, I'm afraid I'll lose all the people I care about. "

I took her hands in mine and squeezed them reassuringly. " If those people really care about you, they wouldn't want you putting yourself through all this misery just to fit some image they have of you. Ashleigh wouldn't want you to pretend to be something you aren't just to be her friend. "

She smiled. " Ashleigh is different. She already knows the real me and she likes me anyway. "

" What is it about the real you that you don't think all these other people will like ? "

She shrugged. " I don't know. I just have these urges that I know they wouldn't approve of. "

I laughed. " Urges, huh ? Well, by all means, tell Cappie all about your urges. "

She laughed as well and shoved me. " That isn't what I meant. "

" You're a tease. " I pretended to pout.

" It's just that sometimes, like on Sunday afternoon, I would love to just lay in bed all day and watch football and eat nachos and pizza and drink beer. " Her voice had that far off sound that I recognized very well.

" Then you should do that. If that's what you feel like doing, you should it. You aren't insisting they join you. You're just spending your day off the way you want to. " I told her. " If they don't like it, tell them to go to hell. You can't live your life for other people. That's only going to make you miserable. "

" Well, there's more than just football and beer. " she said, her voice dropping to just above a whisper.

" Really ? " I grinned. " What other urges do you have ? "

" There is this guy. " she said, her voice still quiet.

" A guy ? Do I know this guy ? "

" Maybe. I really like him. " she continued. " I think I might even love him, but its complicated. "

" Ah, he doesn't like you. " I stated with a solemn nod.

" No, " she shook her head. " He says he loves me. That's not the problem. "

" Well, if you like, maybe even love him and he loves you, I can't see how that could be wrong. " I told her, moving a little closer.

" He isn't the type of guy my Sister's would approve of. I'm not sure they will ever accept him. " she explained.

" Well, then, you have to ask yourself what's more important, a bunch of shallow friends that are trying to run your life for you or a guy you really like, maybe even love. "

She nodded, looking down at her hands that were resting in her lap. " You know, this isn't the first time I've been faced with this choice. "

I nodded. " I know. "

" I'm not so sure I did the right thing last time. " she told me. " I think I really hurt the guy that time. "

" If you left him, then I'm sure it hurt. I can't imagine anyone surviving you leaving them. "

" Well, he's a really strong guy. He pretended that it didn't matter. But I know him better than that. " She was still looking at her hands.

" Sounds like you might have really liked this guy. "

" I loved him. " she corrected me quickly. " I hope he knows that, and I never meant to hurt him. I was just mixed up and confused and being pulled in all these different directions. "

" Believe me, " I took her hands again. " He knows that you loved him and he knows that you didn't set out to hurt him. "

She laughed suddenly. " Okay, this is ridiculous. Cappie, I'm sorry. I know what I did to you was terrible. But I want you to know that breaking up with you wasn't easy. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. "

" That really means a lot. " I told her, squeezing her hands again. " What I really need to know is, what happens when those shallow friends of yours force you to make that decision again ? "

She looked up at me finally, letting her eyes hold mine. " Fuck 'em. "

" That's easy enough to say now. " I smiled. " But will it still be so easy when it's them looking back at you ? "

She shrugged. " I'm the president now. They can't tell me what to do anymore. "

" I love you. " I told her.

" I think I might love you, too. " she answered.

" I'm okay with that for now. " I smiled as I pulled her into me.