January 22, 2138 (Afternoon)
Mom seems better than she did this morning, but she still doesn't seem normal. She had another premonition. She told Karl and Dad that she was dreaming that she couldn't breathe. That something was stopping her from getting any air. She kept struggling and it wasn't helping. During her struggle she turned her head to the side and there was a mirror sitting on a side table next to her, reflecting an image at her. She wasn't seeing herself though. She was seeing Sarah reflected in it as though she were her. That's when she woke up and screamed like she did. Dad didn't want to tell me, but Karl promised that there wouldn't be any hiding of things between us. So he told me like I asked him to. Not that it does much good. I can't make any sense out of it and neither can anyone else.
All of the excitement this morning has caused us to have to explain Mom's situation to the two soldiers that have joined us. Cane sat there taking it all in without speaking at all. Kim seems concerned about Mom, but I don't know if she's the type of person to believe in things that she can't see or feel herself. So her concern might be more for Mom's sanity than anything else.
On the other hand, Tommy says that he went and talked to Mom for a few minutes alone. He believes in what Mom sees a lot. Tommy tells me that he assured Mom that Sarah was all right and he would look after her. She's been through too much to just let it go though. No matter what any of us say to Mom. Her visions are the things that she will trust in the most because they've proven themselves out in the end.
Speaking of Sarah, she's not feeling better and she isn't eating anything now. Like we don't have enough problems already without her being sick on top of everything else. Karl thinks she just has the flu and doesn't seem all that concerned about her. She's resting in another room right now, away from Mom. Whatever it is that she has, we'll probably all end up with it sooner or later. So I'm not sure that I see the point in it. However, if she's getting some rest that's all that counts.
January 22, 2138 (Evening)
Tommy and I ate quickly in the lounge so that we could spend time talking after. The tension was thick in the room again. Karl wearing his poker face. Kim visibly annoyed. Cane sitting there in silence, taking everything in and Dad being the most vocal of everyone. Most of the talking involved the plan to attack the power plant to the Northwest of us. It's hitting a lot of snags. Karl made a map that reads fine, but we're located to the rear of it right now. To attack it the way we want to and have the effect that we need to have we would have to attack it from the front. Kim guarantees that attacking from the front is not going to work. "If you're into suicide," were her exact words. The plant is located about half of a mile across the far bridge North of us, is surrounded by fencing and has a gate in the front that we would have to get through to actually attack because it's located so far away from the front of the building that we couldn't get close enough. The worst part of it is that there are guard towers around the plant with interlocker turrets. The only chance we have of doing what we want to do is to attack the plant from the West side, which puts us as far away from here as we can get in doing this. We can cross the closer bridge to get across the water again, but putting ourselves on the opposite side of the enemy, away from home? Then getting back here? It's going to require some work.
Anyway, back to our talk. Tommy talked to his Dad earlier about the missing stimulants. He still didn't know who had taken them. He suggested to his Dad that Kimberly seemed very moody and that his father had said previously that the stimulants could be the cause of it. His father told him that she could just be being moody because she doesn't like Cane at all. He's not convinced that it's her. I don't want it to be either. I like Kim, but she's different than before. And she won't say why. It's only with Cane though. Not any of the rest of us.
As Tommy and I walked together he brought up something that I hadn't thought of. And didn't want to. He apparently didn't want to either. It took him forever to get to the point with me. He said to me, "Amber? You know that I love your Mom. She's my Godmother. She's just like a second Mom to me. You know how I feel about her, right?" I said, "Yes." I know that he adores Mom. He went on saying, "Please don't get mad at me for saying this, but do you think your Mom might try to use something like these to enhance her visions?" I cut him off and said, "What? No. She would never do something like that." Tommy went on saying, "I'm not saying this to be hurtful. It's just that you've been telling me about Karen having these wild dreams about you. She's not making any more sense out of them than any of the rest of us. She feels that what she sees is real. I feel that way to. She saw what happened to Mom before it happened. Then it did. Parents will do anything for their kids, Amber. Maybe she thinks that she can see more if she…"
"No, Tommy. It's not happening. She has faith too. Faith that would keep her from doing something like what you're suggesting," I barked at him. Going unnoticed by either of us as I was letting myself get angry over what Tommy was thinking, Tommy looked over to our right and noticed Cane leaning up against a wall within earshot of us. I turned to see what he was looking at, thrown off by him not paying complete attention to me as I rambled at him loudly. Glaring at Cane as he stood there looking at us Tommy spoke up in an irritated voice, saying, "Do you need something?" Cane kept leaning there and said, "No, not really." Tommy continued to glare back at him without speaking again. Finally Cane spoke up again, saying, "Sorry to interrupt your moment there. I think I hear a cup of hot chocolate calling for me." Cane started walking off towards the lounge and Tommy popped off at him, "Yeah? Well don't let that burn you on the way down." Cane paused for a second, and then moved on without saying anything more to either of us.
Still glaring in the direction of Cane as he moved on, I had to speak again to get Tommy to stop looking at him. I said, "Look, let's just drop it. This isn't getting us anywhere." He looked back at me again with his irritated look still tattooed to his face, saying, "How can you stand there doubting how I feel about your mom? I just want what's best for her and all of the rest of us." Before he could say anything else I blurted out loudly, "I said let's drop it." Tommy replied, "Fine." Then he walked away from me without speaking to me again.
I stood there in shock, not knowing what to think. As I stood there trying to figure everything out I glance up at the tree stand. Tad was sitting there looking back at me. Had he been watching all of that time? Even though he had to know that I noticed him, he kept looking at me for a couple of seconds with an emotionless look on his face. Then slowly turned his head away and started looking back towards the city.
January 23, 2138 (Early morning)
I can't sleep. I can't stop thinking about everything. Our first fight. Mom. Sarah being sick. Everything.
I know that Tommy doesn't want to say things like he did to me. He's like his father. Always exploring ever possibility to make sure that the problem gets found. Being in the medical profession, Karl has to be that way and his son obviously gets it from him. I shouldn't have reacted the way that I did to him. I know he means well, it just hurts to think of Mom doing something like that. If he's right I can't let her go on hurting herself to tap into her ability to see things. I can't let her do that for me.
God, I miss Tommy. It seems like we're worlds apart just because we left things the way that we did. It seems like this night is going to go on forever too. I have to get to sleep and make this night move faster. Maybe I can make things right with Tommy tomorrow.
January, 23 2138 (Afternoon)
Tommy was out foraging this morning and I couldn't catch him to talk. I slept longer than I thought I would. So I went to the lounge and Kim was there. As I walked in I saw her at the main table looking at Karl's map. She seemed deep in thought as I walked in. She looked up at me for a second and said, "Hey. How are you?" I said, "Fine." She looked back at the map again as though she was satisfied with my answer, but replied, "You don't look fine. What's wrong?" I was a little surprised by her response versus her looking away. It almost seemed sneaky. I thought she would have said that to me as she was looking at me, not staring back at the map. It was like she was reading my mind or something. I had to be careful how I approached my answer. I didn't want her to think that something more important was up.
"Tommy and I had a little fight," I said as she went on looking at the map. "What about," she asked. This was not where I wanted to be when she said that. Trying to think up a good answer quickly, she spoke up again saying, "Your father talks about him a lot. He seems to be quite the catch. Don't you think?" Relieved and surprised by her words at the same time, I said, "Yeah. I guess he is." Kim looked up at me again and went on saying, "You guess? You Dad tells me that he jumped off of a bridge and saved you and your sister's lives. What's there to guess about?" I couldn't find the words to reply back to her with. As I was thinking of how to respond to her, she spoke again and said, "Girl. Strap on a pair and go say that you're sorry."
I stood there with my mouth hanging open for a second, still trying to believe what she had just said to me. I finally spoke up and said, "Kim? How did you get to be so smart?" She said, "I've had a man once. Don't let pride stop you from making things right again. Live your life today. Don't think about living it tomorrow." Curiosity got the better of me and I asked, "What was his name?" She replied, "Mark." Not satisfied with that alone, I went on asking, "Where is he? What happened?" She was looking at the map again as I was asking this. Once I had gotten it spoken she looked up, but not at me. She looked just above the map on the table and said, "He's gone." Looking there still for a second longer she remained silent and didn't go on with what she was saying, then she quickly looked back at the map again and asked me, "Can you go get your Dad for me? I need to go over something with him." I said, "Sure, Kim." I felt like I should say that I was sorry to her, but I didn't know enough to speak again. So I left to get dad for her.