January 23, 2138 (Late afternoon)

I took Kim's advice. She seemed so strong in her way of saying things and it made me feel confident in what I was doing. I went out to meet him and a funny thing happened. Tommy watched me approach him and once I had reached him, he said sorry himself. I was too, and I told him so. I wished that we hadn't fought over it. We both want what's best. It's just hard to think of my Mom in that way. Even if I know that she wouldn't take the stimulants and use them. It just hurts thinking of it and thinking that Tommy might believe that she would. But I understand what he's saying too. He has good reasons for feeling like he does. He's right too. Mom's vision came true. And his mother knew what would happen. A parent will do anything for their children that they have to.

I told him that I didn't want to fight with him again, ever. I hope we can manage to keep that promise to each other. Maybe it's not very realistic. I guess it's the thought that counts. I told him that I loved him and he said the same. It's funny how you feel like you have to reassure each other that you still love them after all. You would think that people would just know it. Anyway, I'll have to thank Kim for kicking me into gear and spreading some of her confidence to me.

January 23, 2138 (Early evening)

Earlier when Kim talked to me and asked to speak with Dad, she had come up with some sort of a plan to attack the power plant. She knows this area even better than Karl does. She hasn't gone into detail about it with me because she doesn't want me to go with them on this one. To which I don't agree with. She says that there needs to be a large group attacking or it will seem like it was meant to fail on purpose for some reason and the dreads might pick up on it. Yet she wants Sarah, Tad, and me to all stay here while she goes with Dad, Mom, Karl, Cane, and Tommy. God I hate this. I don't want to be left out of this. I don't want to have to sit here waiting and not knowing what's happening to them.

Suddenly I feel like I can't tell Tommy how much I love him and have it be enough. What if something happens to him? What if he doesn't come back? God, please let them all be safe. Please bring Tommy back to me.

January 23, 2138 (Late evening)

I tried to talk to Kimberly about their mission earlier. Of course she had plenty of good reasons why Tad and I weren't supposed to go along. I was recovering still. Tad was needed to secure the zoo. That and I don't know if she has faith in his stability. And Sarah is sick and needs Tad and me here with her. I tried to get her to leave Tommy and take me instead, but she won't go for it and seems to have Dad's support in everything too. Why does she have to be so damn logical? She swears to me that she won't let anything happen to any of them, but after watching what happened to Carrie I can't believe they'll just be safe on anyone's word.

After trying to get Kimberly to change the plans and failing miserably to do so, I had to see Tommy. This empty feeling kept my stomach in knots thinking about what might happen. I had to see him. I found him outside sitting near the entrance to the zoo. He could see the worry in my face and asked me if I was all right. I said that I was but I couldn't take my eyes off of him. What if this was the last day I was going to see him? The last day to be with him? The last time to touch him? To kiss each other? To tell him that I love him? I couldn't stop thinking that this was going to be the last time for anything for the two of us, and I tried to hold it in but I couldn't stop the tears as I looked at him.

He tried to make it all better, and said, "Hey, everything is going to be fine. Nothing is going to happen to any of us. Trust me. Don't cry. It's all right." Then he hugged me really hard and I could feel his own doubt in the length of time he held me there. I looked up at his blue eyes and said, "I really love you." He tried to look strong for me and said, "I know Amber. I love you too." He started to look away for a second and I kept looking at him. I could see the fear in his eyes and he was starting to lose his strength too. He looked back at me again and kissed me. I could feel a tear of his fall on my face as we tried to stay there forever. I reached up to him to wipe his tears away while my own kept flowing and said, "Stay with me." He just looked at me for a moment. Then we both walked back to my building.

January 24, 2138 (Morning)

I woke up with Tommy still with me. We both tried acting like it was a normal day. Ignoring the fact that tonight would be the night for the mock attack. We went to get something to eat and went off to check on Sarah. She was made aware of the plan to attack the power plant also and went out of her way to tell Tommy to be careful. Tommy gave us a moment on our own and Sarah went about reassuring me that Tommy knew what he was doing. She ended it all by saying, "He's coming back Amber. I know it." I wish I was as confident as she was.

I checked up on Mom afterwards. She was getting herself prepared for what had to be done, and also went about assuring me that everything was going to be fine. At this point I just want it to be over. This waiting is driving me crazy.

Checking in on Dad was a bit different. I found him having a rather honest discussion with Kim about Cane and the way she acts towards him before I could actually enter the room they were in. I waited outside and listened to them. I could hear him saying, "Tell me that you two are on the same page because I'm not about to take my wife, my friend, and his son on this venture with you if you're not."

She spoke back and said, "Don't worry. We'll make it work. Besides, all we're committing to doing here is making the attack appear to be real and then running away from the direction of the zoo. Running doesn't seem to be a problem for him at all. It's the staying that's his problem."

"What exactly does that mean, Kim?" he asked.

"It means that I think that he's a selfish opportunist. He served no purpose on our mission at the hospital. He doesn't have a valid explanation for why he's even here. For how he managed to get around the enemies that were trying to kill all of us or the ones that were chasing Kincaid as he ran from the hospital with the medications back to the Carillon. And there were…accusations…about him from others at our base," Kim went on.

"What accusations?" Dad asked.

Kim answered, "Various ones. Nobody would substantiate most of them though. And nobody was even sure where he came from when he joined us. There were rumors that he might have been part of the prisoner population from the correctional facility that could have escaped during the invasion by the biodreads. However, he arrived in a military uniform and seemed to have training. And documentation is a bit scarce on individual people. The Colonel made a decision to keep him with us, and he became part of my squad."

Dad replied, "You said nobody would substantiate most of them. Did someone substantiate any of them at all?"

"One of our squad was a young female. About eighteen or nineteen. She was cute, and I noticed him paying attention to her a lot. His attention was affecting her performance, and her mood. She started seeming depressed and tired. Like she wasn't sleeping and something was bothering her. After a while it seemed like she might be afraid of him, but would never tell any of us what was going on. Before anyone could get her to say anything about what was going on between them she was killed. Almost no time later he started paying attention to the other member of my squad that you met at the hospital, Carrie. She wasn't interested in him. Actually Kincaid had some feelings towards her and she liked him too. Michael Kincaid and Carrie both tried to stay professional soldiers and seemed afraid to let their feelings go further with each other because they both had this sense of duty to humanity. I felt bad for them and thought that maybe they were wrong in this, but they chose that path anyway. Due to this, Cane seemed to think that meant he was free to swoop in and that Carrie didn't have good reason to have a lack of interest in him. So he kept bothering her until I caught him with her, holding her arm so tightly that he bruised her and he had her trapped against a wall and wasn't letting her leave. I stepped in and it was all blown off."

Dad asked, "So what happened after that? Did Carrie tell you anything more about what happened? Did Michael?"

"Yes and no. She didn't tell Michael anything about it to keep from having trouble within our unit. She did talk to me, but only went as far as to say that he was pushing himself at her and she was freaked out over it, and that it wasn't welcomed. Then the hospital happened and we lost Carrie," Kim replied.

"I've noticed that he doesn't seem to be too upset about what happened to her. It doesn't seem like the reaction you would get from someone who cared about the girl," Dad said.

Kim replied, "If you're saying that his lack of showing any emotion for Carrie and what happened to her proves my story to be a lie, you're wrong. If you're saying that his lack of emotion for Carrie is disturbing and proves me right, I would agree with you. He didn't care about the first girl either and never shed a tear over us losing her. I was responsible for both of them, and Carrie was like a sister to me that I never had. I loved her like she was my family. Yet he hasn't reacted to her loss at all."

Dad asked, "And you're sure that you're not just angry over his lack of showing you any emotion over Carrie? You know, Karl's son Tad has issues with emotion himself and for good reason. People have a hard time not blaming him for how he lacks emotion sometimes and for how he has a hard time not talking to others about what he has going on inside. Deep down inside of him there's a good kid that has a lot of love for people. But he's been through too much. Maybe your guy Cane has too and nobody knows it yet."

"And maybe he's just a smart player of people. I know an opportunist when I see one and you don't know him," she snapped back at Dad.

"And I really don't know you and you don't really know me either, do we? So where does that leave us? This mission needs to go forward with us all being on the same team or it needs to be scrapped. Can I count on you because you damn sure can count on me," Dad replied.

"Yes, of course. But my problems with him are real and this mission isn't going to change that. You believe what you want to believe. Either way I'll do what has to be done. But I'm telling you that you had better take my advice and watch him. He's out for himself whether you believe me or not," she came back with.

"I'm not saying that you're wrong, Kim. But right now we need another gun on our side for this attack. He's another gun," Dad said.

"It all depends on where he's aiming that gun, David," she replied with sarcasm.

Dad replied again, "What?"

"Nothing," Kim said back and then walked out of the room.