Phase III

And somewhere far from safety, there's a man who's walking free.
His story isn't mine but he's as much alone as me.
I am cursed to walk among the wounded and the slain.
And when the storm comes crashing on the plain,
I will dance before the lightning to music sacred and profane.

Shoulder to the wind, I'll turn my face into the spray.
And when the heavens open, let the drops fall where they may.
If they finally wash away the stain,
from a daughter of the race of Cain...

"Friend Saavik..." Rrelthiz couldn't say anything else.

Spock stood a few steps away, giving them some privacy. He had planned not to be here at all, but to say his good-bye to the Carreon and leave her alone with Saavik. But Rrelthiz kept stopping him with one more thing she didn't want him to forget or one more word of advice for McCoy so he didn't give up or another detail Kirk needed to remember. It kept the three of them here when they thought they shouldn't be intruding; the doctor and his captain, at least, had managed to slip a little further away.

The shuttle waited in the background for Rrelthiz to get on board so they could take her to the ship in orbit, but she only stood there, tail thrashing and her finger talons clicking together, robbed of words.

Saavik finally broke the silence in a hushed voice. "Say goodbye to me, Rrelthiz."

A long trembling note shook the Carreon's throat sac. "The crisis on my homeworld may indeed not be resolved quickly. I may not be back in time--"

--before Saavik died.

"I understand, Rrelthiz. It is not what we would have wished, but it is the reality with which we must contend."

"I tried! I told them what was happening here – I told them, and still they insist!"

"It tells us how much you are needed there. Rrelthiz, it is what it is. Do not disturb yourself with it any further. We do not know this is our last moment to see each other, but if it is, then let us have it as an appreciation for having met."

"Friend Saavik..."

Rrelthiz's cape rustled around her in a sudden, warm morning breeze and her tail drooped, dusting the ground. Saavik reached out and took the thin arms in her hands.

"I would give you a gift." She leaned over and whispered so low that Spock could not hear what she said.

As it should be.

Kirk jerked his chin and they took the opportunity to move away even farther, but not enough to block what Saavik said next as she straightened up.

"It is my áhtia name."

Spock nearly stopped in his steps, but made himself keep moving. McCoy asked the question with his expression.

Spock translated in a whisper. Kirk knew his, so did McCoy, but he had never used the Vulcan term for it. "It is what non-Vulcans refer to as our first name. It is the private name for our self."

Saavik did not have one before when he knew her. She had to have chosen it in the past couple of years. Yet another sign of how much she had grown and changed. He could not help but think of a time when she would have told him what it was.

He, at least, had the gift of this little remaining time to be with her. The Carreon did not.

A touch of Rrelthiz's old humor, of her trying to deal with leaving, rose up. "Friend Saavik, am I supposed to pronounce that?"

"No." Saavik's back was to them, so he could not see what was in her eyes, but her voice carried everything. "Merely remember it."

Still Rrelthiz hesitated. Saavik put a hand to the other's shoulder. "Say goodbye to me, Rrelthiz."

The sound that broke from the Carreon could only be called a sob. She grabbed Saavik fiercely. Her lidless eyes could not blink or close; she could only stare around her at the people who went about their lives, not knowing how hers shattered.

A crewman came down from the shuttle and shouted at Rrelthiz to get her attention. Kirk hurried over, waving him away.

Saavik at last stepped back and gently covered Rrelthiz's head with her hood. The Carreon walked away backward, not even picking up her feet all the way so her talons dragged trails in the ground. When she reached the shuttle, she wrenched herself around and ran up the ramp.

Saavik stood alone and watched it go.

"You should tell her about that letter."

Spock expected McCoy to say that as much as he expected Saavik to have a house and choose an áhtia name, but the doctor had said it as he watched her watch Rrelthiz fly away.

"Do you know the letter's contents?" Spock asked. He didn't ask which letter, the doctor obviously meant the one Valeris had forged in Saavik's name, but he couldn't see how McCoy could have learned what was said within it.

"No, but I have a pretty good idea, based on what I know about you and... things I learned while carrying your katra."

"No doubt you do, Doctor, however I will not ask you to explain your theory. It is immaterial."

"Is it, Spock? Wait, listen to me for a second. Whatever was in it was something very personal and sensitive to you or you wouldn't have reacted the way you did."

Spock bristled by folding his hands behind his back and turning his shoulder slightly away from McCoy. "You would not react to someone severing an important association?"

"Of course I would, but that wasn't the only reason why you acted like you did. It wasn't only because Saavik supposedly ended your friendship, it was the reason why she did it. Anyone would do the same thing. If someone rejected me after they found out they caused my male psyche to shoot way off the Richter scale..."

"Do not mock what happened."

"I'm not. Honestly, I'm not, and I'm sorry that I made it sound that way."

"You do not know if that is the reason and you should not speculate on an issue when you have admitted to its sensitivity."

"You're right, I'm sorry."

Kirk crossed to Saavik and Spock moved to join them when she said something that stopped Kirk in mid-step. The captain stared at her, mulling it over, and then leaned in closer. They obviously needed privacy.

McCoy cut off Spock's retreat anyway and even jabbed at his chest. "Spock, listen to me! How much time does Saavik have left? Don't let it slip away so that you regret – don't be so pointy eared over the damned word! I'm not yelling at you, I'm pleading with you. – Don't regret that you had a chance and you didn't take it! Whatever that letter said was sensitive which means it's important."

It didn't occur to either of them that McCoy didn't mention finding a cure for the very first time.

Amanda picked that minute to come up. She stepped in between them on her way. "Everyone is still here? I should have expected it, I suppose. It's been a terrible few days. Uhura left yesterday, Rrelthiz had to leave this morning, and Saavik..."

Saavik is in Phase III. McCoy's stare crossed over Amanda's head unnoticed and jabbed into Spock.

His mother gathered herself from the unspoken statement. "I needed to speak with her on a matter, but it looks as if Jim has – ah, whatever it is seems to be finishing. Excuse me."

He watched his small mother glide over, but Saavik and Kirk didn't see her coming.

"Doctor," he said at last, "you have made my point for me. Saavik's remaining time is unknown and the issue is delicate. If she rejects our renewed association as she supposedly did in the letter, I will lose whatever days remain with no time for another opportunity to resolve the problem with her. As it is now, I have renewed our association. Therefore, we have everything to lose and nothing to gain."

McCoy might have seen his point, doubtful but a possibility. More than likely, he was about to say what a bad idea it was, but Spock was not wrong and the doctor or even Kirk (has he discussed this with Jim?) could not change his mind.

But Amanda's cry erased whatever McCoy's response would have been.

"How could you!"

Saavik and Kirk whirled together, noticing Amanda for the first time. The captain's head jerked from one woman to the other and Saavik – Saavik looked like she had lost everything.

"Amanda--"

"No! No more! Not this time."

His mother turned and hurried away. Her face and lips paled by the blood drained out of them over what she had heard, she stiff armed her son from stopping her.

Saavik came after her in fast, ground eating strides. "Amanda--"

His mother weighed a third of Saavik's strength, but she threw off the younger woman and the fierce words stabbed her to the ground. "I said no. Stay away from me, Saavik. Stay away."

She folded herself into a groundcar and Saavik stood alone in the devastation of her wake.