February 1, 2138 (Morning)

Last night was a trip. I found myself wondering if we had gotten more information out of Rachel than she'd gotten out of us. I realized later that I was giving her information too and didn't even know it at the time. At least Dad turned things around after Kim left and I learned to keep my mouth shut. One day I'll learn that I can't save the world.

We remained in the room after Kim left and Dad went on asking her a few things, but not before something I didn't expect happened. Rachel spoke up after Kim left the room and told us that she was sorry for causing Kim any pain. Then she reverted back into her mechanical, emotionless state. As though her moment of compassion never should have happened. Dad tried to get her to talk about where her parents were but she wouldn't reveal anything about them to him. As I stood there watching Dad I started to realize that the less he asked and the more that he let her ask of us, the more information we were getting out of her. Particularly when Rachel brought up the incident at the hospital outside of town.

"Am I right in assuming that it was you that raided the hospital not far from here several days ago," Rachel asked.

"Yes. You were there," Dad asked in his reply.

"I came off of our ship as your group was clearing the yard and entering the wooded area to the Southwest. One of your people was moving to the Northeast instead of fleeing with you," she replied.

"And you found another one wounded in the yard? A female around twenty years old," Dad asked.

"Yes," she replied and stopped talking.

"Will you tell me if she survived," Dad asked as I didn't know if I wanted to hear her answer.

"She was alive up to the point where I was called away. As Overunit Vargus and a couple of troopers moved in and pursued you I came off of the ship and was left in charge because of my rank. I was the highest ranking unit there and went to the woman to disarm her. She kept fighting to get away from me and she was making her situation worse by doing so. She was causing herself to bleed more by fighting and she seemed afraid of my appearance because of the alteration to my eye. I tried to tell her that I wouldn't hurt her but she kept resisting. I finally took off my hat and covered up my left eye with it in an attempt to get her to stop fighting me, and either because of not being able to see my full face or from exhaustion she stopped fighting as much. Maybe the pain was overtaking her as she kept yelling out and was breathing heavy. I felt…I just wanted her pain to go away as a trooper approached and aimed its rifle at her, but I ordered it to stop. I made it put pressure on her wound as I put my hand under her head to try to make her as comfortable as I could. That's when Overunit Vargus returned and saw me helping her. He was offended and thought that I was showing her compassion. It wasn't until I told him that she might be the same person that we found the blood from at the church, or that she might have information on the one that it was if she wasn't her that he allowed her to continue being helped. But not by me," Rachel said.

"Can you tell me more," Dad asked.

"Look, I don't know what you want me to say to you. Her wounds were critical and while I sat there with her I considered digitizing her just to keep her alive and to stop her pain. She was hurt too badly to be moved from the site any other way, but I don't think that she was digitized after I left. I think she was kept there for treatment and to have her blood tested and analyzed, or she died there and her blood was tested anyway. We received the results from the testing at the hospital I was posted at the next morning and it turned out that it wasn't a match. It's possible that she was kept there and treated so that she could be questioned about the woman we were looking for," she went on.

I don't think Dad knew what to do with this information. Carrie could still be alive and might still be in the hospital we went by last night without ever knowing it. Or she could already be gone and the information she just gave us could be worthless. What would Kim do if she knew what she had told us? She deserved to know but I couldn't help but think she would go and try to save her in some irrational way after what she had just done. Then again, it might go a long way if we could get her to tell Kim what she told me and Dad. So that would be my mission for today.

February 1, 2138 (Noon)

After I ate breakfast I took Rachel her food. Karl was at the door and said, "Hey. Do me a favor and try to give her breakfast without smacking her around any. I don't need another one to look after." I gave him a shrug and shook my head, then entered her room. She was sitting again with her back against the wall. She looked up at me and didn't say anything. I unlocked the cage she was in and said, "I'm sorry for last night. But thank you for the information that you gave to us about Carrie."

"I don't see why you're thanking me. She's either beyond being helped by any of you or you will risk dying yourself if you try to take her from the hospital. Provided she's still there. Why can't you people see how wrong you are? The best thing for her and the rest of you would be to become one with the machine. She could live on forever and never have to be hurt again. So could you," Rachel said to me.

"That's not living, Rachel. Feeling nothing out of life and never feeling happiness or joy. Haven't you ever felt these things in your life or cared about someone? Hasn't anyone ever cared about you," I asked.

"What difference does it make? It doesn't change things," she replied.

"It's everything. If nobody cared about anyone else, I might see more of what you're saying. Kimberly constantly seems to feel that there's nobody left for her and that life is hopeless and yet she keeps going on. I live for the love of my family, and Tommy. And for the brief moments of happiness I get. Haven't you ever had any of that at all," I asked.

"Life is so simple to you, isn't it? Well, what if I told you that I knew my parents well. They didn't die or anything, they just sucked. They didn't deserve to have children and were too damn selfish to take care of me. They would rather have blown what little credits they had on themselves than to take care of me. Would that change things for you? What if I told you about my boyfriend that I had? If I told you that when I got sick of dealing with my parents and their selfishness that I accepted how they were and left home? I moved in with him because I thought that he cared about me, and all the while I was just in his way. You see, he couldn't cheat on me as easily with me there. Would it be that hard for you to believe that there's something better than that out there for me? With all of this love that you seem to be surrounded by, are you so self-centered that you can't see someone having and accepting a life without it," she said to me.

"I'm sorry, Rachel. I am. I understand what you're saying, but most people have people that care about them. It's wrong that you didn't, but taking the people that other people care about away from them isn't going to change how those people were to you either. How can you wish that for anyone else or justify that? That because people were there and didn't care enough about you that you would support a cause that takes other people away from those that they do care about? The results are the same. You were left with nobody caring and now everyone else has to be left with nobody caring because you helped to take them away from those that would. How is that right, Rachel," I asked.

She paused for a moment as she kept looking at me. Then she said, "At least the pain can be eliminated. You can be made to where you don't have to feel it any longer. Then it becomes irrelevant. You don't have to feel it and it loses its importance. Is that wrong, Amber? To make all of the pain go away. When you told me that your friend saved your sister from being raped and killed, didn't it ever enter your thoughts that she didn't have to be attacked and hurt like that to begin with? That your friend didn't have to bleed and be hurt either? That we could all be working for a common cause where disease doesn't have to hurt anyone ever again? No cancer. No plague. No pain and death. Just existing in harmony with each other."

"Is that what you call what happened to that woman outside of the hospital? No pain? You can't sit there and tell me that you didn't feel anything for her as she was hurting and bleeding there in front of you. As she was screaming out in pain, there had to be some part of you that felt for her. You can't tell me that you would wish that to happen to another person. And unlike you, she has someone that cares about her and needs her. She has a boyfriend out in the city that loves her, and she loves him too. If the one that you had really cared about you, would you want this for him. Because if he cared about you the way Carrie and her boyfriend cares about each other, I wouldn't wish this on you," I said hoping she would see what I was saying.

She sat there in silence and didn't answer me, so I went on talking.

"I could go and tell Kim what you told me and Dad last night, but maybe you could see it in yourself to take someone's pain away and tell her yourself. I know Kim seemed hateful to you, but you're both a lot alike I think. You've been hurt and so has she, and you're both doing what you think is right to try and stop it from happening again. That girl from the hospital is like family to her and you could give her some kind of hope. And giving that to her might make her actually care about you a little, which is more than what I can say for those that you told me about earlier. Either way, whether you choose to tell her or not or whether you cling to your views about making a perfect world at the cost of everyone else or not you can consider me your friend now. I'll care about you, whether you want it or not. I'll feel for you if you're hurting, and I'll do everything in my power to get all of those people out there to care about you too, Tad and Kim especially. If you choose not to feel anything for any of us, that's fine. But you'll know when I'm done that someone cares about you. And when and if the biodreads find us, I want you to know that I'm going to fight them with my last breath like Carrie tried to do. Even if they kill me, I'll die caring about you like I do everyone else here. You can't go to your grave now ever saying that you never had anyone that cared for you. And if I die at the hands of your allies, you can go on living your dream knowing that they killed your friend and you supported a cause that helped them do that," I said as she sat there looking at me in confusion.

I started to walk to the door and grabbed the handle when she spoke up and said, "If you take me to her or bring her here to me, I'll tell her what I know."