Not Like That

Teyashi: Votes now stand at: Yes: 8 No: 0, so next chapter will be as citrus as I can get it. For those who don't want to read that, the lemon has nothing that you guys can't skip.

Kiba: Teyashi does not own Naruto. If he did, I would be less two-dimensional.

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We last left our dysfunctional duo bathing together, and this incident isn't nearly as comfortable as the sentence makes it sound. Being only one foot away from the nude Nara, Tayuya continually glanced at him to ensure he didn't try anything funny. After fifteen minutes of this awkward truce, Shikamaru began to smirk.

"Just what are you smileing about, you fucking pineapple-head?!" Tayuya shouted at him.

"I find it cute how you've been glancing at me for the last fifteen minutes." Shika replied.

"What the hell are you talking about, shit-face?!"

"Oh, so you're embarrassed."

"I'm not embarrassed about anything!"

"Then why won't you admit to the nervous glances?"

"I'm not nervous!!"

"Oh, so you liked what you saw?"

"That's it! You're dead!!!" Tayuya screamed as she tackled him. The resulting looked like the beginning of a wrestling match. Two minutes later, Shika and Tayuya were submerged to all but their heads and Shika had Tayuya in a sleeper hold.

"Whoa!" At this both Shika and Tayu looked to see Kiba staring at them from the bank side, "Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt your fun. I'll just leave." This is when Tayuya calmly removed Shika's arm from around her neck, climbed onto the shore, wrapped her towel about herself, and followed Kiba. "Hey, baby, that look suits you." Kiba said, oblivious to the impending doom.

Those viewing the forest from a high vantage point swore they saw a full grown tree rise about 5 and a half to six feet up and then fall down with a resounding crunch. Their friends would later insist that those guys were off their rockers and needed psychiatric help.

Tayuya walked back with a smile on her face as she decided to get dressed and get back to camp. Shika was already dressed and walking back.

At Camp

"What happened? All I remember is setting up camp and then everything blurs." Kiba stated clutching his head.

"You fell asleep." Tayuya said. Shikamaru gave Kiba a look that said 'Just accept that answer.'

"Well, I'm going to get a little more sleep. I feel like I was using a rock as a pillow," Kiba stated as he climbed into his tent for a nap, "To make up for it, I'll take second watch."

"Well, I'll make us something to eat," Shika said.

"You? Cook?!" Tayuya said, in shock.

"I can, I just don't like to. If I asked you to, however, I wouldn't live to take my shift."

"True. In exchange, you get third watch."

"Deal."

One uneventful night later

Shikamaru watched the sun rise knowing full well the peace that was about the air was going to be broken soon by his loud-mouthed team mates. Kiba crawled out of his tent with a yawn. 'And so it begins again.' Shika thought.

"Yo, Shikamaru. Do you mind waking up Ranmaru?" Kiba asked.

"Why me?" Shika rebutled.

"I had a nightmare last night about Ranmaru beating me with a whole tree! I have a gut feeling that if I'm seen anywhere near her tent, it'll go from nightmare to premonition!"

"Alright, alright. For a tough guy, you sure can be a wimp."

"I'm not afraid of many things, Shika. Ranmaru is one and the other is that flute wielding girl from the Sound 4." Stated Kiba, ignorant to his own redundancy.

And so Shikamaru went to wake up Tayuya. As he neared the tent, he heard noises from within. To be safe, Shika peeked into the tent. He saw Tayuya's sleeping form, hands clutching her groin, moaning Shikamaru's name. Shika closed the tent flaps quickly. "Ranmaru, get up. We have more ground to cover." He called out.

"Alright, I'm up. No need to shout, Fruit-face," Tayuya said as she climbed out of her tent, "So, where to today dog-breath? We should be close."

"When I tell you this, you're both going to start swearing," Kiba said almost laughing.

"Why do I think this news will bring about abject and pointless violence from me to you?" Tayuya asked.

"Because we've been sleeping on the spot we were supposed to investigate." Kiba said, and then promptly broke out laughing.

"Aw, hell no!" Shika exclaimed.

At the Hokage's office, several hours later.

"So, Hokage-sama, after an extensive investigation of the marked area, nothing was found. It is to be assumed that this was a set-up for an ambush that backfired on them." Shikamaru explained.

"Alright, you're all dismissed I'll call you if more information is need," The Hokage said.

"I don't know about you two ladies, but I need a drink," Tayuya said as they left the Fire Tower.

"I'm game," Shika said.

"I know a good bar," Kiba added, 'That's right, a few drinks and you're all mine Ranmaru.'

At the 'Tenuki's Barrel'

The Barrel, as it is know, looks like most bars on the outside apart from the sign showing a cute little raccoon poking its head out of a large barrel of some kind of alcoholic drink. On the inside the place was dimly lit in all but two distinct areas. The actual bar area had enough light enough for the barman to see the labels on the bottles. The corners, however, were dark enough for the seedy drug deals, prostitutes, and undercover police looking for both of the latter to occur without spoiling the drunken experience for the rest of them.

As the trio walked in, they made a bee line for the bar to get in the first orders. "Vodka cocktail, and one Bond joke and you'll have to mix drinks blind," Tayuya stated.

"Sake," Shika ordered.

"One bottle of rum," Kiba asked.

"Yo Ho Ho," Tayuya joked.

"I get it, pirates and rum, no need to point it out Ranmaru."

"No, I was just properly addressing you,"

"What the…"

"Don't start making a scene until I'm too drunk to care, guys," Shika said as he unzipped his chunin vest and grabbed a table.

We rejoin them at about 7 to 8 o' clock. Kiba is at that point where you know that if you have one more drink you will cross the line from tipsy to drunk and thusly gets another drink. Tayuya has been drinking like a fish for the past two hours and is now drunk, draped across Shikamaru, stroking his chest and kissing his neck. Shikamaru, mostly sober, is confused. "Alright Ranmaru, I think you had enough. Lets get you home." Shika said, picking her up in his arms (Figuring she can't walk in her advanced drunken state.)

"Oh, very direct aren't we. So where to, your place or mine?" Tayuya said.

"How about you go to your place and I go to mine?"

"That's a problem. I can't remember where I live right now,"

"Alright, you stay the night at my place."

"Perfect," Tayuya purred as she started at his neck again.

'Dear God, what have I gotten myself into?' Shika thought.

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Teyashi: Wooo!! Finally done. But up next, it's lemon time so stay tuned!