February 2, 2138 (Late evening)
You knew this would happen, didn't you Mom? You saw this ahead of time and didn't tell us. Why? We could have saved you. What could you have seen to make you follow the path you've chosen? How could you leave us like this, all dying inside? Dad's a broken man that I don't even know anymore. I don't think he wants to go on any longer. You were everything to him. He needs you to go on. How did you think we could fix this, Mom? I don't know how to. What the hell were you thinking?
Who was the person you were after? Was he that important? He's just some deluded teenager like Rachel. The only good and right thing he ever did was to kill that Youth bitch before I got the pleasure of doing it for him. That won't be enough to stop me from pulling the trigger on him the first chance I get. Because of him you're gone. And if it takes my last breath of air on this Earth, he's going to pay. I'm going to make him suffer until he begs me for the dark silence of death.
Damn it, this was supposed to be our happy victory. We rescued Carrie and everyone was supposed to be happy. It wasn't meant to be like this. Kim and Carrie are both feeling responsible for what you allowed to happen to you. Carrie was begging Tommy to put her down and leave her there so that we could help you, Mom. But you didn't let us. You didn't make it possible.
I need you, Mom. I made the agreement with God, not you. He was supposed to take me. Not you.
February 3, 2138 (Morning)
I wasn't able to sleep very well. I can't imagine anyone else being able to either. I wouldn't have gotten any sleep at all if it weren't for Tommy staying with me. I know that he's hurting inside too, but he puts it aside and only worries about me. I know that Tad stayed with Sarah too, but we still need to get with them and make sure they're all right. They both seem like the most vulnerable of us all, and we need to put on our strong faces for them. Both of them had enough problems without this. Sarah's irrational fear and Tad losing it again seem all too possible. Someone has to become Mom around here, and it's my job to do it.
After a tearful moment with Tommy, I thought about going to the lounge to get some water. I couldn't really think about food because I didn't want to eat anything anymore. That's when Tommy pulled a surprise on me. Apparently in Tommy's infinite wisdom, he and Dad both stumbled across a gift shop within the hospital as they were searching the rooms for Carrie. Rather than ignore the room once he found out what it was, he must have thought that it was a good idea to rescue a couple of other things from the East hallway. As I was hugging him and crying again, he sneaked something furry behind my back and popped it out around the back side of my head. It was a brown teddy bear with a pink bow around its neck. I didn't know what to think. That he was out of his mind to think of shopping while we were in the hospital or how damn good he was trying to make me feel during all of this. It reminded me of what Kim told me when she was talking about her life. When she was talking about the time she realized just how much she needed and loved her guy. I think this might be my time for that now.
After Tommy killed off some of my pain and bad thoughts with his gift, we went to the lounge and found Kim there. She was preparing something for Carrie and was waiting for it to heat up as she sat at the table drinking some water herself. I hadn't seen her looking as tired as she did now ever before. She looked at me when we entered the room and started talking to me immediately as tears started running down her face.
"Amber? Words aren't enough for me to use to say that I'm sorry to you. If there was any way that I could go back and trade places with her, I would. If I had the power to give her back to you, I would. I'd give up my life to see you smile again with her," she said as I interrupted her.
"I know you would, Kim. But I wouldn't want to lose you any more than I did Mom. And she obviously wouldn't have it that way, anyway," I said back to Kim.
"You think she saw this coming, don't you," Kim asked.
"I don't know what to think anymore. All of the things she said to us. The things that she said to you," I replied.
"I would never try to take your mother's place, Amber. I couldn't ever replace her in any way," Kim said back to me in a reassuring voice.
"Maybe she had a vision of something worse happening and did what she did to try to stop it. Maybe she didn't know this was going to happen," I said trying to avoid the subject of Mom's words to Kim. I knew what Mom had said and what she meant by the words, but nobody was ready for that yet.
Kim looked down at the table not knowing what to say. She wiped her face of the tears and looked back at me. She finally spoke again saying, "I can't make this right for you. But I will make them pay. I'm tired of the running and hiding. We're going to hurt them and take this damn city back. I swear, you'll have the life Karen wanted you to have. I'll make sure of it."
"Just promise me something," I said to her as Tommy stayed there in silence, allowing us to speak without interrupting us.
"What do you want from me," Kim asked as though she would give me anything at that moment.
"Don't die here. Don't throw your life away. Because when I look at Dad now, I think I'm looking at you years ago. I can see how you felt. I can see how much pain you were in. And deep down inside I think you wanted to crawl up in a corner and die. I respect you more than I can say, but I think there's a part of you that still wants to. Promise me that you won't. That's all I'll ask of you," I said to Kim as she looked at me with that subject changing look I'd seen before.
Your family is full of requests for promises, aren't you," she asked with less comedy about her words than it would have been any other time.
"Please, Kim. That's all that I want right now. I have enough to worry about with Dad and Sarah. And Tad is going to be a problem too. Please don't make me lose you too," I said.
"I promise, Amber. Look, you're not my child but I love you like you were. I won't go anywhere," she said as she got up from the table. As she walked to the door she said, "I'm going to check on Carrie and go try to talk to your dad. I'll get with you later."