February 3, 2138 (Afternoon)
Karl insisted that I let him look at me this morning. I should have expected it, but it came as a complete surprise to me anyway. I had forgotten about getting with him to let him treat my arm and give him an update on my previous injury. Kim wrapped it up well enough for me yesterday when we returned that I was too lost in thought to bother. Carrie was there with him too, which made for some interesting conversation.
Karl started by saying with his expression of strength, "Amber, I really want to at least talk to you every day for a while. Even if it's just for a few minutes, I want to see you and your sister too, all right?"
"What's talking going to do, Karl? It's not going to change anything," I said back to him.
"Humor someone who's been there. Besides, maybe it's just me that needs some company. Did you ever think about that," he asked as though I would be fooled by that.
"All right, I'll fit you in," I replied.
Carrie spoke up then saying, "Amber, I'm so sorry. I didn't want this for you and your family."
"I know. You don't have to say this to me, I know it already. That's why you pushed me away at the hospital last time. You tried to keep us safe, but we couldn't just leave you there. And Kim would have went there on her own to get you back once we found out that you could still be there anyway," I said to her.
"It's my job to do the fighting. It shouldn't have to be falling to your families to do it too," Carrie said to me.
Karl interrupted then saying, "It shouldn't have been a fight for any of us to begin with. But you have people that care about you too, Carrie. Somewhere? Family maybe? If we want to live it's going to fall to all of us to fight. None of you should have to be doing this at all. You're too young to have to be stuck in this bed, considering yourself lucky to be alive. And Amber is too young to be going through everything that she is too. They shot her too and we almost didn't reach her in time. All of you are losing your youth to this ignorant war and it shouldn't be happening. But if we don't have each other and keep each other, what do we have left?"
"Speaking of keeping people, will you talk to Dad, Karl? I've tried myself, but it's like he's not hearing me at all. He doesn't even look at me anymore," I replied.
"I tried earlier and he didn't look at me either. He was trying to work with the virus machine, but his hands were shaking so much that he got frustrated and almost threw it against the wall. He stopped himself, but I really thought he was going to throw it at the time. He needs time. You do too. It's not all going to go away overnight. I loved your mother. She was there for me for years. She was like my connection to Gina. And I don't mean any disrespect, but others have lost people too and we have to find a way to go on. I knew your mother like the back of my hand and I know that she would want better for all of us. I think that she's always tried to make life better for all of us in every way that she could. And we can give what she did the other night meaning, or we can choose to make her sacrifice worthless. I want my wife back, Amber. But she saved our son. Just like your mother helped to save Carrie here. I miss your mother, but that has to mean something. When it stops meaning something, they've won.
"I know this might not mean much to you right now, but I wouldn't be here if not for your mother's help. I have a little different definition of what family is to me. They're who's there for you and have your back when you're in trouble. You had mine at the hospital twice now. If you would have stayed with me the first time you raided the hospital, you would have died right next to me in the hospital yard most likely. You knew that and tried to help me anyway. I can't give her back to all of you, but I can be the sister you've never had if you let me," Carrie said.
"It means a lot to me. Consider yourself part of the dysfunctional family. The accommodations suck, but as long as we have Karl here we'll never run out of hot chocolate," I replied trying to break the wall of sadness overcoming us all.
Karl looked back at Carrie and said, "Come on, you know what we have to do. We've got to get you moving. Don't worry, I'll help you."
Carrie sat up and turned to the side of the bed she was in as Karl walked over to her and allowed her to put her left arm over his shoulders. He asked her if she was ready and she said, "Yeah, let's do this." They both raised her up to her feet and stood for a moment. "Are you all right," Karl asked.
"Oh my God, this is harder than I thought it would be," Carrie replied through her strained expression.
Maybe it was Karl's little speech, or maybe it was seeing her trying so hard to walk and make Mom's sacrifice meaningful in some way, But I forgot for a few seconds how bad things were and started cheering her on. It felt good just to be doing something positive, even if it was only long enough for her to walk to the door and back to the bed. Karl acted happy with the results. But Karl always reserved part of his opinion. The bad part. That is, until we left the room. I asked him how bad off she was and he thinks that she might have bled around or in her spinal canal because walking shouldn't be as much of a problem as it is. Not being a doctor, the first thing that came to mind was is there any risk that she could deteriorate and become paralyzed.
Karl helped her back into bed and spoke again saying, "Well, I have good news and bad news. Which would you like to hear first?"
"The good news," Carrie replied.
"The energy damage on the outside seems to be healing fine. And you're not going to be getting out of bed again for a while," Karl replied.
"And the bad," Carrie asked.
"I really need a portable scanner to find out what's wrong with you. I've needed one for a while for Amber here also, but your situation might have to be dealt with soon."
"You're scaring me. What is it that you're worried about," Carrie asked.
"The unknown. I'm not a doctor. I'm a med tech. It was my job to be the first person to reach the injured people and help them. In your case I would have only been able to keep you from moving and scan you. It would have been up to someone else to fix you more than that. Without a scanner I can't even do all of what I normally would. So the part where I jump in and do the doctor's job can't be considered without me at least knowing what's wrong with your spine," Karl said.
"You guys can't let me leave you exposed to the machines. I didn't join the military to have the civilian population dying for me. It's my job to protect you," Carrie said.
I spoke up then saying, "Right now you can't even protect yourself. And frankly, we're not having this conversation. We don't leave anyone behind. You should know that by now."
"And there you have it," Karl said before Carrie could argue. "Stay in bed and I'll be back to check on you in a while."
February 3, 2138 (Evening)
Dinner in the lounge wasn't what it used to be. Nobody wanted to talk because nobody knew what to say. It seemed easier for Sarah and me because we both had our male counterparts sitting with us, keeping us from being alone for any length of time. Dad never came in to eat at all. I didn't feel like eating much, but Tommy stayed on me about it and I forced a few bites down. Sarah was the same as me. Picking at her food and looking away in thought most of the time. It's ironic to know how she feels and yet I want her to eat something at the same time.
Kim finally washed her hands and sat with us to eat while Karl went to feed little Alan. She looked around the table and noticed that Dad was missing.
"Have any of you seen David come in here," Kim asked us all.
"No, not yet," Tad said as he sat his cup down.
"He's pretty much staying off on his own and working constantly on the microcomp," Tommy said to Kim.
"So you've seen him, just not in here," Kim continued.
"Yeah, I saw him about thirty minutes ago and tried to talk to him. I don't think he was feeling it though. If you know what I mean," Tommy replied.
"Excuse me," Kim said as she got up from the table and took her plate with her.
After she walked out, Tommy spoke up saying, "Does she really think that she can get through to him right now?"
"He needs to eat something. Maybe that's all that she's doing," Tad said in a withdrawn voice.
"Maybe I should try to talk to Dad again," I said.
"Maybe you shouldn't," Tad replied.
"Why would you say that to me, Tad? He's my Dad. He needs me," I asked.
"Maybe he needs something else right now," Tad replied.
"What do you mean," I asked.
"I don't know if you realize just how much you look like…look, just let her try," Tad said back to me.
"Do you think that's why he won't look at me? Because I remind him of Mom," I asked.
Tommy took my hand and said, "Amber, he's not looking at or paying attention to any of us."
Suddenly Sarah got up from the table and started for the door. Tad turned towards her as she kept moving and said, "Sarah? Where are you going?"
She didn't answer him, but slammed the door on her way out.