Cappie was pacing across his spacious, recently cleaned bedroom. He had cleaned it in the hopes of Casey making another midnight appearance. It had been a week since she snuck into his room in the dead of night. A week since he had gotten to wake looking into her large hazel eyes. He hadn't been able to make himself wash his sheets. Her smell still lingered there, just barely, a hint of something you wouldn't noticed if it wasn't familiar. But it was very familiar to him and it was all he smelled every time he got into bed.
Trying to sleep was a nightmare. He woke periodically although the night, hoping to find her sitting on the side of his bed, brushing the hair from his eyes and telling him she needed him.
It was so unlike him to get this involved with anyone. He had made a point of keeping all his relationships casual. But she had come before that rule. She was the reason he made the rule.
Nothing in his life had ever affected him like Casey. She controlled his every thought. He called himself moving on without her. He told himself he was over her, but having her come to him in the night had changed all that. He knew now he would never be over her. All she had to do was snap her fingers and he came running, like a trained pet, begging for a treat.
He laughed as he pictured himself jumping at her feet, ready for any small sign of affection from her.
A knock on his door interrupted his thoughts and he yelled out a quick, " Come in. " .
Rusty stuck his head around the door hesitantly before coming completely inside and shutting the door behind him. " The party is really starting to move downstairs. A bunch of people have been asking about you. "
Cappie sighed and shrugged restlessly. " I'm not really in the mood to party. "
Rusty's eyes widened in surprise but he didn't say anything.
" Why aren't you down there ' shaking your groove thing' ? " Cappie asked, before the silence got too awkward.
" I was worried about you. I haven't seen you much this last week. Wanted to make sure everything was okay. " Rusty explained.
The older man nodded and smiled, touched by his concern. " Well, don't let me get in the way of your good time. I'm fine. Just a lot on my mind lately. "
" I kinda noticed. You haven't really been yourself. Anything I can help with or is it none of my business ? "
Cappie chuckled, his mood improving slightly. " Your sister is my problem, mostly. Anything you can do about that ? "
Rusty shook his head in defeat. " Not since she was four. "
Cappie imagined a four year old Casey with blond pigtails and frilly dress with her hands planted firmly on her hips, insisting that she got her way and he laughed out loud at the imagine. " I bet she was the cutest thing. "
" She was a horrible, mean, spoiled little brat. " Rusty corrected him. " But she was very cute. "
He paused before taking on a much more serious expression and drawing in a deep breath. " What happened the other night ? "
He thought about lying or telling him it was none of his business but he changed his mind even as his mouth was opening. He closed it and sat down at his messy desk. Rusty perched on the foot of his bed, watching him closely. " I don't know for sure. " he began. " I mean she was here and said she needed me and we kissed and I told her I loved her. "
" Did she say she loved you too ? "
" You know, Spitter, she never did. Here I was opening my soul to her and I don't think she ever actually said that she loved me too. She used to say it all the time. I'll never forget how it sounds coming from her lips. It's the greatest sound in the world. "
Rusty muttered, " I'll take your word for it. "
" Well, " Cappie smiled. " I guess it wouldn't be for you, but for me, I've never heard anything sweeter. "
" You really are gone. " the younger man answered with a bemused smile.
Cappie laughed. " I've been this way since the first time I saw her. She was just perfect. I'd never seen another girl like her. She's so beautiful and we had so much fun together, until the ZBZ's got their hooks in her. Evan didn't follow far behind and I knew the first time he looked at her that I'd lost. I just couldn't accept it at the time. "
Rusty stood and resumed the pacing Cappie had started early, he laughed as he noticed it was the exact same pattern he had been wearing in the carpet before Rusty arrived.
" You shouldn't accept it now either. " he began ranting. " You're three times the man Evan is and I'll bet you never cheated on her. "
Cappie chuckled, amused at seeing him so worked up. " Well, there really isn't much I can do about it. I mean, I can't force her to stop seeing Evan. I can't make her love me. "
Rusty spun on his heel and leveled him with a serious glare. " But you could try to win her back instead of just laying down and accepting that you lost. "
Cappie spun in his office chair and rested his elbows amongst the clutter on the desk, burying his head in his hands. " And how exactly do you propose I do that ? "
" I don't know but - " he was interrupted by another knock at the door.
Cappie looked up and called, " Come in, " again.
" Can I talk to you ? " Casey said, as she opened the door and burst into the room.
Cappie stood quickly and looked to Rusty.
" I'm going. " he called over his shoulder to the unasked request for him to leave. Then he paused at the door. " Be nice to each other. "
They both looked at him like he was insane before he left, closing the door firmly behind him.
" What's up ? " Cappie asked, sitting again.
" I just wanted to see you. You haven't really been around much. " she answered, taking her brother's spot on the foot of the bed.
" I've been busy with class. " he mumbled unconvincingly.
" Or, you've been avoiding me. " she offered as she shifted uncomfortably.
" Yeah, that could be it, too. "
" Why ? " she asked simply.
He sighed and threw his eyes to the ceiling resting the back of his head on his chair.
It occurred to him that he had tried honesty with her the other night and it hadn't mattered. He was tired of putting himself on the line for her and having it not make a bit of difference. He didn't want her to know that he had been pacing his bedroom, waiting desperately for her to show up again. The one thing she had left him with was his pride and he was determined to hold on to it as hard as he could, cling to it like a lifeline.
" I think we made a huge mistake the other night or almost did anyway and I didn't want it to happen again. " he lied.
She looked down to the floor and for the first time he thought he noticed lines running through her make up as if tears had flowed down her face at some point earlier. Looking at her red rimmed, blood shot eyes, he was certain and his resolve instantly dissolved.
" Are you okay ? " he asked, beside her before he even realized he moved. His arm went to her shoulder and he pulled her firmly to him. " What happened ? "
" He did it again. " she sobbed into his orange t-shirt. He could feel the wetness already causing it to plaster against his skin.
" He did what again ? "
" Evan and Becca. He had sex with Becca again. " she explained.
He tightened his grip on her shoulders and smoothed her hair while she continued to cry on his shoulder. His chest felt like it was gripped in a vise as he silently listened to her sobbing. He murmured useless, meaningless words as he tried unsuccessfully to sooth her. His mind spun into overtime with images of his fist connecting to Evan's face for hurting her, playing on a continuous loop.
" I'm sorry. " she sighed finally as the tide of tears began to ebb.
" For what ? " he asked, stunned.
" For coming here. For interrupting your party. I shouldn't have unloaded this on you. It isn't your problem. " she explained, pulling away and leaving a Casey shaped void of coldness where she had been.
He ran his hand through his hair, mussing it beyond repair but he was way past the point of caring. " You didn't interrupt my party. And please don't ever apologize for coming here. " he told her, turning her to face him. " But, Casey, come on. Doesn't the fact that you wanted to come here again, tell you something. Something you shouldn't stop ignoring. "
Her eyes, puffy and swollen, stared at him as if they were seeing him for the first time. Something past through them that he couldn't define and he froze, afraid if he moved she would jump up and leave him alone once again.
" You're right. " she whispered after a long moment spent simply looking at him. " It does tell me something. "
She leaned into him, curled her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck, drew him to her and brushed her lips against his. He let himself sink into the kiss for a moment, realizing it was too good to be true before it even really began, but he couldn't stop himself from accepting at least a small taste.
As she pulled him deeper into the kiss, she began sucking on his tongue and his heart stopped, his breath hitched and his stomach turned over all at the same time. With more willpower than he ever thought himself capable of, he put his hands on her shoulders and gently pushed her away.
" What's wrong ? " she asked, puzzled. " You said you wanted me the other night. You said you loved me. "
He forced a smile and pulled back even further, trying to put as much distance between them as he could. " I can't do this again, Casey. "
" What are you talking about ? I thought you wanted this. " Her eyes clouded over and she looked like she was about to cry again.
He put his arm around her and took her into the crook of his arm. " I can't be your Evan payback again. I'm sorry. I just can't. You're going to have to find some other way to get back at him this time. "
She turned her face up to him, her eyes wide and her mouth opened to protest.
" Please don't. I'm not strong enough to say no to you twice. " he told her, placing his finger against her lips.
" But you don't understand, Cappie. I'm done. I'm not going back to Evan. I don't care what it costs me. It isn't worth this. " she said, her lips moving against his finger.
Then she did something that he was helpless to resist. She pulled his finger into her mouth and sucked on it, letting her warm, moist mouth draw it in to the knuckle.
He threw his head back and closed his eyes, lost in the sensation she was creating. He felt himself responding to her instantly.
" I want us to start over. I want to try again. " she continued as she let his finger go, took his hand and turned it up in hers. Then she planted a slow, lingering kiss to his palm, her tongue snaking across his skin. She moved to his wrist and did the same, adding a bit of suction as well.
His opened his eyes and stared at her, completely taken off guard. This wasn't the usual Casey. Casey was shy and reserved in the bedroom. Not innocent, by any means, but certainly not this forward, this tempting. She was the type to use her appearance to drive men wild, not her skills. But as she slowly made her way up his arm, pausing to gently suck on the inside of his elbow, before continuing to his shoulder and collarbone, he realized she had obviously picked up a few tricks since she left him. It was more than he could handle. He was quickly losing his ability to say no to her at all. She was turning the tables on him, using tricks he used to seduce women, and God help him, it was working. Working faster and better than it had ever worked for him.
Using every bit of strength he possessed and some he wasn't even aware he had, he pushed her back from him, a trifle rougher than he intended and she teetered on the edge of the bed for a moment.
" I'm sorry. " he said, reaching out a hand to steady her. " But I can't do this. You don't know what you want. You just said that a week ago. "
" But I've thought about it, Cappie. You are what I want. " she protested.
He stood and started to pace, more to put some space between them than because he needed the movement. " I don't want you to want me because Evan screwed up. I want you to be here because you love me. "
She was watching him, he could feel her eyes on his back as he continued making laps from his desk to his bed and back.
" Why are you making this so hard ? " she asked finally.
He stopped and went to her, going to his knees at her feet. " How long do you think it will before you decide once again that I'm not mature enough for you, that I'm not what you really want ? A week, two. " He sighed and it shook his shoulders with its depth. " I'm not sure I can pretend you leaving me again is not a big deal. I'm not sure I can hide this time. "
" What do you want from me ? " she said, moving a few stray hairs from his eyes, where it had fallen, like it always did. " I'm telling you how I feel right now. I haven't been with Evan since we talked the other night. I've been avoiding both of you actually. " she smiled. " But when I found them together earlier, I noticed that it didn't bother me as much as it should have. "
He reached up and stroked the soft skin below her eye that was still so swollen and puffy. " It doesn't look that way. " he offered with a smile of his own.
She shook her head vehemently. " No, I was upset because of what he did. That he could do that to me again. But there was no jealousy like last time. Just hurt that he could betray me like that. And then something else occurred to me. " She touched his cheek softly. " In the entire year we were together, you never once cheated on me. You never even looked at another girl. You ! As immature and juvenile as you are, you never did that to me. "
" Of course not. Why would I have gone somewhere else when I had the best thing on campus with me ? I would have never done anything to mess that up. I never even wanted anyone else. " he agreed.
" And that is why I love you. " she told him.
The words rang in his ears over and over. There it was, those words coming from her lips once again. The sweetest sound in the world. It was all he had wanted for the last year and a half. All he dreamed about. Casey Cartwright loved him again.
His hands resting on her bare knees tightened their grip and he couldn't help the smile spreading across his face. He suddenly didn't care about tomorrow or next week. He wanted her and she wanted him and it was enough for him for now. He could worry about the rest later.
She leaned over and kissed him tenderly. " I'm sorry I left you. " she whispered. " I thought Evan was what I wanted. "
" You know being here and not with Evan probably annihilates your chances of being the president of ZBZ. " he warned her.
She pulled her hand through his hair, ruffling it even more and kissed him again. " I don't care. All I care about is you and how much I want you in my life again. "
He raised up and she was so petite it brought him almost even with her lips. She barely had to lean at all to kiss him again. His hands still rested on her knees and hers tangled in his hair, drawing him closer, deeper into her.
" Now will you please show me what I've been missing ? " she smiled, as the kiss broke.