February 5, 2138 (Afternoon continued)

I think I slept for about three hours. At about 3:00AM I was awakened by someone talking. At first I thought I was having another realistic dream, but I wasn't. It was Rachel's voice that I was hearing. At first I stayed where I was, trying to make out what she was saying. I couldn't tell what the words were, so I sat up and moved closer to her as she kept talking. That's when I noticed that she wasn't talking to me, but she seemed to be having a dream and was talking in her sleep.

I kept watching and listening to her as she was sleeping on her back, and she would turn her head back and forth, continuing to say words here and there. When I had gotten close enough that I could touch her I could hear her better, but she was raising her arms as though she was trying to push something away from her as she went on talking to herself.

She kept saying, "No…stop. Stop. I said no…"

After saying this for a few times, she kept pushing at the air above her and I thought that something might be wrong with her or she could be sick. So I reached out and tried to take one of her arms so that I could wake her up, but she started kicking at me as though she thought I was trying to hurt her as she screamed, "No." She scooted herself back away from me and her eyes were open wide in fear as she looked back at me.

"Rachel, it's just me," I said.

"What do you want," Rachel asked.

"Are you all right," I asked back.

"I'm fine. Go to sleep," Rachel replied.

"Are you sure? Were you having a dream? You looked scare," I said.

Rachel reverted to her plain faced look and said, "Fear's for the weak and emotional. To which I'm neither, so I don't need your help."

"Why are you shaking then," I replied as I could see her hands trembling.

"It's cold in here. Go back to sleep," Rachel replied.

"I'll listen if you want to talk to me," I said.

"The last time I thought I could talk to you look at what happened. Open your eyes and look at where we are," Rachel replied.

"Look, I'm sorry. I was wrong, but it doesn't mean that I don't want to help," I said back to her.

"And I've told you that I don't need your help. I'm sorry that I woke you, but I don't need anything from you. Now if you want to stay up, that's your business. I'm going back to sleep," Rachel replied as she lowered herself back down and covered up with a blanket to keep me from seeing her still shaking.

I didn't think talking to her any longer would do me any good, so I took my blanket and put it over her own. She didn't respond to it at all. She just remained there with her eyes closed. So I moved back to my own space in the cage and went back to trying to sleep myself. I looked back at her one last time before closing my eyes, and I could see her looking at me for a second through her right eye as she kept the left one closed. She quickly closed it again when she saw me looking in her direction.

This morning we were awakened by Kim again and she let us out of the cage. She wanted us to all gather around in front of her building, in front of the steps. Rachel put on the black clothes that we gave to her and I said, "Do they fit all right?"

"Does it really matter," Rachel replied.

"Yes. It does to me," I said.

"I thought it was all about the color. You know, this is a rather festive shade of black. I think it brings out the light in my eyes," Rachel replied so sarcastically, but with a dead serious look on her face.

"It's a better color to keep you safe in," I said.

"Are you sure that it's not a better color for you to convert me to your way of thinking in? That if you dress me up like something different, that'll make it so for everyone? That your family and friends will start thinking I'm something different, and I'll start thinking differently too," she asked me as she stared back at me for an answer that I didn't have.

"Spare me your rainbow colored world stories and just leave me alone," Rachel said as she walked out to do as Kim wanted.

Without speaking to each other any more, I followed Rachel to Kim's building where the others were already waiting. Kim was standing on the porch looking down on them all, and Rachel and me too once we walked up. Sarah looked at Rachel with disgust again, and Tad had a weird grin cracked on the side of his mouth as he stared at Rachel. She acted as though they weren't there and seemed not to be looking at them. Tommy walked up to me and said, "Are you all right?"

Rachel spoke up before I could answer saying, "She's fine. Doesn't she look fine? Don't we both look fine? Thanks for asking."

"Shut up," Tad said with a disgusted look now too.

"Stop it. Both of you," Kim said to them quickly.

"What? It's a free world, right? It's supposed to be anyway. Besides, I was kind of hoping that if she was going to spend some time talking, she could show me how fast she can climb that fence and teach me how not to get shot in the back as she's running away from me," Tad replied with his grin back again.

Karl walked out of Kim's door at this point and came up behind her saying, "I think you heard what Kim said, son. Shut your mouth and do what you're told."

"Or what? What are you going to do? Give me a shot, or scalpel me to death," Tad spouted off sarcastically again as he stepped forward towards his Dad and Kim with his enraged look starting to creep out of him again.

Sarah put her arm around him from behind and put her hand on his chest as if to hold him back and said, "She's not worth this, Tad. I love you, just let it go."

Tad stood there glaring back at his father as though he wouldn't back down when Sarah spoke again.

"Please, Tad. Please?"

"Let's just get on with this," Tommy said loudly as he stepped forward and looked around at all of us with an angry look on his face.

After a long moment of silence and Sarah pulling back Tad away from the steps, Kim walked down one of the steps and started reaching for her collar. As she stood there she removed the rank bars from her right collar, then she did the same for the left one and placed the two sergeant pins on the post holding the rail along the steps. She turned them to where we could see them both, shining in the daylight in our direction. Then she turned back to us and started speaking.

"One of two things is going to happen here. The first one would be that two of you can be given the opportunity to become leaders around here and have an influence on what happens. You will become squad leaders for us. Anyone that has a rank patch on their sleeves or anyone above the age of 18 will be your superior. Much like it is now, but some of you can't seem to remember that. If you can manage to earn one of these two pins, you'll have a position of power to decide how things happen around here. That's the short and the long of that. If you want it, earn it. On the other hand, I could just leave them here, along with all of the rest of you, and go on about my life like none of you idiots even matter. Because frankly, I'm not sure that any of you still want to live. And just because I'm not always sure why, I do. Carrie does also. So I'm more inclined to take her with me. And if Karl and Dave want to come along, you can all figure out how to stay alive on your own," Kim said.

Tommy spoke up first saying, "We're with you, Kim."

"No. You're not going to be the spokesperson for the rest of these morons. Besides, you're not one of the people I was concerned about or referring to," Kim said as she looked around at the other four of us.

"I'm good, Kim. There won't be any more problems," I said.

"From you? Maybe. What about the rest of you," Kim asked as she looked back and forth at Rachel, Sarah, and Tad.

Rachel was next to speak saying, "What do you want from me? Really? What can you possibly want from me that I haven't already given to you," Rachel asked.

Before Kim could answer her, Tad interrupted saying, "Absolutely nothing."

Surprisingly Kim didn't say anything and let this remark stand long enough for Rachel to look back at him and reply to it herself, saying, "What's with you? I mean, really? What more do you want me to do? I'm dressing like you now. I helped your friend, Carrie. And when you said to me that you wanted me to be telling all of you the truth about the hospital when we were back in my cage, I was. I tried to tell Amber that none of you should go, but nobody would listen to me and I couldn't stop any of you from inside of a cage. What else can I do," Rachel asked.

"She helped me too," I said before he could answer, but he didn't seem to be trying to say anything as he glared back at Rachel with an angry look.

Rachel looked back as Tad stood there looking at her in silence, and finally got frustrated with not getting an answer from him as she yelled, "What do you want from me?"

"Is that anger? Are you mad? Isn't that wrong," Tad asked.

Rachel was now looking back at Tad without an answer.

"Are you experiencing an emotion? You know, one of those things that you constantly throw in our faces? Are you feeling something right now? Because, remember, you're not supposed to. And I don't need any friends like you that aren't supposed to be feeling anything for anyone. How would anyone here ever be able to rely on you? Because...oh yeah, you won't care. You're not allowed to, right? So, say Amber here gets shot again. Will you help her? Or will you leave her to die like you were told to? Like you let your overunit tell you to leave Carrie in the yard at the hospital and you left her there? After you walked away and you knew she was still there, dying, where were you? How do I know that you would allow yourself to care enough to help any one of us like we would help you? I'll never know for sure whether you would or not. If I was your friend, you would know what I would do. But in your case, I don't," Tad said back to Rachel.

"That's not fair, Tad. She tried to help Carrie. And in the end, she succeeded. And things were different then," I said.

"Were they really, Amber? I mean…really? Tell me, do you think she feels comfortable in that black sweater? Or does she miss the gray already," Tad asked me and I couldn't answer.

Tired of waiting for my answer, Tad turned to Rachel again and started walking towards her, saying, "So, how is it? Does it fit you? Or are you missing your gear pride apparel?"

Rachel didn't answer him either as Tad had moved right in front of Rachel. As he stared at her, he went on saying, "What? No words from you? No logical answer? Then, what reason should I use to trust you? Maybe if we pay you, you'll care enough about the credits to work with us. Would that do it for you?"

"I don't need any credits," Rachel replied.

Suddenly Tad's demeanor changed back to his enraged look, and he yelled in her face, "And I don't need you. These other people can trust you if they want to, but I never will. You won't ever get the chance to hurt me like Karen and my mother were. You won't ever hurt me, or Sarah. And the only way that you'll get to hurt anyone else here is if they're stupid enough to let you."

"I don't want to hurt anyone," Rachel said.

"You could have fooled me. Weren't you still proudly wearing that gray color when Dave carried Karen back in here? Weren't you," Tad yelled.

"You don't know me," Rachel replied gritting her teeth in an angry voice.

"I know enough. And, was that anger again? Welcome to my world," Tad said in a lower, more emotional voice.

As everyone stood speechless, he turned and looked around at all of us. Then he turned around and walked away like he just didn't care anymore.