February 6, 2138 (Evening)

The training session earlier stayed fairly calm, but Tad never returned to train with us. Sarah kept looking off in his direction and I could tell that she wanted to go to him, but she stayed and tried to make things work at least. Of course, keeping her with Tommy helped the situation. Kim really worked us over today, but it felt good. She taught us all kinds of things that we could do to protect ourselves. So many that I might have a hard time remembering them all. I particularly wanted to know about that foot sweep she pulled off on the guys yesterday. I feel like I learned it well, but I should have focused more on the other techniques she showed us, too. She expects us to remember them all quickly. It seems uncomfortable to her to be teaching us as fast as she's trying to. She doesn't have the patience that she had before and our behavior over the last few days hasn't helped things.

Kim is spending time with Rachel right now. I believe she's trying to get as much information from Rachel as she can about the team that the machines are sending. They have to have some kind of a weakness and we have to find it. If anyone would know what that is, it's Rachel. But will she help us or not? She took part in the training as though she was one of us, but people just don't understand why she does anything that she does. The not knowing is pulling us all apart. How will any one of us ever be able to hand a laser over to her? And yet we can't just leave her defenseless either. We need to know more about what Rachel wants before we can keep going forward. She says that she doesn't want to return to the machines, but what does that really mean, for now or forever? I'll have to find out what she wants and why before I can try to pull everyone together because I don't have enough answers myself.

Before I could do that though, I needed to see Dad and make sure he was all right. I feel like I've been neglecting him even though Kim has tried to be there for him herself. It's my place to take care of Dad and it's my responsibility. Kim has enough to worry about. It's not fair to her, and everything seems to be falling in her lap as though none of the rest of us can take any responsibility for anything around here anymore. It's no wonder she's getting frustrated with all of us. With the way I've acted myself, I've made things worse. And the things that Mom said to Kim at the end have to be wearing on her, too. How many things could Mom have seen to push Dad and Kim together like she did? When I was hearing what she was saying I couldn't believe it at first. Now that she's gone and Dad's a shattered man, I don't know what the right thing is for him anymore.

February 6, 2138 (Late evening)

I made my way to see Dad after eating dinner. I was surprised to find him no longer working on the microcomp. At first I thought that maybe it was because Kim was there with him, trying to get him to eat something. However, after a minute or so it seemed like he wasn't interested in it like he had been before. Over the last few days none of us could get him to put it down. Now it was sitting on a desk in the back corner of the room.

"David, please eat something," Kim said as she reached across the table and pushed Dad's dish closer to him.

"I'm not hungry," Dad said.

"Karl didn't do the cooking this time. I did. You wouldn't want to insult me, would you," Kim asked.

"I can't, Kim. I just don't feel hungry right now," Dad replied.

Irritated by now, Kim replied, "You can and you will. I know that it's hard and I know that it hurts, but you know what's coming and we need you. The kids need you more now than ever before. You can't just stop living and trying to stay healthy and think that I can protect your daughters on my own. I need your physical strength and I need someone to deal with Tad. You can match up against this team physically and if you're smart enough to make that machine over there, you can outsmart them. Don't make me do this all on my own."

"I'm sorry. I'm just tired," Dad replied.

"Then get rest. Then get up tomorrow morning and get going with the rest of us. Like the soldier that you are," Kim said.

"Kim? I'm sorry if my wife put a lot of things on you with what she said to you. I'm not sure where that came from," Dad said.

"You don't have to be sorry and she didn't put anything on me that wasn't already there," Kim said.

"You know what I'm talking about. I'm not just talking about the kids," Dad replied.

"And I'll say it again. She didn't put anything on me that wasn't already there. And you don't have to keep doing that," Kim replied.

"Doing what? What are you talking about," Dad asked.

"Calling her your wife and their mother instead of calling her Karen. You don't have to protect me from your pain. She was Karen and you all loved her. You're not going to hurt me in any way by sharing your pain with me. I'm here for you and I care. And I don't need you to think that I need to be protected from the loss of someone. All that I need is for you to do whatever it takes to get it together," Kim replied.

I thought about leaving the room and letting them continue talking without me in the way, but I thought better of it and came up behind Dad and hugged him as he sat in his chair. I kissed the side of his head and told him that I loved him. He said that he loved me too, which was the moment I was waiting for.

"If you love me, then eat," I said.

Dad didn't respond at all except to pick up a spoon and try to eat what Kim had given to him. As he stared down at the plate and kept trying to take bites, Kim looked at me and mouthed a silent, "Thank you." After this I thought that he would at least keep trying to eat, but only if Kim stayed with him because he knew that she would nag him to death if he didn't. So I made up a lame excuse to leave and left them together. I didn't want to admit it before, but Kim has an effect on Dad that I don't think he even realizes. I wonder if he has any effect on her, too.