February 7, 2138 (Morning)
This morning turned out to be more than what it was expected to be. Just when you think that things can't get more messed up than they already are, the unexpected happens.
We did the usual program of meeting up in front of Kim's building this morning for her session of training with us. At first the only thing different was that Carrie was able to be there with some help. Kim had a chair brought out for her to sit in and she had Sarah and I break off with her while Rachel and Tommy were getting worked over by Kim. Things seemed to be going fine for most of the morning. Although Carrie was doing things different from what Kim's approach was with Rachel and Tommy. While Kim was teaching them maneuvers while Carrie was trying to teach Sarah and me something else. It was more like mental training with her, and I thought that she was doing this because she couldn't actually get up and do everything that Kim was doing at first. I soon realized that it wasn't for that reason. It was to get Sarah and I to tap into our own adrenaline.
Carrie would talk to one of us at a time and make us think about being in the most dire of circumstances. And the threat was always presented to me that Sarah would die if I didn't manage to succeed in doing this or that. Mainly involving breaking out of a grip or lifting something heavy. Sometimes it would be running to somewhere and making it back within a very short amount of time. Likewise, the same mental training was put upon Sarah. Apparently we did well enough to satisfy Carrie.
On the other hand, Kim was having Rachel and Tommy trade off on fighting techniques they had both learned from the opposite sides of the fence they've both been on. Tommy was using things that he already knew and what Dad and Kim had taught to him, while Rachel would use the tactics that the machines taught to her or she would teach Tommy what to look out for. He took to this much better than I did. Rachel seemed rather quiet during all of this, except when she was sharing her own knowledge to Tommy and Kim. If she wasn't sharing her own knowledge or displaying a technique to them, she stayed silent.
After about ninety minutes of her mental conditioning, Carrie let Sarah and I take a break. As I went to get us all a drink, I looked up at the tree stand and could see Tad there, looking down on us and watching everything Rachel was doing. I wished that I could find a way to make Tad see things differently. I know that the only reason he was being the way that he was is because he cares about all of us, and it's hard to argue with that. His watchful eye has saved us before. But if he didn't ever give Rachel a chance, how would she ever prove herself?
I kept pondering that thought as I went inside of Karl's building and collected some cups of water for the three of us. Karl was inside, playing with little Alan. Seeing him giggling and happy reminded me of why we were all outside going through all of this conditioning to begin with. Alan stopped for a few seconds and put his arms out to me. I had to set the cups down long enough to give him a little hug, but that wasn't really enough for him as he kept his arms out after I let him go, wanting me to pick him up for a while. Karl spoke up at this point and said, "No, Alan. She has to go for a little while longer."
It really broke my heart to have to walk away and leave him, but at least Karl was keeping him happy. As I walked out onto the porch and started to walk down the steps, I looked to my left and could see Tommy and Rachel struggling to overpower each other and trying to trip the other one. It seemed so harmless at first, and that's when it happened.
In their struggle, both of them lost their balance and Rachel fell down backwards as Tommy tripped forward and fell on top of her. Kim laughed at this and found it very funny, not noticing that Rachel wasn't reacting to it with the same emotion that Kim was. I could see Rachel's eyes open really wide and a look of fear covered her face as she started screaming at Tommy to get off of her. Still off balance, he tried to pick himself up off of Rachel. However, Rachel squirmed and pushed at him and it made it harder for him to get up off of her.
"Rachel, stop," Tommy pleaded as he tried to get up again.
"Get off of me," Rachel cried at Tommy as she pushed him to the side and off of her.
By now, Tommy had such a dumbfounded look on his face that he seemed to be speechless. Kim had the same look as Tommy for a few seconds as Rachel didn't get up, but started crawling back away from Tommy as though he had become some kind of scary monster that was trying to kill her. Rachel was showing more emotion now than she had ever shown during the whole time she had been with us. Tears were running down the side of her face and she told Tommy to stay away from her as she kept crawling backwards, away from him. Tommy made it to his feet and reached out his hand to her as if to help her get up, but she was shaking and she kept crawling away from him and said, "No, get away."
By now Kim must have had the same idea as I had. As I sat the cups down and started towards Rachel, Kim got up and motioned for Tommy to stop. Tommy stopped moving towards her, but continued to try to talk to her saying, "Did I hurt you, Rachel? If I did, I didn't mean to."
By now I had reached Tommy and knew that something was really wrong with Rachel that Tommy couldn't help with. So I motioned for him to stay back too while Kim and I moved in to try to calm her down. Rachel looked so hysterical still and none of us knew what she might do.
"What's wrong Rachel," Kim asked with concern in her voice.
"Just keep him away," Rachel replied as her expression remained unchanged.
"He wasn't trying to hurt you. Why are you acting like this," I asked her as Kim and I both kept moving towards her. Rachel kept crying, but didn't answer us.
"Baby, talk to me. What's going on with you," Kim asked.
"I…I can't do this," Rachel replied to Kim.
"Do what, Rachel? He wasn't going to hurt you. He just fell. That's all," Kim replied.
Before Rachel would respond to Kim's efforts to get her to talk, Sarah spoke up saying, "Oh, what the hell? More of her drama?"
"Sarah, please. Stop," I said as she kept going on with her rant towards Rachel anyway.
"Look. It's just Tommy. See? Tommy. A victim of gravity, just like you. Get up and get over yourself," Sarah said with no sympathy whatsoever.
Carrie spoke up after this saying, "Sarah, please come over here with me. We need to get back to work."
Glancing back at her to see if she was doing as Carrie wanted, I could see Tad in the tree looking on with interest in what was going on. But by the time I turned back around to look at Rachel, she was already up on her feet and running off towards the North garage. She had gotten about half of the way there, but Kim didn't run off after her. Instead she looked at me and said, "Come on. Let's go figure this out." Then she looked at Tommy and said, "Tommy? Go ahead and take a break, then join Sarah and Carrie until we return. We'll be back in a while."
"I'm sorry, Kim. I didn't mean to hurt her in any way," Tommy said as we turned to catch up with Rachel.
"It's all right, Tommy. It wasn't you. It's something else," Kim said as we followed in Rachel's direction.
"I might have to leave you to talk this out with her, Amber. I don't know if she'll talk to me. But this has to be dealt with because she's starting to act as unstable as Tad does anymore," Kim said as we walked together towards the garage.
"She hasn't been opening up to me lately, either," I replied.
"You're a little bit closer to her than the rest of us are. Well, you were until the other day," Kim said.
"I'll try," I said back to Kim as we approached the door to the garage.
The door was standing open and we both went inside. We could still hear Rachel crying from back in the corner of the garage. We moved towards the direction of the noise she was making and found her sitting in the corner of the room. Her hands were covering up her face as though she might be able to physically hold the tears in with them. Rachel heard us approach her, and she looked at us as we moved towards her. Kim stopped short of her, and sat down next to her to put herself at Rachel's level.
"Rachel? Talk to us. Tell us what it is and let it go," Kim said to her.
"I'm sorry," Rachel replied as she kept crying and shaking.
"For what, Rachel? You haven't done anything to be sorry for," Kim asked.
"Yes I have," Rachel replied through her emotions.
"What is it, Rachel? What have you done," I asked.
"You can't know what I've done," Rachel said as she buried her head in her hands.
Kim started talking again saying, "You're not the only person on Earth that's done something they're not proud of. Let me tell you some things that I've done. I allowed myself to become less than who I really am, Rachel. I lost someone, and then I allowed me to lose myself. I became an addict. Addicted to anything that might help me forget about everything. I'd do whatever I had to do to get the next fix. I'd fight, steal, whatever I had to do to get what I wanted."
"Did you ever kill someone to get what you wanted," Rachel interrupted.
"I've had to kill before. Not to get another fix, but I have. And it's not something that I'm proud of, but I did what I felt that I had to do," Kim replied.
"I did," Rachel said.
"Did what," I asked.
"I killed someone," Rachel answered.
"Why? What happened to make you have to resort to that," Kim asked.
Rachel started crying again and said, "I did it to make him suffer for everything that he did to me."
"You mean…your boyfriend? What did he do to you," I asked.
Rachel went on saying, "He…he and two of his friends came home one night and I argued with my boyfriend about where he had been. He lied to me again and I was sick of it. So I had my things packed because I knew that I had a place to go by then and I tried to leave, but they wouldn't let me. I fought to get to the door, but one of them hit me and I fell on the floor. Then they…"
We knew what she was saying, and Kim leaned forward to hug her. But as Kim reached out to Rachel, she put her arms up as if to hold Kim back and said, "No. You don't know what I've done."
"I think I know enough. You did what you had to do," Kim said.
"No. I didn't have to go get my Dread Youth friends and go back," Rachel replied.
"What? You were part of them back then," I asked.
"They were recruiting me all of the time that he was lying to me and cheating on me. Overunit Vargus, Tara, and Brett were like my click back then. They offered me a home and friendship while he used and hurt me. I can remember that night like it was yesterday. After they let me leave, I went to my group. It was hard to walk and I was bleeding from the mouth and face when I reached them. Tara saw me first, and she ran to me and started becoming angry as she wiped the blood off of my face. But Vargus came out and told her to calm herself and purge her emotions. She tried really hard to let her anger go, but I think she was just putting on more of an act for him. Brett came out of a room in the back and helped me into a chair. Then Vargus looked at me and pushed my hair back. He looked calmly at me and asked me what had happened to me. And that's when everything changed for me. I never should have told them, but I did and they armed themselves and took me back to my boyfriend's place. I was scared as we made our way back, but Vargus kept telling us to let go of the emotions. He told me that the emotions I was experiencing had been forced on me and they would show me how to purge them from my mind. We pulled up and stopped short of the house, and the other three pulled out their laser pistols and headed for the front door. I couldn't believe that he and his friends were still there. One of the guys opened the front door and started to step out when Tara shot him from the walkway and he fell back through the door. Vargus and Brett ran ahead of her and me at this point and walked over the body of the guy in the doorway. I could hear movement inside and could see Vargus shoot at someone to the left of the living room as he entered the house. Then Brett and Vargus disappeared inside and I could hear them fighting with my boyfriend instead of just shooting him. I could hear him struggling with them and furniture being broken while Tara waited with me outside. It seemed like forever that the beating went on, but after a few minutes Vargus called to us to come inside. Tara grabbed my arm and took me inside. Brett had my boyfriend by the hair and had his head pulled back. His face was beaten so badly that it was hard to recognize him. Tara stopped at the door and closed it behind us. It made the room even darker and harder to see, and I walked up to him. Vargus handed me his laser and looked at me. Then Vargus told me that my boyfriend had forced himself, his friends, and my emotions on me and told me to kill them."
"My God, Rachel," I said and couldn't come up with anything more comforting to say.
"He looked at me through the darkness and told me that he loved me. Vargus looked down at him and told him that love was a weak and dying emotion. Then Vargus looked at me again and I did it. I just wanted him gone, and I made it happen. Now I can't take it back or turn back from what I've become," Rachel said.
"Look, you stopped them from making a victim out of another girl. And you saved yourself before they ended up killing you in the end. You have to know that that's the direction you were headed in. Don't you," Kim said.
"I murdered him," Rachel said.
"You protected yourself," I said.
"I went back with them and hunted him down like an animal. I could have just stayed away," Rachel replied.
"And what? How long do you think it would have been before they started worrying about the possibility of you reporting what they did to you to the authorities and came looking for you instead? I know that you feel wrong for what happened, but it's done. You have to move on. And as far as I'm concerned, this can stay between us and Tommy. He deserves an explanation and he's too damn smart to make up some lie to tell him. But other than him, anyone else is up to you. We'll keep it to ourselves and it can just be forgotten. Right Amber," Kim said as she looked at me.
"Yeah. It's all right, Rachel. It's forgotten," I told her as I heard a noise coming from behind us. Kim and I both looked back and saw Sarah standing there staring at all of us. She turned and walked away without saying anything to us, leaving us all to wonder how long she had been there and what she had heard.