February 7, 2138 (Evening)
The day continued on as though nothing had happened earlier except for an end to our training for the day. Sarah had been out scouting the trails with Tad most of the day after the incident with Tommy and Rachel. Kim went with Rachel to talk to Tommy alone and tell him of what we had found out, and there hasn't been an opportunity to talk to Sarah and find out what she might have heard us saying because I've had to take my turn in the tree stand. I've been torn the entire day about going in the direction that we are. Hiding things from each other now, where we never hid anything before. And yet worrying about what Sarah knows and how she would feel if she knows or finds out the truth about Rachel. I had all day to think about both of these, but I didn't come up with any solutions to any of it except for deciding that waiting wasn't going to work. During or after dinner I would find a way to get with Sarah and talk this out with her. As it was, I had to wait until after to ever catch up with her. Hours ago I would have hated the thought of waiting until tonight to talk to her. However, I found that there was an opportunity to talk to Tommy earlier while I was waiting to get with Sarah that I wouldn't have passed up on for the world.
I was sitting in the tree stand when Tommy left Kim's building and I called out to him. As he approached the tree stand I could see that he was upset. This made me start thinking that I'd now have to worry about what he was thinking about Rachel, too. As this thought floated in my mind, Tommy didn't wait for an invitation to climb up and join me. Once he was up in the stand with me I asked him what happened inside of Kim's place.
"Rachel was crying, which was kind of shocking to see. Then she started apologizing for how she acted towards me earlier. I tried to tell her that it was all right, but it didn't seem to make her feel any better or make her any less emotional than she was being when I walked in. It was so bad that Kim had to explain most of the rest of it to me because Rachel couldn't seem to find a way to tell me," Tommy answered.
"So, you understand what she's been through," I asked.
"Yeah, I do. And it makes me feel dirty to be a guy," Tommy answered.
"What do you mean? You haven't done anything wrong to her," I asked.
"I don't know how to explain it to you. It's just that she was afraid of me. Me. All that I've done since she's been here is to try to make her feel welcome and safe, and yet she's afraid of me. As she was sitting there crying, I just wanted to give her a hug and make her feel safe again, somehow. But then I thought that she would feel like I was going to attack her again if I did that. I was able to reach across the table and take her hand for a few seconds while I was telling her how much I understand, but she didn't really take mine in return. It was like everything that I thought about saying or doing was wrong now," Tommy replied.
"She knows that you would never hurt her, Tommy. Deep down inside, she knows. She just needs some time," I said.
"I don't think so. You're not the one that she was backing away from as though you became some kind of an ax murderer," Tommy replied.
"She wasn't really seeing you, Tommy. She was flashing back to her past and what happened to her years ago. That's all," I said.
"Do you ever feel afraid of me," Tommy asked.
"No, of course not. And stop doing this to yourself. Rachel's problems aren't about you. They're about her," I answered in shock at his question.
"I'm not talking about her anymore. I'm talking about us," Tommy said.
"I don't understand what you're trying to say. There's nothing wrong with us. I don't feel threatened by you in any way. We've known each other for years and grown up together. I know you, Tommy. And I love everything that I know," I said.
"You know that I'd never try to force anything on you, right," Tommy asked.
"Stop it, Tommy. This isn't funny. How can you question me like this? Like I would think less of you because someone hurt Rachel like they did? Everyone knows that you're nothing like the guys that did what they did to Rachel. So stop this," I said in my frustration to get him to understand what I was saying.
"Do you have any idea how much I love you, Amber? That I want to find new ways to show you how much each day," Tommy went on asking.
"I know. I love you too, Tommy. Every time you walk away I can't stop thinking about you," I said as Tommy interrupted me.
"Every time you're in pain I hurt, too. When you're away from me it's harder to breathe, because I'm afraid that something is going to happen to you or something will keep me from ever seeing you again. And all that I want is for you to be happy and safe," Tommy said to me as he looked me in my tear filled eyes.
"I want that for both of us, Tommy," I said as I took his hand. At this point Tommy grabbed my hand in return and pulled it towards him. It was enough to make me look away from his eyes to see what he was doing, and I could see that he was holding a gold ring with two heart shaped rubies and four diamonds in it.
"Tommy? Where did you get that," I asked as if it was really important somehow.
"I was going to let you think that I got it at the hospital, too. But Dad gave it to me a long time ago. It was his promise ring to Mom and he wanted to see it used for what it was meant for. Not locked away in a box forever," Tommy replied.
Tears were streaming down my face by then, and I said, "It was Gina's? I can't take that away from you, Tommy."
"Then don't. Just share it with me. Please? I love you and I don't want to ever be with anyone else like we are. I want us to be together for the rest of our lives. Do you feel that way, too," Tommy asked as he waited with the ring in his hand for my answer.
"Yes. I don't think I could go on without you. And I don't ever want to have to," I replied.
"Then can we be us instead of just you and I? Do you want that like I do? To commit to something more than just today," Tommy asked me.
"Yes, Tommy. I think about our future all of the time, and I want mine to be filled with you and your's. I love you more than life, and that's not going to change. Ever," I replied as he put the ring on my finger.
"I'll always love you, Amber. No matter what," Tommy said to me as he kept holding my hand and I leaned forward and we kissed each other. I was so happy at that moment that I blurted out the first thing that I thought of, which was, "Are you sure you haven't been hanging out with Carrie for too long?"
"No. Just you," Tommy said as he laughed a little. Then he moved closer to me and we hugged each other for a minute before settling in next to each other as we watched on from the tree stand.