February 7, 2138 (Evening, continued)
I sat in the tree stand with Tommy for about an hour. After this time had past he stayed in the tree stand while I spent the rest of the afternoon playing with little Alan and trying to catch Sarah alone. One worked and the other didn't. Getting with Sarah before dinner wasn't meant to be, and I figured that out after waiting and hoping for another hour and a half. Rather than blow the whole day out of the water I got Alan and started playing with him outside. He was in a really good mood and happy to be playing outside for a while. I had the teddy bear that Tommy gave to me and shared it with Alan for a little bit. I would raise it up a little and growl, and Alan would react by covering up his face. Then he would uncover it and I'd do it over again as he kept covering his face up and giggled. After a time of doing this and playing peek-a-boo, I started trying to teach him more about walking. I held his hands and tried to help him along the way.
While I was doing this, Rachel came out from Kim's building. She seemed much calmer by this time and more like her normal self. As I looked over at her she spotted us. She didn't immediately come over to us, though. She stood at the bottom of Kim's steps staring at us. I have to admit that I wasn't sure how the others would react if I allowed Rachel to get near Alan because of how things were going lately. Besides Tommy, and maybe Kim, I couldn't tell who had any trust in Rachel and who didn't. What if Tad was right about things? I couldn't risk Alan over trying to make her feel more welcome and trusted around here. I wanted to trust that she wouldn't hurt him in any way, but he's my little boy. Nobody is more important than he is to me.
As she continued to stare at us, I kept looking back and Alan spotted her and stopped what he was doing. He kept looking at Rachel, and then back at me. After doing this combination twice, he finally pointed at her as if he wanted to know who she was. Rachel still hadn't moved on and I could only assume that it was because of him noticing her. Rachel smiled at Alan for a second, and he pointed at her again with his mouth open as if to say that he was surprised that she was showing him attention. I knelt down beside Alan and said, "That's Rachel. Can you say Rachel?"
Alan stared at me, and I repeated her name to him a couple of times more. He still wouldn't speak, and I took his hand and pointed it at Rachel and said, "Rachel."
"Wayway," he said back to me as I tried to hold in my laughter. I figured that was the best that I could expect from him for now, so I said back, "Yes, that's Wayway. Rachel could hear what we were saying and grinned at this slightly, then started walking towards us. As she moved towards us I didn't know what to do. I was thinking that she would just walk away, but she wasn't doing this. I wrapped my arms around Alan as Rachel continued to step in our direction, my mind racing to think of a tactful way to keep him away from her.
"Amber," Tommy yelled to me from the tree stand and Rachel stopped at the sound of his voice. As she stopped she looked up at him, and I turned to look up at Tommy just in time to see his eyes moving away from Rachel and back to me.
"Bring the little guy up here so I can show him the view," Tommy said as he gave me an intense look. I rose up from the ground and picked up Alan as I looked back at Rachel. Her grin was now gone and she looked on at me. Then she turned and walked away from us to return to her own building. I carried little Alan over to the tree stand and took him up to Tommy, and all the while I felt horrible for having to go along with something that would hurt Rachel's feelings again. Tommy admitted to not being happy with doing what he did, too, but he also felt like I was being foolish to allow her to get anywhere near Alan. I told him that wasn't my intention and I was thinking about what to do, but that I wouldn't have let her get close enough to hurt him no matter what. Tommy seemed reassured by this information, but dropped the subject anyway. Neither of us had the right answer for how to approach Rachel when it came to Alan and we both had bigger things to worry about. So we just let it go.
The remainder of the day moved on quickly. It was finally dinner time and Karl was cooking this evening. That was a good thing, although Kim was every bit as good at cooking and things as he was. She needed a break from that job, though. Tommy went out to scout the trails while Tad and Sarah returned to eat. After eating himself, I gave Tommy a peck on the cheek and he told me that he loved me and left for the gate.
Tad and Sarah entered the lounge together, retrieved their plates together, and then sat down together. As much as I didn't blame them for wanting to be together, I really needed a moment with Sarah without Tad around. As it began to sink in that getting with her alone during dinner wasn't going to happen with the way things were going, Kim walked into the lounge. Rather than get a plate, she went over and got a glass of water. Still thinking about how to get Sarah away from Tad for a few minutes, Kim turned around with her glass and said, "Sarah, can Amber and I talk to you? Alone?"
"No. If you have something to say to me, you can say it in front of Tad, too. Because we're all family here, right," Sarah replied sharply.
I was speechless at her reaction to what Kim asked. I figured that she would just agree and go along with what Kim asked of her. Before Kim or I could come up with anything to say, Tad started to get up from the table with his plate in his hand.
"It's fine, Sarah. I'll be outside," Tad said.
"No, you'll be right here. With me," Sarah replied as she reached out and grabbed Tad by his shirt.
"Fine, Sarah. Have it your way," Kim said to Sarah. Before Kim could continue with what she was going to say, all of us started hearing the bells from the Carillon tower ringing again. Kim stopped talking to Sarah and ran outside to listen to the tones. Not wanting to take the chance that there might be a message being sent to us from the resistance base, she would always listen to the bells and take down anything if there was more to the ringing than the music. Kim had talked about teaching us the code that the resistance used when they sent messages through the ringing of the bells, but hadn't gotten the chance to do so. Or she didn't feel as though she could trust us with the code, one or the other. Since none of us were able to understand the code yet, the three of us remained in the lounge after Kim ran outside. This left me in the odd position of making a decision to either go on with what Kim had started, or remaining silent and most likely provoking Sarah into bringing it out anyway. I decided to bring it out in the open.
"You heard us, didn't you," I asked Sarah.
"Well, just in case I didn't why don't you share it all with Tad, too," Sarah replied.
"Why are you mad at me, Sarah? I haven't done anything wrong to you," I said.
"Then why would you agree to keep secrets from the rest of us about Rachel as though you don't trust us to know," Sarah asked.
"I didn't just agree. Kim thought it was best for now, and I felt that way too after I thought about it," I replied.
"Are Tad and I the only ones here that aren't hiding things from everyone else? Are we the only honest people left here," Sarah said to me as her anger seemed to be building.
"I'm sorry, Sarah. Maybe it was wrong of us to want to keep anything from you two. But we have reasons for it," I said.
"Me? Am I the reason," Tad asked.
"Not so much as us trying to get Rachel to tell all of you herself. But the opportunity for that is gone now, isn't it? You already know," I said.
"Yes, we already know. No thanks to you or anyone else around here that seem to think that Rachel's more important than me or Tad," Sarah said to me.
"I'm sorry. I didn't want to hide anything or deceive either of you. And we never meant to hurt you by not telling you about what Rachel told us. Surely you have to believe that," I said.
"I don't know what to believe out of anyone around here anymore. What happened to us, Amber? What happened to us being able to trust each other with everything," Sarah asked.
Thinking of an answer for too long, Tad spoke up saying, "Look, we both feel sorry for Rachel. We do. As soon as Sarah told me what Rachel had said to you, the first thing I thought of was what Cane had tried to do to Sarah. And what we had to do about it. Don't you think that we want to believe in her and trust her? We do, but Rachel doesn't hide the fact that she doesn't agree with us about our way of living. She doesn't think like we do and we have everything to lose if we trust her too much and we end up being wrong. We've lost too much already. What more can we afford to lose?"
"And she murdered a guy that she said that she loved. She's not stable. How are we supposed to have faith in that," Sarah asked.
"Sarah, she was hurt. Just like Cane would have hurt you if it weren't for Tad and Kim and me. In the end, Kim killed him to keep you safe. How is that any different than what Rachel did," I asked.
"Rachel said it herself. She went back and hunted her boyfriend down and executed him. And I'm not tripping out every time Tad or Tommy touches me. What would she have done to Tommy if she had a laser in her hand earlier, Amber? Can you answer that," Sarah asked me.
"I don't know. But I know that she's tried to help us. In more ways than you two know about," I replied.
"I don't want to be standing over another grave, Amber. Do you? What if we arm her and she shoots one of our guys? What are we supposed to do after she shoots Tommy, or...," Sarah asked and then lost her ability to continue her question as a tear fell down her face.
Tad wrapped his arm around Sarah and said, "Don't worry. I'm watching her."
"Look guys, I'll watch her, too. But she can't prove herself if we never let her," I said.
"I won't let her hurt any of us. I feel for her, but I won't lose anyone else because we put our trust in her and she betrays us," Sarah said with conviction.
"Why don't you both try to talk to her? Let her explain her side of things to you. She was being honest about the hospital, and she might just be honest with you about whatever you want to ask. Besides, what do you have to lose? You can always go on thinking that she isn't worth your trust if you don't believe what you hear from her," I said.
"And why don't you try to talk to us the next time you have the idea to hide the truth from us about something? Because at this point I'm wondering what else you're hiding from us," Sarah said to me in her agitated voice again. She was right. Several things were being hidden from her and Tad. But, somehow, I was quickly getting the impression that Sarah already knew that there were other things. And maybe what they actually were.