February 8, 2138 (Afternoon)
My stomach has been churning since earlier this morning, and I haven't been able to eat. Which probably worked out in Kim's favor as far as catching up to me went. I didn't stay in the lounge very long after Dad left, and Kim followed my out to talk to me.
"Amber? Can we talk? Go for a walk? Something? Anything," Kim asked me from behind as I walked away from the building.
"Yeah. But we're not leaving you to do this alone. So, if that's what this is about you can forget it," I said.
"Please, just listen to me," Kim said.
"What, Kim? What? Are you agreeing with Dad now? Because a little help from somewhere would be nice right about now," I said as the feeling of being alone in all of this started hitting me again.
"Look, you're right. I feel something for him. If that's what you wanted to hear, there it is. I've said it. But that's also why I think that you should go on and leave with him. I want you girls and him to be safe," Kim replied.
"I can't leave you here to that, Kim. We can't. If you knew that one of us was going to walk off to our deaths, wouldn't you do the same? You can't expect Sarah and me to leave you to die there. You wouldn't do that if you were in the position that we are now," I told Kim.
"It's not just that, Amber. Keeping you both here is what the machines would want. They want to capture both of you. And God forbid they should get their hands on David's virus," Kim said.
"I don't know what Dad is thinking, but Sarah and I won't leave you no matter what you say to me right now. Please don't ask us to follow Dad away from you. We need you," I said to Kim hoping to stop her from trying to get us to leave still.
"You need your father, and he needs you. In spite of what he's saying and wanting to do, he's doing all of it because he loves you both. He just wants you to live and be safe, Amber. Nothing is more important than that," Kim said.
"And we want him to be happy again. And you, too. Is that wrong? You're a good person, Sergeant Anderson. You deserve to be happy, too. What are you fighting for if not that," I asked.
"What am I fighting for if all of you stay and I lose you, too," Kim replied.
"We won't leave you. All that we have is each other. If we lose that, we've lost everything already," I said back.
"I can't ask your father to stay here with you. I just can't. I know that you want me to, but it isn't right. He's responsible for you two, not me. And I'd rather go out taking down the plant with me and knowing that all of you were safe than to have him go against his plans and stay and have something happen to you," Kim said.
"You talk as though something will happen if we stay. None of us knows that, but something is more likely to happen to any of you that do stay if we leave you behind to do it all yourselves," I said.
"And that would still be better than having you and Sarah get captured by the dreads while you watch you father die trying to stop them with us. Maybe you don't understand what's going on here, but they want to take you and your sister and find out how your mother's abilities worked. They don't give a damn about anything else. They'll kill anyone that tried to stop them and only spare you two. Then, eventually, they're likely to start tearing one of you apart to get the answers while the other one gets to stay alive and watch that, too. So while you think that we're the victims in this, I'm actually being really selfish. I don't want my last memories of you to be seeing you fighting for your lives and watching David...," Kim said as she stopped talking and turned away from me to hide her face from me.
"We're never going to agree on this because you're right from where you stand, and I am from where I stand. So I'll make you a deal, if you're willing to," I said.
Wiping her face with her right hand, she looked at me and said, "What is it?"
I pulled out the coin that Mom gave to me a last year and placed it in my hand for Kim to see. I pointed at the top of it and said, "Can you read what it says there? Mom taught me to trust in what God had planned for us. She said that he has plans for all of us, not just me. Ever since Mom gave this to me I've felt as though God finds ways to talk to me and tell me what he wants. I think that he's been trying to tell me things as I sleep, and when I really can't find the right answer to things I look to this coin and flip it. If it lands face up, I do whatever it is that I can't decide on. If it lands face down, I don't. I believe with every part of me that we're supposed to stay together. I know that you think that we should leave anyway, and I'll give you the chance to get me to go with Dad if you take my deal. I'm going to flip this coin, and if it lands face down I'll do whatever you ask of me. It'll kill me inside, but I'll leave with Dad and keep him safe for you like you want me to and never say another word about staying again. I swear. I'll even drug Carrie and carry her away with us if that's what you want."
"And if it lands face up," Kim asked as she tried to smile a little.
"You won't stand in our way of keeping Dad here, and you'll go tell Dad how you feel about him," I said hoping that I wasn't going too far.
Kim looked away from me again as though she was seriously thinking about what I had just asked of her, and I started to worry that she wouldn't go along with my deal. So I spoke up again and said, "I'll find a way to make Sarah go along with us if I lose. Do you believe in God?"
"I believe in my friends and myself. I haven't seen anything else to believe in," Kim said to me.
"I believe in you, too. But Mom told me that we're guided somehow, and I think the one guiding us wants us to stay together. I know it. I have enough faith in what I believe in to do this. Can you find enough faith to resolve this with me," I asked.
"I don't know what to say to David if I lose this," Kim said.
"Well, you could start by telling him that you don't want to lose him. Or that you don't want to let him go. Or just cut to the chase and tell him that you love him, and let things go from there. I know that it's awkward, but it's not any worse than me having to leave you here and get Sarah to go along with me. Besides, if you win and you get your way and I have to leave with him, were you planning on letting him go and never telling him anything about how you feel? You would let him leave and never get to tell him, and that would be all right with you," I asked.
"He's not ready to move on, Amber. He's not ready, and you shouldn't be either," Kim replied.
"I'm not ready to see him move on. As much as I respect you and care about you, I'm not. But this isn't about me. I want to give Mom the last thing that she wanted. I love Mom, and that's all that I have left that I can give," I said.
"Karen still has your father, and he's not going to listen to me," Kim said.
"She does, but he'll hear you. He just needs time and you can give him more hope by telling him than by letting him leave with whatever hopes that he has left locked up in the microcomp," I said.
"Flip it. But if you lose, you're leaving like your father told you to and your taking Sarah with you. Oh yeah, and you're finding a way to get Tommy and Tad to leave, too," Kim said.
"I can't control what they decide to do, Kim," I said.
"And I can't control how your father feels like you think I can. So if you want to play the games of an adult, you take your losses like one, too. Besides, you have enough faith. Don't you," Kim asked.
I got her to agree and I didn't want to leave Tommy behind anyway, so I flipped the coin. As it reached its peak, a strong gust of wind blew in and hit it as it spun in the air, pushing it away from us by a foot or two. I let it fall to the ground and it bobbled a bit before settling down on one side. By the time it had stopped, it had landed face up like I wanted. Kim looked at me for a moment, but didn't look angry with me. One thing about her was that she seemed to always stick to her word once she gave it, and it wouldn't be any different this time from her reaction.
"Remind me again. Who is this that you know so well that you seem gifted enough to get your way," Kim asked me.
"God. I can pencil you in an appointment if you'd like me to," I replied with a grin.
Kim looked at me again for a second longer and walked off without replying to my cocky remarks. Apparently she didn't know that I was somewhat serious in wanting to bring her closer to what Mom had taught to us, or she just wasn't really as interested as her question to me made it sound like she was.